An open, compelling and interesting discussion of reality construction beyond dualism.
An easy, fun and helpful discussion about writing, art, the primacy of personal experience, and the unbreakable thread linking it all up.
For those interested, here is the website for National Novel Writing Month! https://nanowrimo.org
A refreshing summing up.
The sense of legitimacy, of validity, I feel these days is such a relief, like a song breathing me, giving me a release from anxieties, worrying having been a regular form of self-flagellation for me, in the old days.
Now, I am r I report on what it’s like to be at peace with knowing myself as bigger, moment to moment, than had ever been thought possible by me, and by many. Yet, here we all are now, waking up, each in their own way, in their own time, each playing their roles, and each having their own experience.
That was a hard one for me, because I saw a lot of people suffering, as a nurse, as a friend, and when I looked in the mirror, most of my life. An anguish that was eased, sometimes for years, but never left me.
Things changed for me, but it became more and more obvious that I had never been unworthy of any of this new spiritual bounty. I have amnesia, and that is all.
Well, it’s a tough nut to crack, but eventually, truths are revealed. This can happen to those who pursue QHHT and other reliable and healing forms of hypnosis which yield results which are soul- deep, not habit-deep. It’s this I am eager to pursue, finally now able to step away from my woes and conflicts and worries, finally seeing things more clearly, more magically, more wholly, but in stepping aside, I can help so many more, one-to-one, and I just can’t wait!
I include mention of a video published by Alba Weinman that I found particularly helpful, and healing. I am so very grateful for those who are doing this work, and of course, to someone very beloved to me, Delores Cannon. She has helped me from the beginning. It isn’t surprising, and it’s very smile-invoking, to know she is actively with us now.
Enjoy this celebration. My story and this session both serve as bridges between linearity and multidimensionality. What we are doing publically, so very many more are doing quietly. We are each changing. Be kind to yourself. You are so vast, and have simply forgotten. It’s just amnesia, and it’s burning off, with every video, with every experience that moves you up and out of fear.
Thanks for being here with me today. Namaste.
Ballsy. Funny. Deep. Thought-provoking. Healing.
All good descriptors for what lies within, a meditation on current events, which recently were marveled at by some pundit I caught on a news show, stupified while saying, “This really is about good and evil,” when discussing the current political landscape.
I speak as a metaphysician, a futurist, an ascensionist, an historian, a believer in humankind’s ability to rouse themselves from the spell they’re/we’re/you’re under (to what degree, is for you to decide.)
The premise revolves around there being a shift in consciousness, from one that is warring to one that is not. It is a lively discussion, which leads to a discussion of many unusual and abundantly magical things.
The last half of the video discusses hard-core weirdness, activations and thoughts on many topics the futurist, or fellow star-person, in the crowd will get a kick out of.
I hope you enjoy my latest round-up of all things 3-d and much, much higher. I do mention the 8-based chakra system, and various visitations in this one, toward the end, and the way it is summarized I found very helpful, and I’m the one living it, so I hope you, too, get some answers as you let the tape roll, and let me take you new places, places I know well.
A companion piece to my last video, “New Information On THE NEW EARTH AND ASCENSION,” I reveal some more punchlines, explain more about our ancient history, and laugh a lot, talking in a light, easy manner. No tears on this one! Hope you find it illuminating.
Here is the Spirit Science documentary I reference in my talk, where I reveal what I know about some very tucked away ancient alien history.
And here is the super beautiful and gentle Boriska, interviewed by Kerry at Project Camelot. This little boy gave me a ping, a soul return, and he humbled me very much. I would consider myself so blessed if I ever do meet this fine young man.
** If you prefer to get right to it, what I have seen and understand about THE EVENT and ASCENSION, you can go to minute marker 45:56 and begin. I urge you to listen to the video in its entirety, simply because what I explain sets up the reveal for a consciousness that might not be ready to hear some of these concepts. As always, take what you like, and leave the rest 😉 )**
A groundbreaking and mind-bending video which is an explanation of what I am aware of today, which includes more information of what is to come, what I’ve become, and a glimpse into the bigger plan.
This information NEUTRALIZES “the dark”, clarifies the concept of agreements fields, expressed through our individual and group realities, and, I hope you come to recognize it as simply more living proof of your, our, and their divinity.
This is a HIGHLY ACTIVATING video. I am streaming light through all of it, and reach many levels of consciousness fluidly and without the device of channel, translating what I see and know effortlessly, and clearly.
What a difference a day makes!
Many visions, understandings, descriptions of downloads, and new explanations are presented here, a culmination of a lifetime’s work, for your enjoyment.
I explain my understandings, and, from that, you are asked to retire in thought, considering that the words are said from a big, beautiful, and a surprisingly coherent mountain of physical evidence, chronicled in this curious work entitled “Deeply Awake.” It would be a bonus if you came to think that, though new and perhaps outrageous, upon reflection, it actually makes some kind of sense.
I offer this to you in peace and reverence for each of us, for those who love and support us, and for the heart of love creating it all.
Here is the most recent video from TransformOtion. I urge you to investigate QHHT if you are tickled by any of this. It is a helpful complement to the work many of us are now being called, urged, and needled to do.
and here is the website:
An easy, bright and healing talk about being released from my previous life’s work, and what it is like for me now to be here.
My dyslexia kicks in, so I need to clarify the dates and numbers, for those paying attention to that portion of the message:
5-20-2018 reduced to a 7-11 day, 5-21-2018 is the standstill day (for me) and 5-22-2018 is then a 9-11 day. No further information, but a rock-solid knowledge that all is well, and that it’s rational to feel and know peace.
Deeply Awake: Enemy Mine By Kathy Vik 5-19-18
What I am going to present to you is the culmination of a lifetime, actually, and I’m going to entitle it Enemy Mine. This is the bookend to the first essay I wrote as Deeply Awake, on March 23, 2012, 9 years after a very significant event, Judas Energy.
I have wondered sometimes why it is that I have such a blunt edge, with my reportage? Why do I couch things in metaphor? Why do I see things as paradox, and then express them as essays? Why?
Well, there’ are so many things I’ve called myself, over the years, but there are a few epithets that are true, and they’re just titles, really. I’m a poet. I’m a philosopher. I’m a writer. I’m a reporter. I’m a spiritual journalist, I guess, but I write in ways that are more like prose poems than discussion of facts and breaking down of probabilities. I did more of that after 2016, but I have a flavor that is poetic.
Ok. Alright. Well, it makes sense. The very very first Akashic thing I did was to get real quiet, and state to everything in my fields, every… all of it, all creation. I was going to do a novel, and I didn’t know how to write a novel. I wanted to create something, and I didn’t know how. But the need and the will was so strong, I sat down and said:
I know that you walk with me. I just do. And I need for those who are willing, and of the highest, the pinnacle of their skill, of their insight, those who really, truly not only understand, but can express in ways that make the heart flutter, and the mind reel, and the soul come into focus. Please step forward and join me. Please come and be with me, in my mind. In my heart. In my awareness. Express through me. I’ll know. I’ll know. And I’ll let you teach me.
I have done my energetic management. I understand it’s quite possible to be labeled in this new age environment as being tricked, or listening to trickery, and thinking it’s true. Well, I think that’s what we are all talking about, as channelers and writers. One of my missions was to talk about discernment, spiritual discernment. How do you become someone who has Spiritual Discernment? Kryon also talks about Spiritual Discernment.
And I haven’t met, or heard, anyone in this community who hasn’t able to describe that they just know when it’s pure. It just makes sense, and there’s some stuff that just doesn’t feel good. And that’s just a perfectly fine way of expressing it. But, if you are sensitive, and you can feel your energy, you can feel it bend, and twist, and you can feel Resistance, what you come to find is there’s not a whole lot of literature that even acknowledges that. Some of it does, and fairy tales do, of course. That’s why I love literature and art, because it simply acknowledges that there’s something going on here, that has to do with the human heart. That has to do with the finest qualities, that we know heal, and create rather than destroy.
And of course, whales are poets, they are philosophers, they are singers, they are Guardians, and I really resonate with those dudes, so I think it’s ok. But there comes a time when you just have to lay the facts out, Mine was a journey of discovery, of discernment, and of a reverse autobiography. You get hit with light, with a new way of being, a new way of understanding. Something happens, and you are bigger than you were. And then you’ve got to explain your self to your self, and you’ve got to explain reality to yourself, all over again.
It doesn’t just happen once. Once it starts, it doesn’t stop. It gets bigger. And it gets better.
But it gets bigger.
I’ve talked about this phenomenon as walking a mountain. There are some things I can say at the base of the mountain, and then when I get midway up the mountain and say those words, and they mean something completely different, and I get up to the top, and I say those words, in full awareness and memory, and I realize I was just babbling down there.
But as I walk down the mountain again, and get in midway and say it, that middle meaning makes sense again, and by the end of the mountain, I can inhabit all three. Sure. All three make sense. Which one do I prefer? Which one is the most clear? Which one serves me best? It’s the one at the top of the mountain, where I can say “so be it,” and create a reality, whereas, at the base of the mountain, if I say “so be it,” I may actually be swearing. See how that works?
It’s pretty bizarre, when you get to the real big stuff, and your whole being sort of pops, like a soap bubble and then you look around and go, “Oh! Wait a minute. I’m just in a bigger soap bubble now.” It’s kind of disorienting.
My function has been that of discovering and fostering peace and love. This is primarily because I didn’t see it very much in my reality, but I knew it was there. There’s something underlying all this nonsense, I just know it. And I have known such pure, pure avatars of love in my life, who healed me, because they loved me and accepted me, as I was. There is no finer medicine. And it’s where I have been unable or unwilling to reciprocate or generate it, where I feel I have fallen down, and need to address it somehow, I need to make it right.
Karma for one, please.
How do you break karma?
You love everything any way. You find a way.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s reciprocated. It doesn’t matter if it’s understood. It doesn’t matter if it’s resented. It doesn’t matter if it’s battered, and burned, and its ashes are buried.
That’s just the structure.
The reality remains. Indelibly. A ripple, through all time and all space. Anchor enough of that, on this Earth, in humility and in gratitude, and in strength, and in sovereignty, and see how this place changes.
That’s how it’s done.
There has been, as I have mentioned, an “Armageddon.” I’ve talked about it recently, but I was driving down the road, minding my own business, listening to the radio, and I popped through and WOW. The energy was so intense, so intense, and I returned and said boy oh boy, I’m glad I’m here. This is perfectly fine, I’ll take this. Man oh man, it was really super intense, the last couple of weeks.
And here I was, in daily life, on the steepest learning curve of my life. And then a thought group comes…
Kathy, I ask myself, remember when you went to see Enrique Bouron? And on the last day, you sort of had a thing with him. Do you remember?
I do, and so I’ll tell you about it, because it’s kind of cute.
The last day of a week of instruction in Biological Decoding from Mr. Bouron, I woke up in a very peculiar state. A very peculiar state indeed.
I had just been disassembled, in this truly and utterly bizarre and beautiful and soft and unbelievably healing week of transformation. I was just… I woke up, and I contacted every single person who I loved. Every single one of them. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it was done. And then I looked at the clock and realised I didn’t have, really, any time, but I stink, so I have to get into the shower.
When I got in that shower, I was immediately in an ancient and quiet place, some sort of automatic place, my hands doing positions, my body being led, and me weeping, crying through the water turning my hair to ropes, beyond relieved that I remember how to do this. I said that at first, through tears of joy. I’m so happy I remember how to do this.
And then I began bringing up everyone. I went through every single person. Every single person. I brought every single person up, and I had a talk with them, because I knew I was completing something.
I was in reverence, and thanks, and release mode. And then I got to the last one, and I burst into flame in the shower. It was the most bizarre thing.
I don’t know how to explain it.
I knew before going in the shower that I was cutting it close and was going to be late, but I was told through the morning “Don’t worry about a thing, you’ll be there before he starts talking.”
So there’s me in the shower, and I’m so late, and then I’m flame, and then I’m dressing and rushing over there and there was no time. I got up there, finally, and he hadn’t taken the stage yet. I was considerably late, and he always started on time.
I took my seat. I felt I had been disrespectful to come in late, and I felt bad about that, but I didn’t fully understand what was going on.
I had the thought, sitting there, before he began, I can’t do any more slides. It’s too hard, it’s too intense, and I need for my grandfather to read me stories from the old country. I need for all of this to come together in some quantum biologic soup that I can understand and can take with me. I was almost crying, thinking, I’m so glad I have my grandfather to sit there and tell me stories from the old country. Please read from the book, please read from the book.
And he began his lecture, and the projector didn’t work. I was told, it was sort of a general announcement, just don’t worry about it, it’ll work just fine after this presentation, just tell stories. And that’s what he did.
And he began to tell stories, pulling everything together. I was gone within about five minutes. I have no conscious memory of what he said. I would pop back in and pop back out, but I was gone, and then he was there in front of me.
He had an Italian accent, and he didn’t look like he looks now, and he was so thrilled. I don’t know exactly where we went, or what we did, but at the end of it, he as the lecturer is still talking, and a part of me is absorbing and staying with the information in the ballroom, but I’m in my meditative space, he’s this ecstatic, jolly Italian man. He crackles back on in my awareness and says, “OK, it’s all done,” and he’s dancing and all happy, acting like the cat that ate the canary, so to speak.
I said, “What’s done? I wanna know how that’s gonna happen, because I understand from Biological Decoding that the whole deal is you gotta have this in your conscious awareness. It’s getting it that heals you. How am I supposed to be healed, if I haven’t gotten anything.
And he said, “Well, look!” and he was all excited and dancing, and his arm went p in a flourish to reveal a straight line that went on and on, all the way down, all the way down, forever, a path below and then there were these huge, huge boxes, they’re gift boxes, just dangling there, just dangling there.
He said, “Look, they’re all there. You just have to walk down the road and you’ll have your answers. You’ll have your a-ha’s. You’ll have your healings. It’s all done.” So I said, oh, ok, alright, and then I was in my body again, listening to the lecture.
I had so many bizarre, just truly and utterly other-worldly experiences during that time, it was magic. Truly, truly magic. It was so much fun! It was just amazing.
And, Dr. Todd was there. And now I finally understand what he was in resistance to. I understand why. There was something I hadn’t dealt with yet. There was something walking with me that I didn’t know about.
I spent a lifetime arguing, and throwing etheric punches, and getting punched. This thing that was beside me liked to take on forms and mess with me, play with me, and the whole idea was take away, and hobbling. It was all purposeful. It was to create this work, Deeply Awake. It was an agreement.
And here we are.
Once you can see the agreement, you can release it, right? Isn’t that the idea? That’s kind of the idea.
I didn’t talk about it a whole lot, not at all really, very very rarely. Everything in my environment told me it was taboo. It was not to even be acknowledged. It was taboo with my friends with the light, and it was taboo to win, at the dark.
It all started when I started to watch documentaries on megalithic structures, in between daily life stuff, and exercise, and all that stuff, recuperating. That research led me to Egypt. I am not a big fan of Egypt. It’s like a wart. I don’t like it. Never have.
But there is beauty there, there is beauty there. But the energy is warped and it’s ugly, and it’s mean, and it’s cold, and it’s not right. It’s just not right. Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe there are other places where you think about it and react with ,”Whoa, I would never, you couldn’t pay me go there,” and everybody else is flocking to it maybe. Ok. Acknowledge it. It’s real. There’s a reason.
There’s a reason. And it’s buried in your memory, which is in a state of disrepair, at one state or another.
I did the megalith thing, and I felt so hugged, and warm, and happy, and then I did the Egypt thing, and I felt all gross and violated, and then the speakers came. Then the truth was revealed. And an Armageddon happened up there. And maybe that was just for me, and that’s fine, but I know I’m a big one, so I think it’s important to talk about resolution.
I always thought about Armageddon as the battle, you know? The life and death struggle. And the apocalypse as the Big Reveal. Here’s the reason you guys were fighting. Here’s the outcome. Here’s the truth.
The revealing of the truth, the burning away of the veil. The big reveal. The Big Show.
It’s pretty stunning, for me, to have this knowledge, and to have it all come together. I am including an interview from Project Camelot of George Kavassilas, because his story is similar to mine in many respects. It was really good to hear who has survived the dropping away of everybody that mattered to them, and the reordering of your reality.
He is someone who has experienced that every time you have a big huge experience, you’ve got to somehow, somehow come back and try to fit in and function with people who are NOT having that experience, and who need, NEED, to shut you down, and shut you up about it, because THAT makes them uncomfortable. One way to handle that discomfort is ridicule, and there are other ways, to handle that, depending on how heavy-handed someone in discomfort decides to be.
And in all this research, I could come to no other conclusion: the enemy is mine, and I am the enemy.
I really had to struggle with this. When I was doing this research, I finally began listening to contactees.
I listened to Alex Collier, and then I listened to Simon Parkes, in a video entitled “33% Reptilian, 33% Insectoid and 33% Human.”
It blew my mind.
I am a blend.
My physical DNA has the genetic imprint of all of those races. That’s sort of the point. That’s what makes humans so incredibly beautiful, and brilliant, resilient, creative, strong, important. And indeed, royalty. It is an honor to hold this DNA. It is an honor.
Think about that, and then take a look out at Trumpland. Come right back. Do you notice a difference? How are you asked to think of yourself, in that closed system of government, medicine, justice, education? It’s a closed, finite system. It is an irrelevant system.
Closed systems die.
Listening to that man speak about his experiences, the choice that he made to see all of it benevolently, the story behind these races, and that’s something I couldn’t do before.
They had hurt me I had been hurt by them, here, and I didn’t know how to defend myself. They’d come visit, or something from them would happen, and I’d be sick. I called it magnetic, and it was an illness, and I’d be sick for a long time. I wasn’t visited by spaceships, I was visited by human beings holding that frequency, that intention, that signature. It smells horrible, and is the emotional equivalent and psychic equivalent of abject, raw terror.
They could induce me, and then feed off of it for weeks, sometimes longer. And they did that, until 2012.
It bothered me when I was visited again by them in 2012. I wasn’t visited by the entity in the flesh. I was visited by his mother, who had come for help. I don’t know if I was as compassionate as I could have been, but I was in misunderstanding of what was going on.
One question was whether she should advise him to go ahead and take the monoatomic gold he wants to eat. I was emphatic. NO. No. No. No. No. Especially for him, no, no, that would make him miserable No.
Soon after, I had a talk with my Self and with my God. I felt so threatened, in the middle of this, so threatened, yet again. Because there are lesser versions of this in all of my reality through all of my experiences. It has been everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.
That is what I have come to break.
That is what I have come to heal.
That is what I have come to love.
I call it the demiurge, that’s what I call it. And it has been individuated as has the Angelic forces. And so you can see it in the draconians, and you can see it in the Archons, and you can see it in the Thetans, and you can see it in Jinn. It’s the same energy.
And that energy runs through the justice system – let’s call it the legal system – and it burps into your wallet as green cash.
It invites you to believe that “You must earn everything, including a sense of self-worth, Including love. Including acceptance.
It must be earned.”
Well, that’s just a construct.
“No, it doesn’t, you dork.
Well-being is my birthright. Joy is my birthright. Fun, play, excitement, creativity, expression, those are my birthrights. Look at what my body can do. I can create human life. And you dare tell me that I’m not free?
You’re dumb. And you’re small, and you’re petty. You’re not very bright, you know.”
I have that inside of me. I would see it, when I would watch a dark film, or when someone is doing something dark to another person on film, there would be this BOOM, this reverberation in my body, and sometimes I could feel it intensely. Sometimes it surprised me with its intensity.
And it’s funny, I think I have been able to notice these things because, for me, there hasn’t been a time speed-up. I’ve been really happy lately, because everything has slowed the fuck down.
I can understand things finally. Because there was always this buzzing, information zooming, but the last year or so, everything has slowed down so very much. And in the moment, I can see what’s going on, and respond in a way that’s in accord with what I really know to be true. Not in fear, but in humor. That took things slowing down, not speeding up.
I like it, because I can really think things through.
I took all this super, super personally. It was right in my face all the time. Maybe it’s being a woman, maybe it’s just being dialed the way I’m dialed, so maybe it would be helpful to just tell you my philosophy of life.
I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do, what I need to do, and there are certain things that you can argue about until you’re blue in the face, but I’m still going to do them. You can be upset about it, I don’t care. That’s fine Be upset. Enjoy that. But I still need to do this. And you having a problem with me completing my mission tells me more about you than me. So, I don’t care, have a problem with it.
That’s a pretty easy place to be. I don’t know how compassionate it is, but that’s sort of been my way, and it means that everybody else has the same freedom, and that’s really, really hard to give. But, that’s my philosophy.
You hang out with people, and you let them show you what they believe and who they think they are. Within that construct, there are certain things that they’re not going to be able to do, and certain things that they’re going to want to do, and it’s up to them. Not me. And if I want to join in that, I can. And a lot of it’s really fun. But, you know, everybody has the right to choose their own way.
In relationship, it means I watch. I just observe. I let people be. I wasn’t like that with my son, a whole lot, at first. It was the programming. I’ve stopped the clamp-down, but that’s how I am with everybody, just, whatever. And I guess it might appear uncaring, but there’s a reason for it.
I know of having soul urges, and experiences that can never be explained, because they would never be understood, so why bother? I know that everyone walks around in prisons, because they don’t talk about their experiences, and they don’t even have words for their emotions.
I was so shut down in 1985, when I started psych nursing, that I had to use an affect chart with faces to realize that there were a lot of expressions of emotionality.
I had just been pooped out of a pretty rigid structured system, and I had a certain amount of affective range, but I didn’t have words for any of it, and I hadn’t had mirrors, or I hadn’t been paying attention. So, the repetitive sort of inculcation began to break in nursing school, and once I got out of nursing school I realized I really needed to define – not define myself, that was way premature, but I just needed to figure myself out. I just needed to listen to myself.
I could finally sit down and listen, and I had some freedom, so that’s what I did. I started very multi-dimensional, parallel reality-friendly therapist, who resonated with Lazaris, and that was six years of putting myself together, and then I met The Teachers, who were an insert. I didn’t meet them on their spaceship, though they once took me there in session. I didn’t have contacts and visitations. I had to pay money.
But that’s consistent with my role.
It’s been to walk hand in hand with monsters, and what people thought were monsters, often times, as a psych nurse. I worked with people who went on to murder, and burn things down, and rape, and create mayhem.
I was always right smack dab in the mayhem, as a nurse. I liked the mayhem. I liked the seedy parts of town, and the parts that were thought to be rough, and run-down. I liked that the best. I was so uncomfortable visiting in expensive mansions, and being around that kind of folk. That’s just not me. “Everybody’s pretending here. Let’s get down to what’s real.”
It’s just one example of this weird blend I had going the whole time, and it was so hard to reconcile What is a being of love and light, who can totally hear god through a cloverleaf doing in a seedy bar? What the what?
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Love your enemy.
With every reveal, through these videotapes I’ve been watching, through my studies, through my research, research I wouldn’t be able to do any other way, so I am so grateful for YouTube. What a miracle. What a wonderful thing! This is the way to cement it. This information is available in our Merkahbic fields now, we can access all of this now, but it’s so satisfying to hear a stranger talk about something that sets things in motion, like a key finally turned in an engine.
A’Shayana Deane, I listened to her, and it took about five and a half hours to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, for the veil to completely burn off, and for me to see, finally see, just what I’ve been up against.
What strikes me the most is the manipulation of the solar system. And I looked at that, and I saw all the movements, and the processions, and the complexity, and the compulsivity, the compulsivity. And the arrogance.
Taking something that is obviously divine, and good for you, and saying, “I can do better. And, I don’t care who I hurt. In fact, it’s kind of fun. I like it.”
That is the mind of a tweaker, and a sociopath. That is what we are up against. Raw stupidity and arrogance.
It’s diabolical. And it’s super-mechanical. And it’s dead.
These tweakers don’t know how to design open systems because they don’t have the DNA to consider it possible. They’re not smart enough, simply put. But, oh my god, they’re tweakers!
And I have seen that in my life, and in my work, and I’ve described. There’s even an essay that talks about it, “Obsessive-Compulsive.” I resonate with Antares, and one of the fundamentals of this energy is to learn balance, and abstain from obsession. It’s been on my radar for a while, and once again, another stream comes in to confirm that which is coming into clearer and clearer focus.
This is one of my theses, that there is a mindset that creates a field of experience that’s closed, that’s karmic, and the energy is tarry and sticky and infective.
I’ve been describing it.
I’ve been living it.
I’ve been writing and speaking, and thinking the words, but it’s only today that I feel power, and peace, and safety.
There’s a lot about the plan, and what’s occurring that I am in agreement and in accord with, and it’s counter what we have been led to believe or that we understand, but it is coherent and consistent with everything else I have learned in my lifetime of research. I really had to struggle with that, especially overnight, I asked for some help.
The truth is, had I had this information any sooner, I would have left. I would have exited. I wouldn’t have been able to maintain enthusiasm. I barely did, with a complete cloak around my head, I barely survived. Had I known what I know now, that would have been that.
So, what The Teachers told me, way back when, is really true. I wanted to know where I was from, in order to understand what it was all about, and they said they wouldn’t reveal, and that’s my policy, too, with my clients. That’s the most profound discussion you’ll ever have with your soul, and it’s not for me to tell you. You’ve got to ask a few questions. And you might be put on a scavenger hunt or two. It may be a weird experience, or it might be handed to you on a note, who knows, but I’m not the one to hand you that note.
They told me, if I knew, I wouldn’t stay. And now I understand why.
That was the God’s honest truth, it turns out. And to hold this awareness has led to such profound peace. It’s indelible.
All that’s I’ve been saying, that there’s nothing to worry about, and that everybody loves you, and everything’s cool, all the messages from the rapture of spiritual awakening and all that? That’s singing from my bones, and my blood, and my nervous system today.
So, where is this enemy of mine?
Still here. Within me.
It took A’Shayana saying a joke, to break the fear, for me. The way that she talks about the dracs, and the reptilians, and all that stuff, all the greys, she’s had her tussles, ok? She’s been hurt, just like we all have. But you know how she responds? “Yeah, well, it takes a village.”
You gotta get to the place where you love. And the only thing that energy requires of you is hate. Hate and fear. It’s the only thing that makes sense, when you’re looking right at it. Hate and fear.
That’s all it knows.
Well, that and tweaking. Unbelievable.
So, I’m sitting on my bed this morning and thinking, no wonder I’ve had problems with this reflectivity, I am that which I hate. I contain that which I abhor. I am genetically, biologically part of my enemy.
But, you know what?
Somehow, somehow, I can see bigger, than my enemy. I can do things my enemy can’t. I can love them. And, they don’t seem capable of it, but, I don’t care. I love them.
That’s what shadow work is, you know. You get beat up by the shadow, or you beat up somebody else, and you feel the shadow overtake you, if you do your shadow work right, it blossoms into radiant, brilliant diamond light, and love. That’s the idea. Always. That’s the purpose.
So the question becomes, how much conflict do you need to get to that love? Do you really need conflict, to feel forgiveness and release? How important is it to you, how necessary a device?
Yeah, make-up sex is kind of fun, but I’ve never had it. I think it’s kind of dumb. It’s disordered thinking. Coming together after misunderstandings, that’s different, but I’ve witnessed couples, myself included, get into cycles where their anger and pain become their passion, because they’ve lost their love. And then they don’t understand why they’re in this cyclone of despair all the time, but it like, “well, you’re addicted to something that’s not very healthy.” I think that’s what a lot of us do. We get hooked on the conflict because we’re still trying to figure out what love is. Because we are trying to get it, get it, from someone else. And it’s just disordered thinking, that’s all. It’s ok, it’s really ok.
When the lights come on, then you have to make a decision. You can get your juice from anger and slight, and pain and disappointment, or you can lift anchor. And, you find, the wind takes you, and the sea supports you, and you’re no longer alone.
It’s very odd.
So, I’m a poet, and a philosopher, and not necessarily one of those who had experiences in crafts and in other physicalized realities. My way seems to blended earth life and cosmic life, and got my understandings in perhaps unconventional ways, more shamanic or visionary, or lalalalala.
But I did it all in amnesia, and finally, the big reveal came. Boop. We’re up against tweakers? Oh Fuck. They’re impaired. They’re impaired, they’re dangerous but they’re not healthy individuals, and it’s not a healthy consciousness. It’s going to do unhealthy things.
Well, it isn’t a conundrum. It isn’t a puzzle, it isn’t a problem. It’s the task at hand. Figuring out exactly what, who, or if, there is an enemy.
It really took realizing that by virtue of being human, I am, I have internalized, through my genetic code, this whole set up. And because this darkness has individuated and tapped me on the shoulder and messed with me, it became a priority, for me, to figure out exactly what it was.
So, to end, I’ll tell you of my big Aha!, because it’s been really hard for me to know, am I good, or am I bad? I freaking resonate with the dark. I understand the dark. I don’t mind it. I’m kind of immune. It doesn’t seem to stain me, but instead invigorates me, and it makes me appear dark, and corrupted, to some.
I am that which I fear.
I am my own destroyer.
I am paradox.
I am a singularity.
And I am the creative essence.
I know, and am, with, that thing, that if you’ve been touched by it, if you’ve run after it and touched it, you know what I’m talking about. The Isness. The All. God. Creator. Source. The Unified Field. Call it what you will. It doesn’t mind.
I resonate with the dark, because I created the dark, because I like a good story. And because, with free will the way it is, well there was a part of me that wanted to run free, and defy. And say:
You. Can’t. Make. Me.
Will is a quantum force. Love is a quantum force.
My enemy likes to play with will, and ignore the solvent that is love.
And I am my enemy.
And I am at peace, with what was, what is, and what is to come.
I love my enemy.
I love my Self.
And I love you.
I declare this the day when all misunderstandings fall, all misdeeds are seen as our own, seen for the silliness they are, and dismissed, with a chortle.
I know my enemy, and I know why I can go dark. I know why it’s bothered me when I have gone dark.
But there is no enemy. It’s just a game. And the light always wins. Always. Without exception. That’s the only rule. This has been a wonderful, wonderful game. Big to little, little to big.
Love your enemy.
I feel as shaky and apprehensive and awed in publishing this work as I have on a few other occasions, during my creative sojourn. I felt this way with Judas Energy (link below), with Home, and a few others. After posting, sometimes, I look back, look in, and wonder how it is I didn’t break the internet somehow, with my posting, because I just broke reality. That’s how I feel about what I offer you today. It is a culmination of a lifetime of work, to understand and come to peace with my enemy. It is my finest work yet. Here is its bookend, its counterpart, called Judas Energy:
As I say on video, I have been quiet about the root cause of the darker aspects of my character, and have allowed myself safe exploration into many physical realities with which few are comfortable. I find I am finally at ease, in those environments, often times. I’ve never minded “the dark,” in other words. I just didn’t know why it was incessantly buzzing me.
I address “the plan,” the “service to self” groups, and this battle we seem to be having internally, and in our dealings, that seems fulminant within our leaders, and in our greater realities. This work is my interpretation of why I am here, and my response to finally understanding the answers I have received to the eternal questions.
I hope you enjoy and feel release from this offering of mine. It stands as my description of a journey, through space, time, meaning and significance, to learn answers to questions few around me felt were ok to ask, and fewer still who took seriously what I was coming to know. Such is the way of it for some of us. But, that’s ok. Our time has finally come.
I am including a wonderful interview with George Kavassilas and Project Camelot. He is yet another gifted and seemingly destined teacher of this knowledge. We each take our place in good time, in divine accord, it seems. He has been tested, and he has come through, and has enlightening things to say about it all. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
I hope you enjoyed this work of mine. Here is its postscript. I like chuckling. Laughing, and this sketch, are favorites, especially her voice. Ahh! Some Humor is just Co(s)mic Perfection!.