I enjoy audio readings of this work, as it presents itself for review and celebration. I hope you do, too.
DEEPLY AWAKE: ENTANGLED By Kathy Vik
“The Corridor” 12-13-14
As is the way, this time of year, I have begun my looking back, my settling in, my annual review.
But on the 12-12, it goes deeper than that.
I wanted, very much, to sit with you last night and contemplate the meaning, the day, but instead I sat inside it and let it move me.
I have, lately, forgotten magic again. What has come to me again and again, lately, is a crude and simple realization I had a long time ago, in the late 90’s, in the early 2000’s, one that, at this juncture, looks so elementary, but, to me, the thought was a life saver. Let me explain.
Last night, I watched a VCR tape of a performance I participated in 21 years ago, when I was in Harmony Chorale here in Denver. We performed Boys and Girls with Stories, at the Denver Auditorium, in front of 2,000 people in November of 1993. I let the tape play, settled back, and remembered.
I had not anticipated remembering so many faces. I knew I would see my old friend Jeffrey, since his solo sort of stole the show. But I had not anticipated seeing his daughter. I had forgotten she sang in the choir. I saw my old friend Gail, and my now reacquainted friend, my choir partner now.
I was able to put a time reference on everything. I could never remember when The Teachers left us, and now I know for sure it was a year later, when I was 33, in 1994. The year everything changed for the planet. I was glad to have the confirmation, and to remember, oh to just remember, all those years ago, what was important to me, what was not, and why I did what I did.
That time in my life was all lit up, there is no question. For those who have followed along, you know that I received my formal training from The Teachers in the early nineties, a group of entities, an energy, who were channeled through a friend, a friend who later asked if I’d like to join Harmony.
During my training, I was working at a nursing home as a Director of Nursing. My boss was/is a walking angel, my mentor, my friend. We worked our buildings, Marge and I, and I lived out the principles I learned from The Teachers.
The lessons were esoteric, but they could and were easily translated into action. Through the training years, I was so supported, so guided. So loved.
A big part of the late training was on DNA, ascension, mass consciousness, ancient history. And we began working toward a big event, the 12-12-94.
The Teachers had explained that that was when they were going to ascend. They needed our help to do it. And so, on that golden 12-12, we gathered at dawn, in a circle, in a nearby park. We gathered at noon, at MCC downtown, and, with The Teachers holding the space, each of us gave communion to ourselves, silently.
To this day, I don’t think I have experienced a more interesting event in a church. The act of giving myself communion, ahh, that reached through my history, through time. Unfettered, to worship my god in my own way, to see it inside as well as out, it meant something to me.
That night, twenty years ago last night, we gathered in Gail’s living room and discussed the day’s events. I remember hearing that we hadn’t had enough people to effect a huge wave of light. Nope, just not enough.
In the bathtub last night, after watching the tape and needing to put it all together, I thought about how odd it was that on the 12-12 in ’94, it’s funny that I didn’t blubber, and was not crushed by grief as, with every step, The Teachers began to fade. We all knew they wouldn’t be around after that day, but I don’t recall the grief that follows me now, that infects the simple things sometimes. I walked through the day alert, on time, purposeful, and happy, exalted, as I recall, knowing my mission, my place, and my importance.
But looking at it honestly, as I was studying the bathroom ceiling, I decided that the despair, it really didn’t fit yet with my walk. I had been reunited with my Self through The Teachers, and while they walked with me, there really was no reason to despair. That came later.
It came when the doors started to shut, inside. I spent the intervening years pinging, and not getting a ping back. For some reason, esoterica was just less available to me, and I fell into a tick and tricky stupor.
And once in a while, just once in a while during the dark years, what came through, I remembered, as I drained my tub and reached for a towel, what remained was a simple thought, a crude one, but effective.
I remembered finally languaging it one day: I don’t feel good when I forget there’s a web, connected everything, and that this web is what is real, what I am doing here is less real than what is creating it.
That simple thought brought me back to my spirit again and again, as I walked through the valley many of us traversed.
I look back on it and just figure, it was my final walk in density. My final time lost in the forest. Those years, between The Teachers leaving, and 2011, 2012, they were tough.
That is not to say I was alone, because I wasn’t. I had love, I had friends and companions and loving relationships. But I was drifting, and felt lost.
Last night I remembered it all, this weird trip I have taken, this excursion into meaning that may go misunderstood by many. I saw the trip as a purposeful and a blessed one, perfectly timed.
And now, it’s 2014. Twenty years yesterday night, The Teachers left, and I walked the earth without a connection which had brought me back to life.
Kryon was pumping out information by that time, the same vibration as the Teachers, and although I read him from time to time, I was not attracted. There were other teachers, other people who could have walked a highly esoteric road with me, but, no, I didn’t do that. I lived instead.
And, at the end of all of it, last night, crawling into bed, I am thinking, what is most striking is how much time has passed. It made my skin ache realizing how much time has passed, and how little time may remain.
I have always known that what matters is loving well. I have my troubles in this area, of course, but, to be present and to show up, I learned that during my time with The Teachers. It’s all just a choice of focus, of what is valuable enough to attend to and what is not.
And that really is, to me, how life is made. Had I chosen not to go for that audition, I wouldn’t have known Jeffery, wouldn’t have performed before such a large audience. Had I not made that first call to Gail, I wouldn’t have met and loved The Teachers. Simple. I could have attended to other things, not new things. And, you know, my life would have been ok that way too. But, I made choices that allowed new stuff to come through, stuff that was actually ancient, and mine.
So, this 12-12 I spent nursing a wicked cold, having been sick all week, my first spell of illness in a little over two years. I got walloped. I laugh. Of course I did. It came on like a Mack truck Monday night, and I’ve been calibrating ever since. This 12-12 I spent honoring my changing body.
I don’t know what comes next, but I sense it is an amping up of things. I want to share what happened with the blinkers this week.
Things have been kind of flat in the Weird Shit Just Happened To Me category. Not asking for, not needing, any sparkles, I had sort of gotten used to not having any. But three days ago, I was stopped at a light, and the most curious thing happened.
I was in the far left turn lane, and there was a truck ahead of me, another in the next lane. Both had their blinkers on. The blinkers were dissonant, unpleasantly so. So, I got them both in my sight and thought about how nice it would be if they could blink together.
And they did. Right away. Within three clicks, they were blinking together.
I moved my eyes away, and out of the corner of them, I saw that the dissonance came back. So I focused on it again, and they got together again. I wondered then, do I really have to consciously pay attention? Isn’t it just my energy doing it? So I looked away again, broke concentration, and damned if they didn’t stay in tandem, blinking together.
I sat there watching it, how beautiful, wondering if anyone else saw that. I shrugged. Doesn’t matter. I did. I know it was me. I smiled and drove. I know I have the ability, have always known it, but I just don’t know how to work it. I mention because I think that is part of what we are going to be experiencing next.
I understand that the changes which Kryon has been talking about, going through a ribbon of energy, talked about in crop circles, even, is upon us. He says, the message contained is, go to 44%, the DNA can be ramped up, and things that were once impossible are no longer.
I have walked in a good deal of hopelessness lately, of getting small and feeling bumped and pushed again, not listened to, unimportant. Feeling like what is happening in my life isn’t completely to my liking, or my order. And as a result, I have felt surly and angry, sometimes.
But, I am beginning to understand that there is sense to it all, there is a rhythm and pattern that my bigger self giggles at, with relish, probably, as I fumble and frequently call out that all is lost.
This bigger self understands something that I need to share with you before I part.
When working with The Teachers, I needed a new job, and I got to play around with this with their tutelage. A woman had appeared sort of out of the blue, the big boss of a skyscraper senior living building right downtown, just blocks from where I lived. I sensed she liked and needed me, and that is was a green light. The Teachers did confirm that.
And I sat on the job offer, the offer to sit for an interview. I blew it off. And then, after I sensed the need was over, I called, and, sure enough, she’d found someone else.
I asked The Teachers about that. I figured, hell, if it’s meant to be, I don’t really need to DO anything…
They shook their head and smiled and said, no, dear one, that’s not how it works at all.
There is such a thing as timing. The opportunity, they told me, was open, and then the opportunity closed. I asked about per-determination, soulic permission. No, they said, action, what was needed was action. To not act allowed the option to close.
They had similar things to say about groups, attending a channeling in a group. They would say, there were more than this that had a reservation, but, those who are not here have found other things to pursue.
You see, calling Gail, auditioning for Harmony, not calling that boss, these were decisions I made, mostly based on interest, but also, on my belief of what I was worth, what I deserved and needed.
And so, as I walk through this corridor, from the 12-12 to the solstice, I will be mindful, not only of what I am telling myself about opportunities as they arise, but, I will remember that showing up, saying yes, trying it out, these are the tools in front of me now. There is less to fear, more to look forward to, after this tight squeeze I have been through, leading to this most tricky 12-12.
Free choice, free will, that’s what this is all about. I get to choose who and what I love, see and do. I get to make it all. As does everyone else. Everyone gets to act from their own hearts and their own souls.
And so, I will go on, honoring others as I honor myself, understanding simple yes’s and no’s are the way in which we navigate our choices here. Even so, this hope I feel, it intersects my frustration that I cannot make others do as I see fit, I cannot budge some things, and others glide.
And so, I leave you with a thought Kryon gave us a couple weeks ago. He said that old souls are known for a number of things, but one of them is that they push.
They push at work. They push with their families, friends, loved ones. The world. The Man. They, we, push against the dark, rigid energy that we were born into, and, that shit hasn’t budged in centuries.
He said, be ready to not need to push. Be ready for help. Be ready for the next three years, years of completion, completing out inner process, completing the process we incarnated to do.
And so, I do feel this 12-12 was special, mostly because it’s the first one where I actually think I understand what the fuck is going on. I have no despair about the energy coming through, and this makes despairing about my little life silly, I think.
I know, I believe, that things are changing, and these changes may be quite drastic, looking back on them later. They’re sort of supposed to be, I think. But, not everyone is up for it, that is the truth of it.
I will do better, I will love more, and I will let my innards tell me what to say, what to do, where to go. I am changing again, and wonder, truly wonder, what it will be like, in twenty years, looking back on this corridor. What will I remember? Whose faces will I recall, and whose will I have forgotten?
I’ll walk this corridor with you, I think I know the way, and I am finally happy to be seeing it more plainly.
Blessings to you and yours today. Thank you for being with me.