You know, for all the high fallutin’ talk about Creator and the Divine that I talk about, for all the DNA and magnetism and cosmology talk, for all the “Ooh, dear me, whatever is the correct path for me?”, for all of that talk, what has it been if not field notes?
Chronicling the progressive changes which occur once intent has been struck, the numbers all line up, the timing is plum, and then, bam, bam, bam, start knocking this stuff out of the park.
I am not talking about the pursuit or attainment of a career, of fame, of fortune. I am talking about, one after another, the spiritual gifts that have been heaped on my table.
Really all along, but, my God, the energy is so different now, it is inviting. It’s a greeting sort of energy I sense now. Things that used to make perfect sense, like when watching a movie, reactions the characters have, reactions I have never ever thought about before now, now I watch shows looking from this different slant, seeing things more whole, I guess, and right now, anyway, seeing all things as good.
That sounds so milquetoast, and really, that could not be farther from the truth of it. Do you know the sort of steel will it takes to create from synchronicity, as a policy? So many are doing it now, and so, here, here is a mirror. Take a look at yourself. See how you are greeting your reality now, is it not just more friendly, less menacing, more grown-up, in a way?
Or is it just me?
See, the farther I go, the less concerned I am whether anyone else is having these sort of things occur to them, because the air is so sweet here, and all is benevolence here, so it becomes less and less imperative to feel real invested in stuff that used to just really consume me. Certain stuff has become very important, and other stuff, it just has passed away.
I know that is maddeningly vague, so it is here I will make my preface, or my explanation, or my tempering of something which occurred on, I think, the 19th. I’m bad with dates. It was two nights before the full moon. That makes it Friday (and that is how my mind works. Fun, but circuitous. Shiny!)
Kirtan was that night, and I have been hoping to befriend someone there, so I was briefly sad, but then, I decided to do a science experiment.
I decided to try out the idea that if I don’t have something that I very very much want in my reality, really really want it, and I don’t get it, then, I’ve always just gotten mad, or felt disappointment, or rage, or defeat, or any one of a couple dozen dumb thoughts, and then, oh my jeez-us would I then obsess. On getting gypped once again, once again not getting what I so obviously deserve, rada, rada, rada, rada.
So, I thought, today, I will conduct a science experiment. I have read and I have come to hold as true that I am calling to me everything, everything I am experiencing in this identified reality of Kathy Vik’s, so that means that I am supposed to be with the ones I am working with tonight, we have agreements, and this opens up time for something interesting on Saturday night, a rare night off from both kid and work.
So, I decided to assume that what is in front of me is what I absolutely wanted, and then experience it from there.
What a wonderful way to see things! Oh! It helped so much!
The moon was nearly full Friday night, and the milieu was very, very still. During my smoke break outside, it dawned on me that being here, quietly reading the newest 9to me) Kryon book, on this night, as some sort of preparation for the solstice, this is very good.
The book, written in 1994, it helped unlock many many secrets within me, stuff that has been riding with me since my training with The Teachers. I think it is time to discuss some of the things they taught, but more, I think now is the time to see this whole thing bigger, I began to see, that dark, still night.
During my break, I was so high vibrationally that I just layed down in the darkened break room, knowing I would not be able to sleep, wanting to talk with the voices in my head.
The dictation was overwhelming, as it sometimes is, and it was a glorious sort of overwhelm, being carried away, being in bliss, hearing everything all at once, and to the part of me who hears things all at once, everything was understood. I guess you can call that a download, but it felt more like a huge, huge hug. I was so happy, so clear, so clear, such beautiful thoughts swirled and danced within me.
But, you know, you can go so far that language is meaningless, and it is very difficult to recover what is found there, just for that reason. Some things cannot be languaged, and this is a frustration, but a good reason to be in a linear reality, so that you can then watch it play out like a movie.
So, what I said, in bliss, was something I have been saying for a while now, and is always effective, ever time, for me.
I said, I need to take this back with me. I want to take the essence of this back with me. And further, I want a way to access this information while my eyes are open. Give me key phrases, or but more, give me a physical experience, something that anchors it for me. Make it obvious, make it completely physical. Make it physical. And from there, let me have the information.
And that is what happened.
I got a stair-step set of realizations. They were for me, just in order of anchoring,
All of it, all if it that I have come to know, in my true heart of hearts, that is accurate and true, so benevolent and wise, still and deep, mystical and practical, all the miracles, all of the miracles in my life, all of my training, all of my extensive training, it was ALL REAL.
Then, in a puddle of tears of joy and recognition, I realized that I did not let God down! I have not let God down! I did not let myself down! I have not let myself down!
From there, I felt as if a very old presence was with me. The Teachers once gave me a prayer. It was so beautiful, so intricate. The cornerstone of the prayer says, May You Know God Indwells You And Is Well Pleased.”
And there, on that vinyl couch, on my break, long gone, far away, receiving an ancient blessing, from my bones, from every part of me, with that ancient something, three times we repeated that blessing.
And until I sat down to write this, I thought that was the physical event I was supposed to anchor with, because saying it like that was a physical thing, it felt very real, that presence, holding my hand.
So I turned on my side, and I napped. I set my watch for fifteen minutes, and rested my eyes.
The dictation was not bellowing, I felt peaceful. I told my body I would like to feel fully refreshed, no matter how much time I spend asleep, and thanked “it” for that gift. And then, I imagined my kitten Sunshine, who I held and petted and just loved loved loved before going to work. I imagined her, the softness, her purr how much I love her, how much she loves me. I soothed myself with that, and rested.
When I came to, I had the oddest experience. I knew I was at work, but what I was seeing with my eyes, in front of me, was the bookcase that I see when I am at home, in bed. I told myself I was imagining it because I love Sunshine so much, I was homesick, but, I’m telling you, I was seeing my bookcase, I felt like I was home. The smell of it, the feel of it. And I understood that I was in both places, right after I got one good hit of: Oh Crap! I SHOULD BE AT WORK! Then the reasoning kicked in, then I aware of what I was doing, and I knew it to be true. I knew I was at the hospital. But I knew I was home.
And now I see that this was the physical anchor I had asked for, not the blessing.
I got done, and got to my book, and scrawled the key phrases onto the back cover. I need reminders, cues, and each stair step thought stood on its own but was in the appropriate order to reach the desired effect.
The next day, I had a good rest, and then I needed to figure out where I should go.
I found, while searching for a kirtan, that a benefit concert was happening up in Northglenn, all Indian music. I decided I should go there.
I got there an hour late, which is my way, and am glad for it. It had gotten started late, and it was a long, long concert. Such beautiful music, such beautiful people. It was to benefit Brent’s Place here in town, a group of 16 homes which are provided for children and their family while the child deals with cancer. A volunteer had helped create the event.
The places I went in that auditorium I will have to save for another time. But I will tell you a big aha that I had in that auditorium, so happy, hearing music that soothes a part of me I never even knew had been riding along with me this whole time, dancing, joy in the air, celebration and remembering and not one hint of poignancy, not one bit of darkness was in that auditorium that night.
I went looking for it, and I found it in no one. No longing for home, the horrible longing all of us have endured. It just wasn’t there. There was so much joy, gratitude, peace, so much joy, there just was a different palette to paint from with those folks that night. I sensed glad hearts, relieved hearts, maybe a little weary, some of them, but many were strong and shining brightly.
At one point, I realized, well, isn’t this nice? Things worked out so well! Here I am, on the solstice, sitting within an Indian family who let me sit among them, clapping and laughing and crying to this music, and I can just feel the light pouring form me. It was amazing. And it was not jangly, it was healing, it was kind and neutral, wishing nothing for anyone, just shining bright on their beauty, and I saw everyone as whole and at peace and beautiful, and so, looking on this, I would have to say, the science experiment shows me that thinking in such terms yields richer emotional and experiential enjoyment. So I think I’ll opt for this.
For me, it just makes sense to field test this stuff, because some of it is just so phantasmagorical, that it just cannot be true, right? But, all data leads to only certain conclusions. Like when I told everyone, after resigning from my post as DON, because our work was complete, it just felt complete, and I told everyone, Well, I don;t know what comes next, but I am conducting a science experiment. I have been saying that the universe provides for me, and now I am going to test that.
And I did, and within a short time, I went up and kited a check gambling on slots, and won over $13,000. So, conducting the experiments is key, for me.
And so, I will end on a thought which really does deserve the honor of an experiment, but I just got it, during the concert, so it may take some time to field test.
I realized last night that I do feel like an equal to my spiritual teachers now. I am an equal to Archangel Michael, St. Germaine, Kryon, The Teachers. Equals. We are brothers, all. It just depends from which vibratory perch you are, how it looks.
And if that is the case, if they are as much a spark of Creator as me, and this spark I know is within me, I believe that now, then, the truth of the matter is that I am equal to anyone on this earth.
I did not immediately go to the seats of government, coaxing power to a duel in my mind.
Instead, I thought about all the folks who I have had struggles with, those who made me feel weak, ineffective, doomed, those who have been more than willing to tell me in no uncertain terms that I am a waste of space, and I have had those folks in my life. But now, I see that I am really not needing to cower anymore, not needing to play the game of servant and master, because it is a false one, and it is boring, rigid, and prone to inciting too much horseplay.
No one is above me, I thought, as the Hindi language caressed and reassured and welcomed me back. No one is below me. I am equal to all. Everyone is equal to the other. This is now something I take as a fact. I cannot refute it, just like I cannot refute my physical experience of being two places at once.
The truth is, we are all equal.
Funny how you can hear a phrase, a sentiment, a thought, all your life, and then, suddenly, one day, its power, its raw truth is revealed.
So, yes, this will need a bonafide experiment, but, really, I am beginning to wonder if social existence is not that experiment. I am beginning to think that no experiment must be devised, because I am living it. How I treat my child will be my experiment. How I treat the creepiest creep at work, that is my test, the meanest neighbor, the scariest bill collector. Those are the experiments.
And so it goes. Just field notes from a weird reporter who doesn’t talk about this stuff to anyone. A plump, graying woman who has spent a lifetime working as a nurse, and working her puzzle. Plain as mashed potatoes. While remaining deeply awake, anymore, it would appear.