Deeply Awake: Current Events, Integrative Interpretations,, And Light Activations By Kathy Vik 6-16-18

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Ballsy. Funny. Deep. Thought-provoking. Healing.

All good descriptors for what lies within, a meditation on current events, which recently were marveled at by some pundit I caught on a news show, stupified while saying, “This really is about good and evil,” when discussing the current political landscape.

I speak as a metaphysician, a futurist, an ascensionist, an historian, a believer in humankind’s ability to rouse themselves from the spell they’re/we’re/you’re under (to what degree, is for you to decide.)

The premise revolves around there being a shift in consciousness, from one that is warring to one that is not. It is a lively discussion, which leads to a discussion of many unusual and abundantly magical things.

The last half of the video discusses hard-core weirdness, activations and thoughts on many topics the futurist, or fellow star-person, in the crowd will get a kick out of.

I hope you enjoy my latest round-up of all things 3-d and much, much higher. I do mention the 8-based chakra system, and various visitations in this one, toward the end, and the way it is summarized I found very helpful, and I’m the one living it, so I hope you, too, get some answers as you let the tape roll, and let me take you new places, places I know well.

 

 

 

 

Deeply Awake — Graduation Gifts: Fusion And My Cure For Tribalism By Kathy Vik 5-25-18

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A companion piece to my last video, “New Information On THE NEW EARTH AND ASCENSION,” I reveal some more punchlines, explain more about our ancient history, and laugh a lot, talking in a light, easy manner. No tears on this one! Hope you find it illuminating.

 

 

 

 

Here is the Spirit Science documentary I reference in my talk, where I reveal what I know about some very tucked away ancient alien history.

 

 

And here is the super beautiful and gentle Boriska, interviewed by Kerry at Project Camelot. This little boy gave me a ping, a soul return, and he humbled me very much. I would consider myself so blessed if I ever do meet this fine young man.

 

Deeply Awake — “Enemy Mine” In Print By Kathy Vik 5-19-18

 

Deeply Awake: Enemy Mine By Kathy Vik 5-19-18

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What I am going to present to you is the culmination of a lifetime, actually, and I’m going to entitle it Enemy Mine. This is the bookend to the first essay I wrote as Deeply Awake, on March 23, 2012, 9 years after a very significant event, Judas Energy.

I have wondered sometimes why it is that I have such a blunt edge, with my reportage? Why do I couch things in metaphor? Why do I see things as paradox, and then express them as essays? Why?

Well, there’ are so many things I’ve called myself, over the years, but there are a few epithets that are true, and they’re just titles, really. I’m a poet. I’m a philosopher. I’m a writer. I’m a reporter. I’m a spiritual journalist, I guess, but I write in ways that are more like prose poems than discussion of facts and breaking down of probabilities. I did more of that after 2016, but I have a flavor that is poetic.

Ok. Alright. Well, it makes sense. The very very first Akashic thing I did was to get real quiet, and state to everything in my fields, every… all of it, all creation. I was going to do a novel, and I didn’t know how to write a novel. I wanted to create something, and I didn’t know how. But the need and the will was so strong, I sat down and said:

I know that you walk with me. I just do. And I need for those who are willing, and of the highest, the pinnacle of their skill, of their insight, those who really, truly not only understand, but can express in ways that make the heart flutter, and the mind reel, and the soul come into focus. Please step forward and join me. Please come and be with me, in my mind. In my heart. In my awareness. Express through me. I’ll know. I’ll know. And I’ll let you teach me.

I have done my energetic management. I understand it’s quite possible to be labeled in this new age environment as being tricked, or listening to trickery, and thinking it’s true. Well, I think that’s what we are all talking about, as channelers and writers. One of my missions was to talk about discernment, spiritual discernment. How do you become someone who has Spiritual Discernment? Kryon also talks about Spiritual Discernment.

And I haven’t met, or heard, anyone in this community who hasn’t able to describe that they just know when it’s pure. It just makes sense, and there’s some stuff that just doesn’t feel good. And that’s just a perfectly fine way of expressing it. But, if you are sensitive, and you can feel your energy, you can feel it bend, and twist, and you can feel Resistance, what you come to find is there’s not a whole lot of literature that even acknowledges that. Some of it does, and fairy tales do, of course. That’s why I love literature and art, because it simply acknowledges that there’s something going on here, that has to do with the human heart. That has to do with the finest qualities, that we know heal, and create rather than destroy.

And of course, whales are poets, they are philosophers, they are singers, they are Guardians, and I really resonate with those dudes, so I think it’s ok. But there comes a time when you just have to lay the facts out, Mine was a journey of discovery, of discernment, and of a reverse autobiography. You get hit with light, with a new way of being, a new way of understanding. Something happens, and you are bigger than you were. And then you’ve got to explain your self to your self, and you’ve got to explain reality to yourself, all over again.

It doesn’t just happen once. Once it starts, it doesn’t stop. It gets bigger. And it gets better.

But it gets bigger.

I’ve talked about this phenomenon as walking a mountain. There are some things I can say at the base of the mountain, and then when I get midway up the mountain and say those words, and they mean something completely different, and I get up to the top, and I say those words, in full awareness and memory, and I realize I was just babbling down there.

But as I walk down the mountain again, and get in midway and say it, that middle meaning makes sense again, and by the end of the mountain, I can inhabit all three. Sure. All three make sense. Which one do I prefer? Which one is the most clear? Which one serves me best? It’s the one at the top of the mountain, where I can say “so be it,” and create a reality, whereas, at the base of the mountain, if I say “so be it,” I may actually be swearing. See how that works?

It’s pretty bizarre, when you get to the real big stuff, and your whole being sort of pops, like a soap bubble and then you look around and go, “Oh! Wait a minute. I’m just in a bigger soap bubble now.” It’s kind of disorienting.

My function has been that of discovering and fostering peace and love. This is primarily because I didn’t see it very much in my reality, but I knew it was there. There’s something underlying all this nonsense, I just know it. And I have known such pure, pure avatars of love in my life, who healed me, because they loved me and accepted me, as I was. There is no finer medicine. And it’s where I have been unable or unwilling to reciprocate or generate it, where I feel I have fallen down, and need to address it somehow, I need to make it right.

Karma for one, please.

How do you break karma?

You love everything any way. You find a way.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s reciprocated. It doesn’t matter if it’s understood. It doesn’t matter if it’s resented. It doesn’t matter if it’s battered, and burned, and its ashes are buried.

That’s just the structure.

The reality remains. Indelibly. A ripple, through all time and all space. Anchor enough of that, on this Earth, in humility and in gratitude, and in strength, and in sovereignty, and see how this place changes.

That’s how it’s done.

There has been, as I have mentioned, an “Armageddon.” I’ve talked about it recently, but I was driving down the road, minding my own business, listening to the radio, and I popped through and WOW. The energy was so intense, so intense, and I returned and said boy oh boy, I’m glad I’m here. This is perfectly fine, I’ll take this. Man oh man, it was really super intense, the last couple of weeks.

And here I was, in daily life, on the steepest learning curve of my life. And then a thought group comes…

Kathy, I ask myself, remember when you went to see Enrique Bouron? And on the last day, you sort of had a thing with him. Do you remember?

I do, and so I’ll tell you about it, because it’s kind of cute.

The last day of a week of instruction in Biological Decoding from Mr. Bouron, I woke up in a very peculiar state. A very peculiar state indeed.

I had just been disassembled, in this truly and utterly bizarre and beautiful and soft and unbelievably healing week of transformation. I was just… I woke up, and I contacted every single person who I loved. Every single one of them. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it was done. And then I looked at the clock and realised I didn’t have, really, any time, but I stink, so I have to get into the shower.

When I got in that shower, I was immediately in an ancient and quiet place, some sort of automatic place, my hands doing positions, my body being led, and me weeping, crying through the water turning my hair to ropes, beyond relieved that I remember how to do this. I said that at first, through tears of joy. I’m so happy I remember how to do this.

And then I began bringing up everyone. I went through every single person. Every single person. I brought every single person up, and I had a talk with them, because I knew I was completing something.

I was in reverence, and thanks, and release mode. And then I got to the last one, and I burst into flame in the shower. It was the most bizarre thing.

I don’t know how to explain it.

I knew before going in the shower that I was cutting it close and was going to be late, but I was told through the morning “Don’t worry about a thing, you’ll be there before he starts talking.”

So there’s me in the shower, and I’m so late, and then I’m flame, and then I’m dressing and rushing over there and there was no time. I got up there, finally, and he hadn’t taken the stage yet. I was considerably late, and he always started on time.

I took my seat. I felt I had been disrespectful to come in late, and I felt bad about that, but I didn’t fully understand what was going on.

I had the thought, sitting there, before he began, I can’t do any more slides. It’s too hard, it’s too intense, and I need for my grandfather to read me stories from the old country. I need for all of this to come together in some quantum biologic soup that I can understand and can take with me. I was almost crying, thinking, I’m so glad I have my grandfather to sit there and tell me stories from the old country. Please read from the book, please read from the book.

And he began his lecture, and the projector didn’t work. I was told, it was sort of a general announcement, just don’t worry about it, it’ll work just fine after this presentation, just tell stories. And that’s what he did.

And he began to tell stories, pulling everything together. I was gone within about five minutes. I have no conscious memory of what he said. I would pop back in and pop back out, but I was gone, and then he was there in front of me.

He had an Italian accent, and he didn’t look like he looks now, and he was so thrilled. I don’t know exactly where we went, or what we did, but at the end of it, he as the lecturer is still talking, and a part of me is absorbing and staying with the information in the ballroom, but I’m in my meditative space, he’s this ecstatic, jolly Italian man. He crackles back on in my awareness and says, “OK, it’s all done,” and he’s dancing and all happy, acting like the cat that ate the canary, so to speak.

I said, “What’s done? I wanna know how that’s gonna happen, because I understand from Biological Decoding that the whole deal is you gotta have this in your conscious awareness. It’s getting it  that heals you. How am I supposed to be healed, if I haven’t gotten  anything.

And he said, “Well, look!” and he was all excited and dancing, and his arm went p in a flourish to reveal a straight line that went on and on, all the way down, all the way down, forever, a path below and then there were these huge, huge boxes, they’re gift boxes, just dangling there, just dangling there.

He said, “Look, they’re all there. You just have to walk down the road and you’ll have your answers. You’ll have your a-ha’s. You’ll have your healings. It’s all done.” So I said, oh, ok, alright, and then I was in my body again, listening to the lecture.

I had so many bizarre, just truly and utterly other-worldly experiences during that time, it was magic. Truly, truly magic. It was so much fun! It was just amazing.

And, Dr. Todd was there. And now I finally understand what he was in resistance to. I understand why. There was something I hadn’t dealt with yet. There was something walking with me that I didn’t know about.

I spent a lifetime arguing, and throwing etheric punches, and getting punched. This thing that was beside me liked to take on forms and mess with me, play with me, and the whole idea was take away, and hobbling. It was all purposeful. It was to create this work, Deeply Awake. It was an agreement.

And here we are.

Once you can see the agreement, you can release it, right? Isn’t that the idea? That’s kind of the idea.

Enemy mine.

I didn’t talk about it a whole lot, not at all really, very very rarely. Everything in my environment told me it was taboo. It was not to even be acknowledged. It was taboo with my friends with the light, and it was taboo to win, at the dark.

Enemy mine.

It all started when I started to watch documentaries on megalithic structures, in between daily life stuff, and exercise, and all that stuff, recuperating. That research led me to Egypt. I am not a big fan of Egypt. It’s like a wart. I don’t like it. Never have.

But there is beauty there, there is beauty there. But the energy is warped and it’s ugly, and it’s mean, and it’s cold, and it’s not right. It’s just not right. Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe there are other places where you think about it and react with ,”Whoa, I would never, you couldn’t pay me go there,” and everybody else is flocking to it maybe. Ok. Acknowledge it. It’s real. There’s a reason.

There’s a reason. And it’s buried in your memory, which is in a state of disrepair, at one state or another.

I did the megalith thing, and I felt so hugged, and warm, and happy, and then I did the Egypt thing, and I felt all gross and violated, and then the speakers came. Then the truth was revealed. And an Armageddon happened up there. And maybe that was just for me, and that’s fine, but I know I’m a big one, so I think it’s important to talk about resolution.

I always thought about Armageddon as the battle, you know? The life and death struggle. And the apocalypse as the Big Reveal. Here’s the reason you guys were fighting. Here’s the outcome. Here’s the truth.

The revealing of the truth, the burning away of the veil. The big reveal. The Big Show.

It’s pretty stunning, for me, to have this knowledge, and to have it all come together. I am including an interview from Project Camelot of George Kavassilas, because his story is similar to mine in many respects. It was really good to hear who has survived the dropping away of everybody that mattered to them, and the reordering of your reality.

He is someone who has experienced that every time you have a big huge experience, you’ve got to somehow, somehow come back and try to fit in and function with people who are NOT having that experience, and who need, NEED, to shut you down, and shut you up about it, because THAT makes them uncomfortable. One way to handle that discomfort is ridicule, and there are other ways, to handle that, depending on how heavy-handed someone in discomfort decides to be.

And in all this research, I could come to no other conclusion: the enemy is mine, and I am the enemy.

I really had to struggle with this. When I was doing this research, I finally began listening to contactees.

I listened to Alex Collier, and then I listened to Simon Parkes, in a video entitled “33% Reptilian, 33% Insectoid and 33% Human.”

It blew my mind.

I am a blend.

My physical DNA has the genetic imprint of all of those races. That’s sort of the point. That’s what makes humans so incredibly beautiful, and brilliant, resilient, creative, strong, important. And indeed, royalty. It is an honor to hold this DNA. It is an honor.

Think about that, and then take a look out at Trumpland. Come right back. Do you notice a difference? How are you asked to think of yourself, in that closed system of government, medicine, justice, education? It’s a closed, finite system. It is an irrelevant system.

Closed systems die.

Listening to that man speak about his experiences, the choice that he made to see all of it benevolently, the story behind these races, and that’s something I couldn’t do before.

They had hurt me I had been hurt by them, here, and I didn’t know how to defend myself. They’d come visit, or something from them would happen, and I’d be sick. I called it magnetic, and it was an illness, and I’d be sick for a long time. I wasn’t visited by spaceships, I was visited by human beings holding that frequency, that intention, that signature. It smells horrible, and is the emotional equivalent and psychic equivalent of abject, raw terror.

They could induce me, and then feed off of it for weeks, sometimes longer. And they did that, until 2012.

It bothered me when I was visited again by them in 2012. I wasn’t visited by the entity in the flesh. I was visited by his mother, who had come for help. I don’t know if I was as compassionate as I could have been, but I was in misunderstanding of what was going on.

One question was whether she should advise him to go ahead and take the monoatomic gold he wants to eat. I was emphatic. NO. No. No. No. No. Especially for him, no, no, that would make him miserable No.

Soon after, I had a talk with my Self and with my God. I felt so threatened, in the middle of this, so threatened, yet again. Because there are lesser versions of this in all of my reality through all of my experiences. It has been everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.

That is what I have come to break.

That is what I have come to heal.

That is what I have come to love.

And release.

I call it the demiurge, that’s what I call it. And it has been individuated as has the Angelic forces. And so you can see it in the draconians, and you can see it in the Archons, and you can see it in the Thetans, and you can see it in Jinn. It’s the same energy.

And that energy runs through the justice system – let’s call it the legal system – and it burps into your wallet as green cash.

It invites you to believe that “You must earn everything, including a sense of self-worth, Including love. Including acceptance.

It must be earned.”

Well, that’s just a construct.

No, it doesn’t, you dork.

Well-being is my birthright. Joy is my birthright. Fun, play, excitement, creativity, expression, those are my birthrights. Look at what my body can do. I can create human life. And you dare tell me that I’m not free?

You’re dumb. And you’re small, and you’re petty. You’re not very bright, you know.”

Enemy mine.

I have that inside of me. I would see it, when I would watch a dark film, or when someone is doing something dark to another person on film, there would be this BOOM, this reverberation in my body, and sometimes I could feel it intensely. Sometimes it surprised me with its intensity.

And it’s funny, I think I have been able to notice these things because, for me, there hasn’t been a time speed-up. I’ve been really happy lately, because everything has slowed the fuck down.

I can understand things finally. Because there was always this buzzing, information zooming, but the last year or so, everything has slowed down so very much. And in the moment, I can see what’s going on, and respond in a way that’s in accord with what I really know to be true. Not in fear, but in humor. That took things slowing down, not speeding up.

I like it, because I can really think things through.

I took all this super, super personally. It was right in my face all the time. Maybe it’s being a woman, maybe it’s just being dialed the way I’m dialed, so maybe it would be helpful to just tell you my philosophy of life.

I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do, what I need to do, and there are certain things that you can argue about until you’re blue in the face, but I’m still going to do them. You can be upset about it, I don’t care. That’s fine Be upset. Enjoy that. But I still need to do this. And you having a problem with me completing my mission tells me more about you than me. So, I don’t care, have a problem with it.

That’s a pretty easy place to be. I don’t know how compassionate it is, but that’s sort of been my way, and it means that everybody else has the same freedom, and that’s really, really hard to give. But, that’s my philosophy.

You hang out with people, and you let them show you what they believe and who they think they are. Within that construct, there are certain things that they’re not going to be able to do, and certain things that they’re going to want to do, and it’s up to them. Not me. And if I want to join in that, I can. And a lot of it’s really fun. But, you know, everybody has the right to choose their own way.

In relationship, it means I watch. I just observe. I let people be. I wasn’t like that with my son, a whole lot, at first. It was the programming. I’ve stopped the clamp-down, but that’s how I am with everybody, just, whatever. And I guess it might appear uncaring, but there’s a reason for it.

I know of having soul urges, and experiences that can never be explained, because they would never be understood, so why bother? I know that everyone walks around in prisons, because they don’t talk about their experiences, and they don’t even have words for their emotions.

I was so shut down in 1985, when I started psych nursing, that I had to use an affect chart with faces to realize that there were a lot of expressions of emotionality.

I had just been pooped out of a pretty rigid structured system, and I had a certain amount of affective range, but I didn’t have words for any of it, and I hadn’t had mirrors, or I hadn’t been paying attention. So, the repetitive sort of inculcation began to break in nursing school, and once I got out of nursing school I realized I really needed to define – not define myself, that was way premature, but I just needed to figure myself out. I just needed to listen to myself.

I could finally sit down and listen, and I had some freedom, so that’s what I did. I started very multi-dimensional, parallel reality-friendly therapist, who resonated with Lazaris, and that was six years of putting myself together, and then I met The Teachers, who were an insert. I didn’t meet them on their spaceship, though they once took me there in session. I didn’t have contacts and visitations. I had to pay money.

But that’s consistent with my role.

It’s been to walk hand in hand with monsters, and what people thought were monsters, often times, as a psych nurse. I worked with people who went on to murder, and burn things down, and rape, and create mayhem.

I was always right smack dab in the mayhem, as a nurse. I liked the mayhem. I liked the seedy parts of town, and the parts that were thought to be rough, and run-down. I liked that the best. I was so uncomfortable visiting in expensive mansions, and being around that kind of folk. That’s just not me. “Everybody’s pretending here. Let’s get down to what’s real.”

It’s just one example of this weird blend I had going the whole time, and it was so hard to reconcile What is a being of love and light, who can totally hear god through a cloverleaf doing in a seedy bar? What the what?

Enemy mine.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Love your enemy.

Enemy mine.

With every reveal, through these videotapes I’ve been watching, through my studies, through my research, research I wouldn’t be able to do any other way, so I am so grateful for YouTube. What a miracle. What a wonderful thing! This is the way to cement it. This information is available in our Merkahbic fields now, we can access all of this now, but it’s so satisfying to hear a stranger talk about something that sets things in motion, like a key finally turned in an engine.

A’Shayana Deane, I listened to her, and it took about five and a half hours to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, for the veil to completely burn off, and for me to see, finally see, just what I’ve been up against.

What strikes me the most is the manipulation of the solar system. And I looked at that, and I saw all the movements, and the processions, and the complexity, and the compulsivity, the compulsivity. And the arrogance.

Taking something that is obviously divine, and good for you, and saying, “I can do better. And, I don’t care who I hurt. In fact, it’s kind of fun. I like it.”

That is the mind of a tweaker, and a sociopath. That is what we are up against. Raw stupidity and arrogance.

Enemy mine.

It’s diabolical. And it’s super-mechanical. And it’s dead.

These tweakers don’t know how to design open systems because they don’t have the DNA to consider it possible. They’re not smart enough, simply put. But, oh my god, they’re tweakers!

And I have seen that in my life, and in my work, and I’ve described. There’s even an essay that talks about it, “Obsessive-Compulsive.” I resonate with Antares, and one of the fundamentals of this energy is to learn balance, and abstain from obsession. It’s been on my radar for a while, and once again, another stream comes in to confirm that which is coming into clearer and clearer focus.

This is one of my theses, that there is a mindset that creates a field of experience that’s closed, that’s karmic, and the energy is tarry and sticky and infective.

I’ve been describing it.

I’ve been living it.

I’ve been writing and speaking, and thinking the words, but it’s only today that I feel power, and peace, and safety.

There’s a lot about the plan, and what’s occurring that I am in agreement and in accord with, and it’s counter what we have been led to believe or that we understand, but it is coherent and consistent with everything else I have learned in my lifetime of research. I really had to struggle with that, especially overnight, I asked for some help.

The truth is, had I had this information any sooner, I would have left. I would have exited. I wouldn’t have been able to maintain enthusiasm. I barely did, with a complete cloak around my head, I barely survived. Had I known what I know now, that would have been that.

So, what The Teachers told me, way back when, is really true. I wanted to know where I was from, in order to understand what it was all about, and they said they wouldn’t reveal, and that’s my policy, too, with my clients. That’s the most profound discussion you’ll ever have with your soul, and it’s not for me to tell you. You’ve got to ask a few questions. And you might be put on a scavenger hunt or two. It may be a weird experience, or it might be handed to you on a note, who knows, but I’m not the one to hand you that note.

They told me, if I knew, I wouldn’t stay. And now I understand why.

That was the God’s honest truth, it turns out. And to hold this awareness has led to such profound peace. It’s indelible.

All that’s I’ve been saying, that there’s nothing to worry about, and that everybody loves you, and everything’s cool, all the messages from the rapture of spiritual awakening and all that? That’s singing from my bones, and my blood, and my nervous system today.

So, where is this enemy of mine?

Still here.

Still here. Within me.

It took A’Shayana saying a joke, to break the fear, for me. The way that she talks about the dracs, and the reptilians, and all that stuff, all the greys, she’s had her tussles, ok? She’s been hurt, just like we all have. But you know how she responds? “Yeah, well, it takes a village.”

You gotta get to the place where you love. And the only thing that energy requires of you is hate. Hate and fear. It’s the only thing that makes sense, when you’re looking right at it. Hate and fear.

That’s all it knows.

Well, that and tweaking. Unbelievable.

So, I’m sitting on my bed this morning and thinking, no wonder I’ve had problems with this reflectivity, I am that which I hate. I contain that which I abhor. I am genetically, biologically part of my enemy.

But, you know what?

Somehow, somehow, I can see bigger, than my enemy. I can do things my enemy can’t. I can love them. And, they don’t seem capable of it, but, I don’t care. I love them.

Enemy mine.

That’s what shadow work is, you know. You get beat up by the shadow, or you beat up somebody else, and you feel the shadow overtake you, if you do your shadow work right, it blossoms into radiant, brilliant diamond light, and love. That’s the idea. Always. That’s the purpose.

So the question becomes, how much conflict do you need to get to that love? Do you really need conflict, to feel forgiveness and release? How important is it to you, how necessary a device?

Yeah, make-up sex is kind of fun, but I’ve never had it. I think it’s kind of dumb. It’s disordered thinking. Coming together after misunderstandings, that’s different, but I’ve witnessed couples, myself included, get into cycles where their anger and pain become their passion, because they’ve lost their love. And then they don’t understand why they’re in this cyclone of despair all the time, but it like, “well, you’re addicted to something that’s not very healthy.”  I think that’s what a lot of us do. We get hooked on the conflict because we’re still trying to figure out what love is. Because we are trying to get it, get it, from someone else. And it’s just disordered thinking, that’s all. It’s ok, it’s really ok.

When the lights come on, then you have to make a decision. You can get your juice from anger and slight, and pain and disappointment, or you can lift anchor. And, you find, the wind takes you, and the sea supports you, and you’re no longer alone.

It’s very odd.

So, I’m a poet, and a philosopher, and not necessarily one of those who had experiences in crafts and in other physicalized realities. My way seems to blended earth life and cosmic life, and got my understandings in perhaps unconventional ways, more shamanic or visionary, or lalalalala.

But I did it all in amnesia, and finally, the big reveal came. Boop. We’re up against tweakers? Oh Fuck. They’re impaired. They’re impaired, they’re dangerous but they’re not healthy individuals, and it’s not a healthy consciousness. It’s going to do unhealthy things.

OK.

Well, it isn’t a conundrum. It isn’t a puzzle, it isn’t a problem. It’s the task at hand. Figuring out exactly what, who, or if, there is an enemy.

It really took realizing that by virtue of being human, I am, I have internalized, through my genetic code, this whole set up. And because this darkness has individuated and tapped me on the shoulder and messed with me, it became a priority, for me, to figure out exactly what it was.

So, to end, I’ll tell you of my big Aha!, because it’s been really hard for me to know, am I good, or am I bad? I freaking resonate with the dark. I understand the dark. I don’t mind it. I’m kind of immune. It doesn’t seem to stain me, but instead invigorates me, and it makes me appear dark, and corrupted, to some.

Enemy mine.

I am that which I fear.

I am my own destroyer.

I am paradox.

I am a singularity.

And I am the creative essence.

I know, and am, with, that thing, that if you’ve been touched by it, if you’ve run after it and touched it, you know what I’m talking about. The Isness. The All. God. Creator. Source. The Unified Field. Call it what you will. It doesn’t mind.

I resonate with the dark, because I created the dark, because I like a good story. And because, with free will the way it is, well there was a part of me that wanted to run free, and defy. And say:

You. Can’t. Make. Me.

Interesting.

Will is a quantum force. Love is a quantum force.

My enemy likes to play with will, and ignore the solvent that is love.

And I am my enemy.

And I am at peace, with what was, what is, and what is to come.

I love my enemy.

I love my Self.

And I love you.

I declare this the day when all misunderstandings fall, all misdeeds are seen as our own, seen for the silliness they are, and dismissed, with a chortle.

I know my enemy, and I know why I can go dark. I know why it’s bothered me when I have gone dark.

But there is no enemy. It’s just a game. And the light always wins. Always. Without exception. That’s the only rule. This has been a wonderful, wonderful game. Big to little, little to big.

Love your enemy.

Enemy mine.

SEYLAH.

 

 

Deeply Awake CHANNEL: Assume You Are Loved: A Heart Talk By Kathy Vik 10-3-16

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A profound discussion about love, twin flame energy, completion, conscious relationship and sexuality.

 

 

As referenced, Magenta Pixie’s summary of Twin Flame energy patterns. Very technical and very helpful…

 

And here is Kryon/Lee Carroll’s discussion called “Attributes of the Match Bearer,” given 7-2-13. The talk referred to in my video is called “The Physics Of Consciousness,” but this one fits well here. Enjoy.

 

Deeply Awake: CHANNEL “Ancient Origins of Peace Passing All Understanding” By Kathy Vik 5-7-18

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Transcription of verbal transmisison today, 5-7-18

www.kathy.vik.com

Yes, we’ve been coming through again and again, especially near the water. It’s very much fun. This one {“Their” term for me} is highly obedient, and that’s nice.

We say that to be obedient to your own spirit or your own soul, well that’s a good thing and not a bad thing. And the outside world, or other people, if they do not understand about this, then they’re happy to assume the position of authority, thinking that there is no one home, and no authority within. Isn’t that funny.

And so, we would like to talk about frequency. It is true that there may be coming a time in which the importance of and sacred geometric nature of water becomes more important, but we think that this is a bit of a long way off. It is an esoteric science, and certainly, given how water is treated right now, it is clear that people do not understand this quite important substance, so.

We have said quite cheekily that geometrics create sound. Geometrics create sound. Geometrics create sound, is what we have said. Yes. And this is indeed the case, of course. And of course, from sound comes matter. This is the progression.

And so, we would like to speak about these beautiful structures in the Bosnia, they are good examples of much. And, they were waiting for their mid-wife, so to speak. Not possible to have a mid-wife woman right now, yes.

The person was finally ready.

Is it possible, do you think, that these people are incarnating back to where they belonged once, to literally birth themselves? Is that too far-fetched? We think not. But, to hold this consciousness requires a belief or knowledge of reincarnation, soul multiplicity, and one’s divine nature. And that one does have a divine purpose here.

Perhaps you are not to discover pyramids. Ok. Perhaps yours is to waken from the dream. Perhaps yours is simply to offer the sustenance of love to others. Perhaps, for you, a particular bush, or tree, or other physical fascination draws you in, so we would encourage, for those who wish to do a little bit of free-range research on the Google or on the YouTube, just for fun.

See what comes up. The algorithms, they are not so tight, you know.

If something needs to be seen, it will be seen, unless you decide, something else is more important. Unless you decide, based on a picture or on a title, “Ah, that’s bullshit.” That’s ok, that’s ok. It doesn’t mind. It remains unchanged, and in repose, at your leisure.

As you wish.

For, it is you who is sovereign of your consciousness, and your life. Not information. Not change or evolution. Surely no one “made” you push play on this tape, yeah? A conscious voluntary act of interest, delight, and discovery, we would hope.

So, when we say we wish to talk about frequency, what we wish to say is that when there is a frequency that is struck, the geometrics change. They must, because they are one in the same. Expressions of something far more.

Frequency shift.

We prefer the word amperage, of course. Because we wish to invoke spin, vortex, spiral. Very important to this work, and it must be part of the discussion. That is why we wish to say that frequency is perhaps one way of expressing the word “amperage.”

And we like amperage because, you know, if you think of amperage going through a human being, then it as enlivening thing, you know, electricity in the human being, Oh! That would make them jump! Well, ok.

We would say the amperage of the spin of the electron is commensurate to the spin of the consciousness. And, that these are influenced not only by cosmic factors but by consciousness and intent.

Intent overrides karma.

Intent is will personified.

So, kind of an important tool, don’t you think, because indeed, free will is a quantum energy.

We are giving many geometric patterns and much in the way of mathematics to this one as we are speaking to you, and this is a fine study, and one that is happening somewhat actively rather than passively. It’s beautiful because it is being personified with a star, and with a volcano. Oh! Isn’t that pretty! Alright, so.

We would say there are many ways to get to ancient knowledge and you may do this by climbing a mountain and picking at it with a pick and saying “Voila! I have found a mountain which is man-made and quite beautiful. I claim it as mine, to give to humanity now. Yay!” Sure, you can do it that way. You can learn about herbs, as we said. You can put on plays. You can find many ways to be of service and express. This is true.

We ask that when you spend your day, that you do it in concert with your will. That would be a good thing. If you are not in concert with your will, with what you want, with what you know to be true, with your intention, if you are arguing with your own intention, then that is a place of madness, is it not? And discontinuity, we would say. A fracture point. Yes.

And so, there are many ways to go, and many ways to elevate one’s reality and to evolve. This is true. And what we would say to those who are watching is to be open. Listen for random words, what you would say are random words, words that make no sense. Things like that, ok that’s one way.

Or, you are speaking to a stranger, and they tell you something, and it sticks with you, but you don’t do anything about it, and then something else happens, and then something else happens, and they are all tied together. You see that it is something that’s in your reality right now, so it might be good to look into it. Who knows what this might be?

You have been given a quest. See how that works? Yes. A quest.

And if your daily life and routine, oh, if that’s gotten big and “duty, duty,” or “this must,” or very linear, well then, it’s not time to do this other stuff.

They are not entirely mutually exclusive, though. And this is how we wish to close.

To synthesize this outer reality where: it feels good to serve others. It feels good to be served. It feels good to give honor to others. It feels good to be honored. It feels good to hear people express. It feels good to be heard expressing. These beautiful things.

Simple things, simple things. Leading back always to a sense of safety and brotherhood. This is a very nice place to dwell, within one’s heart. And of course, it creates pain, when encountering those who do not live in this beautiful Eden.

It is what you do with this now that matters most.

How real is your Eden?

How real are the risks?

We would say that the biblical expression of the garden of Eden is entirely incorrect, yes, in that, there are certain switches to the symbolism that are not very helpful. And more, it is how the symbolism has been interpreted, and then held as truth.

If the pictures were to stand without narration, it would become quite obvious where the mistakes are. Where the intentional glitch was, and how clever that was. How clever.

But a tree, fruit, a snake, a male and a female, no shame, the admonitions

“Be fruitful and multiply.”

“Replenish the Earth,.”

Well, isn’t that funny.

What happens next is a projection of consciousness, a story that is told, and that one little rib story.

Tweak.

Well. That did the trick. Very symbolic of what the consciousness has been up to, but certainly not… it was a story. That was seen to be true, and it’s not.

Well, well, well, that’s a shocking revelation if you’re stuck in temporal reality, and there is nothing before you that resembles what was in the past, and the past was only what? Two, three thousand year, and we’re not all that smart, but we’re a lot smarter than we were.

Oh my. Oh my.

When taken in totality, it is very clear that the yuga theory is quite correct, and that human beings are smartening up.

The DNA devolution was intense, intensified, of course.

So, what has been accomplished is stunning. Beyond expectation. And beautiful, and you are part of it, whether you are aware of it or not. Whether you are drawn to mystical ancient sites or to the pizza parlor. We would say it would be good to be drawn to both. That’s a good thing, ok? So this is how we end.

It’s important to be able to merge this in a way that doesn’t drive anybody crazy, how about that? Would that would be good? Yes. That would be smart.

And it comes with normalizing this stuff. And at the time, you know, when you are deeply discovering something that’s brand new and revolutionary, that’s not the time to feel too normal.

When paradigms are falling, and the things that you thought were normal and expected and good and all this, change. You begin to realize, “Oh my. Perhaps my point of view was a bit shallow. Perhaps I wasn’t as mature as I am now, for whatever reason, I just don’t see it the way I used to, and I don’t think I’ll be bothered by the same things that I used to be.”

Well, it’s very important as a human being and a grown-up, to offer yourself this out.

There is a school of thought within modern psychology that after a certain age, 20 or whatever, 25, then pretty much the brain just kind of stays there, inert, and you’re done. You’re done growing. That’s it. You’ve hit your peak. Everything is downhill from there. The decay starts to set in after the thirties, because there’s no need to reproduce, so, that’s that.

Well, you know, this is a short time frame. And this was also something that happened with the DNA devolution. And with the coming online, of many of these grids…

And we thank the Kryon, and the Kryon group, for having started the ball rolling, with the Dr. Todd and the Pleiadian Tones. Oh. My god.

One day he will be known, very widely, we would say, and venerated as an elder, for what he has accomplished. What he knew to do, what he agreed to do, what he permitted to be done.

Another who incarnated understanding the trajectory, and saying, ok.

And each have their way.

But by opening up those first four, oh my. When the grids started to come online, and the Pleiadian energy started to flood, well, it’s just so clear, you can see it so clearly. It will be great fun for the historians to go back and date and place these events, and then watch the geography (geology) itself change.

This one has been observing, this one going to the Google Earth. She takes care. She is finding that the day afterward, things happen on the places that she focuses on. And so, this is not the first time she has had this experience, but it is uncanny, and it’s fun.

So, we wish for you to enjoy owning the power that you know yourself to have and to be, able to be responsible for it.

See, that’s the thing, with the higher knowledge. You don’t get it unless you know you’re ready. Unless you have had it proven, to yourself most of all. So, much initiation, yes? Much initiation.

Not, well, we end this way: Not at all, not at all accidental that in this one’s 33rd year, she’s involved in an ascension process, with The Teachers, and then travels in what she calls “the desert” for 22 year, to unite with us in her 55th. Beautiful, beautiful. Well, that’s been a couple year. It takes a while to settle in, is all we are saying.

The peace which passes all understanding comes with the perception growing. This occurs when disbelief falls. This occurs when consciousness grids lose their power.

Alright, we have said more than enough. It’s highly coded, this one. Ooh, it’s fun!

And we enjoy this trek into the nether regions of the ancientness, and you know, of course, when you get involved in a study such as this, or any other study, you begin to realize how dwarfed you are, among powerhouses of intention.

And this is the fun part, to discover individuals far more passionate in a subject than they could have known to be, and learning from this passion, and catching it, at times. It’s quite contagious. Peace-inducing too.

OK, alright, well, we leave the story mid-sentence. We will pick it up later

It is alright to be in the void. We are giving her pictures now, and she understands, so, you know, it’s just a timing thing, and it’s a good thing.

We are well pleased with where humanity is poised, and we ask you to not fear, about this next part.

There is no stopping this light. There is no stopping it. And they know that.

So, better to contain the madness. But you cannot contain what you cannot identify.

So, consciousness shift first.

And it’s happening, it’s happening, it’s happening.

Alright, that’s all we have to say for now. We are very happy to have been here.

Seylah.

 

 

Deeply Awake with CHANNEL: Ancient Origins Of Peace Passing All Understanding By Kathy Vik 5-7-18

 

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My finest work so far. This is a synthesis of an epic modern-day shamanic journey. In this work, I spend 37:55 minutes explaining what my most recent research into ancient civilizations has revealed.

To summarize, I explain about the Pleadian seeding, Lemurians. the grid of nulls and nodes, on which are the  ancient sites, something intentional and an expression of the energy it represents. I explain about the Martian colonization, the failed external merkahbah that led to a change in the experiment, and the outcome of all of this.

I am able to explain the different consciousness sets involved in what we see playing out in the world, and within ourselves, during this time of shift and change.

What stands is a comprehensive, understandable and absolutely unbelievable perspective, one which I have heard in bits and pieces throughout my life. So, it is a culmination of a lifetime of dedication to understanding what the heck this life was all about, and why it was so weird sometimes.

The channel surprised me in its easily accessible esoterics and high physics, as well as the delivery, which is, of course, humorous, calming, surprising and somehow leads to a feeling of being complete, for now.

I am so gratified to be offering this to you results of my research, which are at once jarring and calming. I have no doubt that if you decide to take this ride, you will at the least have a few more things to research than you did before you made this commitment.

For those who are ready for a LEAP.

 

 

 

For those who are ready to take the next step in learning about our ancient origins, and our innate magnificence, wisdom and truth, Dr. Semir Osmanagic talks ancient sites.

 

Deeply Awake: What Happens When Resistance Becomes Self-Aware? By Kathy Vik 5-5-18

 

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A compelling, intense, deep and comprehensive report on further integration in the ascension process, discussing the link up of cosmic and Gaian realities.

Issues of identity as they relate to the ascension process are discussed with gentleness and a unique point of view. A coherent discussion of ancient history, DNA activation, energetic management, shamanism and “mundane” daily life.

Anomalies abound. There is very little on this tape that is synched up, most of it is on a time delay, and the delays and synch are as meaningful as the words. I am beginning to think it is a form of communication, and I think it is beautiful and clever of “them.” At 43:14, my much-beloved wisp appears!

 

Deeply Awake — Notes From A Recovering Spiritualist By Kathy Vik 3-19-18

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A fun video greeting from the land of recovery, I offer my thoughts on starting over, the new energy and how it is helping us clear the stuff that trips us up, and other subjects in a way that is soft, helpful and not too complex. I hope you enjoy!

 

 

As referenced, Kryon’s latest channel, entitled “Akashic Evolution”

Deeply Awake — From Worrier To Warrior 1-15-14 By Kathy Vik

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Deeply Awake — From Worrier To Warrior 1-15-14 By Kathy Vik

I have much to report to you today, and expect this could be a long one, but I think what I am anticipating is not length but girth, so to speak. The thoughts, the events, the understandings, they have come at me fast and full since my last essay, and it is wise to let come what will come, to share with you the point of it all, and discuss, then, how I got here, since this is my way.

Although my last essay may not have been the best, something happened to me after writing it. I felt so good, so unburdened afterward, and these sensations followed me, seemed to increase as time passed.

I had to scratch my head about it a few times. Within the essay was, I thought, nothing all that new, but, the act of writing it, and its contents, surely, led me to peace, to a clearing in a very congested wood. Usually this sensation comes after having written something of brilliance. My last essay was not all that brilliant. And yet, there I was, feeling like a newly minted coin.

I had been anticipating seeing Lee Carroll, being in Kryon’s presence, for many months. The date was set, Saturday, January 11. The whole thing had the absolute pristine quality of high, high ceremony, of sacredness. I think back on that day, and the night before, and my preparations that morning, and it still floods me, a stillness, that place I have reached at other important moments in my life when I know, I just know, I am doing God’s work, and God indwells me.

Because I have let much time pass, unpacking the events which followed may indeed be a longer project than not, but still, there are things to tell you here, now, today.

I think, now, that the biggest gifts I got were not even in the channel. Dr. Todd and another guy got up and did a tone jam, after Dr. Todd’s talk.

I preface this with telling you I don’t know much about what folks call toning, but that, when I was in tremendous pain in my hip, probably six months ago, while in a state of meditation, I was led to place my hands thus and so, and to utter the most powerful and weird sounds I have ever uttered.

I know now I as toning, I know now I was remembering, and I know now that this is something deep and true, just for me, maybe, but so precious I want to share it with you. I never questioned the importance, or the reality, of my Lemurian roots, but again and again I was shown, I could do nothing but conclude, that this really is my heritage. How nice.

The jam was so freeing. Any sound, any sound, it came, and there was beauty and humor and delicious freedom in each sound. They toned, and then many of us chimed right in, and I found I knew this way, I had memories, I had a knowing. Again and again, I knew I was remembering a home, a time of great happiness and integrity, home here on Earth.

The morning of the event started powerfully. I got there early and, after finding my seat, chosen months ago by me in meditation, anchoring a corner, I got up and looked at the vendors’ wares. I went to the Lemurian Sisterhood Crystal Pendant table.

There were crystal pendants, that my physical mind told me looked awkward and odd. Then one called to me. I picked it up. Good God Almighty. I held it, and from somewhere I am no longer unacquainted welled a tremendous wave, of longing, of home, and of homecoming, celebration, relief, such relief. I didn’t have the choice. I stood there holding that pendant, crying. Weeping, actually.

I did it discreetly, but weep I did. I smiled at the vendor lady, and the lady said, don’t worry about it, I have seen this reaction before. She was kind. I said I was light in the wallet, and she smiled and said, “Then you come and hold her during the breaks.” I did just that. It never got sold, that one. It’s mine, you see.

That was before the first welcome had been said to the group, before the doings. It started with a bang, with a gong of recognition and homecoming.

It was harder than I had imagined it would be, being in that space for nearly twelve hours. I felt, again and again, the desire to get up and co-present, or to at least add my two cents and augment the discussion.

I felt this dissonance acutely. Me, a simple nurse with a sad backstory and no letters behind my name, no long history of being a “healer,” no having given myself over to this counter-culture, I felt that I had no right to feel adept, and yet I knew of my right and ability to lead such a day, helping others. I felt awful, at certain points, sick with wanting to lead, and knowing it was inappropriate. It felt like nausea, but it was deep and it led to many changes, I will tell you.

I think that the worst is over. It took a few days to heal, to really really heal, and the holy people who helped us all that Saturday are my friends, my loved ones, each adding to a cacophony of dissonance and recognition within me that has since turned into a symphony.

By the end of it, and the day after, I felt as if what I have devoted my life to these last two years was as thin as paper, as precious as an innocent, as in process as a fetus. I felt unjustified, and I felt unlettered, untested, but fully certain I deserved more than I have allowed in my life thus far.

I will now tell you of a dream I had during these days of healing I have had. I dreamt I was in an old car, like a Rambler or a Studebaker, with three people I knew to be my angels, part of me, but bigger, and yet, they were just as physical as I. I wasn’t driving. We were driving up a hill, and I looked outside and saw a big river. And then, I saw an unthinkable thing.

A flood. A great swell of brown water was surging down the hill, and the water coming was, I knew, completely transfiguring the land and river. It could be no other way. Nothing could ever be the same. It was the big one.

I flashed to the enormity of the deluge, the great flood, the one that wiped everything away for one last chance, the chance we are now in. I turned from the sight in peace, excited in that weird way I have always had, when I see such events, sort of relieved, I guess, and excited.

Next, we were in a pastoral scene, and we passed over a bride. Under the bridge was a river, and the water was clear. I saw scores of lambs who were also dogs. They were lined up, three across, and this went on the for the length of the little river, hundreds of animals placidly underwater, very neatly. The animals were stock still, as was the water, really, but I understood that these creatures were fine, they were still somehow alive, but their state was one of being underwater now, that this is what they are now.

Then I was in a school, and I was changing into different items of clothing. I had my friends with me. I was a teacher, and I was a motor mouth, and so happy to be changing out of my wet clothes. I’d never been touched by the flood. I had gotten wet while teaching, others had gotten my clothes wet.

There was so much more to this dream, but that’s what I caught. I layed real still, wishing to capture all of it, and I thought on this fresh dream as I always do my dreams, wanting to capture the essence of it, knowing the visuals were much like mnemonics, so I laid there asking to instill within the images the understandings I had reached. I was told, I understood the following:

There has been a flood, and many people are now under water, the ones who have always done what the other guys has done, those who have felt it impossible or uninteresting to question, all of them are now still alive, but immobilized by this clear, clarifying water. It is not mine to grieve for those who now are underwater, and I was told, and understood innately, to not grieve for them. They are fine. They are fine.

And then I am told, notice where you were in relation to the flood. Notice you were never alone. Notice you had a light heart and you were safe throughout. Notice that you were a teacher, between scenes, between classes, so to speak. Notice you were always traveling, and that you consistently were safe above the destruction. Notice how lighthearted everyone was, how much joking and good humor and reassurance there was all around you.

This dream helped me a lot, as did another one I had just before seeing Kryon, in which a very very young man, still a virgin, but virile, he professed his love for me. He just loved me so much. He knew me, and loved me, unable to reach my maturity, incapable of it, but with such a pure, bright love. He brought me Korean, in little boxes and told me he was going to bring my favorite food to me every single night. He loved me, loved me, loved me.

And I felt sort of detached by it, but not creeped out by it, which is a real biggie. I chose, in the dream, even though there were others, mature, whip-smart, creatives who knew me and wanted me, I decided this pure love was more important to pursue and dwell within than any that could be given me by the others, with their deep thoughts and sparkling conversation. I understood this raw, unfiltered, eager and true love was my path, and after he complied with my insistence he tell his family of his great love and his decision to ally with me, we sat together at the play we’d gone to see, and I was home, loved and oddly more complete, sitting in that auditorium.

I tell you these intimate things because I think it matters to do so. And this, I think, is what has changed for me, most of all.

During the Kryon event, and especially when he was channeling, I saw my body all lit up, and I could sense there was a dark plug or cork in my pelvis, a plug which needed to get popped out, and hard as I tried, it wouldn’t dislodge. I asked for help, for continued support, in uncorking this blockage. I understood this was causing the hip and back problems, and it was purely energetic, and would, indeed, get dislodged, but it would take time.

I found the channel, frankly, quite distressing, and I rebelled against it. It caused me to feel great impatience, feeling like someone out of time and at odds with the times I now find myself in. Grand impatience. Impatience that felt like I was drowning, despairing, enraged, even.

The time of incremental change and coaxing the lost, who are leading us, to sanity, I feel, is long past, and yet, there sat Kryon, somehow finding a willingness to feed breadcrumbs to tyrants and oppressors. I hated that part, have no patience for it. It made me angry, to be honest.

But what sandwiched this ugly was what I needed to hear.

This is now a time of support for us, for me. The stairs have been climbed, the summit has been reached, and the struggle, the incredible hard work, is over. Yes, there are stairs to descend, and new muscle groups will be screaming just like other groups screamed on the way up, but it’s all downhill from here. There is support. Watch where you put your feet, but take a moment to see that the hardest work is done, the effort has resulted in a tangible change of condition, and allow a warrior’s peace to replace the dogged determination I once ate and drank and slept.

I took from this channel that the work was about to begin again, but it would be easier now. And I guess that is what I was rebelling against, that there has to be any work at all anymore.

And so, now, let’s move to the increments which allowed a great healing, ok?

The day before the Kryon event, my dad invited me out to the house for breakfast on Sunday, and my teacher Norma called to tell me the hen circle was on for Sunday afternoon. I remember thinking, well, isn’t that a nice turn of events, my day-after-Kryon all lined up so nice and pretty.

I see now that these great teachers of mine, disguised as they are, were in cahoots, were always part of the healing.

I will not discuss the particulars, but let it be known that the breakfast was a difficult one, altering, and powerful in its rawness, its ugliness, in its dissonance. My responses to it, not the event, let’s say.

I made it to the hen circle ragged and spent, disappointed and in such distress that I was crying in the car, crying as I sat down, overwhelmed was I, overwhelmed with a sense of despair and fatigue and disappointment that felt freaking cellular. It was, of course, to get me to the place where I could release that plug, unpop it.

I know I am being obtuse, and that’s just going to have to be ok this time. I will tell you of my meditation, and then continue.

Our last session of inner work had Norma, under ArchAngel Micheal’s direction, to place ourselves in front of us, and to talk with our selves like our Higher Selves.

I have learned, in meditation, the value of the twist, of feeling as if I am twirling, twisting, from my body, from my countenance, at the level of my thorax. The first time I did it was visceral, unforgettable. This time, the twist felt organic and easy. And I understood that I was talking as a golden being, my golden self.

I saw the sights I always see when channeling, and I understood I was able to then talk with, see, and love the me I have fashioned through the last 52 years. I was overcome with compassion for myself, as her, I loved my hair, my teeth, my stories and longings and disappointments, and more, my triumphs, my kindness, my intelligence, and just what I have done, and become. I felt love for my foibles and quirks, the things I often fall back into self-reproach for. I loved it all.

And so, we were told to build a fire, there in meditation, and to place in the fire anything we would like to get rid of.

I tried writing stuff on paper and burning that, but it felt unsubstantial, inappropriate for the fire, and too ephemeral. Suddenly, I realized I had brought a suitcase, a big black one on rollers. I pulled it up to the fire, and tilted the open case into the fire, and out fell an impossible amount of moist, unburnable junk, just tons of it. Once the case was empty, I thought, oh what the hell, and tossed the case into the fire too.

Even though it shouldn’t have, everything in that case, burned up, was just gone, and the ash lifted to the skies. There was time, in meditation, so then, I decided I could just get rid of all of it. I summoned a garbage truck, the kind that mechanically poops out streams of garbage. I backed that thing up to the fire, and it was the funniest thing… only one little thing got pushed out, and plop it landed in the fire, fizzled, burned up. It was a little toy, I remember.

I felt new afterwards, and when I told the group about what I did, they laughed and laughed, because I had burned up all my baggage. I laugh now, too. That’s exactly right.

But the thing that healed me the most of all was what a woman in that circle told me. I was in distress, and had completely and with disciplined abandon unfurled my pain for them.

She said, “You emit such love, you just give it off,” (and the others all said, oh that’s so true!), “and you’re trying to figure out how it is someone could act so bad, and, Kathy, the problem is you CAN’T understand it. It’s not in your nature to understand this awful stuff. You don’t have to make sense of it. Just see that it is not something you can even relate to.”

And then, as I was processing, I said, “I don’t want to do this wrong!”, and there was this great soul, again saying, “You aren’t doing any of it wrong. You can’t. You’re doing everything right.” Hugs, tears, relief.

There came upon me a peace, a gratitude, that I find so beautiful, so strong and pure, sitting there knowing I was being healed, not by a great channeler or a world-renown philosopher, but my friend, who said just the right thing, at just the right time, who let me have my tears and my fears and my doubts, and who, big as day, bright as the sun, told me I was ok, I was doing fine, I was love itself, and to just relax…

I have no way to ever paying her back, and I guess that I say that because I understand that I have been given something by her, by all my friends in that circle, that I needed, and that only they could give to me.

I think that the biggest gift I got at the Kryon thing was my impetuous decision to attend the three hour Lemurian Sisterhood ceremony. It was the highlight for me, and because I really do not know how much of it is ok to share, I will tell you of a few things, and the impact it had on me.

Thanks for reading along. I feel so good talking to you. I love you, you know.

I want it said that I am in deep awe and reverence for how Lee Carroll conducts himself and his enterprise. I felt none of the pushiness that I feel in the general marketplace, with the products sold or the messages given.

I felt so honored, and so loved and respected, in that group. There were some massive egos in that room, but Lee was not one of them. A gentle man of peace. A good man, a kind and honest man, acting in integrity and honor. That I responded from a wounded place within me, the place of a leader without following, well, that is on me, not him.

The Sisterhood event was high ceremony, and led by a gentle one, steeped in metaphysical tradition and training. What has stuck with me are the exercises we were led in, and the meditations we had. It was so healing. I have long felt awkward as a woman, knowing I am powerful and not having any metric for it but maleness. To be around women who were also powerful, fully embracing their divine feminine bodies and beings, oh, this was the most healing of all.

Acknowledging we have awarenesses that men do not have, that we have a sacred power specific to our gender, oh my, this was central to it. To feel no shame as a powerful being, and to do it in the context of feminine power, this was key. Permission to be a powerful, knowing woman.

Again and again, it seemed that the theme was that we all take turns, healing and needing healing, in the group of women. Each able to help the other, each in need of help at times, we take turns on the table, at the center, we each can submit to help, and give what is needed.

We take turns, we women of power. Sometimes weakened, strengthened through the act of allowing others to minister to us. And this theme played itself out in my little hen circle. Being unable to do anything but crawl to the center of a circle of great lights, and lay there immobilized by the crushing weight of It All, and allowing another to love me, and by doing so, heal me, each of us had that experience that Sunday, its genesis in the rituals of the night before.

And so, it is time to discuss how it is that I have moved from the state of worrier to that of warrior.

Yesterday was one for the books. There was a ramp up of this energy Monday, several things coming to my awareness, in my activities, which were hard edged, an edge to everything, feeling out of place, but centered. And then yesterday. The troubles at school, with the teachers, it continues, but now I have such a strong advocate working for me that I can, and will, I have told her, let her take me inside the folds of her cloak, and she will be my protector, my champion, and my guide, through the next bit. It is ugly, what has been happening there, and without this help, it would be unbearable. I was confronted, again and again and again, through the day and into the night, with such rank stupidity, such bizarre stuff coming right from the center of fear itself, again and again, yesterday.

This morning, I understand some things.

I understand that this next part might get tilty from time to time. People are off their nut, a lot of them, acting in bizarre ways that I cannot fathom, and often cannot seem to predict or know to expect.

I used to get so upset when people acted badly. I felt implosion within me when confronted with unthinking, unkind, punitive behavior. I felt it might be mine. And, you know, sometimes it was, it really really was, but, I have moved from this now.

I understand that there are people, now, just like those lamb-dogs, who have gotten caught in the flood, and the water is a clarifying kind, one which makes these beautiful creatures act in odd and bizarre ways.

In meditation, after burning up my junk and my suitcase, this is what I was told: This is what you have trained for. All bets are off ( a favorite phrase of The Teachers). You are ready. Expect the unexpected (three times repeated). This is what the training was for.

And I see now that this might indeed be true. It’s not appropriate, now, to wring my hands in the face of grave imbalance and wonder how I brought it on, if I am the cause of it. No. And recognizing it does not make me bad or wrong, as loudly and hatefully as others may level such a lie. And shining very brightly while the trouble is going down, I am keeping my head, now, and staying within my power. This is the key.

Kryon said something in channel I wish to repeat. He said, turning the other cheek and staying in the power of the Love Of God, this is the path now. I think I was rebelling, that I would have to do this, that I would have to turn the other cheek, I did not like the thought of it.

But, the truth is, there are folks out there, in the world I know, who are unable to curb their reflex of attack, who act obscenely, minds and hearts overcome with the darkness each of us have battled and conquered, through these last years. There are those who are not in balance, not in alignment, and this will, I am thinking, only become more obvious. If I approach such things upset and saddened and a wreck, self-referencing and in despair it is happening, I can not be of help.

And this brings me to divinity.

Ever since the Kryon event, and during it, I kept feeling, seeing, me as golden. I could feel, even when I was working on Monday night, my body turn golden, and I felt like a golden one. I felt like a living angel. When it comes upon me now, I can feel my chest heat up and start tingling, and then the body flush. I feel my chest turn bright silver, with a huge geometric spinning within it. It has the quality of being like a new gift that I keep getting to unwrap, and I keep being floored with how good it feels.

At work, during one of those moments, I looked up at the monitors, which show every hallway from two angles, and I want to tell you what I saw. I saw a man’s face, looking at me. It was long enough and real enough that I unplugged my earphone and hid my phone, because I thought it was a stranger coming, who might think bad thoughts about my watching youtube at work.

I felt like it was a friend, and I got a flash, once I realized there was no man, no physical man, I heard, he’s on his way. This is the face. You wanted to know who is coming, and that’s him.

Your friend is real, can show up on the monitor, even, and he on his way.

He is real.

I saw him on the monitors. I considered asking the staff about whether the data is on some sort of recording, because I would have loved to search the tape for this face. But I smiled, knowing it maybe would and maybe would not show up. It was a gift. And the golden angel thing just burned and burned through me then.

Divinity. The whole Kryon thing was steeped in this message to me, to all of us. Kryon said, look a your Akash, understand that your DNA has within it the encodings of the grandparents of this whole project, millions of years of divinity, and you think you can just turn your current divinity on and off anymore. No. Walk in it, know it, own it, and act from it. You are divine. You are divine. You are divine.

And the Lemurian Sisterhood, the biggest gifts I was given were the prayers of acknowledging self, other, and all as sacred. Owning and walking within sacredness, within and from a knowledge of, not a hope for, divinity. Owning that I am a divine expression of the love which has always walked with me and guided my life.

It is hard to manage feeling this when being attacked, when being disrespected so thoroughly as I have been lately. It is hard, but it is no longer impossible.

And this takes me from the worries I have had, the anger I have felt about how my little life just will never work out the way I want it to (cue the mewling and tears…) to knowing, understanding, owning the truth of it, that as a divine being of light, as a profound truth-teller, and a powerful angel of limitless love, imagining that my little life will never work out is just an exercise in self-pity, fatigue and disbelief.

As a worrier, I thought on how I have failed. As a warrior, I understand there is nothing here but divinity to express, to experience and to integrate.

So, now, I want to have a little walk through the punch line, and then I will end for the day and do other things.

The punch line is that I have always wanted to know I can handle myself, to know I am intact, to know my power and use it well. I have longed for this work to be read and used and seen as something other than the mad scribblings of a narcissist. I have wanted to be heard, understood and appreciated for my wisdom and wealth of knowledge and my great thoughtfulness.

I have wanted to be valued for what I bring to the table, talents and abilities which are, frankly, immense. I know I will never, am incapable of the abuse of my power. And yet, I have spent a lot of time fretting that this writing of mine is not an act of power, but one of vanity. I know it isn’t true, but I have had a deep worry about it. I have thought it is not valuable because so few see it as valuable.

And the punch line is that what I have feared the most is just my getting into the jumpsuit. A friend in my hen circle teared up when she expressed her inner desire to be more fearless and spontaneous, when she is the hands down the most fearless, spontaneous one of the group. And here I have sat, fretting that my great ability and love, this writing of my soul, is unimportant.

The worry is not fitting of the work. Of course it is valuable. If only for me. It has saved my life. My power of melded emotional intelligence shines through every line. What is on the page is what I have been and what I am becoming, and to think it is not valuable is the real ugliness. A trick of the dark, and that is all.

Seeing The Other as someone who may not actually be a direct reflection of my inner state is a breakthrough of unprecedented proportion.

In a sword fight, with an aggressor coming at me with a sword that can surely slit my throat, wielded by a madman unaware of his or her innate power, that is not the time to dissolve into a puddle of tears, or doubt, or fear. That is the time to understand that all those years of training with the sword has made me a consummate warrior, one who has already won the skirmish, and one who does not want to draw blood, who wants to use her sword to quell the aggressor, and demonstrate that the aggressor is outclassed, from before the battle began. I can use my sword to deflect murderous blows. I can use the blade to catch the sun and blind my opponents, bringing them to a still place, one which cannot and will not support further aggression.

I am a warrior of the light, and I am no longer afraid to speak my truth. I trust my words are gentle and kind, true and just, and that this heart is one which is unwilling to harm. I am unable to harm, and maybe that is the biggest punch line of them all. A warrior disinterested in fighting. Someone quite capable of simply decapitating the enemy, wanting instead to lead the enemy to a clear brook, where we can lay down arms and have a nice chat.

There is no fight left in me, I have said again and again in this writing, and it continues to be true, but the last few days have shown me that this next part may be punctuated, with moments of standing tall, bringing myself to full height, and using all of what I have become to help another.

This can be done in clever ways which will not draw blood, and after the battles which I expect may be part of the weave, I will rest, lay down the sword this silly aggression mandates I continue to wield from time to time, and I will sit with you, dear friend, and we will talk all about it, how hot we get in our armor when in battle, how relieved we are when everybody can just put down their weapons and laugh out loud, and we can, too, take time to think lovingly on those who are still so convinced that the way of it must include mortal combat. We know, by now, that we cannot die, that we are protected, and it is we who have made ourselves undetectable.

I end with a thought I have been having lately.

The Teachers trained me for this time. They told me there would come a time with the light would become very intense, and the dark would fight tooth and nail. I asked them, well, it’s happening already, so why is it that sometimes I lose?

They said, you know, sometimes the dark appears to win, in a battle. Sometimes things look a little grim. But it is not true. The light always wins, and this is what will improve. You feel beat up now, they would say, but you just wait. There will come a time when you will not be beatable, and you’ll know then that time is.

That time is now, my great, mirth-filled, profane, sainted friend. That time is NOW.

 

Deeply Awake — My Better Self 12-11-13 By Kathy Vik

 

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Deeply Awake — My Better Self 12-11-13 By Kathy Vik

This is a letter of goody-bye and of hello. It is the letter I have been thinking of, feeling it coming together, pre-verbal, I guess, pieces and parts coming to me, niggling me, reminding me of its imminent arrival. Like so much in my reality, its presence has always been known.

Rarely do I keep with a title if I am urged to title a piece prior to writing it. But today, I think it is a pretty fair bet that the title that came to me, “My Better Self,” is indeed the one I will stick with.

I will say that I am in stone cold love with the entity known as Kryon. We had a bumpy start, and he made cry right off the bat.

I remember reading an essay, really not all that long ago, to be honest, that Kryon channeled, about the next bit of activity. In it, he laid it out, that ascension, this ascension, is a gradual and slow thing, and that there will be another 18 years of work.

In my fatigue and despair, I became completely overwhelmed, thinking about another 18 years of work.

Later, when more was revealed to me, I had a meditation in which Kryon came to me, this big billowing cloud of love, and he winked at me, cheeky little devil, when I realized that the next 18 years, although perhaps complicated, will not be like anything I have ever experienced. Sort of a pat and a tickle, he gave me that day. He has been my loved one ever since.

But I wept deeply, in a way I had not yet experienced sadness. I felt disappointment, and that stony resolve of mine. Knowing that I was on the hook for it all, and just being overwhelmed with the enormity of what was in front of me, and what had come before, leading me to this day, laying there on my bed, fully consumed with the exquisite pain I had known the first 50 some years of my life, unconvinced, and I remained unconvinced until last night, that it would ever end.

Now, I say this as a way to say bye bye, actually, for, although I can obviously fully access the depths, I think that their presence has been instructive, helpful, sainted, actually, and their time is now complete, you see.

I wept because I was sealed, still, within doubt and fear. I questioned if I had permission, really. I do not, cannot hold doubt, honestly I can’t, for the thing that I feel in some people’s presence. It is a true north of sorts. I think this is the guru syndrome down at the bones.

When one falls in love with an entity, like I have so many many times, with mere humans in my midst, you see, I am not talking about sexual love. Here. I am boggled at the thoughts and sensations I feel when I consider ever being able to blend these two realities, this great love of spirit, and a sexual union. What a blessing that will be! But, no, for me, always, sexual attraction is a weak echo of this greater love I know.

It is the love I have always felt when I have contemplated Jesus, even as a girl. It is the love I feel for Shiva, this love moving me to tears of joy and bliss within moments of just thinking on him. It is the love I have from trees, for trees, with trees, some of my best friends.

It is this love that I had for my mentor, my former boss, Marge. I feel it for my friends Diane and Linda. I felt it for The Teachers. I dwelt in that love for two years with The Teachers. I am blessed among men for that privilege, that esteem, that trust, that honor, that love.

And it is this purity that I can now see shining through my father, my mother, my sister, my grandparents, and I can see now, that with the teachings of Seth, the help of Grandma Cannon, and the daily blessings I now enjoy from the internet, I can see how I have been slowly working on finding a way to feel this love for everyone, for every situation, for every fear and every doubt.

This love, this respect and awe and joy and obvious family quality, this is God, my God. It might not be anyone else’s interpretation, but it’s mine.

You see, this love, this I need to say about it. It feels so good, because it is a recognition my body has. A gong within me, the physical body part of me. It senses, around these people, and within events of profound purity, me. It feels that which is in me, I recognize that which is like that in me. I am resonating with myself.

It has broken all statistical expectations, and has become nothing short of miraculously routine, that when I am working on a koan, Kryon is the one who does not deliver, but who confirms my new breaking apart of the old understandings, and Kryon often serves as my midwife, birthing the new realizations.

He, like The Teachers before him, is able to language that which I had forgotten, but which had been bubbling in my fields, coming together, and then, bam, it arrives. And the blending is bizarre.

I have, at certain points, been in heavy training, very serious training from him, and I am happily in sponge mode, because it feels so good. But there have been healings, and these healings are then amplified or somehow augmented with Kryon’s presence, concepts, love and encouragement.

I cannot see this as a guru thing, although I have long admitted that I follow a guru bhakti path, always have. The mystical bond that is beyond completion, the union of souls who are blended, merged, and yet still teaching each other, this is heaven to me. Always has been.

This is why my few true friendships have always been so profound, and it is why I retreated to poetry, as a young woman. Into a land where men had complex, exquisitely beautiful feelings, women understood destruction, and where the placement of a comma, just one little comma, could make sturdy or make fall a continent of meaning, a land mass of its creator’s embrace of its greatest challenge.

This land of symmetry and expression made sense, but I wasn’t dumb. I knew I couldn’t get a job as a poet out of college, and I knew that any real depth would have to come from experience itself. From experience, from pain and darkness and despair and joy and union and celebration, as actively or passively as I could walk through my days, open to what was next on the horizon, this was what I would have to do.

I did it, and I almost died so many times, and wanted to die more often than I like to admit. Even when, actually, especially when everything on the outside looked really good, and anyone with a head on their shoulders would say I was making my adult life a fine, upstanding one, that is when I was my most despondent, you see. That was when the juice was turned down real low.

My release came when the energy finally started to feel better. By June of 2011, I had my first vision, that of being a humungous angel, all lit up white, and one by one I was flicking my temporal problems off this massive highway of living light. Up the worry would come, and this massive lit up arm came up and flicked it away. I finally saw the foolishness, after seeing that every single one, every single one of my seemingly unsolvable problems were flicked away.

I found that it made sense, really, because the problems were so big to me, but up against that white current that angel was riding, the problems each looked like a tiny shard of pottery, sharp and awkward and already broken.

From there, things got pretty psychedelic, and anyone who wishes to read about it can, in Deeply Awake, because I thought it would be just like me to have a groovy vision, a life-altering event with light, a profound meditation, and then just sort of space it, forget about it, not dwell on it. I was afraid I would forget, if I did not dwell on it all.

You see, in my old life, this was the biggest thing of all. Stop ruminating, stop thinking, and just do the thing, dammit. A person of unlimited potential, someone who could have done just about anything, hobbled I was, with depression, with horrible homesickness, and with questions that laid upon me with such weight at times, that I really had a hard time catching my breath, sometimes for months, sometimes for years at a time. I mean this quite literally.

I had so many unanswered questions, things that made no sense, and they were simple, and they were big. I wanted to understand, with the biggest mind I could find, with my mind, hyper-charged everything, absolutely everything.

I wanted to be able to meld my love and innate understanding of numbers, the human body, sacred studies, and writing. I wanted to know profound esoterica, I wanted our real history, I wanted my lineage. How does one do that?!

Well, my answer was to get to the place where the only thing I could do, to keep a sense of sanity, was to write. I mean, I blew all of it apart, in retrospect, huge ass belief structures, and they are broken and obsolete now, all of them, lying today on my floor like crushed Popsicle-stick houses.

They’d been built for destruction. They never really stood a chance.

And that is why I want this to be a letter of goodbye. I have been in absolute love with the big concepts, exploring birth, death, illness, calamity, extremity, addiction, recovery, trauma, forgiveness, and man’s inhumanity to man. I did this in my personal life, and I did it by proxy, holding active witness for those dealing with their own demons, on the floors of psych hospitals and med-surg units, nursing homes and private beds, witness to the biggest moments of people’s lives, and their most altering.

I have yet to do the math, but one day I will draw up an estimate of how many patients I have had. Really, it would be a shadow of a number, because for every patient, there are loved ones and friends, parents, children, and those yet to be born.

Nursing provided me fit cover for this exploration. A good nurse is a deep one, a technically expert one, a relaxed and funny one. Someone who really has seen most of it, and can easily guess the rest, who can read a situation or person in no time, sometimes long distance, and finds that it is the difference between being assaulted, or murdered, or not, in a psych ward. Get sensitive or get hit, basically.

I really could not have set it up any better.

I did this, and continue to do it, now, since I was 24 years old, as some of you know, but, if we are being honest, I have been caretaking, taking care of patients, since I was 13. Many of my childhood friends had disabilities, so it did start younger, but I think a good cut off is age 13, when I started at St. Anthony’s, volunteering to be a volunteer candy striper.

My mom protected me by urging me to do something I did not want to do, not at all, not at all. I never really wanted to do any of it. But being in this healing arena seemed like it was beyond my control, actually. Again and again, I was led back into nursing, but I had better ideas, bigger plans. I wanted to remain in the land of poetry, symmetry, sensitivity and truth.

I couldn’t, and I shrug my shoulder now, and smile, and am glad for this seeming detour, something I have long thought of as a cruel cosmic joke. But you see, there is that love again, shining through the cracks of a middle-aged nurse’s skin, her eyes shining from remembering fondly all of the intimacy and love and compassion known throughout her career, a career which will span 40 years in February.

The love I always thought I’d only known from just a few, this love I can now see in my gas station clerk, the oil change guy, my handler at work, my little boy. I cannot see a situation in my life, really, that is not beaming with this love.

And this, to me, has always been more satisfying than human love, because there is no opposite, there is no argument, there is only admiration, adoration, humility, exchange, pride, celebration.

Even when being mentored, ridden hard to perform, I took every single thing that came out of Marge’s mouth as holy, because I could see it dripping off of her. I knew her to be an angel, and you do not disrespect angels. Ever. It is just so gauche, so sad, and so incomprehensible, when an angel is treated poorly. It reflects so badly on those doing the misbehaving, but, you know, up until 2012, it was a pretty level playing field.

A lot of us got real dinged up, hurt, it felt, disrespected and unseen and unloved, many of us. This is not a “poor me” lament, but an admission that this sort of love was held in disdain and distrust ma lot of the time, and I know I am not the only one here who felt this. Let’s all just be honest about it, come out of the shadows and greet each other. I have been waiting a really long time for this.

This is my better self you are meeting.

The thing is, there is a mystery to it, a bit of a koan, I am finding.

This better self, the one who resonates with the highest natures around, who learned from and was in devoted recognition of these people of impeccable integrity and honesty, and who could not really ever feel good about those who were not like that, well, I have come to see that this integrity is the ancient way, the new way, because this better nature we all have, it is the plan for us to come to see that if we can see it in others, the reason that we can do that is because it is within us.

I have within me that which vibrates, in perfect resonance, when I encounter the divine.

And there can then be no other conclusion than the most unbelievable, the most “blasphemous,” the most revolutionary understanding of our time: the Divine in me knows the Divine in you.

And some carry quite a lot of it, full time. Some carry it into tightly circumscribed areas of their endeavors.

But, this is the miracle, and the cause for the letter, I can now see that there is this nature in everyone. I understand, am in relationship with those who deny it, and punish those who understand it, or simply emanate it.

We are, basically, a compliant but completely uncontrollable lot, you know? People pick up on this. They mess with it, or try to. But sovereignty is sovereignty. It can be denied, hidden, even hated, but it is unchanged by such behavior and thinking. A fact, it is, and a metaphor, rich for exploration and donning.

Yesterday I wrestled all morning with worry, and found that it was changing. I channeled, and then things began to soften, and ease. Some very core thoughts kept being broadcast to me. I saw things very clearly. By the end of the night, I understood things I had not had access to in the morning. I was able to really own the thought of being protected. And then, as I snuggled into my bed, I understood something whole.

When I had been out at my dad’s house, taking care of his wife while he had cardiac surgery, we had eight days of intense light work and healing. It was a heady time, a time when I had a sustained absence of worry, and until last night I could not language this state that I yearn to settle within me.

And then it came to me.

Safe.

I had felt safe.

For eight days I had felt so utterly supported, really in every way, that I can only smile and relax when thinking on it now. Sure, my dad was in physical trouble, but all of us had gone in understanding and accepting that either he will live or he will die. Dad told his surgeon before the open heart, “Well, I guess when I wake up I’m either gonna see you or see my dad.” We had gone through such heartbreak with mom. We had toughened up during her slow death of five years.

But still, the pragmatism and humor has always been there, in my family. When mom was given her prognosis of 5 years, when she was 56, after having a massive heart attack, do you know the first thing she uttered, into the shocked air we were all trying not to breathe? She said, “Well, it looks like I’m gonna be the first one in the family to know who killed Kennedy.”

In my reality, there were few safe places, but we had a certain humor which reminded us, as we were silently ignoring ot killing each other, that, actually, none of this is real, so lighten up. It helped, and it still does.

And last night, I reviewed the things I had been told through the day. I remembered being repeatedly bombarded with the thought construct that said, “What makes you think that you can be guided professionally or with picking out your cats or your friends, but it isn’t there in your other, more troubled, less settled areas of your life? What makes you think that you can have that much planning of some things, but that others are completely random and abandoned by all of us?!”

And the one that bleated, again and again, “Look around you. Do you have enough today? Well, Do YOU?!?!?!? Just keep the focus there, sister. You have enough. You always have enough. You will not go without. This life was never one of survival. You are protected. You are protected. You are protected.”

And so, I went to sleep feeling something I had not known since May (and before that, had never had). I felt safe. I knew in my bones I am safe, last night. I said it out loud. I giggled. I said it again. I just said it three times again, just now, and could remember, while repeating it, that I had been saying it in the car on the way to Sam’s school, and while scrolling fb and checking emails and making coffee.

I am safe. I am safe. I am safe.

And then, here comes Kryon. My greatest teachers, my forever friend, my mentor and guide and angel.

The most recent channelings are from the Compassion Choir. I was not drawn to the Lemurian Choir until this fall, but I was right there for this one. The tones are not transmitted, which is fine, but the channelings around them are, as are the teachings readying us, leading up to the choir channeling, and they are all just so perfect. Just what I needed. As always. I laugh. There is no argument, and no shame in admitting this love affair. It is always just what I need, what I get from Kryon.

This reflectivity stuff that gummed up the works for me, I see it better now. I can feel it when the Great Central Sun’s love is beaming out of a person or a situation. I can feel it, and I bask in it.

But I always thought, and so it was true, that this love I felt was contained in the other, and that I needed the other so that I could feel it. Is that not why we get married? Is that not why we do the activities which feed our soul? To have access to the good stuff, to feel the love, you see.

But now, today, I see things much differently, and that is why I write.

I understand that I can feel this in others because it is in me, and I am recognizing it. Hence my conundrums around recognition.

The Teachers would, at times, remind me, and sometimes admonish me, as had my therapist before them, to not take another’s bad behavior to be an indicator that I had done something wrong, or was in error. I always felt somewhat responsible for a bad interaction, or relationship, or situation, or person.

Like, if I could just shine better, the thing would be ok, everything would be fine. There is something wrong with me, because this person is suffering. That sort of thinking. The ones who suffer, I suffered with them, and sometimes even for them. The Teachers would tell me, don’t imagine when you see someone being horrible to you, that you deserve it, basically, but I just couldn’t get there until today.

I read some of Alice A. Bailey’s work while hanging out at a metaphysical bookstore the other day. It set something right in me, reading about the seven rays, and the coming humanity who is embodying this seventh ray. Such pure prophecy, so long ago, and not mentioned, not revered, as it should be, in my opinion. Her work in Esoteric Psychology, it is wonderful. It will be like flogging a dead horse someday, but I think her work can nicely patch the bridge that is developing between those who are more attuned, and those who are not, but wish to be.

Anyhow, I read about how a First Ray individual thinks, what their traits are, and where their focus lies.

I saw then, still wearing my coat and sweating up a storm, in that bookshop, that I was reading a description of the ones who are in power currently. And it is not a bad ray, it is a necessary one, but it is quite brutal, the energy, and blunt and unthinking. Unaware of its awareness.

And then I read the sixth ray, and read of some who are thought to be in the sixth ray, and I was home, being talked about yet again, just like when I read my astrological chart or use Tarot or work the numbers. I felt pride and recognition, I felt peace and belonging, and I felt really really good, on that frigid and sunny afternoon in my most loved Denver bookstore.

Much of my work has been laced with survivor’s guilt. A stance of ,”Is it gonna be ok if I just step over here and rock and talk to myself? Is it meaningful, what is going on in my head? Do I have value, when what I value is not what is valued by you?”

And then, in 2011 and into 2012, after seeing this white angel of light during a song at church, I had all those experiences, all those conversions, meditations and visitations. I worked, looking back on it, like a coolie.

No breaks, really, all of it fun, but deadly serious, all of it sacred beyond language, and all of it talked about honestly, here, and dispersed into the ethers for others who might know of which I speak.

I am a doubter, and had a lot to overcome. I have not and will not publicly discuss all that I have experienced this lifetime, and this letter serves as my assurance to you that there are horrors which can be so forgiven, so integrated, so thanked, that they transform into something beyond beauty, an integration and forgiveness which then transmutes into a crystalline understanding of the great sacrifices that were made on my behalf, and no one is then guilty of anything but loving me, and carrying out my wishes, for my highest good.

All of it becomes sanctified, and then, strangely, sort of forgotten. The weapons dull, the blunt objects lighten, and the pain is gone, and the fear is gone, and the anticipation of more pain and fear are also gone.

Kryon said that the new traits of the awakened human being are those of Compassion, Tolerance, Temperance and Generosity.

And this awareness helped me to have a dream, which I will tell you about in closing, but I wish to dwell just a little bit within those words.

I see, as I roll them around in my mouth, that there have been times, and areas, where I have felt and had no compassion, no tolerance, no temperance and no generosity. Whole blocks of time, and whole relationships based on the frank imbalance of these attributes, me often screaming at the brick wall which is so easily erected when these qualities go out of a relationship, and so aware of the times when I felt none of these things toward those people and situations which deserved nothing less.

And I saw, felt, those storylines turn into paper, and then taken by a wind I couldn’t feel. I can now see how those qualities could have changed everything, so often, had they been demonstrated, had I demonstrated them.

I remember when I was given a magenta ray, in meditation, and told the gift was compassion, and its attribute was gratitude. I was aware, suddenly, of how good it felt to feel compassion, and how little I had allowed myself to feel in the past. How I was drawn to those who could not embody it, always fighting and arguing and voting against it.

Tolerance. I thought of the people I have hated, the situations I deemed unbearable, intolerable, like when I was first confronted with the notion of being here for at least another 18 years. I was confronted with the person I had become, an intolerant, belligerent and angry one, continually bellowing and crying for revolution inside, while shuffling along in the line, not saying a peep, quiet, lidded eyes never revealing the battle raging within me.

Temperance. Oh! I love the thought of temperance. Permission, it seems clear, to stop posturing, and to stop wondering if it is real. Temperance, for me, is the ability to shut up and let someone else talk, to stop peacocking and start listening.

I’m sure it will have different meanings to others, but to me, it is a sublime permission slip to just sit down and shut up, and listen. Be amazed by others’ stories and trials, open to their hearts, no longer needing their approval or understanding, and, thankfully, no longer wanting to talk, but instead, to simply be in another’s presence.

And then there is generosity. I love this generosity of spirit I see my friends and mentors carry. I have always wanted to be that generous, and really, thinking as the tape played, this is one I sort of have down cold. This is something I actually excel at, and no one had to teach me it. I have always been generous.

But a spirit of poverty settled on me, one that was inherited and then horribly misunderstood, for very grand lessons, of course, and now, the idea of generosity returns to me and really hits home, and I am filled with gladness.

I can afford it, the voices have been telling me for well over a year, of anyone at work there tonight, of anyone in this lobby, of anyone in this class, I can afford to be the happy one. The untroubled one. The giver. I can afford it. Generosity.

But this has yet to manifest as cash. Just enough for one day, it continues to go, just like the ones wandering out in the sand for forty years, every day taken care of, protected, and every day worrying and bellyaching and giving ourselves ulcers, worrying about tomorrow.

So, then, after this tape, there was another, and it was good too, but I forget its content now. The last was the choirs, and I will just say this about it. He described the years to come. 2015, its meaning, and its choir. And then 2016, and the amazing things that will be done.

I have been with them as they opened the portal at Lake Titicaca. It was a visceral, physical experience I had in that listening, as they all are, but none more than that one. These quantum events need not occur in temporal time with any synch at all. It exists for all time, and is new each time. I was moved to laughter and to tears during many channels, and then, came the discussion of doing the Forgiveness Choir in Israel in 2016.

I realized then, yes, this is just going to keep getting better now. I am to travel to Israel, or to Shasta. I am slated. I can participate in it all, and there is no expiration date. There is no stopping this now, and it cannot do anything but get better.

It crushed the long-ago me when The Teachers left, and I wandered around heartbroken and weirded out after those years concluded. I had been stretched and changed, but was completely out of context, and yet in perfect timing. I felt awkward for so very long.

And now, I see this is because of some fundamental misunderstandings, of course, but also, it just was not time yet! I thought that I did not have, within me, what The Teachers gave to me, reminded me of, week after week. I considered it some sort of weird anomaly that I had had access to them at all. Maybe it had been a mistake, and maybe it had been a cruel joke, and maybe it was just a scheduled relief in the pain my life had seemingly always been, but I just did not get it until now.

That was then, and this is now. I see now that it is not at all unusual to have been affected by these great teachers, as I am also affected by nature, and poetry, and friendship, and sexual union. Not unusual at all, because I am, when in that presence, my better self, and, through these last years, I am now in touch with my Higher Self, the one which is entangled with the Great Central Sun, who sits at the feet adoring All That Is, the one who has been shining through my actions and words all this time, completely unrecognized, completely unrecognized, completely unrecognized.

In karma, and in lesson, we encounter things we say we’d rather not, and we hold fear for the things we can see coming, and those that blindly sideswipe us. In karma and in lesson, all is not as it seems, and great tragedies contain the highest form of love, of course. In karma and in lesson, light and dark are weighed and measured, and, not that long ago, they were almost equal. But the dark held sway where it should not have, back then, and compassion and generosity, tolerance and temperance had been unable to shine through sometimes. The bodhisattvas got tired, the spiritual weightlifting became so hard.

In the old days, and maybe even now from time to time, we got beat up, but this is what has changed, and will only get better.

I know how to work with this energy here. I know this energy, the energy which is bursting with golden liquid love, the one which is singing with love and honor, this energy I know very well. It has always been my creator, but until last night and today, I did not really get that I was aware of it because I am of it.

And somehow, miraculously, with great brotherhood and collaboration, I am this energy now. I feel no fear, and I do mean this. I have said it so many times in my writing, and each time I have meant it and celebrated it, and each time I learned there was more to it than what I’d previously known. Increasing trebles of love, forgiveness, benevolence. That is what I have known since all that time ago, when the lights finally came on for the last time.

Sure, the lights came on slow, as they should have. I had a lot to inventory, you know? I had a lot to parse and disseminate. I wanted, needed to know what was mine, and what was everyone else’s. And I did it.

So I am saying goodbye to someone who doubted herself and her experiences most of all, who took over when the mean ones exited stage left and stage right, and who became a master of self-loathing and self-doubt. I know of the scenes, know all of the lines, and am just relieved, really, that I don’t have to say them anymore. I wouldn’t be convincing anymore, because I don’t believe them anymore.

To end, I will tell you of my dream. I got done with the Kryon channelings, and was urged to sleep. I snuggled in and lay on my right hip, the hip that has been hurting since 2007, which, today feels brand new.

I lay down and my dream was this: I was outside a Goodwill with my sister. She and I like to go junking. The Goodwill was set in a house, and we did not make it in. Mary had wandered down the driveway and was looking through a bunch of stuff. I came up and found that she was foraging through donations that had not made it to the donation area. She indicated it was fair game, and to dive in.

I found really amazing camping equipment, and was thrilled, because now I would be completely kitted out. I said that in my dream. Completely kitted out. I could go anywhere now. Expensive flints, awesome cooking gear, even a blow-up mattress. Then I moved to the desk, and found many things that were personal to someone, and this is when the dream began to break apart.

It was the thought of unfinished work, unrealized hope that woke me up. I had been thumbing through a stamp collecting book set, and the pages were empty. I realized I was going through someone’s things, someone who had been abandoned, whose personality, whose beingness, had either died or been thrown away by someone who no longer cared. I was looking through props which once held magnificent meaning to an individual.

In the dream, my sister and I had worked in tandem, she concentrating on her interests, me on mine. I never asked her if I could have the camping equipment, or if she would prefer it. It had been mine, clear as day, left there for me, a gift, it seemed, from someone I did not know and could never thank.

I then knew that the shift she and I have been preparing for is nearly here, and I was grateful for the warning. I am ready.

I am now happily ending this long letter. I am in forever awe of my fortitude, my abilities, and how much I have been trusted and loved by All That Is. I am humbled by this process just as surely and truly as I have been uplifted.

It is a solid love, a sure and steady one, that radiates from me now, one without preening, without needing to ask you for your approval, without the need to discuss any of it, oddly.

And this is the dissonance which still makes me shake my head a little. And the one which I will need to see is little more than a smoky phantom, blown away with one good belly laugh. I wonder, at times, how this will go, how it will be, now. What my life holds and where I will be working, living, focusing on, in the days, weeks, and even in the years to come.

I know now that all doors open with some simple attributes, ones which I want only to embody and get to know, in every single situation I encounter, from here on out. Compassion, Tolerance, Temperance and Generosity. These are octaves, expressions of wise benevolence. These are things I can do, that I do, indeed, do and that I am. And I have permission now to be and know more of them.

Those who say no to this, oh, they are the ones who will not be fitting in now, you see. They’re out there still, but they can be seen for what they are now, using such grand metrics in the measuring of a man or of a woman.

And I know this now, that I am these things, always was. I am a solar angel, and I am divine. I love the divine because I am made of this divinity, as you are, and all you love, and all you hate, and all you barely tolerate.

Above all, I am a messy human, and do not follow rules real well. I get to try on new behaviors now, and have given myself permission to act in brand new ways, with no defense, for none is needed, not anymore.

I say goodbye now to you, my loving reader, who has walked with me through dark forests of towering doubt, who has climbed high mountains with me and explored caves I did not know I contained, and who summits with me today celebrating that we are indeed our better selves, that we always have been, and it is just the burning off of the old ways, the layers, the misconceptions that is bringing these tears to our eyes now.

I remember there was a time in the last couple of weeks when Kryon said something about an onion. That the onion wishes to know itself, and to do so, it must peel back layer upon layer of itself, to get to its core. And he said this just after I had had an odd experience at my mirror, seeing my squat body and spindly legs covered in rags, and then the rags burned off, and then I realized that which had burned off the clothing was me, that I was on fire,

I was light. I stood there feeling and looking completely different, but the same.

I am on fire, I am light, it is all burning off me now, that is what this is, that is ascension, the burning off of the old attire, in light. Ascension is becoming this light, I thought. The onion, that helped too. Just different ways of saying the same thing.

Our better selves, our core, that is the thing, and the thing which makes guru practice a thing of the past, a nice metaphor for a bygone era. I was always that which I loved, and I loved it because there is nothing in here, within me, here, that is not love.

I am my better self today, and I will now navigate this new life gladly, with great trust and overwhelming gratitude for having been so trusted, so guided and nurtured, so wonderfully coached, and so completely and utterly loved.