An honest talk about the new energy now available, and the reality shifts creating my current maturation process. Enjoy.
As referenced, Teal Swan discusses channeling and remaining conscious within multi-dimensional reality.
An honest talk about the new energy now available, and the reality shifts creating my current maturation process. Enjoy.
As referenced, Teal Swan discusses channeling and remaining conscious within multi-dimensional reality.
Deeply Awake – Declaration Of The New By Kathy Vik 12-31-18
I’ve always been honest about my perceived or understood spiritual mission, and I think I am lucky in that regard, because I know many wonder, am I doing what is in alignment, am I making the right choice for my highest good? And I admit, I can go there too, teasing out this intention and that shadow, winnowing out self-sabotage and old behaviors in the process, but I think that is a shaman’s work, a lightworker’s work, building up our power of discernment until it can cut through steel like it’s butter.
I knew that I was here to ascend. I knew that in 1992, when the words were finally given to me like that, but I have known of this since I was a girl, and I had a visitation, explaining my life and what I was to become. I accepted because I was offered the guidance, the announcement, from my friend, someone I call brother, and I am sure is an equally beloved, great counselor and friend to you, Jesus.
What does it mean, to ascend? Well, I didn’t come in with that information, and, like I said, I didn’t even have the vocabulary until I was 31 years old. I knew it was a spiritual path, and it involved states of being and knowing that seemed achingly familiar, and impossible to know here, now, given all this.
I have had an unusual 6 years here, and those who have stood witness, thank you. To those who have watched from their kitchens and bus stops and rooftops and libraries, hello. I have always been astonished and humbled by you.
You listen. You are willing to take in and consider what I am saying, and this, dear friend, is the greatest gift another can give. Receptivity, openness, non-judgmental smiles, positive regard, gentle behaviors and tender words, I hope this is what you offer me, when we sit quietly and I allow you to look in on this beauty I know.
This sea of love sustained me, these years, as have my fellow travelers, and my soul guidance. It has been a wholly spiritual life, and when seen through that lens, my life crystallizes into a thing of absolute beauty, raw, exquisite perfection, it breaks into the song of the angels. It is quite a sight. That these are certainly not the lenses most have, well, who can fault them? I find more and more who hear my song, the one that rides with me everywhere I go, that I forget is singing, when I am acting petty, or viscous, when in anger or fear or distortion. That is quite a sight too. It happens less frequently now. I have less fear now.
I have come to understand much, the last few weeks, and so much of it resides in my DNA, in my eye light, in my hands, my heart, my skin, but what is languaged goes into the little notebook I have at the side of my bed, the big aha moments, the dream lessons, the stray thoughts.
I thought it time to mark these final changes with an essay, an end of year, end of project note.
The week of Christmas was intense, and I am hearing from many in the tribe that they had key, pivotal events occur, not just meditations but physical life kicking in and doing the ride a long teaching, and much was gained from these tableaux of forgiveness and maturity.
For me, the progress was monumental, and daily, and fluid, synchronous beyond question. On-time, me ever more relaxed within it, feeling safer every day, my synchronicity a friend, a scout, a helper and encourager.
First you have to believe it exists, and, if so, is it a thing for fools, or a thing for the wise to care about? That fundamental question must be dealt with. Sometimes your guides will do a purely outlandish thing or two, just to PROVE it to you, just to give you something you would look silly disputing.
I like how Terence McKenna described synchronicity, its elusive nature. He told a story of being broke, living in a cave in India, smoking hash and having visions, and just being. One day, he said he had a thought, out smoking at the entrance to his cave. Wouldn’t it be nice to have food? But not just any food. Oysters Rockefeller on ice, caviar, Stilton cheese, on and on he thought of delicacies.
Soon, a figure appeared far off in the distance, and as he approached, he saw it was an acquaintance of his from the city, and he was carrying large bags. He welcomed him in, and his friend explained that he’d just walked out on the first day of job in the city, a busboy at an exclusive and expensive restaurant. He’d hated it so much, he left for good before the lunch break, and he stole all this food.
He lay open the bags, and there was oysters Rockefeller on ice, caviar, Stilton cheese, and on and on the delicacies.
He’d started the story by talking about how there can be drawn parallels between advanced spiritual practice and plant hallucinogenic realities. He finished the story by pointing out how personal synchronicity is.
It was as story about a guy who thieved his abandoned place of work, and shared his booty with a pauper. It was a story of a monk, a shaman, of considerable skill.
Life, being a quantum thing, allows you to interact, and decide for yourself. But, the events, of experiencing delight from a source of nourishment and care, that is personally hearing and responding to you? That an only be real if you think it is possible. If you imagine it is so.
I mention this to illustrate that we each have the lens with which we view events and others. That lens, through which I, you, view daily life, deadens and cheapens it, turning magic to dust, and hope to folly, or enlivens, mystifies, humbles, instructs, guides, loves, supports, nourishes, knows and delights.
I think this is at the heart of it, really. Two agreement fields, two realities, one that I see as non-separated, or integrated, and one that has reverse polarities. And with it come two realities, two worlds. Am I describing 5d and 3d? Am I describing heaven and hell? Am I describing the Humanity and the Demiurge? I think that is up to you to decide.
This may seem like duality, but it isn’t. Duality is charged. One makes the other go, kind of thing. The good with bad, right and wrong, night and day. All those things are “real,” and yet, they are not entirely complete without the other.
Alongside this paradoxical energy is the flow of nature, singing its songs of symbiosis, cooperation, pleasure, beauty, unlanguaged, unknowable mystery and power. There is a coherence in Gaia surpassing the linear thinking and unskilled behavior of the lower agreement field, that of tit for tat, survivalism, brutality, the old service-to self barbarism we are finally able to see for what it is.
I’ll tell you of some meditations.
I understood that we are now working on the third wave entities. Until I looked in, I thought we were behind, but we are making amazing progress. I was stunned!
I saw groups of golden lighted souls, archangels, so many many souls, gathering around those who are hurting and having difficulty. They are being surrounded by us, and it is happening world-wide. ** Note, the wounded, hurt, slow, dark, hurt pieces of you are also being surrounded like this. That is the point. This energy is being focused on the densest energies, planet-wide, and up-close & personal, all at once. The love we are receiving is so pure, and is delivered with such intensity and softness, brilliance and divine love, it’s really astounding. So, don’t lose faith in your self or in others, this light finds all of it and surrounds it happily, now**
The ones who are suffering the most, from the changes going on energetically, those who aren’t coping well, they are being surrounded by legions. I saw this around the globe, and the little nodes of suffering were not as many as I had thought there would be, and each of them were actively being helped.
In 1994, when I was shown The Earth in a vision given to me by my Teachers, I felt and heard the planet before I cold see it, and there were cries throughout, there was so much need, then, and now, this need is more concentrated, and being surrounded, deluged, assisted by advanced harmonics, helping to bridge the energies and soothe the body/mind/lifestream, but only as allowed, requested by the entity or situation.
In my recent vision, with just these nodes of hurt, being surrounded by bright golden white light, I was told, this is the third wave, being worked on. The first wave has been active for some time, and the second wave is now spreading so exponentially, it is possible now for the energy to be used in this more concentrated way. And this is just what is being done on earth by us.
Each of us are being attended by our people, our ancestors, both galactic and akashic. This planet is being witnessed by many, at this time. We are truly doing something extraordinary, and all eyes are on us, all hearts with us.
What we are doing is pivotal, just as it was with every ascension process. This one has such mind -bending significance, of course, but those of us who feel these energies know, we have done this before, there is nothing to worry about, all is well, all is in divine order, there is NOTHING to worry about.
Do you get that broadcast in your mind, sometimes, like a break in the stream of consciousness? I like it. I don’t mind it one bit.
And, to be easy about all this, while buying groceries or having a hard conversation with someone in crisis, well, that’s the idea, and it takes getting used to. Patience. Support, if possible, and self-love, whether there’s support or not.
There have been a number of really paradigm altering meditations I have had, visions, I suppose they could be called, but really surprising meditations in which I did things with light I never thought to do, it was revolutionary to me but made such utter sense.
The meditations I want to focus on began with a technique Alba Weinman does on a client to clean her timelines of all influence of toxicity. I thought on that technique, and I applied it, using my adopted natal chart, going back to birth, and adopting that geometry, allowing two time lines to occur. I’m living the May 25 timeline now, and have been since my conversion, with breakthroughs from the old lifetime, as I have been calling it, not understanding until just this moment what I did. Oh my! Oh my. Isn’t that something. Huh. That explains a whole lot, actually.
Give me a minute.
Actually, you know what? I think that had been my intention the whole time I was doing that way-way back meditation.
Let me explain.
Holy shit. I’m some kind of time lord. Dayum.
Ok. I preface this by asking you a question. When we die, what happens? I know you have your thoughts, I will tell you mine, since this is how this kind of thing works. I think we go back to source, we’re always there, but we can become that essence, and then, with councils, with teachers, with guides, we sculpt a new life.
We re-write ourselves, a new character, we, the actor, and then, we come back into flesh, giving ourselves a star map of our soul’s intentions, desires, proclivities, challenges, and we take a breath, and begin forgetting we had anything at all to do with any of this bullshit. And God is shady. And love is dead. Some stay mad and confused and estranged from their maker, their creator, their source, the pic (partner in crime) all through their lives, and convince themselves that there isn’t magic afoot.
It’s a hard thing to believe, and a harder thing to accept, when your circumstances are unpleasant, dangerous or disheartening, right? The typical scene of, what would you ask God, and the answer is, why is there suffering?
See above. We forget. We get terrified, and we must figure out what it means. Sometimes, we turn mean, and things get ugly. We turn numb, and things go bleak. We don’t face our Selves, and go seeking for it in things or people. We are, many of us, deeply afraid, deeply hurt, and deeply confused.
Some have found unconditional love within themselves, and thus, shelter, refuge, and within those walls, I see how strong and shining they become. Some know how to banish fear. Some will not acknowledge it, and some laugh at it and tell it to be gone. Fear is the warp, the lie, the Tweaker God’s paradox, as we live in the culture of the ones who thrive in reverse polarity.
This is how it’s all shaken out for me. This sensation, this feeling I get, I know it as reverse polarity now. I have heard others refer to their body sensations from unseen energy or frequencies in similarly symbolic terms.
What I know as reverse polarity is a suck feeling, not a good one, and it has a warping effect. I have known this sensation since girlhood, and had been visited by entities holding that frequency very intensely, from the ages of 12 or 13, until adulthood. I finally banished it in 2012, using meditation and ceremony, and with them finally, once again, visiting me in the flesh. They don’t come around me anymore, nor does that specific energy, which is a relief to me, since it made me sick, and scared, when it was around, and would linger, reverberate, like a magnetic pulse, for weeks, and once, for a year.
I’ve always lived within this world of frequency, vibration, sound, light. I always have. I just didn’t have the will to explain it so clearly, all at once, like this, now.
So, this stuff is real, at least for me. SO much of this training, these last six years, have been to get used to simply having more access to information, while having pursuits that are good for me, though brand freaking new, and ultimately enjoyable, and trying to figure out how to further assist, in a way that is fun and meaningful to me.
OK, to what I did in meditation, using that scrubbing technique. I think I’m limbered up enough. This is a BIG ONE.
I liked what Alba did, taking this person to, and from, back , and forth, from the now moment to birth, and cleaning up all the hurt feelings, all the pain, the suffering she experienced, coating it all in this golden light which nothing can penetrate, and so, her days will be protected, she will be happy regardless of another’s behavior, she is safe and protected and guided in love forevermore.
Holy crap. That’s big.
So, I considered what I have done, the conversion I had on May 25, 2012, and how I have adopted this date and time (12:12pm) as my new expression, my new signature, something, someone, I really like and want to experience and embody. I have played with this for a few years, at eclipses, giving permission for DNA dispersal and rewriting, and so on.
So, I did it, in meditation. I have recently realized that Uriel and Raphael are always with me, their stars are part of my natal charts, figuring prominently in the narrative, and, they have helped me, (I see now, Raphael opening up my vision with green light, in January). Michael has always been with me, because I call on him a lot, so I called on all of them, and then Jesus, my Sananda, and together we did it.
The final wash, having gone from present through the past, and back again, three times, we were silent, reverent, standing around my crib.
We’ve done many times before, so there was this nice feeling of familiarity, and with Jesus on one side of the energy, and me on the other, I thought the crib would explode into light I brought to and through me. Instead, I went down and found myself face to face with this beautiful baby, stroking her/my hair, loving her, being there at that moment, and forevermore, never more than a breath away, all this light, all this love, all this mastery, all this skill, all this divine knowing, only a breath away, always. WE are all one.
And with that, I sent the geometries of the natal chart created by the May 25 event through a white stream, my life stream, and realized I would then actually be creating new probabilities, new realities, all that, so it might take a little getting used to, but to allow new responses to be ok by me, but further, this can be applied to the events after May of 2012.
Since then, it’s been different. I have been living that proof, and Sam has witnessed it. It’s been weird and confusing up close, I am sure, but my oh my, this lens makes a lot of things clear, don;t you think? Being ok with being new, allowing this to be real, allowing it to set as real, that was the message.
It is only now that I see how the synch up was on May 25, and why that light event happened that day. I don’t know why that particular day, but to have a date and time and place to be, when both timelines converge. Wow. Holy crow.
I wonder if this is how a new earth is created, not the one being talked about as The Event, just a better Earth while we transcend. It is entirely possible to go off planet with your light body, and that has been, I think, one of the points of the exercise. But, in the meantime, there is much to do to ease the suffering of many, and to stop the ones perpetuating this suffering.
For me, knowing masters surround all, now, but are most concentrating and loving those who are needing it, this fills me with relaxation and relief. It helps me trust, even when things are looking wonky.
What moved me to mark this day, is, this is the first day of my recent life that I haven’t woken up to the sudden and constant stream of problem solving going on, just a constant working on problems. It was ever present, and, today, this morning, it’s gone. Like a clean amputation.
I have had this experience before, with similar afflictions, but this was the Big Kahuna.
In my experience, the best way to handle such a thing, such an obvious absence of something you suddenly realize didn’t even really know was that big a presence, when it is gone, it’s good to agree with it. Like it.
When the weather inside your bio-suit clears up one hallowed day, the only rational thing to do is to enjoying the relief so much you let it be real for you.
Many times, it’s just, one day I knew it this way, now it’s not that way, and it’s for the better, something I have been puzzling on forever, usually. I’m a koan cracker, a code-breaker. Because I see myself that way, once I have an answer, I know not to go on puzzling. I know when it’s over, because problem solving is an imposition.
Well, I guess, as always, it’s best to take all this with a grain of salt. After all, I have no advanced degree, I am a single mom and a little goofy, when looked at from a certain lens. It’s only when you look at me with this one, held just this way, and then, oh momma, do the gifts come pouring out.
For those I didn’t lose from incredulity or skepticism, superstition or righteous indignation, I salute you. For those who read it with a “this is cool if you think of it as a sci fi thing” approach, thank you. For those of you who will now need to gather their socks because they shot across the room during the reading, hey, where y’all been?
An easy, fun and helpful discussion about writing, art, the primacy of personal experience, and the unbreakable thread linking it all up.
For those interested, here is the website for National Novel Writing Month! https://nanowrimo.org
Denial Is A Dissociative Device
Through my studies and personal experience, I have been led into the areas of mental health, mental illness, the meaning, cause and consequence of cruelty and neglect, as well as theories on energetic management, and thoughts, always, about what might be driving this thing.
Through the years and experience, I knew that there had to be an answer to the problems I was required to face, and a higher purpose to the pain, but until recently, I did not know what it could possibly be.
I have realized that there is a requirement inherent in the collective reality (dissociation) which, if undetected, can cause grave harm, and lead to a zombie-fied life. An inauthentic, troubled, angry life.
Sit back and plug in and think on these things that I bring to you today, me here with no malice in my heart, no anger left to toss at anyone, no suffering left to take on. My burdens are put down now. I don’t have to take them up again.
Through this process, I have seen the stupendous, unbelievable, personalized and sainted magnitude and beauty of the troubles I was in, as well as the larger purpose for the koans. It’s a stunning, panoramic view, and it’s from here I speak.
I am pleased with my current awarenesses, knowing there is more to come, but from here on out, it’ll be less spicy, and it’ll be easier, since I see and operate more willingly from an energetic level now.
I can hold all harmless now, as my attachment to outcome is finally weakened, my need to calm others appropriately holstered, and my need to be in the dark ever dissolving.
** I just noticed today’s date, which is a nice extra-gift for those into numerology. I discuss the mystical and profound presence of 3, 4, 8 and 11 these days. **
A masterful, laugh out loud funny, at times, and sneakily profound discussion which encompasses numerology, reincarnation, the perception of others, the critic within, ascension and this new age we are entering.
Prepare to have your mind blown if you don’t think much or too highly about reincarnation. I discuss very earnestly and openly how I view death, my future lives, and the active planning my sol does on this level, in my awareness. I Make soul multiplicity and lifetime planning a reality, simply because I see in those terms, so it is a good example of how someone lives within such a belief structure.
The point of it all is self-acceptance, and how this entrainment with a sacredness, and the resultant self-love radiates now toward all.
A recap of a former life, of sorts, this stands as a beautiful essay which describes the awarenesses of one who has found herself outside her chrysalis, slowly beating those nearly-dry wings, giddy, now, for flight.
A sparkling, easy and deep talk which has, at its heart,, a helpful and inspiring talk regarding the upcoming eclipse energies, and the energetic reality through which we are currently evolving. A full discussion of how I use eclipses begins at 23:45.
A refreshing summing up.
The sense of legitimacy, of validity, I feel these days is such a relief, like a song breathing me, giving me a release from anxieties, worrying having been a regular form of self-flagellation for me, in the old days.
Now, I am r I report on what it’s like to be at peace with knowing myself as bigger, moment to moment, than had ever been thought possible by me, and by many. Yet, here we all are now, waking up, each in their own way, in their own time, each playing their roles, and each having their own experience.
That was a hard one for me, because I saw a lot of people suffering, as a nurse, as a friend, and when I looked in the mirror, most of my life. An anguish that was eased, sometimes for years, but never left me.
Things changed for me, but it became more and more obvious that I had never been unworthy of any of this new spiritual bounty. I have amnesia, and that is all.
Well, it’s a tough nut to crack, but eventually, truths are revealed. This can happen to those who pursue QHHT and other reliable and healing forms of hypnosis which yield results which are soul- deep, not habit-deep. It’s this I am eager to pursue, finally now able to step away from my woes and conflicts and worries, finally seeing things more clearly, more magically, more wholly, but in stepping aside, I can help so many more, one-to-one, and I just can’t wait!
I include mention of a video published by Alba Weinman that I found particularly helpful, and healing. I am so very grateful for those who are doing this work, and of course, to someone very beloved to me, Delores Cannon. She has helped me from the beginning. It isn’t surprising, and it’s very smile-invoking, to know she is actively with us now.
Enjoy this celebration. My story and this session both serve as bridges between linearity and multidimensionality. What we are doing publically, so very many more are doing quietly. We are each changing. Be kind to yourself. You are so vast, and have simply forgotten. It’s just amnesia, and it’s burning off, with every video, with every experience that moves you up and out of fear.
Thanks for being here with me today. Namaste.
Deeply Awake: Meditations On Metamorphosis By Kathy Vik 6-18-18
I am writing to you today with a grin on my face, feeling freer and more on purpose than I am used to, to be honest.
We have construction going on in our building, so video capturing these thoughts isn’t possible, and it is perfection itself. There is a symphony playing within me, rather than a faint air of tinkling notes from a distant, unknowable place. To be able to capture this music with my fingertips this morning, rather than my speech fills me with happiness. This complex, beautiful, uplifting song is what I want to share, what was once a faint few notes, disembodied, and life itself.
That’s how I used to describe it, you know. At the beginning? And these faint stirrings in the summer of 2011 led to revelations and light shows by January of ’12. But at first? It was a hint of faint music, from a distant place. It affected my mood and gave me a knowledge of hope and magic, but it left unpredictably, came upon me spontaneously, and was just enough to make me feel better, to make me sit up straight and smile for once.
That’s how it felt. I would feel this lift, a familiar but faintly supernatural one, and it was only just that, at the beginning. When I use that verbiage, I am referring to an extraordinary time in my life, completely unexpected, but weirdly familiar, like I said.
It was the same magical feel I had when The Teachers were with me, when I was gaining counsel from a channeled group way back when, in the early ’90’s. During their time with me, I was like this, like I am now, mobile in my consciousness, aware of much, and playing with it, though still prone to letting it get me down, sometimes way too much.
I have had to learn how to deal with grievance, and so, in reviewing my last offering, I realized that, although completely valid, necessary and beautiful, the tone of it, the feel of it, was one of grievance, and I wasn’t very fond of that signature. What’s that about? I wondered. What’s going on here?
And so, it came to pass that many miracles have occurred in my life, and I understand now what I did not, then. Oh, how many times have I written that sentence, phrased that sentiment in words never varying far from the core note, “I am changed.”
This morning, as all morning, I received lovely gifts of thought, ways in which to house memory and intention, solutions to problems I have never considered, and answers to questions I had only begun to language.
So it goes, for me, these days.
Today I was shown the chromosomes, and was given puzzles about male and female. It was explained that the variant is male, the element added is the Y chromosome, the prototype is the X. They explained, in pictures and thoughts, how specialized and necessary and vital the roles are, the happily taken on tasks of spirit incarnate. It was a lovely exploration into realms I simply had not considered before and the exercise softened me toward everyone and everything, as the exercises are, I suspect, designed to do, while instructing my open and complex heart-mind.
What it all led to, though, was the butterfly, the caterpillar, the cocoon phase, and just how badass that creature is.
I think it’s daft to see a butterfly as anything but a hard-core spiritual warrior, a talisman for many, a totem, a symbol of Self. Oh! If human beings were that willing and able to obey the instruction set their bodies course with, to be so at peace with mystery, with disintegration, with surrender!
I have lately been aware that I am now quite different than I was, even a year ago. Something has shifted these last few weeks. I have, most assuredly, done the most profound and deep inner, meditative work of my life, during this time. I have changed my magnetics, my trajectory, and my history. This morning, with movies of caterpillars, cocoons and butterflies playing in my brain, making coffee, scratching, yawning, I considered them as welcome guest and resident counselor, and learned from them. To understand it, I personalized it.
You do get that Deeply Awake is just that, right? It’s the personalization, the unique interpretation of source energy through these fingertips, these pupils, these feet, this heart. It’s always been about translating this cosmic force into daily life, living it, being it, knowing it as self, and self as source. What other goal can there be, after all? But it’s exactly why it’s been risky, and weird, and fun, and at times kind of scary for me. Just putting out there my thoughts on all this, not as a leader or an authority, but just as an organic part of life in America in 2018, a woman equipped with a story, a mission (so to speak), and the interwebs.
I thought on my 2 million words, my volumes upon volumes of raw work, beautiful, transformative, transportive, educational, often hilarious, sometimes scary, always surprising. What a treasure! But what I was aware of during those butterfly moments is that the work is already done. I already did it.
I am done with one thing, and I am something else now, because of what I did.
I saw then that this past time, this time of constricted affect, fear-based and shame-based responses and expectations, of living up to expectations, when the game is rigged, and I am perpetually on the losing end? Yeah, those days are done.
I got it, in one day, how it is no longer acceptable or desired for me to pathologize my affect or behavior. What was once mild autism has given way to self-acceptance so fulminant that what I am discovering is that people actually understand me to be wiser than they, more deep and true a person than they have encountered, and a long-lost friend, often times.
I could understand, then, what I had been shown the day before, how I seemed to go through an opening up, a shedding of shame and fear, of sexual pain and torture, within these recent years.
Part of this most recent training involved healing from women and with men working shamanically. Through our practices, I came to understand about the Other, and my Self, and I was finally somehow able to be aware of what I had been able to contain, for so very long. In groups, in company, in love, I then lovingly and powerfully released these realities with a burst of love and joy and abandon and spiritual bliss. I came to understand God, myself, other people, sexuality, spirituality and shamanism in ways that put me back together.
Oh yes, it was deep and profoundly spiritual work, and we did it consciously knowing we were indeed offering release for all fellow enslaved and imprisoned sisters and brothers. What you do for self, you do for the collective, either for ill, or for good.
It’s been wholly alchemical work.
But I had yet to define just WHO was doing this work. I was led from task to task, from situation and person to situation and person, often stunned to find myself in so unusual, colorful, and comfortable a place, be it an orgy or an art exhibit, a burlesque show or a class on trach care in infants, but always in this state of indefinition, of exploration, of not-quite-there-yet-but-getting-ever-closer-don’t-give-up.
51 years of difficulty, by design, by agreement and request, let’s never forget that!
6 years of breaking through, breaking open, shutting down, of terminations, new beginnings, calculated risks and knowing smiles.
And now, here I am.
I came from all of that. Yep, that was me. I have the photos and the t-shirts to prove it. I have the essays and videos explaining it all, from my cocoon, from my altered state.
And now, there are three small days until the solstice. I am a Terran. A Gaian. An Earthling. I find the way my soul marks time is with celestial events, so I pay attention to the ones that I am made aware of. This solstice marks much, for me.
Summer solstice of 2014, my god, I had never been so happy, in my whole life. Those were golden days, that spring, those years.
Four years have passed. I have seen my consciousness twist and turn. I have finally encountered the blackness within me. I had my Armageddon. I had my crucifixions. I’ve had my zero-point moments. And here I am, shiny and comfortable and enthusiastic. I am still very much alive. What conclusions can be drawn? That our terminology is out-dated, and the labels unnecessary and costly.
If you want to put a fine point on it, I think spiritual bad-ass will do nicely.
I had many intense years, and from them I come away in peace, singing a newly found, ancient song, finally a lilt in my step that I have previously found so elusive that before, when this feeling came upon me, I set out to describe it in words, in explanations, what it is like, what I am thinking, feeling, expecting, knowing, because it is WAY different, and WAY better than normal. I never completed that task. I let this jeweled reality be a potential one, one I slip into overnight and never stop wearing, one fine day.
And, here I am, in one of those times again. Things are finally sweetening, lightening up, easing. The last week or so. Finally.
And this time, I know it can be and will be and is sustained. It is not lightning in a bottle as much as the general weather. It is not so much miracle as matrix of reality, now, this sweetening, this lightening up.
I had some big stuff to get through, just for me, always only for me, and I did much of it without explanation or roadmap for others. What I am doing is archetypal, revolutionary, and wholly personal. This is the inner work, the tomb of tombs work, the high alchemy we each come to do, to master, to walk away from.
And that’s the point.
To walk on.
I like how my world is so big now, and how much I am happy and comfortable with. I find that the things I hold in contempt make me look small and bent and hurt. I know that. But I also know that in a social matrix, it was important to break some barriers, to state some things, to clear for a consciousness things that have been all jammed up in their throat chakras, unable to be released. The will was there. Oh yes. But not the ability. It takes time and effort to master new tools, new equipment.
I am reminded of when I was led through the opening of the chakra systems. It was highly unpleasant and physically so. It was a physicalized soul pain, that’s the best way to describe it. It is only now that it has come into focus what I did. I’ll explain a bit, and then I want to conclude with what I understood from the butterfly thing.
The night they led me to this, I had been channeling, working, doing mirror gazing, writing, it was full-on. This night, they led me back to what they had explained when I had been trained, in the ’90’s. They expanded it and it finally all made more sense. I’ll explain it to you now, briefly.
For this discussion, PLEASE know assignation of gender is ENERGETIC, not biologic! I know women who are far more male, and males far more female, and many who are both!
They told me that each age is set with magnetic “locks” or set-ups in consciousness. It was done with the 7 chakra wheel system, which is itself a false one, a closed one, so not entirely useful for more than compulsory exploration.
Each age have males in one magnetic position, females in another. This is how “experiments in consciousness” are done. They’d explained, way back when, that the agreement this go around is that men would have their crowns and pineal turned down, with their root and sacral areas taking the excess energy, and in females, their throats were turned down, thus inflaming the solar plexus, and growing the heart. Mute.
This was the set up.
That night in April of 2016, on camera (Since destroyed… it was too raw and hard for me to watch, so I got rid of it) in channel, they explained it first, and then they led me, as a male, chakra by chakra, in the last experiment’s magnetics. It was so uncomfortable. The whole exercise was.
Then they led me through each chakra as male, at 100%. It felt so much better!
Then they did that with me, as female. Constricted, it was so uncomfortable, so much pain, oh my. And then, with each of my seven, they opened all to 100%
They then proclaimed that this is how it now is, for all, as they wish. Then they explained to me that I would use the local sauna with its crystal-encrusted walls and endless showers as a temple of sorts, to anchor this and spread the word, if the crystal kingdom chose to give consent.
I remember going to sleep that night worried that the crystal kingdom might say no. They explained to me about just how royal and impeccable those beings are, and I already have a natural deferential respect for them, so, it was a worry of mine. In the morning, I asked questions, and found out that part of this process had been to come to peace with what I was doing, to give it some thought, and be at peace with what it really means.
Honestly, some of this stuff is of an importance and magnitude that, if thought real, is pretty impressive, and really sweet to have done. What a nice gift, you know?
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Just how real is any of it, right?
Well, I was presented to the crystal kingdom, I paid my respects and honor to them, and they accepted the message and it was done. This is what They have done with me whenever there has been a big enough change in consciousness, or a big enough release, that it is appropriate to then make it available to all in a more amplified way.
I was led to think on Kryon’s opening of nulls and nodes.
There is some work that is done so intuitively, and is actually part of the Earth’s design, that we just do as we know we can and must, because we are being asked to, and we know how to do it. So it goes with gatekeepers, gridworkers, and all spiritual or energetic warriors.
I use that word to denote our skill, not our desire to war. That is not something we have as standard equipment. Devoid as we are of a desire for it, it is very much standard equipment, this innate skill in battle we each possess, whether we want it or not.
With a lot of this more revolutionary stuff, what I have deduced is that, as a human being, it is my right and responsibility to answer the stirrings of my soul, wherever it takes me. In 2012, that meant writing about it. In 2016, it meant coming to the camera.
Can you imagine the flood of relief, the gratitude for company as this informational tsunami hit me in 2012, this flood of familiar-new energy I saw populating the internet, generating a discussion I’d longed to be part of?
For a lifetime, it had been my walk to live as I had finally deduced would be wise and safe: in girlhood I knew, and in my thirties I doubled-down on living my spiritual life privately. It was pondered silently, written about rarely, and almost never talked about.
It was a black-out kind of thing, and for two decades, I held The Teachers’ information close to the vest. It was a part of me, the knowledge, but cordoned off, irrelevant to goings-on. When I did risk sharing, through those years, it always led to a feeling of profound aloneness and disconnection. It/I made people feel uncomfortable, when I did risk it all and brought it out.
And then, in 2012, everything sort of came on-line. More was possible. I felt better more often, though it was still mighty bleak at times.
Getting back, to the chakra systems… (I am sooo enjoying writing to you today! I’m finding it hard to stop!)
I have reviewed what the expectations They had for how behavior in the genders would begin to change, and how puzzling it would all seem, at first, until people are more hooked up with their individual hearts and souls.
They said the result of being at 100%, all chakras, would be that Man would begin thinking “Woman, I hate you, and yet, I cannot help but feel stirrings of true tenderness for you. What is this? What is this?” And, poor confused Man would be confronted with the dragon it created, while under.
Because Woman would begin to air grievances, their throats now cleared of impediment.
They said it could get quite hard and heated and heart-breaking, because it would be an on-onslaught of pent-up grievances, heard by counterparts who can now actually feel the impact of it all in a far more vibrant, and responsible way. But they won’t be cut a lot of slack, even when it would be in everyone’s best interest to ease up a little. It would take time to balance it.
That was April of 2016. Pre-Weinstein. Pre #metoo. Crazy-weird, huh?
There is a lightening going on, an easing up and off, and maybe that means it really is the time of moving past grievance. I have a lot of friends who do not trifle with things such as the dark. They are too busy doing the stuff I want to do, know how to do, now, and am able to do, finally.
I realized that this was, in essence, the lesson, and maybe it really can be seen in so simple of terms that there was a time when I had a consciousness that was like a TV, broadcasting for decades in black and white.
The set itself had to change into one that could not only see in color, but which could handle not 5 stations, but an infinite amount of data, or programming, for want of a better subtexted word.
I think that for me, maybe my black and white days ended during those ramping-up days in the spring and summer of 2011, culminating in the first of a seemingly never-ending series of light events. That first one was so eye-popping, so life-altering, so freeing. It was supernatural, and life-changing, that weird, cold, clear day back in January of 2012.
Maybe then I had to go through a change in my receiver, an opening it up, a deepening and broadening of my receiving band, so that I could receive whatever my heart desired.
And now, I can manage great rivers of consciousness, I can be in many places at once, I can throw my consciousness, I can feel into things with more heart, but, far more, I am at peace. I am finally at peace and happy.
I used to be really fat, and I consumed a lot, and I had my eyes down, and I really couldn’t, I just couldn’t really give two craps about anything lofty or exalted, not really, not after The Teachers left, in 1994.
And then, just like a bad ass caterpillar, something happens, a gong goes off inside, and I suddenly have something I gotta do.
For me, that was 2012, and that was writing. That was Deeply Awake. I HAD TO capture what I was suddenly aware of, and having adeptness, stunned familiarity and skill, with.
I produced roughly 2 million words. I gave it everything I had, each and every time I came to you. I declared this a safe place to say anything that had to be said, because it was pretty, because it was interesting, because it made sense to me, even though the rest of creation turned away from this sudden blaze of love, light, laughter, I suddenly became in 2012.
I have had time to mellow that. To understand that just because I love like that doesn’t mean anybody else does, and I have come to some sort of peace with being human, and being among those who are as afraid as I once was, and still sometimes feel. Sometimes still, I am once again suddenly thinking and feeling things that feel constricted and tight and bendy and hard to justify. I snap out of it easily now, what used to take months or weeks to be delivered from.
You have seen a very loving person trying to figure out how to love everyone, wisely and openly and with great mirth and a sense of inner safety that is unshakable. I don’t think that’s anything more than just growing up as a spiritual being, really. I think we dress this stuff up and call it fancy things like ascension and all that other stuff just because we feel it is so unattainable, peace and some sort of flow.
I didn’t catch a ton of breaks, made worse by my beloved habit of erring on the side of my lack of self-worth. I had a whole a boatload of problems or life-situations to work through and explain to myself, mostly revolving around power and love, will and love.
It was interesting, lots of tensions and contrasts, and then, a six year period of dissolving, of reforming, of discovery, and full stops. Waves of people, waves of events, me riding whatever wave wanted to come by.
It’s now that I realize I am the sea, and I have the ability to be calm, and to keep it so. I like that.
And so, as stories end, as the conclusions are braided into the ever-continuing saga of spiritual, divine, cosmic life, I leave you with a picture, with a moment, that you may reflect upon at leisure. Knowing myself as ocean, as sea, as cosmic mother, as one source of The Source, I leave you with a story. I leave you gently, sweetly, and in deep devotion to the beautiful light you are.
It is sunrise.
Just above an infinite expanse of a glossy living mirror, an ocean, along flutters a colorful floating creature, bobbing up and down in the silent, still, reverent air.
We let it be, knowing of a miracle. We two now know of this tableau bursting with violet and crimson and white and canary yellow and iridescent pink.
Below is an endless expanse of teeming life within the water, the water itself a being, a host, a cosmic dancer.
And above it all, popping, floating, beating its wings, obedient to its innate knowledge of lands beyond its imagination, here, for our delight, flies a vividly blue butterfly.
This being is regal, purposeful, perfect, delightful.
This quiet moment is now yours, and yet, here the beauty will remain. It is here it will unfurl into awareness for its brave and tender visitors, forever floating there, and glittering here, on the web.
My gift to you, The Beloved.
And, just for fun…
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow.
Hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new land.
To fight the hordes and sing, and cry.
Valhalla, I am coming.
Always sweep with, with threshing oar.
Our only goal will be the western shore.
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow.
How soft your fields so green. Can whisper tales of gore.
Of how we calmed the tides of war. We are your overlords.
Always sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.
So now you’d better stop and rebuild all your ruins.
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing.
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh