DEEPLY AWAKE: “Opening Softly To More” By Kathy Vik 9-3-16
I used to wonder, from time to time, what would happen when I got some of the major koans I had out of the way, understood, grokked. What then? Certainly, the writing would change. It would have to. No longer in deep argument and/or puzzlement, Deeply Awake would need to be around for another reason, as equally valid, as necessary, to as many or few feel called to follow along. It’s always been a miracle to me that anyone has wanted to. It seems an odd and singular message, a highly personal one, but, my view on that still stands. If I’m going through it someone else probably is too, and it’s time to start talking about this stuff, as experimental or weird as it may seem.
It’s something I knew I needed to do. And now, I am not so sure. I know there is a change right on top of me. I’ve talked about wanting to do fiction, but I have spent the time instead, adjusting to a new schedule. I feel fallow, ready, about to heat up and begin. I like this feeling, always have, knowing the hook is right in front of me, waiting for me to swim just a little further. What happens next is a brand new creation.
A couple weekends ago I was walking downtown, a quiet Saturday afternoon, a little windy, but warm. I’d been to a protest, and was very altered. I let them come through. They told me that they would very much like me to look up “apologetics,” and “Socrates.” This study would assist in understanding what I had been engaged in, why I felt weird about it all, and it would also help to spur on new thoughts about what to do next.
I argued with them, as I walked, telling them I thought it was most likely Aristotle, it just seemed more appropriate, and then I had some thoughts, and then they interrupted, sort of bellowed a kindly , “Uh, no, dear one. It’s Socrates. Apologetics, Socrates.”
I did as I was told, and sure enough it was Socrates’ defense in his being accused by the state of being bad for them, of not holding the same beliefs as those in power. The defense was an apologetic, from the Greek word for defense. And then, moving onto Christian apologetics, which basically is the advocacy of Christianity as the superior religion. Sort of like that, the best demi-god or whatever.
It helped me, as did this eclipse.
Yesterday, while driving, At a long stop light I had some time to muse. I thought about how the last couple of days have been robust, very fulfilling, more so than before, but that the general tone has deepened or enriched a bit. How things that were once sticky with emotion are now seen as being more simple, and all around me is this neutral acceptance that what I have been experiencing has been by choice. That everything is as it should be.
I then had a stray thought, hey, yeah, there was an eclipse here a couple days ago… well, I’ll be damned. And then thoughts about the last Kaypacha Pele Report about the eclipses and their effects on our consciousness, individually and en masse. It was as if they floated to me as confirmation, though they of course had been riding along with me. I don;t use such tools as predictors though, and, maybe because I am prone to forgetting things I don’t need at the time, I’d put out of my mind all that other stuff, fresh off another 8 hour shift, dealing with traffic and moving things along in our daily life, Sam and I.
There has been a change, and it’s been coming through for a little while now, and it feels better, it has an umber color to it, and a tone that is appealing and soothing. These, to me are intuitive, but accessible, simply facts, like the color of the sky, or my weekend plans.
I woke up about a week ago going through one of those wake-ups where one by one things come into view… first story lines, then what I expect, and then all my feelings. But this recent morning, when that happened, it’s as if all of it then fell away again, as I became so aware of how much I love God, how deep and true that love is, how it’s the purpose and the song praising it, it’s all about this God thing, Creator, All That Is, Source, Unified Field Energy, call it what you want, it’s been called so many things, but this thing that is within and through everything. That’s what I got to play with, until my vision and thinking cleared enough to be willing to pad to the kitchen and fetch my coffee.
I am reluctant to talk like that, because I don’t wish to make anyone uncomfortable, but after all, this is such a beautiful and profoundly loving thing, this feeling, this knowing, this reality, and it was nice to bask in it so freely there for a time, that morning. It is a balm, it soothes the soreness and rubs the muscles smooth.
But this, to me, brings to mind ascension, not a passionate love for Jesus Christ, My Only Lord and Savior. It’s not like that for me. There is this love in those I heal and those I wound. It’s in everything I see that is from the Earth. It’s in my heart. It’s an essence.
I know that some of the video work has been talking about agreement fields, and the mixing of agreement fields, or about relationships, all sorts of them, and It think that is a good pursuit, but there is something about writing, it is the rhythm and the intuitiveness of it, there is just a tiny lag, between thought and the creative moment. In that moment the Hemingways are distinguished from bank tellers who dabble. And with the prolonged pause, just thought to finger, well, things happen, it is fun, and they can speak through me more easily, more fluidly.
I persist in calling this internal guidance “they” and “them,” simply because they at times come in and tell me something I simply could never have known myself, and it is verifiable and helpful and informative, and I have to think to myself that maybe it’s ok to have this division. As I have said, I like to think that we all have this membrane between something more than ourselves, and with work and intention and other things, it can get more and more porous. Semi-permeable, you could call it. And what’s available to me through this membrane is available to every single person on earth, and it’s the same stuff, but there’s so much of it, it takes time to figure out how to process it all, and it is up to each person’s filters, needs, paths, what they choose to attend to, how much of it is relevant, and the growth goes on and on. I think it’s through this membrane that our souls are, and they have access to everything. Part of this process has been in being ok with not having answers, and part of it is being ok with when the answers finally show up.
Still, though, it’s the funniest thing, seeing things just more simply now. It’s as if things that used to just hogtie me and strand me in logic I couldn’t escape from is lifted. That’s the word I think descries this best. I feel like there has been a lifting or a peeling away, and I don’t feel sad about what’s gone, because it hasn’t gone anywhere, it’s just different now.
I know enough to understand when such a shift seems to have occurred, it is not the observed that has changed, but the observer. I don’t know if it is from the eclipse, or it’s just a natural progression, but I like it, and want it to stick around.
But it does bring up the purpose, the function, of Deeply Awake, if I’m not in constant argument with myself or others. What then? Because, in the end, it always felt like I was defending or dissecting, at the least, something. Through a series of understandings, always in the morning, a series, a staircase, there are many things that I understand that I just didn’t before.
The subjects range the gamut, from a download on boundaries, and how these alter with gender, and it’s time they no longer did, to the gift of hanging out in my love for god one morning, to discussions on industry, on ascension itself, on many things, but always very gently, and never too much, just recaps, it feels, to me. Always in the morning, just with a tip of my head, new thoughts come.
Then my day happens, and I am simply changing, as a result of the work, of my mornings, and maybe because of the preparation. I don’t know.
I think that it’s going to be fun to talk to a group of my friends about this ascension business, and I think I will practice on the youtube first, and really, that is what has changed the most. This is now a normative thing, a normal ting, being me. I will not share much with those who I know will be threatened, measured by their intolerance or disinterest, but I make no apologies, either. I don’t ever lay the ascension thing on strangers. Unless they let me know, by what they say, that they have the knowledge already. Then I proceed. Otherwise, there’s plenty else to discuss, and it’s all connected anyway. But, to be among those I love, who love me, and we are simply good to one another, and value one another, well, sign me up for that. This is a privilege, and a good and happy time in my life. I feel blessed.
It feels like that every day now, though. Yes, I still have heartaches, longings, that sort of thing, I’m still aware of my big clay feet and my unfiltered mouth, and voracious curiosity and mental unwillingness to be bored. I have all of that. But even this is softening. I can feel it. I’m letting more in, from the outside, from the inside. Opening to more.
It really does mean stepping into my life, less willing to lurk in the shadows, a place I enjoyed and understood better than many I encountered. It means walking into being a writer, more and more though. That’s the sister to my ascension raison d’etre. For me, they are coupled, because I could not have done one without the other. And so, the work may change, simply in tone perhaps, a quickening of message perhaps, but still, a voice, a singular voice, just here to tell about things as they are inside, and outside, making sense of these changes as they continue to roll.
I wish you peace, generosity all around you for you, and much love this day and in all days.