Deeply Awake: Another Level of… Whatever By Kathy Vik 2-13-18


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A bare-bones talk for those who are on the ascension path, for your enjoyment and consideration. I was urged to talk about many, many aspects of this thing our community keeps talking about, “The Event.”

In this multidimensional eclipse gateway, I thought it necessary, somehow, to talk about esoterics, energetics, prophecies and premonitions, many of them revolving around about being flooded with light, or…  whatever.

This is a personal, quantum reality for each, and this is an enjoyable recording for those desiring many observations and interpretations of the energy bombarding us, and that which is to come, from the vantage point of this intrepid spiritual reporter known as Deeply Awake.





Deeply Awake — Daily Life As a Multidimensional Being, or, Applying Ascended Reality To Daily Life 2-4-18 By Kathy Vik

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Holy smokes.

This is a vital recording, with a HUGE anomaly late in the recording, adding emphasis when relaying a soul confirmation … INCREDIBLE!

This is a FULL ON esoteric recording, for the hardcore among us, who need to know what it is like to apply these principles and to see them pay off in daily life.

That’s sort of the point, of going through this process in public. There had to be an end-point, I would think. There’ll come a day when things make a lot more sense, and then, it’ll be an obligation, and a joy, to just describe the view.

This is one such love letter, from a ledge that continues to blink on and off, literally (!!!!!), as I transmit this appreciation, and joy, and hope, and tips, and descriptions right from my being, to you.

Namaste, my brother, my sister.





As referenced:

Deeply Awake CHANNEL — Evidence Of Things Unseen 4-26-14 By Kathy Vik

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Deeply Awake CHANNEL — Evidence Of Things Unseen 4-26-14 By Kathy Vik


And so we begin by explaining some of the shifts which have recently occurred for many, and to explain how this shift has impacted the channel and this project.

We tell you now that tectonic movement has occurred of which you are aware but vibrationally, as individual entities and a mass consciousness.

These shifts have produced and will continue to produce fundamental alternations in most pursuits of daily life, and more to the point, how daily life is henceforth perceived by many of you.

We have allowed the channel to catch up, so to speak, and she is in agreement with this fundamental alteration we have been presenting to her incrementally for some time.

We bring up the personal to point out this is not personal at all, and far from holding onto such changes and shifts, speaking of them is far more imperative at this time.

This channel agreed long ago to play the fool, in many respects, and she is comfortable in this role. And this is a shift many of you also are aware of.

The wisest of you have had the most foolish of lives, have you not? Many of you have extricated yourselves from ruin more than once, and are more than aware of your so-called flaws in character.

And many of you are coming to see that having done foolish things, and having had foolish thoughts about your fellow travelers, your existence and purpose, nature and space, this has taught you more than any amount of preaching from a mound of sand could.

Is not the walk of a master to guide and encourage, and to see worth in that which is understood as worthless? A master must soften worthlessness, desolation, despair. And in the end, is not the master’s walk one of gentleness, wisdom, clarity and stillness?

One often think of these terms, in your culture, and we wish to encourage the idea that a master’s walk is one of peace, however, we wish to remind all who read and follow along that masters are made in cauldrons of discontent, and in times of fundamental shifts in consciousness.

We wish to show you in the most concrete terms, using simple language, the truth of it: that you are a spiritual entity who is having a physical experience, and not the reverse. We gave this to the channel, and she felt the frequencies each state holds. It is important to find these tracers, these feeling states, and identify them, for reference and direction, as you make your way quantum reality.

We wish to clarify that there has been a distinct and wholly artificial barrier between channeler and the channeled. There is a belief that channeled information for all must not contain that which is personal.

We refer, for instance, to the Seth material, footnotes regarding the kitty cat and house hunting all in italics. Many channelers do not, will not, discuss self. We wish to soften this thinking, as continuing this separation places many at a disadvantage, primarily due to frequential dissonance which can no longer be maintained within some vehicles.

We are here to tell you that blending, melding, merging, coupling, integrating, this is the way of it, and far from being suspected of charlatanism, you may encounter more and more channelers who are finally allowing personal as parable, as connector, as bridge. This comes from, of course, elevating the human to more spiritual terms, and feeling as if the spiritual is more tangible, of course.

We wish to have you understand that being human is far from an inferior state. It saddens, slows, things, to think this way, and is the result of DNA calibration, so to speak. Its release from your countenance may take practice, this we tell you to encourage you, asking you to not give up, and to keep on with the marriage afoot.

To this end we wish to announce that, with great celebration and permission, of course, the channel now understands that this book is to be a channeled one. She was not aware of it, and had misunderstood, initially.

She understood at first that the new volume now begun would be a dance between channeled information and essay. How surprised she was to finally understand this was a misinterpretation, an understandable one, for what was about to take place!

Dear reader, dear listener, dear shining one, understand that the shifts upon you are shifts which you have long anticipated and contracted for, in that, you wanted this, you are made for this time, and have skills for this transition many do not possess. And so, in role of helper and friend, you may now begin to guide others safely home knowingly and cooperatively, as they wish.

One cannot do this work effectively if one is tied to outcome, which means that one must be in complete abandonment of a desire to change another.

All systems are made of individuals, and this is sometimes forgotten. There is an overlay, a sort of glamor, that has been placed within mass thinking, and this is changing, no doubt of it.

There is the creator and the creation, and it is this that has been clarified in recent days. As such, many are beginning to see their reality as more powerful than they, more than ever before, while some are smiling, feet up, finally comfortable. And why is this?

We have explained that an interplay exists that is outside your perceptual equipment, so to speak, although this has begun to change as well. With too great an identification creator to created, the creator loses its awareness of an essential function of daily human life: integrity.

Creation becomes the all, and what better symbol to have for this construct but money. Ah, it is a beautiful set up, is it not?

And now, the shift begins. We tell you, can you not feel it, a generalized sense of gratitude, of home, of peace, within your skin, regardless of circumstance? Has it not been coming to you in waves from time to time? We told you of doorways recently. Understand these celestial events have left the doorways open. Wide open, you see. No longer a crack or a slit of light is perceived. No. Your equipment can pick up more now.

And now you are beginning to understand that perceiver is not perceived, and yet, in this very curious light, you are beginning to truly sense, for the first time, that what has been created is conscious, has life and meaning, is significant, and, very curiously, seems to be asking you to bless it.

As such, many then learn that it is mindfulness, thoughtfulness, simplicity and warmth are vibrations of personal integrity. With these as your metrics, can you not take comfort, at the end of a day perhaps filled with horrible conflicts, that yours perhaps was the role of consoler, of brotherhood, sisterhood, family, standing there in line, sitting at your desk, emptying the trash, being jostled and bumped as you sometimes might be.

That creator and creation are not the same is fundamental and obvious, and yet, there are deeper paradoxes at play here. The creation stands as a conscious entity, so to speak. As creator, are you pleased with your work?

Does the feeling tone of your creation please you, and will your creation go on to ease others’ ways? These are questions it is more than legitimate to ask, and we wish to add to this esoterica how things have come to be different, easier, we tell you, easier still.

We wish to make it easier.

Do you believe that things happen by accident, or purposefully? And how much of the time, to what percentage, would you say, are things accidents and are things purposeful?

We ask you to answer honestly, after contemplation. What is your answer? And is it possible that the answer is just one way or the other?

If that is so, then if you believe in the accidental, can we not tell you that you are missing out on magic? And for those who believe events are purposeful, we ask you, what is the end game of it all, then?

Why would daily life events be purposeful, and yet still one encounters that which is unpleasant, untenable, intolerable?

We wonder this too, since it is you who are creating your experience. What is it that you have decided is untenable, the intolerable, the unpleasant? This is how to start.

Why would such an experience be in your awareness? What could be a logical, benevolent answer?

The untenable, the intolerable, the unpleasant, they are backdrops, they are contrasts, they are grand splashes of color on the portrait of humankind.

If one’s creation is unpleasant, intolerable or untenable, does it not follow that sooner or later, the creator will come to accept they could create with a different palette? And perhaps this realization could only come at the end of a grand and bloody, conflicted and angry age of consciousness?

We urge you to turn away from thinking in “Us” and “Them” terms, when it comes to your fellow creators. This is, after all, a stance of arrogance and vanity, is it not? When was the last time you enjoyed having someone at the office tell you you were doing a task, your task, wrong. Did you enjoy it? Did it help you to feel joyful, confident or soothed?

If not, please, we ask, refrain from such behavior as the plates shift, the plates of human consciousness, we pray.

Creators you all are, and this is the cosmic paradox of the age, we submit. As a creator, would you prefer to do it plugged into that which produces peace, or would you prefer to paint from the palette of disregard, unthinking, isolation and separation? As a creator, is the choice not up to you?

And so, we will continue to discuss the matters at hand in this manner. We close by telling you of our purpose in communicating now.

This channel is well suited for the exploration of consciousness, psyche and physics, many of whose tenets she knows have not yet been discovered. As such, she is a blend of novice and ancient, as many of you are. We state these facts to explain not her countenance but ours.

She has asked us repeatedly for our name, and it is as yet unspoken. We have told her “Magartha” is important, but you see, that is not our energy.

She understands it is after sending this missive out that our name will be given to her. She had a meditation which featured her dearest friend, and a favored dreamscape, in preparation, and we allow her this desire for ceremony.

We are interested in the weaving together of esoterics and the daily walk, you see. This is our specialty, and this is why we groomed a fool, someone who has been last much, someone who knows humility.

Someone who has made grave errors in judgment, had grand failures, done destructive and misguided things, who has been treated poorly by invitation, choice and circumstance. Someone such as this understands how wrong they can be, you see, and is slow to trust.

This is a lush environment in which to practice our art, which is that of the healing of the heart. It is not the psyche which is in pieces, shutdown, dormant. It is the heart.

The high heart of humanity awakens, and we humbly give our deepest respect and love to those who have failed at the human game, or felt lost, or been despondent. In this despair and confusion was your call, your choice, your push toward the collective you. The system of support and benevolence which is immensely cooperative and stunningly loving. That its existence is in question is the heartbeat of this age.

As creator, use your integrity, your discernment, and we pray, your humor, in all things. We remind you that light itself is light, and we wish for hearts to become this way. It is possible, you see, when you begin to realise that what is in front of you, behind you and within you is well known, loved by, created, by you.

Allow us to leave you with this understanding. We are you, you us, and what separates us is your biology.

Understand, we pray, this paradox.

Your very biology is rooted in and springs from the unseen forces of creation itself.

Can you follow the logic this day, and come to a peace with the truth that you have created what is around you, and it is crying out for your recognition and acceptance?

That which you feel is ugly or repugnant or even, shall we say it, unacceptable, these abandoned creations will keep knocking until you invite them to dine with you. They are tame creatures and will not walk through this doorway without invitation, you see.

Love that which you have created, understanding that any dissonance or discomfort you feel can be ameliorated not only with energetics but with simple friendliness.

We realize we are asking you to love the unlovable, to find peace within great chaos, to feel at home regardless of where you lay your head.

Honor your humanness, and understand your power. The more you allow this thinking to trickle into the cracks of your group thinking, the easier it will be for your seedlings to grow.

Deeply Awake CHANNEL — The Mantle And Geometrics 4-23-14 By Kathy Vik

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Deeply Awake CHANNEL — The Mantle And Geometrics 4-23-14 By Kathy Vik


We wish to speak to you today about geometrics as they relate to consciousness, and how this applies to daily life.

We have the channel an experience prior to beginning. Meditative music which, for her, symbolizes a very distinct and desirable being state was playing, and birds, just outside her window, were enjoying morning song as well.

She understood that grief is something unnecessary to hold, as she heard the birdsong and knew that she has heard it before, and will hear it again, and her awareness of grief was replaced with a spiral of song. This she now knows, and this was held in awareness as she explored the music and song, emotionally and soulically.

You see, as this was occurring, we overlayed the geometrics of it, and she understood that it is within the tension of awarenesses that creativity lies.

Lines went out, connecting music to song to perceiver, creator, co-creator, and this, we then began to show her, could be and is applicable to any pursuit or relationship she has had, ever will have, or is having now. You see, time and all its conventions become meaningless, and it is this we wish to discuss with those of you who might appreciate such things, and those who are indeed experiencing them this fine Spring day.

We have given the channel the image of a giant eraser, and then see how we have scrubbed and rubbed with the eraser, gently but thoroughly, and this is to explain in part the magnetics and, by inference, the geometrics surrounding and affecting each of you in your biology now. There are old abilities you no longer will have: rumination, terror, anxiety states, etc. There are new states and abilities for which you will have profound, immediate proclivity for. The time of surprising oneself is upon you!

Are you not finding that you do not have easy access to dark thoughts and incongruent mannerisms? Are you not finding true dissonance when your behavior is not in concert with soul? Can you not see what is occurring? You are, many of you, understanding at once the deep profundity of human connection, and the honor contained in free will.

We wish to explain that geometrics, as such, is no less of the imagination as magnetism or electricity. Geometrics are the native moment prior to manifestation, you see. Geometrics are the tracers of the mind of god, the evidence of benevolence within quanta.

We bring up geometrics because within the science is the mind of god. How does geometrics apply to your daily life, your story line, your incarnated awareness? Geometrics implies balance, and cannot be without it.

Balance and symmetry, order and beauty, these are words which fail to capture the essence of this state of knowledge. Understanding that everything you physically see or experience is rooted not only in spiritual reality but in mathematical, profoundly beautiful geometrics which are as real, as sturdy, as any steel bridge, knowledge a portal to higher consciousness.

You may witness the truth of this by gazing at crop circles. Can you not feel the love, the wisdom, the peace, within the mathematics and symmetry of the circles? Who but a member of your family would give you such a thing? Who but a loved one would leave such notes?

Those who study astrology understand the beauty of geometrics, and are allies of this energy. And so we discuss these celestial events at hand.

We have said repeatedly that grand movements in consciousness, the leaps many of you have taken so willingly, and larger, mass changes that are done willingly at a soulic level, these leaps are triggered, in this matrix, by celestial events.

We explained to the channel many years ago, and then demonstrated for her, that there are certain apexes that humans can sense and then use to “ride” waves of energy which are not always available in the dimension you inhabit.

These energetic boosts are insertions, and far from being a gift from angels, they are hardwired into this system of benevolence for those who are aware of them. Not escape hatches, but doorways.

These events are helpful in temporal realities, as they stand as reminders and beacons, testaments to those who can auger their meanings, and they can be anticipated, worked toward, celebrated, and remembered. They are signposts, you might say, on the cosmic road of expansion.

Best to consider that you are a creator of this system and therefore can come to seek out and use the triggers The All (you!) has built into this enormously beautiful system of awakening!

Drop the thinking that these things come to you as a gift from someone else, and understand, because you are aware of them, even if you do not fully understand their significance, and in reality, this stance you have is one of co-creator, author, director in amnesia. Think grander and allow your magnificence to shine through the geometrics of the heavens and your hearts.

When there are exceedingly tight trines, squares, crosses, this is a cue, a clue, that this is not accidental, do you see?

Love those who cannot see anything before them but coincidences, or randomness. Love them and understand this thinking can make a person feel lonely and small and cut off from that which has a hand in creating them. Love them and show them kindness. It is the truth of it, all seek their own way, and this is the way of it. All have free choice.

Allow the beauty of your recognition to flow through you, and allow others their vantage point. Let the beauty you know is shining down from the skies imbue your walk and your talk, and let this gentleness of countenance ease those who believe themselves to be alone, without connection to the others or to the stars or to their source. Love them more.

Love them any way.

Of course, with all things there is progression, and we would like to end by reminding you that these crosses, and the triggers which have been taking up attention, and will continue to pique interest, are anticipated, known, charted.

Take care to take interest in any celestial event that is unplanned or spontaneous. This seems to go without saying, but there will be more activity, and unplanned events speak just as loudly as those which you can map out. Perhaps a slightly different delivery, same language.

There is beauty within the astrological and astronomical events which are occurring today, have been occurring and will continue to occur. This cycle of crosses began when your consciousness, as a group, sharpened. There can be no true causal determinant. It is a beautiful system of cooperative love.

Are you not aware of the culmination of things which had their beginning twenty years ago, nineteen years ago? Can you not feel the turning, the spiral activity in your life story, in your spiritual journey, in your walk home?

You are on holy ground, each of you, as you walk this earth, your presence here was planned. You are integral to the plan, and we wish to leave each of you with a sense of place, place within your chests, in your skin, and wherever you happen to find yourself, in circumstance, this day.

You are part of a group whose sole mission is to hold these secrets and go about daily life. Yours is to hold the knowledge and function as someone who does not have this access, through their soulic choice. This has been your task, but you are now finding that the knowledge is no longer able to be held, yes? Have you found that holding back is more difficult?

This is how to leave you, telling you that you are indeed a golden one, reader and writer, and those who may not see this for some time, we must tell you this. Yes, physical life is captivating and mesmerizing, and it is supposed to be enthralling, captivating, engrossing. Yes. This is so.

And so we say, for those who are not longer able to be so captivated by the electro-magnetic-chemical wash of your physical vehicles, you have geometrics to thank, in part.

The very medium in which you function has altered due to magnetically induced changes to the grid, and these changes, our dear loves, these changes were brought about by you, called for by you, and are your ancient song of home.

Can you not take comfort in knowing that you are where you need to be, at the level of growth you need to be for this grand moment, this Grand Cardinal Moment?

No worries need touch you, and we ask you to consider the taking on of the mantle which you have called to you. A master you have always been. A master you are. A master is how you shall be known. Allow this new mastery to overtake and soften your countenance.

By accepting the responsibility and the power, understand, nothing is ever the same. Does it not make sense that accepting the mantle of mastery requires removing the cloak of denial you have all been wearing so modestly?

By now you have been trained in the ways of love, and are well versed in walking a master’s walk.

Let it be so this day.

Deeply Awake — Manifestation Memo 1-29-14 By Kathy Vik

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Deeply Awake — Manifestation Memo 1-29-14 By Kathy Vik

Author’s note 1-29-14: I was going to call this thing “Manifestation Manifesto,” but that seemed a little high-and-mighty. Just did the spell check… hope it doesn’t suck.

This has been an odd time for me. I feel like I’m finally off the platform, and glad of it, thinking back on my months waiting on that platform, thinking on how exquisitely painful it was at the time, but now, looking on it from this new side, it was just a platform, it was just waiting,and it’s hard to know why I got my undies in a bunch so much, about all of it, the waiting, the platform, wondering what comes next, while all the while knowing.

So now, I feel like I am in a train car, but the train isn’t moving yet. I know that sometimes you can be moving, while on a train, but have the feeling of steadiness, so I look out the window from time to time, and there’s the platform, empty now, clean, like it was never used.

In this scene, I waited with some people, but through all the months of waiting, we only struck up small conversations. Enough for me to know we were all pretty much doing the same thing, but no real depth.

And now, on this train, in this car, I don’t see any of those folks. I am alone in this car. Early on, I had a vision of being on a train, and I’m in a car where everyone speaks a foreign language. And I have some choices. Be perpetually mad that no one understands me, that’s one choice. Another would be to learn their language. Another would be to come up with a new language when we are together. It was all metaphor for fitting in, for figuring out a way to travel when I can see I can’t be understood, through no fault of anyone’s.

You see, I have had a chance to reminisce recently. It was two years ago on the 25th that I walked away from an insanely lucrative job, having found myself yet again with a target on my back.

In two years’ time, I found myself thinking, on my anniversary. Two years. What is different for me than two years ago?

Well, I guess what I am noticing the most right now is what came up in that train imagery. I realized in the last few days that the very biggest change has been one of being able to like people more.

I mean, it boils down to very few things, in the end. I have realized, at work, recently, that I was, for the most part, a highly judgmental and angry person. No one ever satisfied me, not intellectually, not emotionally, not soulically, and rarely socially. And when I looked into people’s eyes, what I saw was often a threat, or a cry, or a scream, but it was rarely someone who loved freely, who was peering at me.

And I found it curious, that I could put up with so much, I just let people do what they are going to do, really, that, in the end, toward the end of it all, before the lights came up, I had gotten to the point where I really found very little good in anyone around me. I told myself awful things about people, and while I’m sure they might have been accurate, from time to time, that’s really not the point.

I looked upon everything with unloving eyes. I had been hurt. I was tired. I was disappointed, so very disappointed, and had become, I think, a bit of a pessimistic misanthrope.

So the biggest change, for me, the thing that just fires me up and makes me happiest, is that I can now look on anyone, and I mean anyone, and find their creator. I can see their frailties, the things they are most afraid of, and I can feel their integrity, somehow, and I feel awe, real awe, for people, anymore.

Now, I used to feel this, I am sure, but I think we are conditioned to think the only appropriate time and place to feel this is with a lover, privately, this sort of intimacy, but, no, I feel a bond with the people I have met, even those who I may never see again.

I kept seeing, again and again, at work, how everything can look miniscule, or threatening, or innocent, and it’s really all just a matter of perspective. I enjoyed watching this, in many different settings, this theme of perspective, play out.

I saw it being done by folks who would never, probably, give a thought to these esoterics which fascinate me, but they are playing out the themes of their lives, the themes of their hearts, their imaginings of who they are in this moment.

Now, these are deep thoughts to have, I guess, while passing pills, or eating boiled-til-it’s-mushy zucchini, but they were comforting, these thoughts. They helped me to remember that everyone who approached me, everyone I approached, was somebody’s loved one, someone’s kid, someone’s mate, someone’s parent.

It was fun. It made everything breathe easier. There was humor, there was a lot of walking around letting people off their hooks, the hooks of worry and anxiety, “There’s nothing here to be upset about. Nothing here to get angry about. Everything’s fixable. No one is trying to do the job wrong. Let’s figure this out.” Lots of that.

So, the biggest change, I would say, is this interpersonal one, the one which allows me to see people not as the enemy, but as friend. That really does not mean I am some Pollyanna fruitcake out in la-la land, unable to focus.


Quite the opposite.

I am a quick study, highly intuitive, focused, driven, as task-oriented as you please, the one so many delegate to since they know I’ll take it seriously, and then they take all the credit. That happens to me a lot. Happened last time I worked. But really, here’s the thing. I’ve found most bosses delegate and refuse to get their hands dirty because they are afraid of it, because it turns out, they are just not that good at it.

And that fear of doing it wrong, or badly, stops a lot of people, it stops managers from diving in. They don’t want anyone to see they might not be up to scratch. And, really, that’s ok. I see it as a sign of weakness and cowardice, but that tells me this is someone who feels insecure, someone who has little confidence, probably easily bullied, someone with a temper, a sad=sack, a victim, and who knows better than me what it feels like to be bullied. I know all about it.

So I tried to show her ways she can stand up to her bullies, as the day progressed, did that too. I just saw things differently, and even when I was rightfully madder than a wet hen, some cool, calm voice came and talked me out of my crazy.

Some cool, calm voice explained to me that here I am, already being leaned on. See this. Pay attention. Look at the dynamics, look at this group. See what is really going on, and be people’s friend. See people as trying to feel intact, prone to feeling picked on. Try that. And then the calm would come, and the smile too, and I felt so much better, so much brighter.

The past two years have taught me my own energetic signature, as promised, it was delivered, and it was no small task. I had a lot to overcome, psyche-wise, but who of us hasn’t? When you go around questioning things, feeling nit right, and for awhile, for me, all I did was feel angry, well, anymore, I give the more temper=prone among us a lot more empathy, and have stopped painting them as the devil out to rock my boat. I remember being that mad. I still get that mad sometimes, but never for long. The voices come to me now, and they soothe me, and put me straight, now.

I see the last two years as a block, you see, and that is I guess why I used the platform metaphor. I feel like I have accomplished my job, these last two years, done the waking up, the living by the skin of my teeth, hippie thing, writing, working whenever, just letting go, knowing something good is waiting for me on the other side of whatever the hell this turns out to be.

And now, whatever the hell that was has changed, I feel like I’ve been spat out of one of those car washes, all the strum und drang appears to be over, and I am clean, clean, clean. I’m thinking, to always tilt in the direction of benevolence, that whatever is in front of me is a benevolent thing, that helps.

And so, I want to talk about The Secret, and some of what is channeled by people, and what a lot of new age people earn dividends on teaching, this concept of manifestation, getting what you want, all that crap.

I think we have the manifestation thing all wrong, as a group. There’s this idea that if you visualize it, and then put up posters or whatever, that it’ll come to you. Now, this is simple physics, and not at all hard to do.

And, as my friend Diane says, it’s all the same thing anyway, so if you want the perfect seats, ask for them, see them. Sure, visualizing is important, don’t get me wrong, and Diane is a master manifestor, truly artful, but, it goes far deeper than this.

I mean, as Richard Bach describes, you can think of a blue feather, really concentrate on it, feel it, smell it, in your mind, and then, you let it go. And it will come to you. It has to.

You created it. It has meaning for you.

But, then, there’s all this gunk that gets added to the top of manifesting, weighing it down, rule-bound, ritualized, in its thinking and its practice.

You see, I have always had this split life. I have always known myself to be something I am not. I am a practicing nurse. But I know myself as a bestselling author, a scholar, someone well respected in a community of thinkers, scholars, seers, visionaries, seekers, people who are old, wise, grounded.

That’s who I have always been inside.

And on the outside, I am something completely different. And I have had to find a way to merge the two, or at least let them get along instead of snipe at one another, or try to kill each other.

And, on January 25, 2012, I allowed that writer part of me sort of take the helm. I let myself write, found I had no recourse but to write, and found immediate and profoundly positive changes to my quality of life when I continued. And so, I did. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. And the happiest I have ever been was when I was writing fiction, caught up in it, hearing conversations, seeing whole scenes play out. What a gift that was!

And so, then I hear about manifesting what you want, and how to do it, and all this stuff, and I thought, for a really really long time, well, the reason I don’t have what I know to be my birthright is because there is something terribly wrong with me.

So I worked on that, and fixed that. Then it was, well, the reason I am not self-actualized is because of my family dynamics. So I delved into it, and fixed that. Big changes, great changes, all good, in these areas. Then, I decided it was because I wasn’t somehow soulically good enough. So I delved into that and set myself straight on that account. And so, this idea that we can get what we want, I like it, because it involved, for me, some strenuous spiritual weightlifting.

Still, I have not what I feel I deserve, a lifestyle beneath my magnificence, shall we say, and I like this thinking a lot. It takes it out of the realm of shadow theater, hooking into the socio-political logjams of consciousness, the bizarre long con called our economic system, just unplugs the angst brought up regarding income inequality, and just elevates things a bit, to a place where there are very good reasons why I deserve more stability.

That has been my prayer, for my personal new year. Stability. An eight year for me personally, I want to really get to know responsible manifestation, responsible reality construction, conscious co-creation.

So, to an untrained eye, my continued lack of funds, continued underemployment, I’m not noticing it very much. I have what I need, and although there are many things I need which I cannot afford, what I have here with me brings me joy, and there’s more to come. This isn’t forever. It just can’t be.

Manifesting, I was taught, is about conjuring up the experience, everything about it, every sense, but more, a sense within your body, of how you FEEL,  what you’d be thinking, seeing, smelling, knowing, looking forward to, taking for granted, if what is in your heart of hearts, if this great thing were to pass.

How does it FEEL to BE in that hot tub? Are you happy? Are the stars out? How does your body feel, getting pounded by those jets? How does it feel to be in front of a classroom, teaching? What are you wearing? What does it smell like? Is it night or day> Who are these people.

Dive in, all the way.

And if it feels vibrationally complete, really really good, then, sort of fill up on it, and then, realize it must now come into being by being released. Holding onto it will tether it to you and make it go small. Let it go.

And then, you walk the void. That space between conception and birth. And that walk could be twenty years. It could be twenty minutes. That is up to many, many things, some of which, in retrospect, you will be the most thankful for. So let it come when it comes.

I was taught, at this point, to think on the whole thing lovingly, this excursion into probability, and say, like a mother, like a kid, “That or something better.” And you let it go.

I was taught to use the meditation, that seed meditation, to gain strength and inspiration, to grant it validity, sometimes, to find and hold one’s true north, but to always let it go. Walking with it daily is a great burden, and remember, the tether.

Show your courage! Show our faith! Stand and walk as if it is already here. Act and conduct yourself as someone whose deepest desires have already come true, all of them. Live from there emotionally, and don’t get too tripped up on the details, like not having what you want.

Now, this can be a very weird place to hang out, and I don’t do it a lot. I allow myself the luxury before bed, usually. I try to reserve the daytime to getting things done, as much as I can, and taking these voices-in-my-head excursions. And night, I allow myself to imagine that every single problem I have, have ever had, is solved.


The puzzles, done and lacquered. The financial woes, fixed, no debt, no worries, income stream assured, for life. I know this is my natural state, where I belong, where I am headed. And at night, I can play in that garden. I allow myself this luxury when I am driving too. I enjoy long car rides. I can pretend longer.

But, of course, it is not pretending. It is dwelling within and calling to me a vibrational level I enjoy, thoughts and experiences I have enjoyed and will enjoy again.

I don’t know how. And this was always where I missed a step with The Teachers, where they would always need to reign me in a bit. I wanted to know the HOW. I wanted everything. Tell me the how. And they would smile, they would shake their head and say, “The how is up to us, not you.” And it felt like a big hug back then. It really did.

I am beginning to see how this part of it works, and like that the weave that connects us all during the day is the same weave that connects us always, and at night, many of us are working together in surprising ways, setting things up for the following experience, that sort of thing.

So, this means, nothing really happens to me without my permission, and some permissions are deeper and more move-the-story-along than others. Maybe the idea is to be as attuned as we can be to this pipeline home, where we are all connected, and just sort of hang there, even during conversations and arguments, even.

So no, when I think that the “hows” really don’t have to be known by me, I still have to work out a bit of dread, because I really don’t know how some of this stuff is going to be done, given how things currently are, and that’s what I have found has been the final act, the thing that propelled me from the platform into this car.

Just really being ok with everything, just the way it is, remembering in real time, and not in the throes of depression in three days, that I, this consciousness, the one blended and able to say “I,”, I can change anything at all about this, but some things are the way they are because they need to be that way. So just let things ride, but do one new thing a day.

Start mixing it up. One new thing a day. And one thing that just thoroughly pleases and/or delights you. Can be anything. Try those two things. Everything is just fine, everything is in order, fear not.

That’s another one of those voices, and it happens now, as soon as the thought is thought which leads to a sense of dissonance or despair or fear. Just a little voice, a thought, really, but it has a bit of an insertive quality, if I’m not too jangly, and I then feel soothed. More able to cope well with whatever is going on. Reset, I guess.

I have tried vision boards at various times of my life, and being a visual person, seeing things I love sets up nice feelings, but I guess my rant about how it is taught is that focusing on that just isn’t enough, and this is being spoken to someone with very good manifestation skills.

I consider all of it quite purposeful, even the tougher things, and, looking back on all of it, I find it to be elegant, lyrical, poignant, dramatic, a little maudlin, and purposeful. So why not this? Why not this stretch too? So, if you aren’t getting what you want, what you believe you deserve, consider yourself on the platform, or in a train car on a train that hasn’t started moving quite yet.

Maybe it’s not because of your shortcomings, or those of your family, or your socioeconomic status, but just because that’s how you’ve written your story so far. And there are whole chapters people just sort of yawn through, and that’s fine, so maybe it’s no one’s fault, least of all God’s, that you don’t have what you want.

They say that because the universe is so literal, if you declare what you want, you will get it. But, it’s not quite that simple, is it? To be a master manifestor, there comes an ownership, maybe of your own signature, your energetic signature, made manifest, in your body. And knowing that which you are, and that which you come from, how can there be a quarrel, really, with what is in or out of your daily life?

Hasn’t Mother herself taught you that what is needed is always provided, and sometimes the unexpected happens, because you are not alone in this. This is a group production, as well as a highly individual one. It’s ok to sense the connection, and to let things happen as they will, acting from the highest awareness as I can, at any given time, as lovingly and nicely as I can.

It, for me, is no longer time to call out nonsense. I was all for it, for a long time, a militant for a new way, fully convinced that everyone’s duty was to wake up, already. I felt impatience with weakness of character, and I felt disappointed and profoundly fatigued a lot of the time.

I resented stupidity, redundancy, invasive behavior, and was sort of a prickly pear. But I have found a different way, these last two years, the thing that has changed the most. I can look at even the most foul person with softer eyes.

I can like the person without digging the behavior, and I find that I can sometimes quiet things down, and sometimes that’s with asking the simplest of questions. I like the people I see, and they seem to like me. There is nothing here not to like. And I mean no harm. I used to think that “harmless,” was a great title to have. Harmless.

For all my bluster and blow, and I really can decimate someone in conversation, not a great trait, but there it is, I am harmless. I might have to snap a nose a time or two just to get their attention, but never without cause, only when necessary. I’m more of a live and let live person, not quick to jump to conclusions, not quick to judge. Isn’t that funny?

Some of this stuff feels like new upgrades, to be frank. I am grateful for these calming thoughts, when they come. I have learned to trust them, and the feelings they invoke. It makes the most difficult day pleasant, enjoyable, to walk around feeling free.

So, the process which ensued, on that cold day two years ago, has changed me while allowing the me that was always there to finally sort of unfurl, relax on the easy chair, get used to the place. So, although I am sure there are passengers on the car I find myself in, and I am looking forward to talking with them, I’m just now sensing movement, and I’m hoping it’s not a false alarm. I’ve had short trips, false alarms, but somehow this is different. Somehow this feels real, the other times I knew were rehearsal. This feels real.

I’m not sure how much I like the train metaphor, because it lends a sort of trapped movement to something I feel is limitless, but what Kryon says about trains and tracks comes into view now, to close.

He says, we jumped tracks a while back, time sped up, but everything being relative, and you being in a train car and all, most everybody didn’t notice. But the train jumped tracks, is on a different line, timeline, so to speak, now than before the Harmonic Convergence.

They also say that if you want to change your track, consider it on an inverted mobius diagram, where the outer strip will get pulled through to become the inner strip, the inner becoming the outer.

And this strip of track can be colored any color at all. And once the new paint is layed down, the whole track is changed, and you will see things come around again and again, new things, just as before, old things presented again and again, being on this strip. So lay down a new color, a new vibration, a new standard, a new tone. And then, everything will respond.

That’s a far cry from a dream board. And I have nothing against visual cues, I really really don’t, I use them, but there needs to, for maximum effectiveness, be something behind it, something core, and real, and loving, and then, from there, what gets manifested will be from that core. It may not look like the vision board stuff, see? Those are symbols holding the feeling. In three dee land, the symbology will be richer, in real time. Expect the unexpected, right?

So, this to me, gets to the heart of manifestation. Because, acting as if, that is nice to do, and when I am doing it with spiritual things, it works better than with material things. I don’t sweat the material as much as I did, but poverty is a grind.

Acting as if I can see the good in situations, acting as if I have limitless recognition and brotherhood with others, that I can manage.

Holding onto a delusion about how much money is in my wallet, that’s just harder for me.

So, I unplug at night and in my car.

The weight lifts, and I am free from thinking materially.

But I can be free anywhere, now, not that a couple years have passed and I can see people more sweetly, no longer a threat to me, perhaps conniving, perhaps honest, don’t know, that’s on them, but here I am, at your service, happy to help, and completely harmless.

And for once, aren’t you finding, that this is seen as a good trait?

I like liking people. Two years ago, this was nearly impossible, for me to like people, all people, in general, specific people in particular.

I balked at everything, I had a bad attitude, and was sad and tense.

A lot has changed in two years. It’s more than I’d hoped for.