Deeply Awake: Current Events, Integrative Interpretations,, And Light Activations By Kathy Vik 6-16-18

Image result for shiva the destroyer gif

 

 

 

Ballsy. Funny. Deep. Thought-provoking. Healing.

All good descriptors for what lies within, a meditation on current events, which recently were marveled at by some pundit I caught on a news show, stupified while saying, “This really is about good and evil,” when discussing the current political landscape.

I speak as a metaphysician, a futurist, an ascensionist, an historian, a believer in humankind’s ability to rouse themselves from the spell they’re/we’re/you’re under (to what degree, is for you to decide.)

The premise revolves around there being a shift in consciousness, from one that is warring to one that is not. It is a lively discussion, which leads to a discussion of many unusual and abundantly magical things.

The last half of the video discusses hard-core weirdness, activations and thoughts on many topics the futurist, or fellow star-person, in the crowd will get a kick out of.

I hope you enjoy my latest round-up of all things 3-d and much, much higher. I do mention the 8-based chakra system, and various visitations in this one, toward the end, and the way it is summarized I found very helpful, and I’m the one living it, so I hope you, too, get some answers as you let the tape roll, and let me take you new places, places I know well.

 

 

 

 

Deeply Awake — “Enemy Mine” In Print By Kathy Vik 5-19-18

 

Deeply Awake: Enemy Mine By Kathy Vik 5-19-18

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What I am going to present to you is the culmination of a lifetime, actually, and I’m going to entitle it Enemy Mine. This is the bookend to the first essay I wrote as Deeply Awake, on March 23, 2012, 9 years after a very significant event, Judas Energy.

I have wondered sometimes why it is that I have such a blunt edge, with my reportage? Why do I couch things in metaphor? Why do I see things as paradox, and then express them as essays? Why?

Well, there’ are so many things I’ve called myself, over the years, but there are a few epithets that are true, and they’re just titles, really. I’m a poet. I’m a philosopher. I’m a writer. I’m a reporter. I’m a spiritual journalist, I guess, but I write in ways that are more like prose poems than discussion of facts and breaking down of probabilities. I did more of that after 2016, but I have a flavor that is poetic.

Ok. Alright. Well, it makes sense. The very very first Akashic thing I did was to get real quiet, and state to everything in my fields, every… all of it, all creation. I was going to do a novel, and I didn’t know how to write a novel. I wanted to create something, and I didn’t know how. But the need and the will was so strong, I sat down and said:

I know that you walk with me. I just do. And I need for those who are willing, and of the highest, the pinnacle of their skill, of their insight, those who really, truly not only understand, but can express in ways that make the heart flutter, and the mind reel, and the soul come into focus. Please step forward and join me. Please come and be with me, in my mind. In my heart. In my awareness. Express through me. I’ll know. I’ll know. And I’ll let you teach me.

I have done my energetic management. I understand it’s quite possible to be labeled in this new age environment as being tricked, or listening to trickery, and thinking it’s true. Well, I think that’s what we are all talking about, as channelers and writers. One of my missions was to talk about discernment, spiritual discernment. How do you become someone who has Spiritual Discernment? Kryon also talks about Spiritual Discernment.

And I haven’t met, or heard, anyone in this community who hasn’t able to describe that they just know when it’s pure. It just makes sense, and there’s some stuff that just doesn’t feel good. And that’s just a perfectly fine way of expressing it. But, if you are sensitive, and you can feel your energy, you can feel it bend, and twist, and you can feel Resistance, what you come to find is there’s not a whole lot of literature that even acknowledges that. Some of it does, and fairy tales do, of course. That’s why I love literature and art, because it simply acknowledges that there’s something going on here, that has to do with the human heart. That has to do with the finest qualities, that we know heal, and create rather than destroy.

And of course, whales are poets, they are philosophers, they are singers, they are Guardians, and I really resonate with those dudes, so I think it’s ok. But there comes a time when you just have to lay the facts out, Mine was a journey of discovery, of discernment, and of a reverse autobiography. You get hit with light, with a new way of being, a new way of understanding. Something happens, and you are bigger than you were. And then you’ve got to explain your self to your self, and you’ve got to explain reality to yourself, all over again.

It doesn’t just happen once. Once it starts, it doesn’t stop. It gets bigger. And it gets better.

But it gets bigger.

I’ve talked about this phenomenon as walking a mountain. There are some things I can say at the base of the mountain, and then when I get midway up the mountain and say those words, and they mean something completely different, and I get up to the top, and I say those words, in full awareness and memory, and I realize I was just babbling down there.

But as I walk down the mountain again, and get in midway and say it, that middle meaning makes sense again, and by the end of the mountain, I can inhabit all three. Sure. All three make sense. Which one do I prefer? Which one is the most clear? Which one serves me best? It’s the one at the top of the mountain, where I can say “so be it,” and create a reality, whereas, at the base of the mountain, if I say “so be it,” I may actually be swearing. See how that works?

It’s pretty bizarre, when you get to the real big stuff, and your whole being sort of pops, like a soap bubble and then you look around and go, “Oh! Wait a minute. I’m just in a bigger soap bubble now.” It’s kind of disorienting.

My function has been that of discovering and fostering peace and love. This is primarily because I didn’t see it very much in my reality, but I knew it was there. There’s something underlying all this nonsense, I just know it. And I have known such pure, pure avatars of love in my life, who healed me, because they loved me and accepted me, as I was. There is no finer medicine. And it’s where I have been unable or unwilling to reciprocate or generate it, where I feel I have fallen down, and need to address it somehow, I need to make it right.

Karma for one, please.

How do you break karma?

You love everything any way. You find a way.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s reciprocated. It doesn’t matter if it’s understood. It doesn’t matter if it’s resented. It doesn’t matter if it’s battered, and burned, and its ashes are buried.

That’s just the structure.

The reality remains. Indelibly. A ripple, through all time and all space. Anchor enough of that, on this Earth, in humility and in gratitude, and in strength, and in sovereignty, and see how this place changes.

That’s how it’s done.

There has been, as I have mentioned, an “Armageddon.” I’ve talked about it recently, but I was driving down the road, minding my own business, listening to the radio, and I popped through and WOW. The energy was so intense, so intense, and I returned and said boy oh boy, I’m glad I’m here. This is perfectly fine, I’ll take this. Man oh man, it was really super intense, the last couple of weeks.

And here I was, in daily life, on the steepest learning curve of my life. And then a thought group comes…

Kathy, I ask myself, remember when you went to see Enrique Bouron? And on the last day, you sort of had a thing with him. Do you remember?

I do, and so I’ll tell you about it, because it’s kind of cute.

The last day of a week of instruction in Biological Decoding from Mr. Bouron, I woke up in a very peculiar state. A very peculiar state indeed.

I had just been disassembled, in this truly and utterly bizarre and beautiful and soft and unbelievably healing week of transformation. I was just… I woke up, and I contacted every single person who I loved. Every single one of them. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it was done. And then I looked at the clock and realised I didn’t have, really, any time, but I stink, so I have to get into the shower.

When I got in that shower, I was immediately in an ancient and quiet place, some sort of automatic place, my hands doing positions, my body being led, and me weeping, crying through the water turning my hair to ropes, beyond relieved that I remember how to do this. I said that at first, through tears of joy. I’m so happy I remember how to do this.

And then I began bringing up everyone. I went through every single person. Every single person. I brought every single person up, and I had a talk with them, because I knew I was completing something.

I was in reverence, and thanks, and release mode. And then I got to the last one, and I burst into flame in the shower. It was the most bizarre thing.

I don’t know how to explain it.

I knew before going in the shower that I was cutting it close and was going to be late, but I was told through the morning “Don’t worry about a thing, you’ll be there before he starts talking.”

So there’s me in the shower, and I’m so late, and then I’m flame, and then I’m dressing and rushing over there and there was no time. I got up there, finally, and he hadn’t taken the stage yet. I was considerably late, and he always started on time.

I took my seat. I felt I had been disrespectful to come in late, and I felt bad about that, but I didn’t fully understand what was going on.

I had the thought, sitting there, before he began, I can’t do any more slides. It’s too hard, it’s too intense, and I need for my grandfather to read me stories from the old country. I need for all of this to come together in some quantum biologic soup that I can understand and can take with me. I was almost crying, thinking, I’m so glad I have my grandfather to sit there and tell me stories from the old country. Please read from the book, please read from the book.

And he began his lecture, and the projector didn’t work. I was told, it was sort of a general announcement, just don’t worry about it, it’ll work just fine after this presentation, just tell stories. And that’s what he did.

And he began to tell stories, pulling everything together. I was gone within about five minutes. I have no conscious memory of what he said. I would pop back in and pop back out, but I was gone, and then he was there in front of me.

He had an Italian accent, and he didn’t look like he looks now, and he was so thrilled. I don’t know exactly where we went, or what we did, but at the end of it, he as the lecturer is still talking, and a part of me is absorbing and staying with the information in the ballroom, but I’m in my meditative space, he’s this ecstatic, jolly Italian man. He crackles back on in my awareness and says, “OK, it’s all done,” and he’s dancing and all happy, acting like the cat that ate the canary, so to speak.

I said, “What’s done? I wanna know how that’s gonna happen, because I understand from Biological Decoding that the whole deal is you gotta have this in your conscious awareness. It’s getting it  that heals you. How am I supposed to be healed, if I haven’t gotten  anything.

And he said, “Well, look!” and he was all excited and dancing, and his arm went p in a flourish to reveal a straight line that went on and on, all the way down, all the way down, forever, a path below and then there were these huge, huge boxes, they’re gift boxes, just dangling there, just dangling there.

He said, “Look, they’re all there. You just have to walk down the road and you’ll have your answers. You’ll have your a-ha’s. You’ll have your healings. It’s all done.” So I said, oh, ok, alright, and then I was in my body again, listening to the lecture.

I had so many bizarre, just truly and utterly other-worldly experiences during that time, it was magic. Truly, truly magic. It was so much fun! It was just amazing.

And, Dr. Todd was there. And now I finally understand what he was in resistance to. I understand why. There was something I hadn’t dealt with yet. There was something walking with me that I didn’t know about.

I spent a lifetime arguing, and throwing etheric punches, and getting punched. This thing that was beside me liked to take on forms and mess with me, play with me, and the whole idea was take away, and hobbling. It was all purposeful. It was to create this work, Deeply Awake. It was an agreement.

And here we are.

Once you can see the agreement, you can release it, right? Isn’t that the idea? That’s kind of the idea.

Enemy mine.

I didn’t talk about it a whole lot, not at all really, very very rarely. Everything in my environment told me it was taboo. It was not to even be acknowledged. It was taboo with my friends with the light, and it was taboo to win, at the dark.

Enemy mine.

It all started when I started to watch documentaries on megalithic structures, in between daily life stuff, and exercise, and all that stuff, recuperating. That research led me to Egypt. I am not a big fan of Egypt. It’s like a wart. I don’t like it. Never have.

But there is beauty there, there is beauty there. But the energy is warped and it’s ugly, and it’s mean, and it’s cold, and it’s not right. It’s just not right. Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe there are other places where you think about it and react with ,”Whoa, I would never, you couldn’t pay me go there,” and everybody else is flocking to it maybe. Ok. Acknowledge it. It’s real. There’s a reason.

There’s a reason. And it’s buried in your memory, which is in a state of disrepair, at one state or another.

I did the megalith thing, and I felt so hugged, and warm, and happy, and then I did the Egypt thing, and I felt all gross and violated, and then the speakers came. Then the truth was revealed. And an Armageddon happened up there. And maybe that was just for me, and that’s fine, but I know I’m a big one, so I think it’s important to talk about resolution.

I always thought about Armageddon as the battle, you know? The life and death struggle. And the apocalypse as the Big Reveal. Here’s the reason you guys were fighting. Here’s the outcome. Here’s the truth.

The revealing of the truth, the burning away of the veil. The big reveal. The Big Show.

It’s pretty stunning, for me, to have this knowledge, and to have it all come together. I am including an interview from Project Camelot of George Kavassilas, because his story is similar to mine in many respects. It was really good to hear who has survived the dropping away of everybody that mattered to them, and the reordering of your reality.

He is someone who has experienced that every time you have a big huge experience, you’ve got to somehow, somehow come back and try to fit in and function with people who are NOT having that experience, and who need, NEED, to shut you down, and shut you up about it, because THAT makes them uncomfortable. One way to handle that discomfort is ridicule, and there are other ways, to handle that, depending on how heavy-handed someone in discomfort decides to be.

And in all this research, I could come to no other conclusion: the enemy is mine, and I am the enemy.

I really had to struggle with this. When I was doing this research, I finally began listening to contactees.

I listened to Alex Collier, and then I listened to Simon Parkes, in a video entitled “33% Reptilian, 33% Insectoid and 33% Human.”

It blew my mind.

I am a blend.

My physical DNA has the genetic imprint of all of those races. That’s sort of the point. That’s what makes humans so incredibly beautiful, and brilliant, resilient, creative, strong, important. And indeed, royalty. It is an honor to hold this DNA. It is an honor.

Think about that, and then take a look out at Trumpland. Come right back. Do you notice a difference? How are you asked to think of yourself, in that closed system of government, medicine, justice, education? It’s a closed, finite system. It is an irrelevant system.

Closed systems die.

Listening to that man speak about his experiences, the choice that he made to see all of it benevolently, the story behind these races, and that’s something I couldn’t do before.

They had hurt me I had been hurt by them, here, and I didn’t know how to defend myself. They’d come visit, or something from them would happen, and I’d be sick. I called it magnetic, and it was an illness, and I’d be sick for a long time. I wasn’t visited by spaceships, I was visited by human beings holding that frequency, that intention, that signature. It smells horrible, and is the emotional equivalent and psychic equivalent of abject, raw terror.

They could induce me, and then feed off of it for weeks, sometimes longer. And they did that, until 2012.

It bothered me when I was visited again by them in 2012. I wasn’t visited by the entity in the flesh. I was visited by his mother, who had come for help. I don’t know if I was as compassionate as I could have been, but I was in misunderstanding of what was going on.

One question was whether she should advise him to go ahead and take the monoatomic gold he wants to eat. I was emphatic. NO. No. No. No. No. Especially for him, no, no, that would make him miserable No.

Soon after, I had a talk with my Self and with my God. I felt so threatened, in the middle of this, so threatened, yet again. Because there are lesser versions of this in all of my reality through all of my experiences. It has been everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.

That is what I have come to break.

That is what I have come to heal.

That is what I have come to love.

And release.

I call it the demiurge, that’s what I call it. And it has been individuated as has the Angelic forces. And so you can see it in the draconians, and you can see it in the Archons, and you can see it in the Thetans, and you can see it in Jinn. It’s the same energy.

And that energy runs through the justice system – let’s call it the legal system – and it burps into your wallet as green cash.

It invites you to believe that “You must earn everything, including a sense of self-worth, Including love. Including acceptance.

It must be earned.”

Well, that’s just a construct.

No, it doesn’t, you dork.

Well-being is my birthright. Joy is my birthright. Fun, play, excitement, creativity, expression, those are my birthrights. Look at what my body can do. I can create human life. And you dare tell me that I’m not free?

You’re dumb. And you’re small, and you’re petty. You’re not very bright, you know.”

Enemy mine.

I have that inside of me. I would see it, when I would watch a dark film, or when someone is doing something dark to another person on film, there would be this BOOM, this reverberation in my body, and sometimes I could feel it intensely. Sometimes it surprised me with its intensity.

And it’s funny, I think I have been able to notice these things because, for me, there hasn’t been a time speed-up. I’ve been really happy lately, because everything has slowed the fuck down.

I can understand things finally. Because there was always this buzzing, information zooming, but the last year or so, everything has slowed down so very much. And in the moment, I can see what’s going on, and respond in a way that’s in accord with what I really know to be true. Not in fear, but in humor. That took things slowing down, not speeding up.

I like it, because I can really think things through.

I took all this super, super personally. It was right in my face all the time. Maybe it’s being a woman, maybe it’s just being dialed the way I’m dialed, so maybe it would be helpful to just tell you my philosophy of life.

I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do, what I need to do, and there are certain things that you can argue about until you’re blue in the face, but I’m still going to do them. You can be upset about it, I don’t care. That’s fine Be upset. Enjoy that. But I still need to do this. And you having a problem with me completing my mission tells me more about you than me. So, I don’t care, have a problem with it.

That’s a pretty easy place to be. I don’t know how compassionate it is, but that’s sort of been my way, and it means that everybody else has the same freedom, and that’s really, really hard to give. But, that’s my philosophy.

You hang out with people, and you let them show you what they believe and who they think they are. Within that construct, there are certain things that they’re not going to be able to do, and certain things that they’re going to want to do, and it’s up to them. Not me. And if I want to join in that, I can. And a lot of it’s really fun. But, you know, everybody has the right to choose their own way.

In relationship, it means I watch. I just observe. I let people be. I wasn’t like that with my son, a whole lot, at first. It was the programming. I’ve stopped the clamp-down, but that’s how I am with everybody, just, whatever. And I guess it might appear uncaring, but there’s a reason for it.

I know of having soul urges, and experiences that can never be explained, because they would never be understood, so why bother? I know that everyone walks around in prisons, because they don’t talk about their experiences, and they don’t even have words for their emotions.

I was so shut down in 1985, when I started psych nursing, that I had to use an affect chart with faces to realize that there were a lot of expressions of emotionality.

I had just been pooped out of a pretty rigid structured system, and I had a certain amount of affective range, but I didn’t have words for any of it, and I hadn’t had mirrors, or I hadn’t been paying attention. So, the repetitive sort of inculcation began to break in nursing school, and once I got out of nursing school I realized I really needed to define – not define myself, that was way premature, but I just needed to figure myself out. I just needed to listen to myself.

I could finally sit down and listen, and I had some freedom, so that’s what I did. I started very multi-dimensional, parallel reality-friendly therapist, who resonated with Lazaris, and that was six years of putting myself together, and then I met The Teachers, who were an insert. I didn’t meet them on their spaceship, though they once took me there in session. I didn’t have contacts and visitations. I had to pay money.

But that’s consistent with my role.

It’s been to walk hand in hand with monsters, and what people thought were monsters, often times, as a psych nurse. I worked with people who went on to murder, and burn things down, and rape, and create mayhem.

I was always right smack dab in the mayhem, as a nurse. I liked the mayhem. I liked the seedy parts of town, and the parts that were thought to be rough, and run-down. I liked that the best. I was so uncomfortable visiting in expensive mansions, and being around that kind of folk. That’s just not me. “Everybody’s pretending here. Let’s get down to what’s real.”

It’s just one example of this weird blend I had going the whole time, and it was so hard to reconcile What is a being of love and light, who can totally hear god through a cloverleaf doing in a seedy bar? What the what?

Enemy mine.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Love your enemy.

Enemy mine.

With every reveal, through these videotapes I’ve been watching, through my studies, through my research, research I wouldn’t be able to do any other way, so I am so grateful for YouTube. What a miracle. What a wonderful thing! This is the way to cement it. This information is available in our Merkahbic fields now, we can access all of this now, but it’s so satisfying to hear a stranger talk about something that sets things in motion, like a key finally turned in an engine.

A’Shayana Deane, I listened to her, and it took about five and a half hours to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, for the veil to completely burn off, and for me to see, finally see, just what I’ve been up against.

What strikes me the most is the manipulation of the solar system. And I looked at that, and I saw all the movements, and the processions, and the complexity, and the compulsivity, the compulsivity. And the arrogance.

Taking something that is obviously divine, and good for you, and saying, “I can do better. And, I don’t care who I hurt. In fact, it’s kind of fun. I like it.”

That is the mind of a tweaker, and a sociopath. That is what we are up against. Raw stupidity and arrogance.

Enemy mine.

It’s diabolical. And it’s super-mechanical. And it’s dead.

These tweakers don’t know how to design open systems because they don’t have the DNA to consider it possible. They’re not smart enough, simply put. But, oh my god, they’re tweakers!

And I have seen that in my life, and in my work, and I’ve described. There’s even an essay that talks about it, “Obsessive-Compulsive.” I resonate with Antares, and one of the fundamentals of this energy is to learn balance, and abstain from obsession. It’s been on my radar for a while, and once again, another stream comes in to confirm that which is coming into clearer and clearer focus.

This is one of my theses, that there is a mindset that creates a field of experience that’s closed, that’s karmic, and the energy is tarry and sticky and infective.

I’ve been describing it.

I’ve been living it.

I’ve been writing and speaking, and thinking the words, but it’s only today that I feel power, and peace, and safety.

There’s a lot about the plan, and what’s occurring that I am in agreement and in accord with, and it’s counter what we have been led to believe or that we understand, but it is coherent and consistent with everything else I have learned in my lifetime of research. I really had to struggle with that, especially overnight, I asked for some help.

The truth is, had I had this information any sooner, I would have left. I would have exited. I wouldn’t have been able to maintain enthusiasm. I barely did, with a complete cloak around my head, I barely survived. Had I known what I know now, that would have been that.

So, what The Teachers told me, way back when, is really true. I wanted to know where I was from, in order to understand what it was all about, and they said they wouldn’t reveal, and that’s my policy, too, with my clients. That’s the most profound discussion you’ll ever have with your soul, and it’s not for me to tell you. You’ve got to ask a few questions. And you might be put on a scavenger hunt or two. It may be a weird experience, or it might be handed to you on a note, who knows, but I’m not the one to hand you that note.

They told me, if I knew, I wouldn’t stay. And now I understand why.

That was the God’s honest truth, it turns out. And to hold this awareness has led to such profound peace. It’s indelible.

All that’s I’ve been saying, that there’s nothing to worry about, and that everybody loves you, and everything’s cool, all the messages from the rapture of spiritual awakening and all that? That’s singing from my bones, and my blood, and my nervous system today.

So, where is this enemy of mine?

Still here.

Still here. Within me.

It took A’Shayana saying a joke, to break the fear, for me. The way that she talks about the dracs, and the reptilians, and all that stuff, all the greys, she’s had her tussles, ok? She’s been hurt, just like we all have. But you know how she responds? “Yeah, well, it takes a village.”

You gotta get to the place where you love. And the only thing that energy requires of you is hate. Hate and fear. It’s the only thing that makes sense, when you’re looking right at it. Hate and fear.

That’s all it knows.

Well, that and tweaking. Unbelievable.

So, I’m sitting on my bed this morning and thinking, no wonder I’ve had problems with this reflectivity, I am that which I hate. I contain that which I abhor. I am genetically, biologically part of my enemy.

But, you know what?

Somehow, somehow, I can see bigger, than my enemy. I can do things my enemy can’t. I can love them. And, they don’t seem capable of it, but, I don’t care. I love them.

Enemy mine.

That’s what shadow work is, you know. You get beat up by the shadow, or you beat up somebody else, and you feel the shadow overtake you, if you do your shadow work right, it blossoms into radiant, brilliant diamond light, and love. That’s the idea. Always. That’s the purpose.

So the question becomes, how much conflict do you need to get to that love? Do you really need conflict, to feel forgiveness and release? How important is it to you, how necessary a device?

Yeah, make-up sex is kind of fun, but I’ve never had it. I think it’s kind of dumb. It’s disordered thinking. Coming together after misunderstandings, that’s different, but I’ve witnessed couples, myself included, get into cycles where their anger and pain become their passion, because they’ve lost their love. And then they don’t understand why they’re in this cyclone of despair all the time, but it like, “well, you’re addicted to something that’s not very healthy.”  I think that’s what a lot of us do. We get hooked on the conflict because we’re still trying to figure out what love is. Because we are trying to get it, get it, from someone else. And it’s just disordered thinking, that’s all. It’s ok, it’s really ok.

When the lights come on, then you have to make a decision. You can get your juice from anger and slight, and pain and disappointment, or you can lift anchor. And, you find, the wind takes you, and the sea supports you, and you’re no longer alone.

It’s very odd.

So, I’m a poet, and a philosopher, and not necessarily one of those who had experiences in crafts and in other physicalized realities. My way seems to blended earth life and cosmic life, and got my understandings in perhaps unconventional ways, more shamanic or visionary, or lalalalala.

But I did it all in amnesia, and finally, the big reveal came. Boop. We’re up against tweakers? Oh Fuck. They’re impaired. They’re impaired, they’re dangerous but they’re not healthy individuals, and it’s not a healthy consciousness. It’s going to do unhealthy things.

OK.

Well, it isn’t a conundrum. It isn’t a puzzle, it isn’t a problem. It’s the task at hand. Figuring out exactly what, who, or if, there is an enemy.

It really took realizing that by virtue of being human, I am, I have internalized, through my genetic code, this whole set up. And because this darkness has individuated and tapped me on the shoulder and messed with me, it became a priority, for me, to figure out exactly what it was.

So, to end, I’ll tell you of my big Aha!, because it’s been really hard for me to know, am I good, or am I bad? I freaking resonate with the dark. I understand the dark. I don’t mind it. I’m kind of immune. It doesn’t seem to stain me, but instead invigorates me, and it makes me appear dark, and corrupted, to some.

Enemy mine.

I am that which I fear.

I am my own destroyer.

I am paradox.

I am a singularity.

And I am the creative essence.

I know, and am, with, that thing, that if you’ve been touched by it, if you’ve run after it and touched it, you know what I’m talking about. The Isness. The All. God. Creator. Source. The Unified Field. Call it what you will. It doesn’t mind.

I resonate with the dark, because I created the dark, because I like a good story. And because, with free will the way it is, well there was a part of me that wanted to run free, and defy. And say:

You. Can’t. Make. Me.

Interesting.

Will is a quantum force. Love is a quantum force.

My enemy likes to play with will, and ignore the solvent that is love.

And I am my enemy.

And I am at peace, with what was, what is, and what is to come.

I love my enemy.

I love my Self.

And I love you.

I declare this the day when all misunderstandings fall, all misdeeds are seen as our own, seen for the silliness they are, and dismissed, with a chortle.

I know my enemy, and I know why I can go dark. I know why it’s bothered me when I have gone dark.

But there is no enemy. It’s just a game. And the light always wins. Always. Without exception. That’s the only rule. This has been a wonderful, wonderful game. Big to little, little to big.

Love your enemy.

Enemy mine.

SEYLAH.

 

 

Deeply Awake — Enemy Mine By Kathy Vik 5-19-18

 

I feel as shaky and apprehensive and awed in publishing this work as I have on a few other occasions, during my creative sojourn. I felt this way with Judas Energy (link below), with Home, and a few others. After posting, sometimes, I look back, look in, and wonder how it is I didn’t break the internet somehow, with my posting, because I just broke reality. That’s how I feel about what I offer you today. It is a culmination of a lifetime of work, to understand and come to peace with my enemy. It is my finest work yet. Here is its bookend, its counterpart, called Judas Energy:

https://kathyvik.com/2017/12/30/deeply-awake-judas-energy-3-23-12/

As I say on video, I have been quiet about the root cause of the darker aspects of my character, and have allowed myself safe exploration into many physical realities with which few are comfortable. I find I am finally at ease, in those environments, often times. I’ve never minded “the dark,” in other words. I just didn’t know why it was incessantly buzzing me.

I address “the plan,” the “service to self” groups, and this battle we seem to be having internally, and in our dealings, that seems fulminant within our leaders, and in our greater realities. This work is my interpretation of why I am here, and my response to finally understanding the answers I have received to the eternal questions.

I hope you enjoy and feel release from this offering of mine. It stands as my description of a journey, through space, time, meaning and significance, to learn answers to questions few around me felt were ok to ask, and fewer still who took seriously what I was coming to know. Such is the way of it for some of us. But, that’s ok. Our time has finally come.

 

 

 

I am including a wonderful interview with George Kavassilas and Project Camelot. He is yet another gifted and seemingly destined teacher of this knowledge. We each take our place in good time, in divine accord, it seems. He has been tested, and he has come through, and has enlightening things to say about it all. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

 

 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed this work of mine. Here is its postscript. I like chuckling. Laughing, and this sketch, are favorites, especially her voice. Ahh! Some Humor is just Co(s)mic Perfection!.

 

Deeply Awake: Looking Back and Looking Forward to 2018 By Kathy Vik 2-28-17

Image result for butterfly beating its wings on a branch gif

 

 

I enjoy learning astrology from Steve Judd. This video is very helpful, as are the videos on the neutral and negative sides of Pluto. In this video, he speaks so eloquently of the transformative experience, that I ask you to watch it before watching my offering. Whether or not you are “into” astrology, listening to this man’s succinct and poetic explanation of something we ALL have in our natal charts can help, if you are experiencing deep issues, that dreaded “shadow work,”  which leads each of us to transformation.

 

 

 

I’m pretty stunned at this offering, because I am easy with the information, it flows well, and it is an honest summation not only of the transformation I went through in 2017, but fleshes out what I understand about “The EVENT,” how I do energy work and what comes of this work, as well as a deeply personal, optimistic and beautiful presentation of how ascension is playing out, day to day.

This is a much different Kathy Vik doing the talking. The last few days have brought phenomenal peace, and I am rocking into something powerful, playful, exacting, tender, and safe. It’s been waiting for me, and it’s perfect… It’s like a joke we’ve played on ourselves… when the smoke clears, it turns out, all of it was purposeful, and most of it irrelevant, now. Only love endures, and wonder that we are in the times we are in. I hope you enjoy this. Its candor, pace, coherence, and intensity has soothed me because the whole thing is very gentle while perfectly focused. Enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those interested in my natal charts information:

My pre-natal eclipse was 8 days before I was born. I used the following data points: February 15, 1961, at 02:19 in Minneapolis. This is the geometry:

And here is my birth natal chart:

 

And here is my natal chart from my vision “The son/sun of Antares Is Born,” April 26, 2012, at 03:45 in Wheat Ridge, Colorado. Note: this program doesn’t highlight an aspect that allows visualization of the six pointed star, but that’s OK, it’s in there.

 

Deeply Awake Chat & CHANNEL 2017: Truth Unveiled At The End Of An Age By Kathy Vik 8-18-17

Related image

 

 

I urge you to watch this clip prior to watching my video It is LOADED with triggers, it is more accurate than not, though a poetic dramatization of what is being experienced by some, and what some have already come through, and what we all will have access to more easily post-eclipse.

Note the title of this clip, that she begins the experience by looking at the sun, that she is suspended above the earth as this transition occurs, and then, please note, the story most definitely goes on from there. Let not the fear of death overtake.

She lives out a story, and of course it is a violent and aggressive tale for the movie goers, but the idea behind it is that of CONTINUITY. This is a highly keyed movie, and a highly triggering one for those in the first wave.

 

 

If ever there were a period of my life when applying the fine art of The Suspension Of Disbelief were required, it is NOW.

What follows is beyond my belief. I don’t know how else to put it. Let me explain.

There have been a number of significant and ponderously “real” situations which have emerged, many revelations given, much connected, and much understood, accepted and adopted, the last 24 hours.

Being in the sun helped immensely, and I want to stress to everyone the healing, restorative and necessary influence of the sun, how important it is to remove glass from skin, open car windows, take walks, whatever needs to happen, to get that light on the skin. It is fundamental now. It is CORE.

This video is a time capsule, I know this, because the information within is freaking explosive, and is not for this consciousness, not yet, anyway.

Am I building my hopes up too high for this eclipse?

Watch this and then decide. Invest the time, and then, tell me what you think, if this eclipse event contains within it potency and relief we simply are too fatigued to be able to imagine.

Get a snack, curl up, unplug, suspend your ever arguing companions of belief and disbelief… tell it to go lie down for an hour. Drink it in, absorb it, think on it, and then reject it as bullshit, or let it start working on you.

One way or the other, this video will change you in ways you currently cannot suspect.The channel begins at 16:45. The whole video contains light anomoly.

Watch in good health, peace, and unity, through the grandest connector of all: LOVE.

 

 

As referenced, below is the link, and the text, of my first formal essay, months from adopting the moniker “Deeply Awake,” and thus formalizing the expression. The opening shot across the bow, prior to my moment of growth, discussed within this work, (a month and 2 days to follow) it stands as the true core of my life conundrum, and the thing that nearly drove me mad, reconciling this energy.

Yesterday as I drove, I came to terms with quite a lot, in regards to this turn of events. I felt the anguis, the disappointment, the resignation, the contempt, the forgiveness, all simultaneously, and I felt a release from within it, outward.

Consider it one of the crosses I “bore,” which turned into a living, breathing tree of life during this transformation some have stood witness for, and many others will acquaint themselves to, later.

I wrote it after having experienced my first true “hit of light,” and describe a little bit about its after effects. The message of that first healing was about the validity of love, and that enemies are intimates of a much higher degree than simple love bonds contain.

I hope you enjoy this. It’s fun looking back, as we step over this threshold, as long, I think, as I do it with love, gratitude, indulgence, understanding, compassion and pride.

https://lightworkers.org/page/155476/judas-energy

Judas Energy

by magartha

March 23, 2012

These are preliminary thoughts only.
As a youth, I was enthralled with the story of Jesus’ life and teachings, his death and his resurrection.
I studied traditional and non-traditional information about Jesus and his times. And then I saw a brand new movie,… our church youth group went to opening night at the Cooper Theatre in Denver, a cheekily titled movie called “Jesus Christ Superstar”.
That night I finally felt whole, curious that until then, I hadn’t realized something more was possible.
I recaptured the sense of having heard the word of God captured by Rice and Allen by listening to that soundtrack so often, I finally had to ask for a replacement… I’d worn out the first record.
I spent hours, hours and hours, listening to that soundtrack as I roller skated in the circle I skated in our garage. I came to know there was more to Jesus’ story than I could ever grasp, but contentedly rolled through those circles in deep joy and meditation, lucky to be bathing in this reality, feeling privileged to be given instruction in a less biased, more balanced way.
But I knew there was far more to the story than was readily available. His words, his life, and all the stories written since, resonated at such a high frequency. I craved it. i obeyed it. I longed for more, but was content in having more than before.
As a child and then on into adulthood, I knew I had an affinity for Pontius Pilate. He was someone I could understand. I thought his energy was “cleaner” than Judas’, that his choices, missteps and misunderstanding of the situation were so understandable in context, even benevolent. Misguided benevolence. Oh how much trouble we have created for ourselves through the use of misguided benevolence. I knew his presence gave the story its structure, it’s historical framework. He was a function of the political/consciousness agreement field of their day. Nothing more. A device. By “clean”, I mean I see him as a necessary framework giving the story the structure it needed for the unfolding of the tale.
Pontius was the syntax. The apostles were the words. Jesus was the scribe. God was the author.
What then was Judas?
After many of these recent abundant clearings and recalibirations, my guides treated me with something last night. I was finally given access to the soundtrack of Jesus Christ Superstar. And as I listened to it last night, I was able to sail on Angel’s wings and touch the face of God, amazed at all the glittering facets of this incredible gift given to us by God through His Identity Sananda.
And I wept the most, was the most touched, by Judas.
It was then I understood that Pontius Pilate’s role was one of logistics, a gate only, a neutral function of the temporal reality.
And now, finally, it was Judas who I came to recognize as me.
I have always known I was present during those years. I have always had every confidence that I had been involved.
Maybe I wasn’t Judas. Who cares? At this point I really don’t. Judas was a ROLE only. In this dense fog of duality, he played his part expertly.
But to have betrayed our Beloved? With a kiss?
How does the incarnaion of Judas reconcile these acts, and their consequences, without judgement or shame, but instead with the all-encompassing Love Which Is God? How do I manage bringing the ugliest parts of my Selves back into alliance, allegiance, and unity?
Through forgiveness.
To forgive is to be touched from above and within all at once. When done well, this tone, this essence, transmutes, fundamentally ALTERS the past, present and future (as we have always perceived it).
The act of sincere and deep forgiveness is to be in-spired by God. YOU become the Violet Flame when you actively and selflessly forgive. The person you are setting free is your Self.
It’s easier, more accessible, to forgive others their wrongs towards me. I enjoy it, as it brings a release I cannot explain but know transforms.
Ah! But to have known those rare moments where I have been literally knocked to my knees with forgiveness for my Self?
That is bliss. That pierces the veil. In those holy moment, I could do nothing more than stagger, caught up in a rapture in which I yearn to spend the remainder of my days. To forgive MY SELF is the most Divine Act I have done as a human 3D entity. Through that doorway came the Eye of God, looking deeply within me, and telling me, murmuring to me, declaring as already DONE: God Indwells Me And Is Well Pleased.
I stood up after falling in divine grace before this Eye of God and I went to my mirror. I saw this Eye of God. And that Eye of God was in MY EYE.
I have never been the same. Everything has changed because of that moment of grace. That grace washed me clean. Now it’s just clean up and preparation. It is finished, just as Jesus said. I knelt before God, I was forgiven, and realized there is absolutely no higher truth than forgiveness of Self. To have been touched by this divine love…
There really are no words.
But there are so many translations.
So if I played that role in Judea, high-five. I did it well. It is done. It was a chronicle preparing us for this moment, the first day of the new moon of March, 2012.
And this bliss, this state of suspended and never ending grace is in everyone. EVERYONE. EVERYONE. The potential to touch this reality in is EVERYONE, and we are only just awakening to it. It was always there. It sustained us through the pain and suffering, the acting out and misbehaving, the emanations and consequences of disordered thought, disordered being.
God puts everything right.
God sees everything as right.
God is the most high, and this word we use to express this essence is just a slip of paper compared the the mighty tree of its reality.
And in that moment of transfixation, of transfiguration, I understood in my heart of hearts that THIS love is IN ME. It IS me, and I a vibration, a manifestation, a color of It.
And, so it followed, if this God is actually me, then it is in everyone on this planet.
It is in your neighbor playing his music too late at night. It is within the bad news you receive and the good news you receive. The flotsam and jetsam of earthly life is washed clean by forgiveness.
I wish to live in a steady state of gentleness to self and others, a state of grace led by the highest love I have ever encountered, staring right into me as I clutched my carpet and folded into the ever cycling love of God, always fresh, always new, always adoring, always benevolent, always wise, always present.
All Hail the New Earth, where we will and are walking in humble respect of ourselves and our co-creators.
Blessings from Magartha.
Seylah.

 

 

Deeply Awake Chats 2017: Bisexuality Revisited By Kathy Vik 7-15-17

 

Image result for dimensional shift

 

 

The second video I released was a frank and honest talk about bisexuality, and the esoteric, spiritual, soulic and energetic underpinnings of sexuality, and sexual dissonance, and resonance.

This is confessional, in that I am open about my thoughts on many things, all based or seen as soulic, or spiritual. I have never been able to separate the two, my sexuality and my spirituality, and this unique perspective can stand as further help for many who are confused with labels, roles, gender and even relationships.

I am aware many are not as open and honest as I am, but I think it is helpful, in that, I have been a keen observer and participant in the psychosexual changes this interesting time in humanity has produced. Transgendered, cisgenerdered, and non-binary sexuality is now being acknowledged and described en masse by youth especially. They see it as brand new. Older ones see this as a relief.

I think this video adds an important and helpful perspective to this and other issues related to sexual and spiritual understanding and expression at this time in history.

 

 

 

 

Deeply Awake Chats 2017: Energetic Management And Dark Entities By Kathy Vik 5-12-17

 

 

Image result for a light in a dark place

 

 

 

First, Shine…

 

 

 

 

It ends at 42:14 btw.

A frank and surprising talk that gives lots of weird and wild true life examples about managing your energetic field, how to handle encounters with dark entities, the reality and scope of this dark energy, and its key signature, that of contempt for humanity. A really fun and personal talk which informs, instructs and entertains!

Please know, this is a RISKY video, it talks about the Illuminati and all that jazz, and brings it into real-life terms, and then explains the easiest way to disengage from the agreement field, to just be aware of our own contempt levels.

But, please be advised, it gets slidy, in that it talks about the dark shadowy stuff of conspiracies and geo-politics. Sure to hit the spot, if you’re into that kind of thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For reference:

 

British Dictionary definitions for contemptExpand

contempt

/kənˈtɛmpt/
noun

1.

the attitude or feeling of a person towards a person or thing that he considers worthless or despicable; scorn
2.

the state of being scorned; disgrace (esp in the phrase hold in contempt)
3.

wilful disregard of or disrespect for the authority of a court of law or legislative body: contempt of court
Word Origin
C14: from Latin contemptus a despising, from contemnere to contemn

Deeply Awake Chats 2017: Validity By Kathy Vik 2-15-17

Image result for poisoned apple tree

 

 

A seeringly honest and beautiful discussion about what has happened within and without, since the lunar eclipse. The finality of these endings and shifts in awareness, identity and context are intense, deep and thorough. I give my love to those consciously riding these waves with me.

Please accept this correction: It was at age 22 I went off to nursing school, not 22 years ago. I began my training in 1983, in my 22nd year of life. I hope that helps to clarify this most illuminating discussion.

 

ar•ti•fi•cial

(ˌɑr təˈfɪʃ əl)

adj.

1. made by human skill; produced by humans; not natural.
2. imitation; simulated; sham: artificial vanilla flavoring; artificial gemstones.
3. lacking naturalness or spontaneity; forced: an artificial smile.
4. full of affectation; stilted.
5. pertaining to a taxonomic classification that groups together unrelated organisms.
[1350–1400; Middle English < Latin]

 

 

 

 

Deeply Awake Essay: Thoughts on Sovereignty By Kathy Vik 11-25-16

Image result for crown on a head

 

A very beautiful early morning talk weaving two concepts together: further thoughts on a recent meditation about boats, and then thoughts on this being the time for a change from empathy to compassion, and what that means to an energetic creature like me.

 

 

 

As referenced, a brand new work I found great ideas in…

http://www.lovehaswon.org/ascension-spirituality/message-for-the-1st-wave-ascension-crew-the-centrifuge

 

And as referenced, my meditation from Jesus about running energy:

DEEPLY AWAKE: “Completion” By Kathy Vik 6-18-16

DEEPLY AWAKE: “Completion” By Kathy Vik 6-18-16

www.kathyvik.com

www.lightworkers.org/magartha

www.deeplyawake.tumblr.com

www.twitter.com/amissvik

www.youtube.com/amissvik

I find it lyrical that I am coming to you on the morning after an anniversary. Two months ago yesterday, I began my videotaping. I understood early on that if I had not gone that route, this process could have taken months and months. And after spending so long on this project already, I was unwilling to drag this out. There were many other reasons, sure, but I think it was a timing thing, to be honest. I am now ready for Solstice 2016. I am ready. And I had not been.

Anyhow, I don’t dream anymore, not like I used to, and I had given up on sleep yielding me anything but an occasional vision. My last one was December 1 of 2015. It was a good one, but one I can now put aside as an extra blanket they’d tossed on me through the night, to quiet fitfulness, to still a burning soul.

This, last night, this was different.

I will videotape this, but it needs to be said in writing. Some things just have to be done this way.

I have been understanding through the night something which must now be articulated, if only for me, but for all time, my friend, for all time.

I have come to understand something which I know to be true, and for me this is irrefutable knowledge. So much of this work is like that, and it requires, then, can’t you see? a plasticity of belief, a willingness to never fully identify my self as my ideas, but instead to see them merely as structures which, over time, can so perfectly and happily and appropriately fall. So many have, I this lifetime.

I understood this:

This “lower agreement field,” this physical reality as I know it, this land of give and take, right and wrong, good and bad, love and hate, yes and no, this land requires something of each of its travelers. Something that, if not given prior to entering, and then maintained throughout, makes the reality an illusion, and a game.

I must accept as true that I am lacking something, in order to play the game.

I have to relinquish a knowing, and adopt a belief, really. That everyone around me also holds the belief, well, golly, that helps make it “real,” and it lets the game go on, and it makes it so very tricky to walk away from.

I must accept a simple article of faith: I am incomplete. I lack. I need. I have not.

I then must go looking for it. Outside. I must, I think, simply because the supposition is a false one, one that implants a survival need, really, because it is an untruth. I come to believe that I am lacking.

It is untrue. It is, dear friend, a lie we each must have to swallow whole, and adopt as truth, to play in this garden with each other, in any of the standard roles we adopt in a lifetime, from this drop down menu we call “life today.”

I have to believe that my good lies elsewhere and not inside me. My peace. My worth. My meaning.

And this doesn’t mean it’s in one person, though god knows I have laid that trip on myself, and on others, for decades. It’s not a person, always, though. It could be an attribute I feel I am lacking. That of patience, how about. And so, presented to me are not all the reasons and ways in which I may know patience, no. Not at first. Not simply up front and obvious.

At least, not right away.

What I am knowing myself to be an impatient one, I am often presented with situations which then REQUIRE patience from within me, simply because I have adopted a belief that I have none, and can then be led to the truth of it. Finally exhausted from privation, from assault, from having to wait anyway, I discover, I am patient.

And, oh, sure, just for fun, let’s try on the love thing, shall we?

If I know myself to be without love, if I know myself to be alone, then, I will certainly consider the quest for it outside myself as a valid and heroic quest. I am going “out there” to “find love.” Completion. Wholeness. Intactness. A sense of being justified and real and purposeful. And I will be joined, in this quest, by legions of others, also in full belief of their incompletion.

I have heaped so much onto this one little rickety cart, I can see that now.

And so, what might a world look like, when I have convinced myself that within I am not complete, I am not enough, I am without something I actually need, quite literally, for my full-on, best experience creaturehood adventure, but so often, something else… my survival. Sometimes, it has even felt, to me, like a kind of soul survival, not simply the desire to have a good time, or to experience simple, shared creaturehood.

I will, undoubtedly encounter those whose willingness to withhold this completion, simply because it is not energetically theirs to give me. “They” are withholding nothing. They have empty hands, and often they have clamped down hearts simply because, now, my reality is not playing around with me. It’s completion time. It is time to GET this.

Many failed relationships, and a failed marriage should actually have served as proof to me that I was looking in the wrong direction, but the love of flesh and connection and physical celebration is so strong in me, I find so much healing and goodness in it, that I just couldn’t going without it as a sane alternative to that juicy, delicious, confounding Other, the one who entices and then takes away, the one who seduces and then laughs at me for having taken the seduction seriously.

I have mocking lovers. I have withholding lovers. I have distant lovers. And now I know why.

They are doing me a favor. They are showing me a fundamental law of physics, and rather than thanking them, I have been cursing and belittling them in my mind and in my heart, angry at their withholding, thinking it an affront to one so loving.

And, to be true, this reality has been like that for a while, though riding along with it now is something else, something real, something more.

I don’t really have to take up this burden again this morning, though. I don’t have to associate with those whose actions speak of distaste or discomfort or disinterest. I can instead allow it all to respectfully die, simply by not attending to it, to this idea that something I need or want or lack is elsewhere. I can see it for what it is. A falsehood. A story I told myself. I do not lack, within. Not anymore.

And it is not because anything was given me, or returned to me overnight, except perhaps, a certain soul sanity.

What I have come to know is that my pain comes from the thinking, the belief, not the people doing as I have asked, energetically. Upon agreement and request, is how interpersonal, and all, physical reality works, after all.

I understand now, however, that I have asked people and my reality to demonstrate to me that which I believe I lack, that which I am looking for, that which I am seeking.

It cannot be “out there” simply because I have tricked myself into knowing, believing, acting as if it is not within me. I have adopted a big lie. I have taken on an original sin, really.

This belief that I have no true soul completion without something, something, someone, something, whatever I have decided, is not within me.

So, with love, I have found no satisfaction. No peace. And, anymore, very little play.

Why?

At one time my garden was bursting with fruits, my calendar heavy with dates, and my body nearly intoxicated with spectacle and communion and touch and joys. This fire went out. Why?

I can see now how differently I felt about life and about myself in those days. They have just recently passed from me, and I had them full on, and they remain close enough to touch, actually. That I have already had it, I know I can have it again, but, how did I do it?

It was fully available, this love, and I knew it to be within me. I knew it to be something I was walking around with, a sense of completion. Competence. Confidence. Fullness. And inner safety, like I had never felt before, truth be told. Excitement, passion, but more, the ability to enjoy it and own it as mine.

It is because I was in a more natural state of flow, actually. I came to see, through miraculous friends who supported my baby steps into this mastery, that I could be met in my wholeness, and I could play with others in that garden, and, I am here to tell you, it is a garden from which I never want to return, and will not, now. I am forever disinterested, now, in the dry and wasted terrain of lack, of withholding, of no. So, I can say to it, never again, because those are the only words it knows to say to me, we can wink at each other as we say our goodbyes. Never again.

Because in this place I have known, this truly unnatural state, embodied through this sainted lifetime I lived until April 17 of this year, in this natural state of blight, I knew myself to be desperately in need. Justifiably suffering in my awareness of being so fundamentally apart. Incomplete. Separate. Lacking. Alone. Disappointed. Left out.

I might as well have believed I was a pirate or a starlet. Impossible, silly things to imagine. Impossible fantasies that could do nothing but warp from their impossible weight, their intrinsic malformations of structure and balance.

Yes, Virginia, I accepted a lie as a truth.

So have the lot of us, but I will forever only speak for myself, what my reality informs me might be true, going forward, what was true all along, what is true for me in this Now moment.

I believed that I was lacking love. I believed I lacked that from which I am made, that which I breathe, and that which I cannot be anything but.

I took on the lie my mom died from, and many suffer from. A sort of mass hypnosis, really. That I have something lacking, inside me, that can only be found on the outside. The truth is that at this point of the reality construction game, it is necessary to see the outside as construct.

If I know myself, my Self, as not complete, I am simply bound to go on a quest, seek out, find, this stuff in another’s eyes, in their story , in their expression. This lie is reinforced so well, daily, by others, by our literature and entertainment, by our fellow travelers, so complete is this belief. And, then, can’t you see how easy it is to be, or potentially be forever in lack, forever certain I am, as the others are, wildly incomplete.

And it is an incompletion which is true, simply because completion t is not theirs to give to me. It is not mine to give to another, that’s for sure, I know this already.

But, truly, completion, love, acceptance and intactness, these are not mine to need. They are mine to cop to. I am in no true lack.

And my reality demonstrated, and has been demonstrating, to me in no uncertain terms, this great sense of incompletion. I have felt frustrated and unmet. I have been locked away and I have been ignored. I have been turned away from and I have been disregarded. The greater the need, the greater the resistance.

And it is because I have tried to get from them that which they cannot give, that which they are not energetically capable of giving. This is not due to their lack of goodness or strength or structural competence, but simply because they did not have it on their shelves. That never stopped me from blasting through them like a hurricane, frantically convinced, though, that it is here, it is here, it is here, in your words, in your actions, in your skin, and within your abilities dammit!

And it was not.

I have resisted coming to this place. I felt it yesterday, and I have felt it, truth be told, most days of my life, but it took this anniversary, and this process, and this night, to illustrate it in a way that made it real to me.

My sense of wholeness is not another’s to give. They don’t have it. They never did.

In relationship, I see soul. I feel soul. I love connecting at that level, and I enjoy it best, but, no, I was not sensing my own homecoming in their eyes. I was sensing their homecoming. Not mine. Theirs.

With connection, with love, real love, that is what I was feeling. Their own sense of inner recognition, their own realization that they called to them this love, me, in all my misunderstanding.

Me standing in front of them naked, convinced I am not offering them my whole self, as they, in their confusion, are convinced that within me holds their wholeness, as we converse, as we make love, as we duke it out.

My misinterpretations led to dissolution of the very happiness we came to know, those who shared my light, my love, my body, my time, this last leg of my, of our, esteemed and courageous journey.

To believe that I lack nothing, though, doesn’t that mean I forever walk alone? Doesn’t that mean that I get to just walk on and on without company, without union, and does it mean I must know only being alone?

I know myself in multiplicity. I know myself as profound communicator and mover of others’ realities. I know myself as connected, after all. And now, knowing this, this truth, that I am and was and will ever be, can be nothing but, complete? Well, I can tell you, it changes the game. And I for one am so excited to do it differently.

This truth is true for all of the things I had thought I lacked though. Abundance. My sense of purpose. My sense of accomplishment. For everything.

If I know this completion, integrity and competence to be within, without imperfection, and fully functional, it has to, it must, change my relationship with my physical reality. It just does.

And it is done this way. It is done by being aware that whatever is in my reality now is not lacking a thing. I am not in lack. Ever.

I tried that on, while waking up, tossing and turning. I thought about being hungry and skinny and discarded, in a prison cell.

Is it true that in that circumstance I am not in lack?

And the answer was a resounding yes. I am not in lack, even then. I felt my soul, then, I could see how it was a part of the incarceration, its walls and its privation perfect for me, in every way perfect. For that expression. For that time. For that reality. For the part of the story of me I found myself in, in thiat, my Now moment.

And perhaps it was a profound sense of lack which brought on the incarceration. . And perhaps it was story line and willingness. And perhaps it was a gift or karma I gave to myself, or to others, but, it was perfect, and I as not in lack. Even then.

And so, what does this mean for me?

What does it mean, how will it translate, and can I live this shit? That is always the question. It’s a fine thought to have on a stunning summer morning, but, does it carry water and, by carrying it, will it slake my thirst for a lifetime, or is this just a thought which moves me just a little further down the pike, a bit more comfortable, a little less worried?

In a funny way, I think all thoughts are like that, helpers, really, since we are evolving creatures, but, I think this one is more than willing to assist me for the rest of my days. It is a truth. I think it is so big as to maybe be a law of sorts.

I lack nothing.

What is contained within me are the multiverses. I have been shown. My body rings with it, and my heart sings with it, and it’s all my mind knows, in my sane moments, which, I can assure you, far outweigh my moments of despair and incongruence, anymore.

And consider the reverse of this. Just for a moment.

Imagine I survey my reality and I decide, looking at it, that it is demonstrating for me my own lack of respect for self. That’s another hard one to pull off, energetically. The truth is I fully respect and love myself, so, if I see my actions toward myself as disrespectful, chances are they could be more respectful. But even so, it is a goddess looking at a situation and misinterpreting it, seeing it as something twisted and mean, when really, it is simply a conversation I am having with myself, and a meaningful one at that.

Maybe the goddess just wanted to snarl into her mirror, to get a good laugh and see what her face looks like all screwed up.

But if I want to try it on and wear it out of the store, this sense disrespect, others will be more than happy to demonstrate great disrespect, gifting their friendly goddess with the opportunity to just come inside myself and find it once again. Wearing it and embodying a knowledge others know disrespect for me, it then reflected to me, by agreement and by request, under its breath, again and again  asking me, are you sure this respect thing isn’t right inside your heart?

Check again.

Is it that simple?

That what I believe I am lacking will come to me in my reality as lack, so that I can see lack as false?

All I know, at this point, is I do not want to look upon anything with my eyes and think I am in lacking. I don’t need a negative feedback loop anymore. It is a bit exhausting, I think. And now, it is unnecessary as well.

I know that physical reality is coded, and I know it is rich, just loaded with the ability to reflect to me anything I wish to realize or know. It can demonstrate to me my own understanding of my worth and completion and fullness, or it can oblige me with an assortment of experiences which lead me to seek, and finally, to come home, come within, and to see that I never was incomplete in the first place.

I know of people who have some of this but not all of it. And it is a masquerade, of sorts, showing everyone they know of completion and worth and intactness. Their outer reality sings with stability and solidity, abundance and belonging. And yet, they too believe most assuredly in their incompletion. They too seek and they too shake their fellow travelers by the shoulders, demanding the impossible. They do it too.

And unless a person, unless I, always back to the I, unless I see that I lack nothing, that I come in and I leave complete and whole, regardless of veil, well then, the game goes on and on, the quest continues, the seeking cannot and will not cease. Unless I decide to stop. Unless I let my guidance inform me. Unless I relax and let my Self lead me home.

I think of my kid, and others like him, who seem to be able to be truly content in the middle of circumstances which I do not like and which cause me much pain and suffering. And it’s not simply the rosy glow that is them being just being naive, immature or untried kids. It is something deeper, something I like being around, and something that is stronger, more sturdy than even my heretofore ironclad belief in my lack, my incompletion, my need for things to be better than they are now.

They know they are ok. They just know it. Deep within. It shines from their eyes and it shows, in their behavior, in what they are content with, in how they plan their lives, and what they believe someone outside themselves is capable of.

And what this all means to me is that I can today rise from this bed in the knowledge that I am fully functional, I am complete, my reality is perfection, and I am an expression of creation itself. That which is around me is lacking nothing, because I am lacking nothing.

I thought of it yesterday, the last push, in a coffee shop downtown. A mellow afternoon sent suspended and happy, while my son did his thing.

I was outside, smoking again, happy, listening to tapes and basking in accomplishment and content.

And I wondered to myself, so, this is it? I am One. I am one entity. The partnership thing, the coupled magnificence thing, it is a lie, after all?

And I knew then, I was nearly there. I could feel two things where there once had been only one. I had always gotten to that place and sort of collapsed from the sheer weight of realizing that I am, in the end, responsible for One, fully aware of One, walking with just the One, always.

And yet, this was not like diving into a pool of razor blades this time. Instead, I felt a steady happiness, sort of an organic relief, and a “welcome home” sort of feeling. Gratified welcome, is how I would put it.

That split feeling faded, and it was not the pain of being separate which remained, but innate completion which lingered, and it counseled me over night.

The lie is the supposition of lack, and it is the price of admission, that I am in lack, of anything. Ever.

And what is not greeting me this fine June morning, what is not in my home, in my bank account, in my calendar book, in my bed, is not further evidence of that which I lack, nor evidence of my incompetence, nor proof of future days of futility and punishment. Nope. All of that is such fine drama. It is poppycock and it is nonsense and it is a group reality, a shared nightmare, because it is an individually held and then agreed upon hypnosis.

What is not in my reality this fine morning is not there because it isn’t there. Yet. Because it is a delight I have not yet fully considered as part of me. Not really. It is evidence of disbelief, and that is essentially all it is.

I can have anything I wish.

And I can be painting, in my reality, with paint which has true color and vibrant depth, if I understand that which I create as I go forward into my day is that which I love, that which is in me whole and desiring to meet me and delight me.

Knowing that, I will be in much better shape than imagining that what I desire is evidence I lack something, that there is some magic combination I have yet to discover, some truth that is withheld so that I can know myself as whole and good and complete.

If I truly prefer company, company can now come, because I can create from my love of it, and not my needing extinguish its absence, thinking its absence evidence of not being worthy of it.

If I truly prefer abundant wealth, financial success, material ease, let it come from a natural hedonism and love of industry, not from a need to have it borne out that I am indeed a victor within a blood sport of competition, needing to prove to everyone around me that I am competent, that I have a handle on this thing called life, the thing I will, inevitably in that space, be convinced others are doing better, and by so doing, posing threat, somehow.

I think this is the reset. This is what I have seen rolling through my relationships, many now quite miraculously healed. It is what I have seen in the mirror, again and again, and I have smiled at myself with such love these days, and I have let it come to me, without argument, more and more, that I am complete. Some sort of crazy completion is here, right here, in this skin, on these lips, in this hair, in these eyes.

From here, I can have anything. From here I can go anywhere. From here I can see everything in my reality change.

I lack nothing. I am complete, here, now, as I am, in these circumstances, now.

What I don’t enjoy I will simply not attend to, and it will fall away, and I will be glad for that.

What I don’t like now, well, I can stop bitching about it and see it as a fading object lesson. A lesson that applies as long as I can dig deep and present myself needing from you that which I cannot see I already posses, that which I have refused to explore, comprehend and claim, within.

I exit the world others still toil in, that we all struggle to find passage from, the world of knowing incompletion as guide, lack as north star, struggle as home.

I know of Home. I have proof in my soul that I am Home. I know joy in being Home. I know of its absolute perfection. Of its truth and its beauty and its love for me. I don’t need to go back into that world of incompletion, not today, not tomorrow, and never again.

And, you know, it needs to be said, that in this new land, there are so many others, those who know, those who have come through, and who are just now beginning to see the light of this new day, this new sun blazing. We are knowing, each of us, that this love we can feel between us, it is true, and it is whole, it is complete, and it is fantastic. With hands soft with gentle remembrance, we can encounter each other and do all manner of miracles, all of us knowing we are gifts and not need, each of us full, not empty. It is a marvelous thing, this new reality. The same family. Some around me will be old friends who decide they like me this way, and so many others are to come, who have been waiting, simply waiting for me to know this, so that they could approach me, finally.

And I want nothing but to start. Funny, really, thinking on that.  I already have started. This is written, and my day can thus begin.

With each beginning, there is a completion, of course.

My last essay. My final word, as an essayist of consciousness, forever to be known as deeply awake.

This is my completion.

 

YouTube Intro: Deeply Awake: My Completion By Kathy Vik 6-18-16, A final essay, and I suppose, by rights, there had to be one. I worked so hard the last few days, inside, and it crescendo’d into an awareness that I feel should be shared. It is still a rough first draft, but a beautiful one, and one that should be shared, I feel, with others who are seeking, and who resonate with my work. Namaste.