An easy, fun and helpful discussion about writing, art, the primacy of personal experience, and the unbreakable thread linking it all up.
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Deeply Awake — The Male/Female Agreement 4-27-13 By Kathy Vik
Are you familiar with the chakra system? For all my “sophistication,” there are some chakras I just don’t get, just don’t feel that I understand real well or feel real good about, but I will tell you, in just a few sentences what I am aware of about the basic chakra system, because it is salient to this discussion.
Chakras are energy vortexes in the human body, which work cooperatively to keep the ship righted. They are thought to be seven, and these are the big ones, but, really, our whole body, every molecule, is like a big, creative, black hole of energy. We are swirling vortexes of light and sound, but, for now, I am in my jammies and am drinking coffee. I am not a huge energy swirl. I’m a girl just trying to wake up.
So the chakras are in the color of the rainbow., ROY-G-BIV, remember? I know it may seem arbitrary, but over thousands of years, this system has been intuited and built upon. It is mostly correct. Red, orange and yellow are in the pelvis, hips and lower abdomen. They are sealed within the lower body, that which is below the diaphragm.
The lower colors and centers have to do with finding one’s place in the world, seeing oneself as one’s ability to effect outside of oneself. These centers have to do with survival, with sexuality, with the need, the impetus, to create.
Then there is green.
The green chakra is the heart chakra, located in the chest. I do think this is a stand alone chakra, always have. I have heard that you must turn your energy consciously to wind up sitting just right, and looking the right way, out of your heart. I think there is something to be said for that. A change of heart, a turn of heart, there it is, right there. The heart changes everything.
And then there are the higher centers, that which is above the main physical vehicle. Blue, Indigo and Violet, the head and crown chakras, the door to someplace else, right?
The chakras we need to know and understand for this discussion are the base/root/red chakra and the throat/expressive/blue chakra.
Red and blue.
The agreement was struck a long time ago, and it is an experiment in creativity, I think.
What would happen if a gender leans more naturally to force, and becomes overwhelmingly fascinated in what their force can do? The men will stay below the heart, with the heart as an option for those who wish to work. And women will have access to the first three, plus the heart, but they agree to keep their throats blocked?
How about that?
Men will have a real hard time doing anything but mocking love, and women will be unable to direct this mocking, unfeeling brute force of nature.
As a man, you notice that even if you are wrong, you can often get a pass. There is an unspoken and unwritten understanding. Men are legitimate. Women are not.
This can only happen in a system where the true wisdom keepers have chosen to keep their traps shut.
Now, this next part is intimate, and if you are offended, then I can completely understand that. However, being offended by something which is never discussed due to shame or fear or low self worth, I think those days are behind me. It think it’s time to start talking and just never stop, actually.
If you are a woman, read along. If you are a man, read along. But do so understanding this. I came in completely flummoxed about sexuality, and this was not abetted with what I became aware of as a girl and young woman. But, I had a heart full of love, and I knew that being physical with others meant that I was fitting in, so I did it.
I had boyfriends, and I had girlfriends. I have had wonderfully supportive and erotic relationships with both sexes. Ever since I was twelve, I realized, I will only be falling in love with what inhabits the body, and the body is good, each kind is good, so all love is good.
Yeah. That one hasn’t gone over that well. But it’s neither here nor there. I say it because you are speaking to a formerly married woman, and quite a naughty lesbian Lothario in my day. I know men. I know women. And I think it’s about time to discuss what I have observed.
I have been confronted with an image in meditation, and it is a wonderful one. It is that moment right before a man enters a woman. Right before.
When, in this moment, I am one way. While it is happening, I will be a brand new way, something I cannot be on my own. And then, afterward, I won’t be what I was before it all happened.
The moment before. That is a powerful moment. Let’s just stay there for a little bit.
An erect male member is just another piece of really cool biology. It is a little miracle. But think about it. I think men have, as a group, and there are exceptions (I know this because I have encountered them), but overall, I think that this maleness, this imperative to merge, to be inside something or someone, it is the essence of the reason for the biology.
I do not believe in form without function. Yes, the body has a few filigrees, but even they are mystical and highly coded. Nope. The function informs the form. The function of male, it is to enter. It is to go forth. It is to assert. Explore. Claim territory, is how it’s been interpreted.
And a female, she is wet. Men are dry. You’ve noticed that, right? Men seek permission. Women grant it. I mean, that’s just biology talking. Sure, permission need not be granted, and we have ample proof of that, but where is the respect in that behavior? Self-respect, respect for the other. It is lacking.
You don’t have to experience rape to know that the power gradient is all fucked up. Women lie there and men poke. Women do not 100% of the time achieve climax. Men don’t either, but at such alarmingly disparate rates, it begs inquiry.
We all know unconscious men, men who walk through their personal life as a modern-day Napoleon. Just taking what they want and charming the locals, but no one ever gets that this is just a dude who feels more of an imperative to conquer, to explore, than others, and no one has ever thought of telling him no. Those who do fare poorly. And that is the way of the world. Might makes right, he who has the gold gets to make the rules.
But the impetus to dominate, to take, to know, to explore and experience and have sensations, when is that coupled with the exalted anymore?
I will give you an example which has nothing to do with the swimsuit area.
Men have been in charge of science. And these guys have decided that the foundation, nay, the very bedrock to scientific exploration is REPRODUCIBILITY.
Do you understand the implications of this worldview, this mindset? If the designated deep thinker in the crowd will only acknowledge as real that which he can reproduce, we’re all in a whole lot of trouble, because that is just not how reality is created.
Reproducibility has to do with intent, and often, in these endeavors, group intent, social and mass consciousness. I know that may seem grandiose, but let’s say there is a guy working in a lab on a cure for cancer. What he does not know is that all experiments are dependent on something he is unwilling to consider: individual and mass spiritual intent.
You cannot reproduce your intent if you are not conscious of your intent.
You cannot be conscious of your intent if you haven’t even done the turn. If you cannot see through soft eyes, loving eyes, forgiving eyes, accepting and allowing and permissive eyes, if you are not willing to imagine beyond that which you can reproduce, what end is being promoted?
There is a drive, an impetus, that comes with male power. And this maleness, it is power, there is no doubt about it.
But, getting back to our pair enflagrante, the woman is poised to accept this next experience into her body. Into her physical body. And then it arrives, and she is more than she was, in a way that a man, even a man who explores all pleasure centers, will just never really get this lifetime (until the veil gets taken down.)
So, guys, just trust me on this one.
For a really really long time, this combination of raw sexual power, the need to build and project and create and be external, it has not been informed.
It has, this great thrusting need to explore and know, it has entered every holy place, every sanctuary, every place of rest. It implores us to compare, to contrast, to compete and to comply.
See, that sort of force really does not need its partner to comply. Not really.
And there is a world of difference between compliance and exuberant co-creation.
If you are a woman and you have had an orgasm each and every time you have had sex, then I applaud and magnify your name. You would be the first, I think. What do you think it says about the whole set-up, just the whole thing, that, on average, one group is fully sexually satisfied with every encounter, and the other group is fully sexually satisfied far less often?
Women, how many times, when we have felt not great, or have felt unappreciated or sad or tired or unseen, how many of us have complied? Knowing we may actually feel worse later, but the other person will be satisfied, and that’ll make things easier for everyone. “It is the least that I can do.”
Have we really gotten that unbalanced as a people, as couples?
Now, I am not saying all men are rapists and all women are Madonnas. HARDLY! Men, well, I have been male more often than female, and I identify much more readily to male energy than female. I just understand it.
But I don’t understand how it has been turned into a force that thinks it can direct, that thinks that directing is within the scope of its current capabilities.
What if the agreement starts to unravel?
What if, one by one, the woman, the goddess, within each and every one of us, men and women alike, stirs, takes a look around, and decides this is just not tenable?
Do you think any of this nonsense, the police state, legislating sexuality, demanding servitude to horrible, heartbreaking and humiliating work just to earn a buck, do you think, if the true female, our very own protective and heart-on-fire-with-love-for-us MOM within us got even a hint of what we were doing, do you think she’d keep putting up with it?
Did you ever have a mom or aunt or grandma who understood you? You probably thought she was some sort of saint, because you did something totally unforgivable, and you sat in a heap, disappointed in yourself and what you’ve done, and along comes this woman.
And her arms envelope you, and her lips tickle your cheek, and she tells a little joke and makes you smile. Then she looks into your eyes and you know, you know, you are already forgiven, the thing you thought was unforgivable is not even around anymore, and it you are then relieved and happy that there never really was anything to despair over.
That’s mom. That’s woman. That’s female.
It is the force that makes you do laundry and cook and clean and work and give until it doesn’t seem possible to do more, but you know that someone else’s reality, their happiness, can turn on what you do. And you do it carefully and lovingly, knowing that this great act of love will most likely go unacknowledged, but never unappreciated, and none of that stuff matters anyway. It’s what a loving person would do, so you do it.
That is woman.
And that woman has been missing. In the bedroom, she does not direct her partner. That great power that swells and overtakes her, and she does not tell it what would make her experience of it a good one, a great one. She does not speak, because she is afraid. If she did, it might go away.
This power is so connected to her own survival, her own base chakra system, that she has no choice, she tells herself, so yet again, the direction that is so needed, so necessary for the male’s integrity, is whispered or not said at all. The male does what he feels is right, which is what is good for him, which is only natural, rally, because the person he has been trying to communicate with just will not.
The male believes that what he is doing is good, because no one tells him differently. And, in many cases, let’s be honest, they have made it actually impossible to have an opinion. Try to sue a big bank. Try to sue Monsanto. See how far you get.
If I have the ability to effect tangible change through my efforts, my thinking and words and deeds, and no one tells me that what I am doing is uncomfortable for them, or wrong for them, or even disrespectful to them, and what I am doing is apparently constructive and no one seems to be getting hurt, everyone seems to be prospering, why would I change?
Why would I not do everything in my considerable power to quiet that uppity director?
I would only consider changing if there was a reason, a benefit to doing so. If I am well-wrapped, I will use this power, this force, for good.
But how can I know good if the people I am acting for and toward will not tell me how they feel?
Over many, many lifetimes, I suppose what I would begin to feel is untouchable. Inviolate. Entitled. Privileged. And then, along comes 2013.
If there are no checks, how do we get back to sanity? If women speak up and are mocked and ridiculed or beaten and violated, what then?
I think speaking up is part of the answer. Just de-sexing the whole thing. De-mystifying this power ratio, this weird slidy relationship we have with one another. Seeing each man as a reincarnated woman, each woman as a reincarnated man.
I please hope you know, or have allowed yourself to ponder the truth that, anymore, there are many women who have caught this bug, who are really hooked into the first three chakras. But they are tricky folk, because they often have the perspective that living in your heart produces.
But to fit into this world of reproducibility and proof and reason and cause/effect, that takes its toll on the most starry-eyed girl. There are plenty of men who are much more aligned to female energy than male. These pioneers deserve a whole lot of thanks. As do our militantly gay brothers and sisters.
But here’s the thing. Don’t you think it is about time that we just drop the agreement?
I know I am in a girl suit for a reason. I know I would have been too much to handle as a man, too pushy, too arrogant, too sure of myself. I know that. And I know now that to function in balance, our power needs to have the willingness and the ability to be directed, and power can only be directed when the director actually speaks.
What if, at the end of this experiment, we come to the conclusion that imbalance is not in good alignment?
It seems a little obvious.
I think it goes deeper.
I think this whole thing is something we set up for completion, for integration.
I would like to think that what we are creating is a planet of men and women, boys and girls, all functioning from their totality. Their own power has been realized, and their own direction has been heard, trusted and rewarded. Everyone walks around loving men and loving women, because we have conscious awareness that we have been all.
And it is deeper, it’s not just, “Ooh, I wore a boy suit last life, so I totally get being male.” No. Not at all.
It is, each man and woman, knowing where their center is, knowing it is inside and not outside of them. They know that they, their own consciousness, is co-creating this reality in this now. They create interactions which are humorous and graceful and exalted, comforting and expansive and forgiving. Each acts out of impeccable integrity which answers to only one authority, the self.
We have learned how to trust ourselves, because we have learned to be kind and gentle, how to resolve our conflicts so that everyone grows. Our fellow traveling companions have learned that they can make discernment based on their own awarenesses, but they cannot really make choices for another.
The raw power we see poised at the gates of paradise, a weary traveler just wanting surcease can finally say so. Each gives harbor and encouragement and love to the other. Everyone knows they are already intact, already whole, already secure.
This agreement, I think it is true, and it can be realized by knowing what we agreed to.
I envision a time when I will be a happy grandma sort, I am coming into her, and I will be joined by my mate. I don’t know and don’t really care the gender, although I think this last relationship, the one built for endurance and the last leg of this journey, will be with a man.
I am uncertain how to recapture those down and dirty, really raw, do it so intensely there’s blood on the walls sort of feeling states in this new awareness. Sexuality in this new energy is much different. I know it can be really really beautiful and mind blowing and transcendental. I know that.
But how is it translated in daily life for me? Is there a shaman out there for me? Is there someone who has the answers to the riddles I’ve cooked up, someone who will be able to tell me in one word that they are from the same neighborhood as me.
I am happy to socialize with anybody, any religion, and any awareness level. Really. I do it twelve hours at a time at work. I can hold my own, believe me.
But, in my private moments, when I am dressed without a bra and my hair is greasy, is it possible to know the sort of love which breaks every barrier, and can help me remember I am beautiful? I will settle for nothing less in my home. And I hope he’s out there. I had begun to have my doubts.
I think I would like to know life as a powerful, directed and benevolent force of nature. I want to move mountains, in accordance with how I have heard the mountain would like to be moved, not because I can.
And, by my side, I want someone who loves that I have this desire, though his is different. There is plenty of time, plenty of space, plenty of opportunity, and, for once, plenty of peace and love to simply be, and to do only when it is in harmony with the All.
I conclude by telling you this: I know that my sexuality has been disordered this lifetime. I have not been able to find much peace around people. I haven’t made that a secret. But, see, I have tried. I have been on sabbatical since 2003, this is true, and just like any good shaman or priest, becoming purified has been a good thing. But sexuality, you can’t get away from it. It is just one of the ground rules. One of the dualities.
And I think that is what is going on, one by one, our polar opposites, our dual poles, they are being catalyzed, they are coming together and creating something brand new, something never known before. This male and female experiment, at the end of it, I think what awaits us is a big huge release, a big surprise, and then lots of family feelings. I know that sex is good. It is a lot more than that, and its time has come, in a brand new way.
I think if each of us just decided to stand in our own power, without fear, with gratitude and confidence and excitement, and then we directed it, ourselves, nothing would be impossible, not even declaring this silly war of the sexes over.
A beautiful, concise and simple greeting and goodbye, this stands as a completion video of Deeply Awake. I hope you enjoy it, and that you know I am forever grateful for you, the viewer and reader.