Deeply Awake — Work, Now 3-13-14 By Kathy Vik

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Deeply Awake — Work, Now 3-13-14 By Kathy Vik


The last time we spoke, I was feeling blank, oddly but unmovingly blank. That went on til nighttime, when I had a good cry, asking for help. Two relatively sleepless nights, same ole-same ole.

I knew by nightfall that I was going through another change. I donned my armor, my shield, my sword. I concentrated on love, even though everything was on mute. I tried to elevate my thoughts to love.

Went to sleep murmuring, “It’s time for gifts, now. It’s time for gifts. Make it wonderful and sparkly, and have people offering me gifts, and let me know it’s you. It’s time for gifts now.”

I felt better the next morning. I am neutral toward this process now, which is a gift in itself, actually. It was very weird and scary the first few times, and the time spent was elongated. I think as things progress the time it takes to come into a new vibratory state, after an expansion (often felt innately, not consciously), then the contraction, revisiting the old vibration, and then resonating with the new pitch, well, I think it happens faster now.

It has been a while since I have had such a night, but it fits a pattern. Sometimes my bootless cries are made while driving, while on the can, while at a movie. It’s always safe, when I reach that place, but it is a peculiar and, by now, familiar place. I was glad I had not gone through the extremes I once did, and then I had my night of crying and praying.

On the way to work the next day, I remembered the prayer I’d made, the command, the invitation to play, and I affirmed it, with excitement.

I realized, the last couple of days, as the lights have gotten brighter than ever, once again, that when I am in emotional distress of any kind, really, it is mostly due to projecting my consciousness into a future or a potential that I really do not want, and may dread, or fear, or wish I could avoid.

If I stay there, then my distress grows. I have become aware of the feeling states these thoughts produce, just very vividly, the last couple of days. It is clear to me that this is sort of like an amnesiac regaining a memory. It feels organic, what I understand now, and I feel like what I understand I can and do demonstrate, actively but gently, all day long, with everybody, including myself.

I was given a glimpse into what my cat Minky might be experiencing in her consciousness. I thought about how it might be possible to talk with my cats in a new way. Rosie is a teacher of mine. She’s laid down some heavy things, with a simple gesture, with a nod.

Each of them have blown me away with information, with knowledge, that it is hard to translate, but this last thing, I think it bears discussion, however brief. It’s all tied together, I promise.

As I was petting Minky I sort of asked her if it was ok, to just be with her and feel what she does. Relatively quickly, I sensed a rushing sort of feeling, into her, and become acutely aware of this moment.

It was just this moment, for all time, indefinitely, and in this state, none of the future stuff makes a dent. It’s not applicable. I felt more and more overwhelmed with this pure joy, this pure love, this absolute abandon, in this very moment, in this act of licking, of being petted, of being here. No overlay of thought, just pure celebration. That was the word that lingered. Celebration.

I have been trying to recapture the essence of me, during the depths of my changes, spring and summer, 2012. I went through massive physical and mental and attitudinal changes in just a few months, lost allergies, changed my diet, on and on it goes. A potent time. Joyful, everything, joyful, and yet, there was worry, doubt, and many, many things I did not understand.

But recapturing the essence of it is getting to where Minky led, to this moment, to the absolute, truthful, beautiful realization that that’s all there is.

This idea of being in the moment, this one, now, and dismissing the distress as a symptom, possibly, of projecting my consciousness irresponsibly, I gave it a whirl today. That’s the innate thing, it’s just sort of kicking in, all on its own.

I felt all these projections, in all directions, come back into me, as I was waiting for the light to change, on the way to work today. I felt it all come back to me, every goal and hope and aspiration, every object I have craved, every high, every novel experience, I brought it all in, and said out loud, “I am here, now. I am here, now. I am here, now.” I felt good, complete, somehow, as I turned left onto Colfax. On my way to work, to my gifts, my miracles.

It has been my saving grace. It has deepened me as no other profession could have. I am blessed to have been a part of this profession. It’s an archaic system, inadequate and not as good as it could be, but still, I am proud of what I do for a living.

The thing is, I didn’t always think that way. I considered it my burden, by sacrifice, my second choice. I felt cheated out of a literary life, and my writer’s ego was continually bruised when people didn’t recognize the very weirdness I used to feel ashamed of.

I had lamented not having been surrounded by literary people, well read, well rounded. I am not. Not at all. Never have been. And yet, here I am, thirty years later, and, although grateful that I kept my love of the arts alive all this time, I no longer resent those who are not sensitive, or who have interests other than mine. It’s more than that. It’s so much more than that, though.

I had been reticent to talk about work because it’s not appropriate to speak of specific situations, or people, I work with. And for the first month or more, I was obsessed, so very obsessed, with the issues at work. I was puzzling over all them incessantly, talking out loud, making speeches, organizing, expressing.

Then I had that experience, as described previously, about blankness, and obsessing, and all sorts of other things, of course. Since that night of having tears for things, things have come into focus. I understand my distress comes from hopelessness, or fatigue, or this bad feeling I get when I see no relief in sight, just obligations. I sort of hit a wall. I don’t like living that way. I prefer free-form.

The last week or so, I have been considering being exceedingly well-off, while getting dressed, or driving, or while on a coffee break. It feels really good. Just to feel safe, secure, no financial obligations, everything in order. I like how it feels. Tinkering with it, and this burgeoning sense of confidence I have.

I feel sheepish talking about it, but I feel groundedly, foundedly confident. There is nothing that turns me off more, frankly, than ungrounded, unbalanced confident people. I’ve witnessed it at its extreme, and find it ugly in all its flavors. There is a very fine line between confidence and arrogance, and too few understand this line is a chasm into which those who do not seek, do not discover it, to walk around it instead.

Work, for me, has always been a salvation. I seemed to know instinctively, no matter how odd and crazy my insides got, if I could keep the outsides functioning, even nominally, if necessary, then I was ok. And so, for the two years I too off, and for the eight years preceding that, things got progressively ready for shift, let’s say. But still, I showed up for work. All these years, and struggles, and changes, but I always showed up for work.

Work is where I have met such a multitude of people, and so many good souls, so many masters. Work is where I went to feel competent.

I began to question my competence, and anyone who has seen me practicing at my peak knows this is bizarre, but there I was. It was just one more thing I was attached to, one more definition that was untrue. I am competent at work.

Hmm. This is an attachment.

And I broke it. Not so much by what I did, but I moved under a dark cloud, worked with suspicious, sometimes corrupt, and often unkind people, just a string of places that kicked my ass. I’d had it with work groups, unplugging as I did in 2012. I was gun shy, but would make calls, during that time, trying to land a permanent gig, but, no play. No juice at all. No return phone calls!

We hung with it, and Sam got used to hearing “later,” and “on pay day,” at the store a lot, but we got through it.

I felt like an incompetent outcast at work, a lot of the time. Just, probably, a treble of the same blah blah I’ve been telling myself forever, that I am an outcast, a foreigner, an alien.

So, I have come through all of this freaking psychodrama realizing a thing or two. First, given to me this morning pulling into work, is the notion that these guys, for all the frustration and all the shifting sand, these people are doing me such a solid. Each and every one of them are special, and they are helping me during this time of integration. They’ve stepped up to help me, as I have stepped up to help them. It is a truly beautiful thing.

That made the nonsense I see playing out around me tolerable.

I am shining, as I have never shone, at this new job. I am sought out, and I am kind to those who seek me out, helpful and kind. People like me. I hold myself differently than those around me, and it’s as obvious as my chipped tooth. Just as Marge did for me, and Carolyn, I’m raising people’s game. I new that going in. And so, the details obsessed me, for a few weeks, framing and reframing, puzzling, always puzzling.

Things are quieter now. I notice I am not as reactive, more instructive, but still goofy and laughing a lot. I’ve finally given myself permission to be competent, to admit I am balanced and confident in my balance, never arrogant, always thoughtful.

Yes, I have my moments, and I have my coping strategies. There are a couple at work who are occasionally successful at pushing a button or two, but it is rare, and it is always followed by an explanation and an apology. Always.

And so, I see all of this playing out, and I am struck with the beauty, the impermanence, and yet the solidity, the sturdiness, of this chapter of my life. Who knows if this is a short story or a super-long novel? Who knows? But I can be here now. I can find joy in this moment, and I can take remarkable care of myself.

The last bit that has been playing in my head, and out, too, is the idea that having what I said I wanted is not as important anymore. I was cooking one night when it dawned on me there are things I have always wanted to do this lifetime, and some of it, I’m just not going to be able to work in.

I thought, while looking at the cover of Sunset Magazine, on top of the microwave, that maybe, for now, I can drop this determination to live in Leadville. Maybe that’s a past life calling to me. Maybe it’s an echo. I could let it go.

With that, I had a great sense of relief. I could feel things I’d promised myself I’d do, or stuff that I have always felt a little inadequate because I hadn’t achieved it, it sort of melted off of me. It felt good.

Maybe it’s another echo of this theme, of being here now.

It has taken this work experience for me to experience myself like this, and I am grateful for the gander. I would not have known, not really, the changes that have become a new normal for me, changes I am proud of, and now come from effort, training, intent, depth. I don’t, can’t resent those who don’t want to go further.

I don’t think less of the person who’s finding, as I often feared I would, their reserves completely exhausted, things going unwell, being in a bad situation. There’s a lot of that going on for others. It’s not all peachy for everyone.

And here I come, in the thick of it, and they are letting me shine! That’s the part I am really overjoyed and incredulous with. They are encouraging me to be myself! Never have I encountered such a thing, to this degree.

I want to end on that, because it is such a miracle. It is hard to believe oneself competent when one is surrounded by critical, mean, petty people. Did the world turn nice, or did I change? Our subculture tells us it is a mixture, that everyone’s vibration is increasing. We are all seeing more clearly.

And really, I think that’s the truth. I have felt like the world has been sleeping, preparing, and now things are moving. Maybe it’s just my crying jag, and I am being a douche for globalizing an emotional episode. But I think it is bigger than that, much bigger. I see what I have become, thanks to this new work. I see the changes.

Others see it, and have no history, so there is no dissonance, just invitation. And it is wonderful. To see smiles, to have people ask how I am and care what I answer. Lord God Almighty, it’s been a long time coming.

And now I have the truth to it. It’s not this set of people, this job, that is the miracle. They are wonderful, and good and dear friends, but the manifestation came from the inner work. The preparation was a lifetime, and yet, this can be said for any moment in one’s. That thought has been frequent too, to end.

The idea that everything I have been or will be, it is in this moment, this is my portal to it all, this moment.

How precious this life! This heart! These eyes! And the words I speak, the actions I take, the reactions I choose to act out, oh, this is where the work is done.

Moment to moment, one moment after another. Miraculous to find this at work, through work.

The problems, every single one of them, they are solvable. We are on a grand adventure.

It’s not lost on me how many loved ones prayed for me and showed me support during the lean times. I was so well loved through this. Thank you.

That’s my beautiful manifestation. There is a bit more, but I want to wait a little before telling you more. But, I tell you, things are looking up.

And now, the next thought is not about how it will slip through my fingers or be taken from me. Those projections, I am on top of it now.


Deeply Awake Chats 2017: Calming Thoughts At Journey’s End By Kathy Vik 8-21-17


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A deep, honest and true talk which feels much like final thoughts.

It’s saying goodbye, self to self, self to others, self to my understanding of creator.

Triggering, complete and moving, it stands as a testament to a life lived in clarity and confusion, bliss and pain, love and hate.

And today, finally, there will be something more.

I need to do one more, after a HUGE aha that is delivered at the end of this offering. It’ll be short. We leave for Leadville in an hour.






Deeply Awake Chat & CHANNEL 2017: Truth Unveiled At The End Of An Age By Kathy Vik 8-18-17

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I urge you to watch this clip prior to watching my video It is LOADED with triggers, it is more accurate than not, though a poetic dramatization of what is being experienced by some, and what some have already come through, and what we all will have access to more easily post-eclipse.

Note the title of this clip, that she begins the experience by looking at the sun, that she is suspended above the earth as this transition occurs, and then, please note, the story most definitely goes on from there. Let not the fear of death overtake.

She lives out a story, and of course it is a violent and aggressive tale for the movie goers, but the idea behind it is that of CONTINUITY. This is a highly keyed movie, and a highly triggering one for those in the first wave.



If ever there were a period of my life when applying the fine art of The Suspension Of Disbelief were required, it is NOW.

What follows is beyond my belief. I don’t know how else to put it. Let me explain.

There have been a number of significant and ponderously “real” situations which have emerged, many revelations given, much connected, and much understood, accepted and adopted, the last 24 hours.

Being in the sun helped immensely, and I want to stress to everyone the healing, restorative and necessary influence of the sun, how important it is to remove glass from skin, open car windows, take walks, whatever needs to happen, to get that light on the skin. It is fundamental now. It is CORE.

This video is a time capsule, I know this, because the information within is freaking explosive, and is not for this consciousness, not yet, anyway.

Am I building my hopes up too high for this eclipse?

Watch this and then decide. Invest the time, and then, tell me what you think, if this eclipse event contains within it potency and relief we simply are too fatigued to be able to imagine.

Get a snack, curl up, unplug, suspend your ever arguing companions of belief and disbelief… tell it to go lie down for an hour. Drink it in, absorb it, think on it, and then reject it as bullshit, or let it start working on you.

One way or the other, this video will change you in ways you currently cannot suspect.The channel begins at 16:45. The whole video contains light anomoly.

Watch in good health, peace, and unity, through the grandest connector of all: LOVE.



As referenced, below is the link, and the text, of my first formal essay, months from adopting the moniker “Deeply Awake,” and thus formalizing the expression. The opening shot across the bow, prior to my moment of growth, discussed within this work, (a month and 2 days to follow) it stands as the true core of my life conundrum, and the thing that nearly drove me mad, reconciling this energy.

Yesterday as I drove, I came to terms with quite a lot, in regards to this turn of events. I felt the anguis, the disappointment, the resignation, the contempt, the forgiveness, all simultaneously, and I felt a release from within it, outward.

Consider it one of the crosses I “bore,” which turned into a living, breathing tree of life during this transformation some have stood witness for, and many others will acquaint themselves to, later.

I wrote it after having experienced my first true “hit of light,” and describe a little bit about its after effects. The message of that first healing was about the validity of love, and that enemies are intimates of a much higher degree than simple love bonds contain.

I hope you enjoy this. It’s fun looking back, as we step over this threshold, as long, I think, as I do it with love, gratitude, indulgence, understanding, compassion and pride.

Judas Energy

by magartha

March 23, 2012

These are preliminary thoughts only.
As a youth, I was enthralled with the story of Jesus’ life and teachings, his death and his resurrection.
I studied traditional and non-traditional information about Jesus and his times. And then I saw a brand new movie,… our church youth group went to opening night at the Cooper Theatre in Denver, a cheekily titled movie called “Jesus Christ Superstar”.
That night I finally felt whole, curious that until then, I hadn’t realized something more was possible.
I recaptured the sense of having heard the word of God captured by Rice and Allen by listening to that soundtrack so often, I finally had to ask for a replacement… I’d worn out the first record.
I spent hours, hours and hours, listening to that soundtrack as I roller skated in the circle I skated in our garage. I came to know there was more to Jesus’ story than I could ever grasp, but contentedly rolled through those circles in deep joy and meditation, lucky to be bathing in this reality, feeling privileged to be given instruction in a less biased, more balanced way.
But I knew there was far more to the story than was readily available. His words, his life, and all the stories written since, resonated at such a high frequency. I craved it. i obeyed it. I longed for more, but was content in having more than before.
As a child and then on into adulthood, I knew I had an affinity for Pontius Pilate. He was someone I could understand. I thought his energy was “cleaner” than Judas’, that his choices, missteps and misunderstanding of the situation were so understandable in context, even benevolent. Misguided benevolence. Oh how much trouble we have created for ourselves through the use of misguided benevolence. I knew his presence gave the story its structure, it’s historical framework. He was a function of the political/consciousness agreement field of their day. Nothing more. A device. By “clean”, I mean I see him as a necessary framework giving the story the structure it needed for the unfolding of the tale.
Pontius was the syntax. The apostles were the words. Jesus was the scribe. God was the author.
What then was Judas?
After many of these recent abundant clearings and recalibirations, my guides treated me with something last night. I was finally given access to the soundtrack of Jesus Christ Superstar. And as I listened to it last night, I was able to sail on Angel’s wings and touch the face of God, amazed at all the glittering facets of this incredible gift given to us by God through His Identity Sananda.
And I wept the most, was the most touched, by Judas.
It was then I understood that Pontius Pilate’s role was one of logistics, a gate only, a neutral function of the temporal reality.
And now, finally, it was Judas who I came to recognize as me.
I have always known I was present during those years. I have always had every confidence that I had been involved.
Maybe I wasn’t Judas. Who cares? At this point I really don’t. Judas was a ROLE only. In this dense fog of duality, he played his part expertly.
But to have betrayed our Beloved? With a kiss?
How does the incarnaion of Judas reconcile these acts, and their consequences, without judgement or shame, but instead with the all-encompassing Love Which Is God? How do I manage bringing the ugliest parts of my Selves back into alliance, allegiance, and unity?
Through forgiveness.
To forgive is to be touched from above and within all at once. When done well, this tone, this essence, transmutes, fundamentally ALTERS the past, present and future (as we have always perceived it).
The act of sincere and deep forgiveness is to be in-spired by God. YOU become the Violet Flame when you actively and selflessly forgive. The person you are setting free is your Self.
It’s easier, more accessible, to forgive others their wrongs towards me. I enjoy it, as it brings a release I cannot explain but know transforms.
Ah! But to have known those rare moments where I have been literally knocked to my knees with forgiveness for my Self?
That is bliss. That pierces the veil. In those holy moment, I could do nothing more than stagger, caught up in a rapture in which I yearn to spend the remainder of my days. To forgive MY SELF is the most Divine Act I have done as a human 3D entity. Through that doorway came the Eye of God, looking deeply within me, and telling me, murmuring to me, declaring as already DONE: God Indwells Me And Is Well Pleased.
I stood up after falling in divine grace before this Eye of God and I went to my mirror. I saw this Eye of God. And that Eye of God was in MY EYE.
I have never been the same. Everything has changed because of that moment of grace. That grace washed me clean. Now it’s just clean up and preparation. It is finished, just as Jesus said. I knelt before God, I was forgiven, and realized there is absolutely no higher truth than forgiveness of Self. To have been touched by this divine love…
There really are no words.
But there are so many translations.
So if I played that role in Judea, high-five. I did it well. It is done. It was a chronicle preparing us for this moment, the first day of the new moon of March, 2012.
And this bliss, this state of suspended and never ending grace is in everyone. EVERYONE. EVERYONE. The potential to touch this reality in is EVERYONE, and we are only just awakening to it. It was always there. It sustained us through the pain and suffering, the acting out and misbehaving, the emanations and consequences of disordered thought, disordered being.
God puts everything right.
God sees everything as right.
God is the most high, and this word we use to express this essence is just a slip of paper compared the the mighty tree of its reality.
And in that moment of transfixation, of transfiguration, I understood in my heart of hearts that THIS love is IN ME. It IS me, and I a vibration, a manifestation, a color of It.
And, so it followed, if this God is actually me, then it is in everyone on this planet.
It is in your neighbor playing his music too late at night. It is within the bad news you receive and the good news you receive. The flotsam and jetsam of earthly life is washed clean by forgiveness.
I wish to live in a steady state of gentleness to self and others, a state of grace led by the highest love I have ever encountered, staring right into me as I clutched my carpet and folded into the ever cycling love of God, always fresh, always new, always adoring, always benevolent, always wise, always present.
All Hail the New Earth, where we will and are walking in humble respect of ourselves and our co-creators.
Blessings from Magartha.



Deeply Awake Chats 2017: What It Means To Be Human And To Be This Other Thing By Kathy Vik 7-29-17

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A raw and real talk that summarizes many things, and is a song of joy, surprise and liberation. I hope you enjoy this. The language is rough at times, but the mood is tremendously light, self-effacing yet self-aware and loving… it is quite the offering and I hope you find it a helpful, happy, irreverent and wild talk on the mind-blowing ride that is ASCENSION.



Deeply Awake Chats 2017: Magic, Benevolence and Love By Kathy Vik 3-1-17




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A helpful and practical talk on how love and benevolence has become much more present and active in my daily life now, along with a discussion about the magic in the air these days.






As referenced, here is a clip from Wilfred, available through streaming on Netflix.