Deeply Awake — How I Think Ascension Is Playing Out 6-25-13 By Kathy Vik

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Deeply Awake — How I Think Ascension Is Playing Out 6-25-13 By Kathy Vik

I thought about channeling, and I have to tell you, there is no better, more happy place to be than when I crawl right up something that is just getting better and better, but, as I sat and let the meditation come on, I realized that no, although I know that what I do in that altered state is good for me, also it is good for me to articulate as a human being just what the heck I think is going on.

This journal is really for me, and by extension, it is everyone’s. That is, of course, why I fret that it’s not being read by more people. And then, as always, the voices come, and they soothe me by reminding me of the truth. That helps. My mood lifts, and it just becomes the most natural thing in the world, anymore, for me to sit down and just freaking bear my soul, take great risks, it just doesn’t matter.

Every energetic risk I feel I take, feel I must take to remain true to what I am trying to create, there is synchronicity abounding, many messages then amplifying, I theirs, and it’s like a symphony sometimes. Some are just dead in the water duds, but others, wow, I can feel the sea part sometimes after posting some of these.

Isn’t it a clever thing, that I am doing all of this serially, in real time, on the web, just because it’s so much fun, such a gateway to the beyond, it just makes no sense to do life any other way at present. And there you are, in the same energetic soup as me, dealing with the very same downloads from the night before, and we are connecting? Wowee Zowee.

I know the readers will come, and they will be applying these ideas to their lives, just as cracked open and at times unrecognizable as ours are, or were.

This has been what has gotten to me the most, really. The timing thing, and how it is all to be done. Free will. Oversouls waking up. It all has been quite a jumble here in my heart and mind, trying to sort things out, synthesizing many teachers’ messages with my own common sense, and with what The Teachers prepped me with and for, all those years ago.

And that is maybe where this must go, at least for a moment.

I have been able to sit and think about that whole thing, over the last few days. For those who have never read me, I will give a brief explanation.

Although I have always led a life of bhakti guru, meaning that I have found much profound spiritual bliss within and as a result of the mystical guru relationship, no experience comes close, for me, than having worked with The Teachers and with Kryon. I consider these the “same” entity, the same vibration, with Kryon having a refinement of data that The Teachers were unable to access, or to bring forth, due to my needs and the constrictions imposed by the energetics of the time. My work with them spanned a couple of years, and I saw them weekly, for the most part. I went when I needed them, and I always got what I needed. This was 1991 or 1992 to 1993 or 1994.

It was with The Teachers, a group of channeled entities, that I trained myself how to think, how to question, how to use my reality as a laboratory, to see it as symbolic and allegoric, and to apply simple energetic principles to the quandaries of daily life, to reveal its, and my, ultimate mystery and benevolence.

So I learned about time compression, belief work, thought constructs, gridlines, running energy, sending out energetic runners, manifesting, neutralizing highly potent negative energies which kept popping up for me at a certain point, my abduction mystery, my parents’ deal, why everything hurt so damned much, why I drank a lot, where I came from, why was I even here, what was the point, what is ascension, how do I know where I am supposed to be when it is time for earth changes, how do you get through a really big light transmutation, what is the best diet for a higher frequency vehicle, who was jesus, what about the mission, one and on and on it went…

I got it all, all of it, for two years, a veritable pipeline, folks who completely and utterly and with great respect and humor, loved me like a long-lost member of the family. I was home with them, and I learned. A sponge. They praised me once, when they presented an idea and by the time it was expressed I had just gotten it, all the way, and they smiled and commented on how many levels I am able to work at any given time with any given thing.

Even in my most squeezed moments, that is fully operational. Always has been. It has been what has set me apart and made me feel so awkward.

How can I explain to you that the reason I don’t have any money, no bank account, no savings, no assets, that is because I understand that it is a bit of a disingenuous thing to save up cash. For a rainy day? When the rain comes, I come upon an umbrella. Always. Always. Always. And there are many lessons being tied up, much going on underneath, and all is in divine order, so it’s all cool.

What I need is provided with great synchronicity and humor. Always. Always. Always.

I know this is not a lifetime about survival. The Teachers told me that, and it was nothing but a confirmation. An admonition to relax and enjoy this.

Further, I have known since I was a child, with a knowledge as dense as a forest, that I will one day prosper beyond my imagination. It will all come back to me, and I have nothing to worry about. And I really do not want to get to that place down the road and look back and kick myself for having spent however many lean years cowering, crying, bitching, complaining, and not trusting.

I really do not want to be that person.

And so I have lived my beliefs, but have done so without articulating them, because they just wouldn’t be honored, so I came to learn.

I never worry about money, never have and never ever will.


I can be given great gifts by talking with nature, and that is something I have always had. I have learned volumes watching spiders, birds, talking with trees. I gain great comfort in thinking on nature. It is a home, a sanctuary, and I carry it within me, and it soothes me when I am in difficulty. I am my happiest outside. I give myself this pleasure just not as often as I should, really. It is a form of meanness, to deprive myself of that which I know to be healing. And these are the things which are so abundantly changing now.

Ever since the solstice, I am at peace in a way I never have been before. I see things clearly, like when I am tripping balls, but I am sober as a judge most of the time now. I find I prefer it. It is exhilarating. I really do not know what I am going to give myself next, but all of it is so fucking good, that I am just coasting here, finally, finally, finally.

You know, this is a series, and so if you just read this, I am sure I will come off as some self-assured, self-obsessed, my way is the only way to do god sort of people, and full of herself to boot, but that would be a misinterpretation.

These last few notes have been celebratory for a good reason. I am celebrating. And part of celebrating this sort of shift is a celebration of the song you have made as your self. You have one, everyone does.

When I started Deeply Awake, I was told that I was starting a new genre, and it is to be sort of a template for writing spiritual essays and such, which, I am told, will actually become quite popular. And it’s called, “Reverse Autobiography”.

It begins with some weird awakening, and then you just build it from there. And there will be more of these, they told me, because it is not longer appropriate to tell anyone what to do. Yes, doing a class on history or tools or energetics, that’s fine, but getting up in someone’s personal space and to tell them how THEY should do GOD? Rubbish. Not to be done anymore.

What is to be done is to live by example. And the more good examples out there of people who are clearing, or have cleared their stuff, and are thinking more clearly, the better. This is not a cult and it certainly is not a religion, it’s just folks changing their vibrational frequency, increasing their innate abilities to perceive and to create their reality, and only their reality.

But, come on, let’s not con ourselves.

The proof is always in the pudding, back in 3d land. People need proof. I know I like it. I like it when all the signs point in an obvious direction, when stuff is just so obvious, I laugh out loud and how everything fits together, quite a lot anymore, all so gently, so benevolently, so cleanly. But the period of time when I was in deep deep deconstruction and reconstruction? I was a hopeless mess most of the time.

Extreme in my thinking, in my emotions, in my behavior at times. Just really blown open most of the time, and completely disinterested in focusing in 3-d. Just let everything just sort of fall to pot. Amazing. So crawling out of this hole is an interesting one, but the whole thing is purposeful and quite fun.

And the doubters and haters may say oh gee you aren’t super rich and you have simple needs and you rent and you smoke, so you are nothing I can think highly of, all I say to that is that some of my mess is intentional. I won’t tell you what is and is not. I know I have some bad habits, and they are a little gross, but I see things differently than most, and I let myself off the hook in strange and silly ways. I will give you an example, but I must tie up this thought.

Although I would prefer fabulous riches and a condo in Vail and a groovy mate and a better car and all that stuff, I am so in love with my life just as it is at this moment, and I know that these things have been bearing down on me like a mack truck all my life. Only I have blocked the good, and there were damn good reasons for that, too. So I love how it is going, and for those who like to judge, oh, my life is one which will make the judges get moist. I have a lot of dirt. Intentional. Intentional. Intentional.

As an aside, my example of my lovely kind of thinking.

I smoke. And folks just really hate that, because they are convinced of two things. One, they are convinced that they are so fragile, that what they inhale can kill them. And the other one is that they have convinced themselves that what is in a smoke is lethal, poisonous, toxic to them. So there you go.

The thing is, I see smoking as a sacrament of sorts, always have, and I enjoy it immensely. I love the sensation, the smell, the appliances, all of it. I love it. And I do not think that smoke can kill me or give me tumors. I think that is nonsense. Thinking bad thoughts, and not telling yourself the god’s honest truth, that’s what gives cancer, anger thoughts, they corrode and we consume ourselves rather than speaking the truth, of how we really fell, what we really think. But that it just my theory, and I am a nurse and I do not think bad thoughts about anyone who is sick.

They are in an extremely powerful dialogue with themselves, and that is to be highly honored, deeply respected, and they are to be given much kindness and deference. That’s how I see it.

And so, I smoke, and I do not do it to kill myself, I do it to celebrate the fact that I am alive in this body that so enjoys having a nice smoke every now and then. And then the haters get all up on me and they are really a lot of them quite rude and hateful, and that is because they are very fearful, and have much grief that they have not yet resolved, and so they carry their sadness and their worry around with them like open wounds. And then I come along, happily puffing away, and it just doesn’t compute.

Oh well. If it is legal, I keep smoking, and I smile as non-threateningly as I can. If I am doing it against some bizarre restrictive rule, then I smile and say Oops, put it out, and that’s that.

What does any of this rambling have to do with ascension?

Well, it all fits together like this. I really used to think that ascension, full on ascension, sort of the goal, was to just get all lit up from the inside out, and turn into light, just poof, no longer around. And I understood I could then rematerialize at my wish, but I would be seen as somehow different than before.

And then Kryon went to work on me, from the other end of this time spectrum, with his explanation of the DNA, once the fog had cleared somewhat and our DNA could actually start being supported by the grids. It was a preview, The Overture, to have been with The Teachers, who harped on and on about DNA.

I would not have come in had I not had their assistance, that much is crystal clear. Oh, that I was so willing! Bravo! But it was Kryon who has assisted in applying the capstone, really.

I have a level of discernment which really has changed me, it really has. There are some movies that I just cannot get enough of, and they may strike you as odd, or violent, I find them such thrilling tales of spiritual awakening and redemption, I am just a sucker for them. And then the stuff I used to just love, oh I can’t really find a lot in some of it.

I used to take in four hours of news a day, including Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, which I needed just to keep me sane, honestly. But I had to know what was going on, who the players were, what the themes were. I ate it up. It was like taking the blood pressure of a nation, watching the news like that, especially when Keith Olbermann was on. But, yeah, I was hardcore, a political science, sociology, 19th and 20th century history junkie. And then, after I woke up, I really just couldn’t tolerate it.

I google the google news now when I am on shift, and read the news like, again, taking the pulse of the world, knowing that all of what I am reading is a poem, an ode, to be taken metaphorically and not literally. I am to judge the general consciousness that would allow this sort of news to spring up, where are folks, how dark is it, how light is it, and I really love the global weather. The one with the solar news. I eat that up. I feel so good after the 3 minute news, the 4 minute news, in the morning. I feel complete in some weird way. I feel really whole.

So these are the ways I am now, and I am thinking that what Kryon says about ascension, what Bashar says about it, may actually be true.

What I have been told about it too, really.

Ascension is just raising the frequency, just, I say that like it is a little thing. It is by moving through personal and universal fears and beliefs and paradigms, and when a multiplicity and indivisibility, a unity of consciousness with all mankind, and with all of the unseen love which is supporting us, teaching us, tending to us, when that is finally realized as your true nature, then you come to see that everything else is affectation and some vibration which is not in resonance with unconditional love, so you give it away as best you can, and you move on, whether it is understood, or not, received or not, reciprocated or not.

This system, I have come to understand , is such a loving one, such an unconditionally benevolent one for some very very good reasons. We are much like the fingers of a hand. And it is our choice to consider ourselves only as a finger, or to instead consider that what is the finger is of the hand, and vice versa. What the hand knows, the finger has access to.

I like this.

I like how this is all synthesizing. That maybe it is just as simple as inhabiting a body but really just getting it, that I am a soul, an energy, a bigger entity, inhabiting, creating and then inhabiting, this body. And the days are blessed ones which feature return of parts of myself long thought broken, long lost, and a new found sense of appreciation, not for what I have accomplished, necessarily.

That is a lot, and to be sure I have done some good things this lifetime, I have helped others, and have done my best, but this appreciation is different. Appreciation for accomplishment is nice, but it can imply conditions, or the possibility of its absence if performance is not maintained. This sort of appreciation, in other words, is of duality.

There is a different sort of appreciation which comes when you have been willing to see it all just stretch out in front of you, and patterns emerge, and usually a lot of unexpected pain, because what we keep hidden we don’t face, and then the mask is donned and there are no tears, all is happy, happy, happy.

That is a lie. There is pain involved here, and suffering, and most of it is just to get our attention that there is something bigger than you at work here. That’s pretty much it. To soften a person up. Most people are brittle, and they break when their will is tested.

They have not learned the value in bending low, in serving, in being seen as nothing, as the dirt, and bad, as corrupt and lost. The lost ones, the ones who have shot themselves in the foot, they are my brothers, because we have each known that life is not always happy, and those who refuse to let their pain shine through their tear-stained faces, they are the ones who will never really get a good look at some pretty amazing things.

You have to be empty, I think, in order to receive some things. At least that was my interpretation in this my dance of duality.

So there is an appreciation for me finally getting me. At first, I was so pleased that I had stumbled onto the 9/11 Truth Movement. That helped me to breathe, finding loose change. It just helped me breathe.

And then, from there, where have I not gone?

And had The Teachers stuck around, I would not have searched high and low for them.

The biggest joke is the last one, the set up has been exhausting and really fun, and here is the joke. The Teachers did not leave.

I mean, yes, there is a changing of the guard that is done every now and then, but that’s just sort of energetic upgrades.

The Teachers? They were guides, but as much a cooperative effort as anything. And it is easy for me to say this but so weird to say it out loud, but here goes, really, the truth is, I think The Teachers were just a finger, you know, just a projection from my Oversoul, from my collective, from the bigger portions of me who are, as you go higher and higher and higher, all one, in the end.

And that is what is confounding to me, always has been. Who are you, and who are you in relation to me? I have found that to be a fundamental koan of my life. Just who are you? How do we know each other? I think it is fascinating. The interactions we have with one another, god, they just really get me sometimes, how sweet they are, just in line at the Conoco, or between my dad and I, or my son and I, or God and I.

But Is there really a God, and no, I think it is different than all of that. There is nothing out there, it is all within each of us, and yes there is a One, An All, The All, the One, and it is the sum of all of our parts, and more, and more, and it just goes on and on, here , in my mind, while tapping away at my computer.

So this is how ascension gets played out, I think.

I feel I have easier access to stuff, and I am more easy going, and more at peace. I am ok with who I am. I am ok that up until now I led a pretty solitary life. I did do a lit of complaining, but I was popping fear bubbles, those etched with “abandonment” and “victim” and “true love”, and one by one these have been popped, and I am less afraid of The Other, more curious of The Other, and unafraid to ask questions, to laugh, to crack a joke, to lighten the mood.

I try not to talk about this stuff. I sort of make it a practice. I recently let someone see me for who and what I am, while in a very very altered state, on Father’s Day. It was weird, to be letting my freak flag fly just as proudly as I did, and it was, actually, quite well received, which I still just goggle at. That’s a new one on me.

I can see that I am taking this slow, and that is good, because I have been in hibernation for a long time. It will take some practice to be social again, but that is the general idea. I have come to see that the people I have been feeling should understand me, due to closeness (?) or familial bond, well, these have been altogether disappointing relationships. There is just no spark, no love there, there is much disdain, I get from these folks, and I have long complained that my mirrors are fussy and disapproving. Well, I have been very fussy and disapproving, but not as much as these people. I mean, really.

And so, the idea is to just find people I feel are encouraging. I used to just settle for hanging out with people who seemed to tolerate me. But I am upgrading that to those who are encouraging. It is time, I think. And it’s that simple, and it’s that hard.

I’ll tell you that the three most important tools I gave myself permission to use freely were these:
1 – To give myself permission to do all of this for me. I took a crazy vacation in July to Nevada, the first truly self indulgent thing I have done in years and years and years, and it cured me of something I did not know had been feeding off of me. I cast off a smug despair during those days. I dwelt in synchronicity and grace, and I was taken care of handsomely. I gave myself permission, and gave my ex-husband fair warning, a few months before the trip, that I was going to take one year and write. And if after that year we are in financial ruin, I will right the ship, but I want to do this. And it’s been over a year and a half. Best thing I ever did for myself. Changed my job, changed my hours, changed my schedule, changed my skill set, changed it all. Which leads to number 2

2 – To once and for all use this time to get to the bottom of it. To figure out just who The Teachers were. Who were they? Where did they go? Was what they said true? This was one of those longings just as real as the original one I carried with me, that of being here and not wanting to be. And now add an overlay of WTF. So I decided it was time to get to the bottom of it, and I consumed it all whole. I gave myself permission to once again discover the old ways. I welcomed any and all information about anything and everything. This permission has led me to meet new people, develop long lost skills, and to do what I was put here to do, number three

3 – For me, to write like I breathe, because it’s like oxygen to me.  I held my breath for a long, long time. Fully aware of my naivete, ashamed of having an immature voice, I kept myself dark, on purpose. I played, and will ever be grateful for my sister and her Salons. We would just pick a word, and then give ourselves ten or fifteen minutes, and create something about that word. It was luscious, those months spent creating, sharing, laughing. And all the love they gave me, so much encouragement, and they loved it when I decloaked and just was myself. I have put up many many walls, and many of them justifiably, or so it seemed at the time. Just outgunned by most people, just bowled over by them, easily overridden, tolerant when I shouldn’t be, intolerant of little, I just couldn’t bring myself to write until it seemed there really was nothing left. Unemployed, wanting to stay that way for a few months, I watched Into The Wild, read a few lines from a book about reincarnation, and I was off to the races, forever changed, sure I could write something of depth and beauty, and in such awe of Sean Penn’s vision and lyricism. I knew that nursing was indeed going to keep the lights on, but my passion lay elsewhere. With the turn of my head, I was on to this path, and I never really looked back.

I know now that most of my problems socially have come because I have always been just a little less linear than most people, and that makes people uncomfortable. My friend Diane commented on my career that it seems to be my job to go into a system and clearly see what is and is not working, what can and cannot be fixed, what can and cannot be tolerated, and then go to work fixing stuff, quietly, under the radar, but sometimes openly, as the boss. And it bothers a lot of people, she has always told me, that I can see things whole, and see them whole. It’s sort of unnerving.

So, there’s that.

There is a notion that we are all ascending, one, two, three, and that I don’t know, it’ll be like flipping a switch or something.

I think it’s sneakier than that. I think that what happens is there is enough of us who just keep shining in really non-judgmental ways, and just do the ascended mater stuff, you know unconditional love and talking to nature and all that, and we are going o start seeing sort of a stabilization take place.

I think there are a lot of us who are just ahead of the curve, just how we are built, and there is nothing inherently holy or sacred or really even very profound about it all. It sort of is, what is your function, what is your preference, what is your level of interest, what is your level of soul commitment, how important is this to you? Does this stuff make you breathe easier or does it make your throat swell up? Some people are breathing easier these days. Let us have our peace.

And so Kryon is saying 2014 is when we will begin to see some energetic cohesion, when there will be less of this looking-glass quality to life, to the way things are going, just in general, just all the emotional incontinence.

I can see that most of my active time lines are all closing by autumn, just many decisions, many turning points, many changes. And it’s fine, I think it’s like seeing the roller coaster go clack clack clack up the steepest portion of the ride. It is cool to see how everything is coming together. I do not ever shirk away from change. I welcome it with open arms, always have. I love change, and outside of not moving, for Sam’s sake, that’s about the only thing that has remained stable for us, that and our connection, our bond.

This has been a fine life so far, and I did write in RIP that I had a meditation that I died on my sister’s birthday. A part of me, the personality I had come to know as me, she died somehow, and was swallowed up into something else. Now, that was a meditation, so that and a buck will buy you a Pepsi. I know that.

But it think it is true that along with this process comes an understanding that you are not just yourself, and there is something much bigger afoot, and any sense of being better than anybody else just goes away. There is so much love to go around that there is no need to hoard it, or fear its absence or removal. All is love, nothing here is here to hurt you, and you are safe in the arms of an ancient God that you are going to get to know very very well, over time, if you want to.

I have had some real psychedelic experiences, some full on NDE’s, lots of fainting and seating and getting swimmy, and puking, and stuff like that. And what they call ascension flu, yes, and what is it, the sleep triad, where you wake up two times, sleep for three, at night, and all the ear ringing and aches and joint issues. Bizarre food cravings, violent reactions to foods I used to love, craving water, finding myself praying over it to clear it, just instinctively, always, every time, same in the shower. Yeah. Check, check and check.

So, it’s not just me, and it’s not just you, and that is one hell of a relief, after carrying this odd thing with me, like Rosemary’s Baby, who is now of age and turns out to be a real nice guy that everybody just had all wrong.

All the fear stuff, it just drops away, and common sense begins to rule the day, with solutions just appearing, but often only when I have just decided to get on with what I have been postponing, avoiding, refusing to acknowledge.

One by one, all those things are coming together.

And so, I think this is a pretty neat thing, and you can call it good mental hygiene, or you can call it madness, or you can call it ascension, I really think they are all valid descriptors, at certain angles, of this process.

I feel, for me, that things are going to get better, because I am not seeing any of this as being done to me, not anymore. This is a cooperative dance. I feel no resentment, and I do feel love, even for those who think I am off of my nut. I know I look it sometimes, and sometimes, anymore, I hear myself saying how I see things… I see things differently, and in a way that some folks do find off-putting. So I am seeking out those who are a little less easily spooked, those who are perhaps having their own experiences in seeing things real clearly, differently, benevolently.

I guess it can come on you like a thief in the night, but I think that is a lot of tosh. I think if you are reading along at this point, which I doubt anyone will, you know as well as I that we are just a little odd, and we have always been seen as a little odd, and isn’t it just typical that just when it all gets weird and slidy and it seems the world is insane, these weirdos, the cock-eyed ones, are finally the ones who are making sense? Isn’t that just the way?

And that’s the punch line. We are each of us on our own journey, and if it takes us into slums and back halls and prisons, so be it, these are lives spent in experience, and they are valid and beautiful and poignant and good. As is any path, any path at all.

I think there have been and will continue to be celestial events which will continue to trigger and refine things, and our DNA will get more and more switched on. This will start just happening to folks, but it cannot happen without their full knowledge and intent. You have to want to go through this, and many don’t. Many don’t. That’s fine. I was crazy, a daredevil. Just my style. Let’s just love each other, brother. Let’s just respect each other, sister. Let’s see that each of us is doing what we feel is best.

And here is another punchline. Many of we starry-eyed ones have kids who are far less linear than even we were, or are. These are the ones, all of them, but some more than others, who are teaching we grown ups, reminding us to just love, and peacemaking in our schools. They are here to help we old souls who are a bit tired of doing all the heavy lifting. They are our allies, and the ones, once mature, who will not be tolerating a lot of the nonsense we have been obliged to witness and bless and release.

A lot of these kids are harshly judged by freaked out parents, freaked out teachers. The other kids are cool, but the adults, not so much. And isn’t it just like one of those fingers to flex in condemnation of another finger, or even the hand. That is just a little ridiculous, don’t you think? What is that all about?

That’s just the pain that comes with believing lies, that you are unworthy, that you are impotent, that you are trapped in a malfunctioning body. These thoughts are not good ones to think as valid. They are false, and they cause tissue damage, after a time, I think. They are clunkers, and make your energy spin awkwardly. They dull your options, and keep you veiled in fear.

Imagine the possibility of condemning nothing. Could you do that? Just for an hour? A Day?

There is “good” and “bad,” and these trip a lot of people up.

It’s really, “That which I find pleasing” and “That which I find unappealing.”

Going just that far, that makes things tolerable, easier, just a little more enjoyable. It sort of takes the sting out of things.

It begins things to a neutral state.

And then there is the idea that the truth of the matter is that we are made with and for and by and because of divine love, and that our bodies are actual physical projections of that magnificent creative love, and then you begin to see that no one is ever out to get you, and maybe you are having poopy experiences for a variety of reasons, but the urge to sacrifice yourself at the altar of someone else’s conditional love, well, whoa there Nelly, we have a different breed of cat here.

Self-sufficiency, radical trust, knowledge in a bigger self who is part of All That Is in a biochemical and spiritual way, these things change a person. That our beliefs actually bend matter and create situations, one way or the other, and that we are creating it all. That it behooves us to be aware of what and how we think, and to be mindful in all our communications.

Here’s the thing. When I finally came out from the rock I hid under for eighteen years, in The Teachers’ absence, and what seemed to me an absence of a lot of the light I used to take for granted, I found that there really are a lot of people like me.

Many don’t go on and on about it, and you can call this a disease if you want, but maybe the voices in my head are right, and this writing will serve as encouragement for others to trust their voice and their own experience, and start laying road maps for others. I see a lot of channeled stuff that gets a lot of readers, and to be honest, this sort of writing I do is not stuff I would maybe look at, but now I go back to it again and again, and I do sort of like the girth of the things. Sort of hard to take, but worth it every time.

And so, is this an ascended state? Kryon and Bashar sort of shrug it off, like it’s just another day, and I think that is incorrect, and maybe it’s just how I am taking them right now. But what I say, ascension is a big ass deal, and there is a before and an after, I think, but it is when you start and just surrender to it, that is the before and after.

Everything that follows is magical, and just daily love letters from your God, but I can see that there have been a number of events which clearly demarcate certain state of being for me. This solstice was one of them. Very profound, on just so many levels. The numerology laid me flat, and this portal has been a powerful one.

There is an ease in saying this, a level of authority, that is familiar to me. You know that I say it all the time, that’s just me, or I could be wrong, because what is true for me is true for me and that is as far as it goes! I am just compelled to be loose lipped about it.

Is this an ascended state? I know I get very very high, go up very high, and I know I can sustain it, and I can call it in, and I can have some fun with it now. But I was doing it all that time ago, under the tutelage of The Teachers. Not to this degree, because the energy was not as plastic, not as free, not as pliable and happy, if you don’t mind me saying that word.

I do have knowledge that I feel comfortable with that makes it easy to see through a lot of the stuff I used to and still do sometimes call nonsense. Just all the selfishness and greed and intolerance and denial and distrust I see around me.

I am not socially isolated, but let’s not forget I practice in a hospital. I see those who are employed full time just getting a knee replaced, and those who are days from death. I see a lot of fear, a lot of panic, a lot of grief, and a lot of hope.

I try to find true and honest, good, humor, to situations, and I have a great time at work. I am mindful of my patient’s needs and can become almost geisha like if need be, but that is usually only with those who I have seen have been neglected the shift before. Like that guy who had a neck resection and was just riddled with cancer “from tobacco,” that nurse when on again and again. It was clear, just taking one look at him, that his needs had been nearly adequately met, and that is all. So the geisha came out, and he slept like a king that night.

That’s just being a decent nurse. That’s not being some second coming jesus impersonator.

That’s not ascension.

There is the frequency of the ascended ones now available for those who are willing to do the work required to experience and inhabit it and know it from the inside out. It is there, for the taking, the full activation of the DNA, melding with your oversoul/higher self/God. It’s all there, waiting. And now the dams have burst, and all of the information is available on the web for free.

I have steered away from anyone who does not offer high quality product for free to all, that to me is the mark of someone who gets it. There is a way to earn a living, and there is also an obligation to share this information. Mine is a way that has not yet been established, and may die out once I lose interest. Who knows?

I like living in synchronicity, knowing that I can bend things when I get to loving on them enough. I like that I now have some confirmation of things I have always hoped, always knew, were true, but it just never was the time, and it felt like a black mark against me, this thing that I knew, and couldn’t shake, and needed closure with.

The Teachers were part of me, part of my oversoul, my council, my ancestors. And they were meaningful to many many people here, during the time they channeled. Fingers on a hand, right? So the hand came along and the fingers paid attention and were delighted with songs and stories of the hand’s thoughts, its perspective, a perspective this finger has longed for, long after the glove went on, all those years ago.

So the Earth, the heavens, so to speak, the grids, each other, we ones who have longed for awakening and for peace all our lives, all of it conspires to make beautiful music now. Things will get easier, more stable, and maybe it is us loonies who will inherit the earth, because we are the ones who understand it, who know how to talk to it, and who love it so much. Is Gaia part of our collective soul? Could it really be that intimate, that organic, that simple?

These are the thoughts of someone who is no longer gripped by fear, no longer ashamed of herself, and who is in love with this thing we have going on. I used to turn from it, hating it, wishing I was dead, out of the game. And now, ever since making a deal with “Them” when coming off Lookout Mountain, well, ok, I will tell you this.

I have always, always always had the dream of driving off of a mountain. I love the sensation of falling, free fall, into the abyss, the letting go, the inevitability of it. Just love that dream.

And I decided, during one of my blacker periods, that if it ever got to be too much, I think an awesome way to commit suicide would be to go to like the top of Pikes Peak in a shitty car, and then round a sheer curve too fast, and just freaking end it.

So, when I got married, I told my husband, hey, listen, if you ever get a sheriff come to your door and tell you that I was found in a heap at the base of a mountain, well, just know, I did it deliberately. It’s my way out. Nothing personal.

And do you know what he said?

Oh yeah? Same here.

What a match!

So, here I am, on Father’s Day, in bliss after a day of intense healing, just beautiful healing and miracles, and here I am coming off that mountain, after running some energy at the very top, like I do when I feel like it.

And I told them, ok, here goes, if I get off this mountain in one piece (by this time one of the tires was sort of whack-whacking), then I intend to be here an awful long time, and I am really forever and a day done with ever thinking about death or sadness or stuff like that, It just won’t apply. And if you’d rather have me over there, if now would be good timing, this would be a very opportune time to let ‘er rip. Couldn’t pick a better set up, really.

I pondered that. I considered all the circumstances, all of them, and really, in a certain light, it would make sense to shut this down now.

So I drove, gingerly, thinking about all the love I just experienced.

And then I met that person who I mentioned earlier, who I decloaked in front of and it was ok, and then I got to the base of the mountain and went home.

It had been a big day.

This is how many of my days go now, and I am blessed beyond measure at how much love and how many beautiful events, miracles, I suppose it could be said of some of it, I now see around me, and I am happy.

And really, this is a saving grace, something that has soothed me throughout this process. Isn’t the whole idea here, the whole idea, to get comfortable with ourselves? I mean, I haven’t ever met anyone who did not have that on their “to do” list. They do it in lots of ways, their career, their schooling, their hobbies and interests and pursuits and friends, some hear the call of religion’s voice, others are moved to literature, to comedy writing, to design and mechanics and astronomy and child care and the hard sciences and living disabled, we are among every group, have lived all the lives, all the stories, all the variations, and know the chorus and all the verses.

It is ok that some of us are just getting there now, because it’s fun, although intentionally quite unnerving.

I thank you your indulgence, and bless this thing into the ethers with it being just fine with me if no one ever even reads it.

It doesn’t matter. That is not the point.

It is not of interest to me who hears the song, all I know is that I am to sing, and in singing I am home, I am in divine alignment, and I am whole. It helps me. It is a preference. It is fun. It completes me. And this is just groundwork, there is a lot to come, but I have no idea what it will end up looking like. That’s sort of fun. I know how it feels, and what it translates into, that ‘s the fun part. That’s like Christmas morning, ripping off the paper. That’s what manifesting is to me.

And what is ascension? Could it be as simple as just finally taking it in and allowing it to be real for you? It was that way for me.

I think Kryon’s work on the ascended state, and what to expect, and the process, they are very helpful and highly instructive. I have found them to be amazing confirmations, delivered always, right on time. It is less guruji now, and more like a brother, hinting just enough to tickle the next experience, the next revelation, but also with so much good information, just in time, which helps me fit the puzzle pieces together, once and for all.

That is what I am thankful for, what I have come to know. There has been a deep longing in my soul since I gained consciousness, to know the truth, to know it all, to be a peace, to be still and know God. That has been my raison d’etre, and it is not one that is given a lot of credence, really, in this day in age, and being a rebel, I couldn’t think of joining a religion or a church, couldn’t do it, but envied those who did with a blinding envy. Nun without cloister, shaman without tribe, priest without order.

And I stumbled and had no peace for a real long time, and now, after all this work, one by one, things are finally just making so much sense, everything is just fitting together with so much ease and grace, and so, if this is ascension, I say, rock on, and whatever label you want to call it, is it holy, well, yeah, it kinda is, and is it physical, well, holy moly is it ever. It’s all I ever wanted, and better than I anticipated. I am feeling good, and hopeful.

I do not feel the need to do the old caveat I used to do: “well things look good, but they’ll probably turn to shit, knowing how things are for me, just in general.” Yeah, that was always my general message.

But this is what has changed since the solstice. I have an absence of the willingness to say those sorts of things, to think those sorts of thoughts, the heavy ones, the ones that make me grieve, stuff that is disheartening, mean-spirited, discouraging. It just isn’t in me to deliver such body blows to myself.

So I have been sweeter to myself.

My house is clean! Can you believe it? Two years I hated that desk with a purple passion, two years, and yesterday, we hauled it out of here. The place looks fantastic. We are lightening up, and I just did not have the ability to do it before. I felt weighed down, and every time I would start cleaning, the voices would scream horrible discouragements, and condemnations, and I would just give up!

The house is clean. We feel better, and things are looking good. And I know whatever comes next, it is in my reality because I want it there, and if I am really at variance with something, it’s going to transform. Work is a different experience for me, peaceful, fun, lots of laughs and relaxation. Work!

So yes, I think you could call this ascension status. I used to beat myself up when I lost the spin, lost the reality, the unity, but that was because I was panicked I couldn’t get it back. But now I know not only can I and do I get back to that state easily, the more often I am there, the more I am there.


This is how I think ascension is playing out.

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