Deeply Awake — On Channeling And Finished Business 4-18-14 By Kathy Vik
Today is a ”2” day, fitting for this message, appropriate for the discussion at hand.
This is a new book, to discuss these new times and our new freedom. I have spent a lifetime looking back, trying to make sense of it all, and now, as the fog clears, I am seeing things as they are, it feels to me, for the first time.
I’d understood at first that this new book would have a different rhythm, with channeling taking more space, a one for one deal, one essay on application, then a channeling, that sort of thing.
As I was thinking about this new format, I turned on the tv one night and channel surfed. I stumbled onto a program about the keepers of the knowledge of Ayahuasca. These mystics have, sort of as their day job, traveling to other realms and having discussions with beings, becoming knowledgeable in, basically, esoterics, but to support the clan, they are herbalists and healers. Theirs is to gather plants, treat illnesses, and dispense wisdom when they’re not in channel.
I watched that and, do you ever need to hit the pause on your clicker because something just knocked you sideways, inside?
I felt that way with this new information. The stilled image of a beautiful brown man in feathers and skin flickered in my living room as I let time stop, and let this understanding sink into me.
How much different am I from them?
How much different are you from them?
How many of us feel it is our duty, somehow, to always be pushing this internal limit we have within, always seeking, and once in a while, now more than ever, finding that which we seek.
In meditation, in trance, in prayer, while creating art, in motion, while driving. And how many of us have jobs that are well suited to a part of us we know well, in service to others, always in service to others.
It is nearly time to disregard how things used to be, but when I bring it up it is not to lament or boast. It is to remind myself of what I, what we, have all, at last, endured, outlived, outlasted.
The best example I have for this is one day last week, near the end of an energetic healing of some sort at work (it’s been intense, everybody feels it and comments on it anymore), I was in contemplation, and I could feel myself alone, in the ocean, and I could feel the proportions, and the salt, how it was affecting me, and I felt the stillness and the vastness.
I felt wet, and the bobbing, and could hear the lapping, the bobbing, the lapping. I looked up and saw thin, stringy clouds. No bird flew. Just the lapping, the color, the impossibility of this. And I smiled and laughed and inside I knew, I rejoiced in knowing, This I Understand.
I then wanted to understand more, so I felt myself the mountain I so love. I looked out on a breathtaking view, sun and valley and earth and sky, and I was an amethyst cave, glittering and knowing in ways unarticulatable but sensed, and I realized in celebration, yet again, This I Understand.
It went on, and it was graphic in its beauty and truth. And then I settled my consciousness upon the place I work, all the little dramas and all the silliness borne of misunderstanding and silly egoic constructs, and I realized, just plain as day, This I Just Don’t Understand.
I laughed again, and I celebrated again.
I let myself off the hook. I know that what I have always brought to everyone, and God bless them, to everyone I have ever worked with, is a sort of accelerant energy. This is nothing I try to do, and in fact, there were blocks of time, years, sometimes (my most miserable) when I was self-conscious, and believed myself a horrible energetic inconvenience to everyone.
I hid it, and by so doing, became a bit warped and unhappy. I am my happiest when I am around those who don’t mind being nudged now and then, and who are fearless, in some ways, because I am direct, and I try so hard not to be, but there it is.
I find myself saying and doing things at work, having these massively clever and workable and sound ideas at work, and I look at it perplexed and a little embarrassed. I really am not like that, when in my retiring mode.
I am funny, and irreverent, and I take very little seriously. Some other thing comes out of me at work, a sort of moral, serious, playful yet respectful, and very old-fashioned, very prudish person comes out, when finally allowed to just be me. I have to keep a reign on this. I find myself acting in grumpy, stick-in-the-mud ways that just surprise me. I inevitably apologize later.
Anymore, I am not really sure when I am channeling and when I am not. I see the changes for the better that people are commenting on, at work, and know there have been people who feel happy I am there, and I think that maybe these unexpected, seemingly out of character things I say and do might be channeling.
I know I prefer to be in meditation and awake, I prefer to be half in and half out, but thinking on this possibility, I am able to keep a better focus on the physical, and really enjoy it more.
However, I am often, now, taken to puzzling over the nature of matter, that matter is consciousness, and it is all very real and engrossing when we are “awake,” and there is no refuting our bodies are chemically, electromagnetically organic creations, so how is this possible.
Air and water, earth and sky have consciousness. My cells have consciousness, and it is my DNA fueling the whole experience. What is this connection point. I want to know more. And I think this as I spoon Iced Tea into a favorite patient of mine, as I do my documents for the class I am organizing, as I smoke.
But, I think this is a subject for another day. I have long had another puzzle, one which also applies to the subject matter at hand.
I know that being physical is not the only game in town. That’s pretty obvious. I mean, if you want to go the ghost route, fine. Seances, UFO’s, NWO/Illuminati stuff, angels, crystals, drumming, chanting, praying, hiking, working, there are so many ways to get there, it really just doesn’t matter how it’s done.
Much, you discover, validates the other information you are gathering, and, at least for me, it was this synthesis, fused with an internal compass, that led me to this other world.
Like you, I’m sure, I have always had the ability to focus elsewhere. I had a teacher who helped me focus this innate trance state, and verified my sight, and gave me prophecies for my life.
I thought she was great, but way, way off with my life, the events she saw when I was in my teens. All of them came to pass, except one. I’m still waiting on that one. Trance, hypnosis, guided meditation, these are things that came naturally for me, and I took to them like they were a life raft.
In a culture which relegates intuition to a female trait, and female traits are less valuable, at best, and subject to justified ridicule, at worst, how does one fit in when there is this split, this other-worldly quality, the knowing that there is more, much more, than what is in front of you?
The world did not bend, not one iota for us, usually. Sure, we have magic, many of us can play with weather and have had mysterious, amazing synchronicities in our lives, but really, it is just recently that I sense a shift in all of this.
It gets me back to this sensation I had, that I just don’t understand this. The earth, I get that. I just don’t get all the nonsense, all the self-inflicted nonsense. And yet, in my day, I have participated in all of it. But, even a taste of some of it turns the countenance sour. Speaking about another unkindly. Saying, “I hate….” Swearing. Getting angry when there is a very inconvenient and difficult change in plans. Being disappointed, and voicing that disappointment. Thinking unkind, mean thoughts or cursing people in my mind.
These things may seem innocent, but when I engage in them, my discomfort is so acute, I can hardly breathe. I am on a bed of nails until I make it right.
I had a similar experience about twenty years ago with a group called The Teachers. They had told me that there will come a time when nothing can be hidden. They admonished me to prepare for such a time by focusing on living in impeccability to self, in all honesty, deep honesty, and to find the benevolence, the story of mercy, within any happening, especially any so called tragedy.
They said there would come a time when everyone could talk to everyone, and nothing could be hidden. Institutions would fall, anything not in integrity would fall. Same message Kryon was delivering, at roughly the same time. Funny, the parallels.
But their message was deeply personal: do not live in shame. Live in alignment with yourself.
They told me there would come a time when dishonesty, telling a lie would become very uncomfortable, and then, impossible. And it did. And here it comes again, but now with behavior in a group, in real time, on the fly.
My work trauma comes from not being able to consistently practice at the highest level, in good humor, wisely, kindly. My unkindness bothers me, haunts me. Always has. It feels good to write these words, to acknowledge this process.
I wonder if I am able and willing to channel at work because I see the work as divine, and I feel so good, so pure, so happy and whole, around sick people. I feel so good. I am in heaven when I can go visit my friends in the wheelchairs. I love them like no other beings here. Even the cranky ones.
And so, in contrast with the almost otherworldly high I have when I am around my patients, I see the bitterness and small thinking of the staff, the decisions they make that self-preserve and how they hide what they are convinced are fatal flaws. I see management not being thoughtful and respectful toward the ones who are doing the job, and the workers thinking they deserve that sort of treatment. It is quite odd to me, sometimes, how we have chosen to relate to one another. And then I feel a little alien, so I get my hands dirty, do a gross job, a tedious one, and try to relate as a human being yet again.
That is what it is like for me, and this is a stress I gladly gave up for two years, when I did shift work instead, and stayed away from work groups. Is what I do a form of channeling? Is it a psychosis? Is it melding spirit and flesh during certain activities, and not being able to at others? Is it just trying to be a decent person regardless of circumstance? Does it matter a lot to you what the answer is?
I have noticed my senses have gotten more acute.
One day in a morning meeting, as all the sleepy department heads gathered around a big table, I had a thought. I eased back in my chair and realized I loved these people very very much. I thought that each of them came from homes, all decorated differently, and outside of this context, they are having other grand adventures, with other people, hobbies, children. I could feel everyone beginning to glow in my imagination, as they began to expand in love, and the light came. Everyone was glowing, big and pretty, and so in love with everything.
And then, I could feel the Teachers beside me, reminding me of what they told me long ago, “Be the open heart in the room. Just be that.” And so I leaned back a bit more, and just loved on everybody. I could feel the patterns, sense the feedback, the communicative noise that settles on us all like a blanket, some more than others, and the problematic patterns block out good, block this light, block the flow. And then I could see how that’s all this is. All of us have different patterns of communication, different expectations, based on our beliefs and experience, mostly. So much of work life is old mommy and daddy issues, mainly.
I could see this patterned, sort of darkening stuff, and heard “overlays”, as these glowing beings got more and more dense, believing more and more and more that this is it, this is all just life and death, it’s this or oblivion. I began to hear fear thoughts and sense anxieties. I could hear stuff going on in the room again.
I thought, this sort of overlay, this old thinking, the despair thinking, the disconnection with source, it lays on people and makes them act in unusual and unpredictable ways. They hold grudges on things that are odd, create and then lament chaos, and on it goes. They are growing, learning. My sister sees it too. We are in similar positions, many of us. Maybe not wiser or older, but, with this change in energy has come a lightening, a quickening, an ease, I feel.
When I was waking up full-on, a couple years ago, what really shocked the most, and still does, sometimes, though now it doesn’t sting anymore, but, people really are hesitant about being loved. They are not very accepting of it, sometimes. They don’t believe the honor, the love, the acceptance and joy I feel for them, when I feel it, sometimes. Even simple kindnesses are often turned away, invitations not accepted, the turning away, I have called it.
So it has been my task to figure out what I might be doing to make people resistant to being loved. It’s easy to self-reference. But the more I see, the more I think that each of us has blocks to this inner sanctuary, this inner love and respect and adoration and trust, from which all else flows. If we think someone else has control of our good, or can see good in us that we don’t know unless they are around, then we are perpetual victims, perpetually afraid, in lack, willing to shrink.
From self-acceptance, letting yourself off the hook, from this all good comes, but, you see, there are many different levels to this work.
The sort of self-acceptance I am talking about is the willingness to see your adversary as someone you called to you, a great teacher, a fierce warrior playacting a role you devised to give you some piece of the puzzle. This seeming enemy, a friend, in reality, pushes you, changes circumstances in your life, allows for the interplay of will and ability, love and mercy, self-acceptance and self-knowledge. And you come to see that it can be no other way: far from a source of problems, you are vital, this is your creation, you have a hand in how this goes.
Created and devised at night, and parallel to us, the manifestation, the argument or dissonance or challenge comes up, and, at least for me, now, it is in my split-second reaction that I am focusing. I am seeing the sloppiness, I am seeing my momentary blips into self-pity, rage, embarrassment, futility, and even though these were states I used to occupy full time, now, just those blips are uncomfortable. Is this channeling? Is this a meld? I think it’s just being entangled
As I saw these beautiful glowing beings I work with and saw their patterning, their leanings and usual set of assumptions, but this is hard to language, everything was in a state of acceptance and awe and benevolence, mind you. Without a speck of judgment. It was a relief to not feel it. The stuff I called darkness earlier is more like patterns, shadow and light, duality, maybe.
I understood that each of is this glowing stuff, this diamond brilliance, and we choose these patterns, to challenge them, to finish the business at hand and get on to loving and trusting, creating and playing, having thrown out the whole concept of risk. There is only risk when there are critics in the room.
So, I’m seeing this light show, looking like I need coffee, probably, and no one knows. I am just another cog in a rickety machine, it appears to some, long in tooth and grey in hair. This is one more way those tribesmen have it over me, personally, at this stage of my development. They have each other to hug and pat on the back and scout with while for roots.
But, we have the internet. I have this writing. And I have you. And you, is it not clear, is it not obvious, you have me. I am in your hands. I offer my self to you in all honor, for this work I feel compelled to do is meaningless somehow without you there, reading it. Thank you, now and evermore. You are an ever friend, though we never meet.
So, that morning, I am hearing, “Be the open heart in the room,” and it dawns on me, there is going to come a day when I’m not the only one doing it. Won’t that be a treat!
That afternoon, one of the nurses gave me a copy of the Buddhist chants she contemplates while on smoke breaks. We exchanged deep thoughts, and agreed it would be good to go to Kirtan together.
This is the humor of the universe, chuckling and shaking its wise, mischievous, gentle head. You are not alone, silly girl. Look around you. Stop that nonsense, and go have some fun!
I know I am just one of an army of individuals going through similar things. It has never been mine to take to the page and tell you what I think in anything but personal terms. To me, it seemed the only honest way to proceed. I have used my waking life, friends and work and family, home and financial life, all labs, of sorts, When I go off, intrepid, testing out the hypotheses I get when in contemplation, while driving, while showering.
I am seeing in the daily lab of my physical life which things, which thoughts, constructs, belief structures, hold up, and which fall away. It has been a speedy process here lately, and I like how things are integrating. Everything is a little less slippery and elusive now.
Somehow seeing those tribesmen, seeing that their task is to help the villagers heal, in exchange for an uncompromising freedom, I felt a recognition and a settling of purpose. That is exactly what I have.
To close, I will tell you that I picked up a book on Philosophy. I had an amazing experience in college, when I was tasked with learning about Aristotle. I delivered what, in retrospect, was a surprising and complex work on Aristotelian thought in literature and how this relates to universal human experience, and how the two validate each other.
I had a fugue while researching and writing, a delicious one, and I have no doubt that I was touching on old lives, dear times, expansive times.
Reading this picture book on philosophy is like reading about brothers. I don’t feel alien at all when I read about these guys, walking around arguing about the meaning of life, thinking up questions others just don’t.
Watching Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos is another such experience. It’s as if my heart just eases, I can breathe more deeply, and all this calm floods me. Ahhh, something I understand. I can always hear, in the background, especially with Cosmos “You’re not going far enough. Go farther. Go farther,” and watching traditional science shows fills me with a weird, low grade soul panic, a frustration that they just don’t have it yet, but still, he’ll hit just the right note, say just the right thing,and I am flying, free, remembering the truth of things, my own narrator filling in on what they don’t yet know.
This life is a spiral, and I am encountering now what I encountered 20 years ago, but so vastly different, here in a different capacity now, but here as a student of self. I discovered Sheldrake then, meditation, channeling that was very pure, integration of spirit in daily life. And it is all happening again. It’s nice to be on familiar ground again.
I have laid to rest the worries I once had about The Others. This is a planet of free choice. Everyone can do as they see fit. I will do as I see fit. I am no one’s keeper, and no one is my keeper. Not anymore.
I know economic madness still reigns, we all know we put pervs and thieves and murderers in charge, and that we have really fouled our nest, but, so what, now that the lights have come up, we can clean house that much better.
I see this as a time of fine-tuning, of completed business, of review and closure and completion. Timelines closing, by choice, by synchronicity’s mystical hand, a hand we still fail to recognize as our own.
I know there are things I can access through channeling that I do not have access to when here, like this, at the keyboard. I really did not know its validity, at least for me, until I re-read “No Longer Applicable” the other day.
It was just uncanny.
Future self, higher self, whatever it is called, I like going there, I trust the messages, at least for me, and I think it is a valid pursuit, since channeling quickens the pace of physical reality, and quickens the synchronicity. It is fun to chronicle it all. It’s sort of my job.
And so, yes, I will do a one for one thing, and the next entry will be a channeling. Who knows about what. If you have questions or topics you want to know about, PM or email me.
All blessings on, in, and through you this day and every day.