I had considered naming this piece “Wetwork,” which is a fitting and apt meta description, I think, but I will let it stand, and those who wish to apply the title after reading the piece, or during, are invited to do so.
I then named it “Hinting” because I have come to a wonderful understanding, one that is hinted at, and really is more than available, but this stuff, this involves effort. It involves focus. It involves the ability to completely and happily abandon all that is known as “real,” going against the current, so to speak, and sometimes, actually, often, until just very recently, also going against every single person’s grain, it seemed.
The title, though, it only came at the end, as is often the case.,..
I had been lately grappling with feeling a bit disappointed in myself for not having gotten here quicker. Why didn’t I just stay awake after my initial training? Why did I fall back asleep? It still chapped my ass a little, I guess. It seemed really unnecessary, sort of masochistic and melodramatic, if you ask me.
I mean, someone hands you the keys to a mint Jaguar, and you drive it around and love everything about it, and then, somehow, you misplace the keys, and this weird alchemy of defeat and despair settle in, and you get all locked up.
But, see, I had been really kicking myself for this. Really just the last of the self-pity, in some respects. That’s been a lot of this last part, although I did not even recognize it until this minute.
And then, something happened.
I think that I may indeed go through another storm of dissonance once this is published, because what I discuss here is so against the norm, this is a big one, and it did not seem that way just five minutes ago!
It is easy to over-identify with the story line, I’m just sayin’. That really is the bulk of the lesson. Don’t over-identify with the lessons, with the story line.
I have known, cellularly, since I was a wee child, where this lifetime was going. I knew. I just knew. I knew who and what I was long, long ago.
And I took on the amnesia that is required, and although I was never alone, never ever alone, ever, I really took it that way, because I just could not feel home there for years at a time. I knew there was a web that holds all things together, that it is all interwoven with magic I cannot comprehend.
That’s how I used to see it. I thought a spiritual life as a synchronous one, and therefore a lucky one, a blessed and easy one. This, of course was a judgment that was based in a misinterpretation, a deep and vital, but subtle and core one.
I understand now that what holds the web together, what is constructing the web, creating it, is such absolute and infinite love, such honor and respect, and such divinity. That is an appropriate word, it really is.
I began to really get it, to stop hinting at it and really get down to it, this afternoon.
Some things are so crystal clear at the moment, and it is worth discussing this, I think.
I look back on this writing, I read many pieces last night at work, in fact, and what is just flabbergasting to me is how I am always hinting, hinting, nosing around the periphery, embodying the obvious, expressing the obvious, and stating doubt simultaneously. Sort of a “Hey, you guys, isn’t this amazing? Anybody else want to comment on it?” sort of vibe.
I think this is wet work because I think that all of us, or at least most of us, have had our channels pretty wide open from the beginning, but there is a bunch of us who took on electives.
When I told you that even as a kid I knew what I was, knew where this was going, seemed to know the feel and awarenesses of what some call ascension, before the veil got super thick.
See, I think that it is highly scientific, and it takes a lot of the pressure off to just think this through.
DNA is magnetic. It is effected, through inductance, and it is changeable, as a result. Is it possible, hint hint, that our DNA was operating at less than optimal magnitude, and that through these shifts we have been going through, not this year, really, there has been a ramp up, obviously, but I think things are coming at us hot and heavy now, and this chaos we see going on around us is just the flotsam and jetsam of people in varyingly increasing DNA capacity?
I mean, with all the solar activity, the galactic alignment, all the other celestial things we have been going through, and well, doncha just FEEL it? Don’t you feel it? Everything is different. Everything.
But, this DNA, it is quantum, you see, multidimensional, connecting to an energetic grid, many of them, really, and these grids all are affected by magnetics, and the grids are responsive to our own growth, our activations.
But, this gets technical, and slipping from us is the root of it, the truth of it, the core of it.
This is a magnificent system, beautiful, vast, mind-bogglingly benevolent. And here is the kicker, the thing that, once really really understood, once really truly accepted, changes everything, absolutely everything.
The truth of the matter is that you cannot really know or even hint at knowing a great understanding unless you already know it. It just isn’t possible. Nope.
Do you get that?
If you can feel the peace of God in a church, or while hiking, or when holding a baby or making love or helping someone, and for maybe just a half a second it is, but, there it is, you feel it. You know grace, you know that forgiveness is just a pretty bauble when held up to this enormous love, this enormous good will… and if you can feel it, if you can feel any of it, any of it at all, for just a nanosecond, it is proof, take-to-the-bank proof, that it is within you.
It is not possible to experience something in this set up without it already being available, whole.
I think you might consider this quantum philosophy or quantum something or other, but I know this to be fact. I understand time better, and it is a loop, a circle, with many, many splits, variations, all probabilities known, but only some are realized, you see.
So what you focus upon and work toward and intend to inhabit, intend to know, well, there you go, you just give yourself the key to the door you thought was locked, once you say, yeah, I think I want this now. I want to feel peace, calm, brotherly love toward all. I want to act peacefully and I want to not be troubled very much. I want the bigger perspective, and I want to understand the compassionate story behind what I see.
I have seen things through jaundices eyes, many many times, and this is borne of fatigue and disappointment and worry. Knowing that I have forgotten. Finding myself miles from home on a lonesome stretch of road, because I have, by this time, forgotten that I once was given and loved a beautiful jaguar, and then I misplaced the keys, and then I got lost and had to hoof it, but now I am coming to, and I am just coming up to my front door, and it was a very long journey, but a fun one, a dirty one, wet work.
Many of us took on difficult electives in an effort to once and for all break the shackles those thought patterns perpetuate. We really can’t help but wake up, because our DNA is ready, our Akash is ready, the stars and the earth and humanity are ready to finally wake up.
I would like to make it easier for skeptics, those hurt so deeply by the ugliness that infected our minds, our hearts, of the dark, of pain and fear and dread, all that stuff, but it’s the test, so there you go.
I can now see myself bigger than before, and I hold myself in higher esteem, higher honor, and more love. I am willing to just look at the facts, and when I read some of the stuff I have written, my God, it just blows my socks off. I am glad I did it, but it brings up an interesting point.
I believe that if I can be aware of it, then I can come to be what it is I am aware of, and this goes for the more painful creations, really. I have had enough of the dark, and I know what to do with it now. It seems a little silly, from this vantage point, to fear anything, to resent or regret anything.
So I have decided to abandon my doubt. I think that is what I was saying goodbye to this afternoon in meditation with Kryon. I have come to shed my doubt. By extension, I am done justifying or doubting the beauty of my lost years. I think I was helping to heal the collective. If I can get here, after what I have known, what I have done and have had done to me, then it is available to anyone. Anyone. Everyone. Everyone. Everyone.
This sort of love, this sort of recognition, it what I have always longed for. It was a metaphor, a poem, to have surrounded myself, largely, with those who have been unthinking, who have turned away. It was purposeful to be still, to walk this last bit alone, and to be willing to just walk away from my fellow man, from the nonsense which was causing me so much trouble there at the end. It was my nonsense. It was my trouble. It was my distortions, but, see, I can no longer fault myself for this.
I did it for me, and by extension, it helps everybody.
When I started this essay, the time was 3:11. I was told I am a catalyst for illumination, and I like that interpretation of the numbers.
You know, I am aware that I am not alone in this endeavor, and all over the world, we are waking up. Each of us. I am helping by stretching this fabric encasing our understanding whenever it feels like I need to, just to stay sane and keep my thoughts straight. I am built this way, at least for now.
And so it goes. There have been hints all along, but the truth is that you are just like me, and we, each of us, are beautiful angelic beings, each of us, everyone I meet, everyone I meet, everyone I meet, is just like me. A big angel who is in a linear reality, here to awaken, here to embody compassion, here to love everyone, everyone, everyone, and to see their divinity blazing from their chests, from their crowns, from their feet, from their hearts, from their mouths, enlightened or not, angry and bitter and sad or not.
It does not matter the presentation. It matters not the status, the color, the shape, the mood, the words. It matters not. Each of us is a physical, solid emanation of the divine, and that is that.
No more hinting around at it. No more, I say.
I am divine, and so are you, and so are the warmongers, financial rapists, scoundrels they are, and so are the protesters, those who have suffered and died for a cause, as are all those who are just trying to get along, trying to make it, trying to function under the weight of a cultural system that is at times quite oppressive, at least to me, anymore.
But I am not seen as this angel, not by most, because they don’t have the eyes for it yet. They do not recognize their own divinity, and so how could they see mine?
And that used to really get me, but I think I will just give it a pass anymore. So what. So what if you don’t get it. So what if you can’t see me, if you don’t get me. So what. I get you. I see you. And I love you. I recognize you, and I know you have worth. I know that you have had trials and you have had doubts and fears and losses. Everybody does, and we all go around propping ourselves up, under this tremendous weight, and really, it’s not necessary around me, not anymore.
Just rest easy. I don’t expect you to understand and I don’t need you to recognize me. I really don’t, not anymore. It really is ok.
It wasn’t until this afternoon, when I could finally see, really see, that this is what each and every single human being IS. This light, this love, this magnificence, this beauty, and most are completely unaware of it.
It used to really bug me when I wasn’t trusted. I grew up identified as the black sheep, the fuck up, the one who will never catch a break. That’s a creepy legacy to put onto a kid, but there it is. And it took a lot of effort to remove this overlay, but I have, I think, removed most of it. I am none of those things. It was that old metaphor at work.
I had decided, I guess, to keep the flame on low, and spend most of my life just sniffing out hints. There really weren’t that many of them, at times, and then, at other times, things were easy and fun.
But that is a story I think I am about done telling. Awakening, looking back on the battlefield, I am tiring of it. I really am. I think it might just be time to start singing songs full time, and put away the dirges. I think that’s part of the shift. I did it, purposefully and not uncomfortably, so that the inner workings of it could be laid bare, so that I would never get, or stay, lost again.
I had become so full of longing for relief, for some relief of my burdens, and it came, it came, it came, and my life has been illuminated for quite some time now, and I see no end in sight. It is not possible to unknown this stuff, impossible to unlearn it.
I leave you with a koan.
If it is true that whatever you are aware of you own, you can have whole, then tell me, how is it that it keeps getting better?
I think the only answer is one so profound, so revolutionary, so esoteric, it should be saved for later, but I have to write the idea or I might not get it back like this. The solution is that we know 100%, fully operational DNA. We have done this before, and we will be doing it again. We are part of the whole, pieces of God, pieces of the All, right here in the flesh, so of course, this is why.
What separates us no longer has to. If enough of us remember, oh my, oh my, there is a tipping point, and we are getting closer, and what we do now can indeed change how “quickly,” and certainly how elegantly, we do this. And if I remember, then at least for today, in my dealings with those I come into contact with, they can and will be gentle, respectful, loving and generous. How could they not, now that I know?
And it took all this time, and all these lessons, and an intimate understanding of all things human, really, but now, it is time to look at this a little differently, to disengage from the high drama, or even low drama, of the thing, and just apply love. Just love. Just love.
And I know this state because it has always been mine, right from the beginning, but, this sort of love, it is timeless, vast, unlanguagable, achingly beautiful.
To finally see it, feel it, know I am it… that is the journey’s end, is it not?