Deeply Awake — Frustration And Relief 6-7-13 By Kathy Vik

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Well, I have been on quite a ride, and it’s time to slow down enough to cull the pearls.

I know that my work has long been confessional, and I don’t see that changing all that much. There is now a reason for it, a good one, but one I had not been aware of before this afternoon.

I have had a series of events which have helped me to understand what’s happening to me, and to perhaps frame it in terms that could contain a ton of information, since most of my meditations have been impregnated with numerology and geometrics. More info can get downloaded, maybe, or perhaps it’s just that I like to look at sparklies while I get smart. I don’t know.

I woke up with this huge, impossibly huge understanding today. And it put me right out of sorts.

I understood that my life of illusion, the one where I am seen as a loser, a financial loser, this life which involves financial restriction, and all the rest of the lands of the lost I have recently traveled through, such a sad journey with the lost, well, this was a world of illusion I walked through, for reasons which will become clear.

And I drove to my errands contemplating that message. In the understanding, I saw that I had been the moon, I had known the moon, and had gotten the being of reflective light down real real good.

But I am not the moon, I am the sun, and my light is given to others directly from source, not as reflected by a moon, in the dark. I am the sun, now, no longer glowing, as will be the way of things, different daily, nightly, unwilling to yield a side which may be beyond our understanding.

I know there is so much more within this image. The concept of reflected light, this is a big one, and I am pretty certain that the moon’s presence is a holy one, and one that is purposeful for our consciousness.

I am no longer of the camp that the moon is some evil device the bad ET’s put up there to enslave us, but I did think that was possible, for about a week. I have never liked the phenomenon, never been a moon girl. Never really been a sun girl, either. If confronted with a vendor who had awesome sun and awesome moon clay things you can hang on a wall, I’d go to the star, if he had one, or walk on.

But those were the old days.

So I am thinking these big thoughts, but as I move along and interact with folks, through my errands today, and notice I am highly out of sorts.

I can be counted on for going out of my way to make somebody laugh or feel some sort of ease, and I like to return my grocery carts and just raise the frequency where I go. And I wasn’t polluting the vibes today, but I was closed in, pinched, hooded, and it did not feel good at all.

By the time I got home, I felt awful. I knew I had a fever, and it was as it always is, 97.0.

Sam let me vent, just about how it is awful to be around all these people who don’t see anything good in each other. Everybody had felt closed to me, and I felt so little light. And I was tired, really disappointed, just feeling longing, that old longing.

And the thinking always goes like this:

I don’t like how people act. And I say nothing about it. And this causes me a lot of pain. This is of course after phone calls from two of the people who actually do owe me financially, but who see me as such a dirty beggar they have to be pleaded with for any assistance, assistance they should be giving with open arms and glad hearts.

Why are people so small?

This is a reflection of me, I thought.

My pain comes from not confronting this nonsense, and sometimes I am tired and I just don’t want to fight anymore, I don’t feel like going through what must be gone through energetically, interpersonally, when people learn their life lessons. It gets old. It’s fun, but it is tiring that people just don’t get some of this stuff. This is not the whining of some dumb elitist. It’s a soul cry from someone who has always, secretly, felt this way. From the word go. Oh, God. Here we go again, basically, that was me, into my thirties. Karma.

I don’t want to fight anymore. I want everybody to just get to a more peaceful place, a more trusting place. Just go a little bit, and you rise from Karma to the Next Step, Trust. Just get there. Please. For everybody’s sake.

And then, finally, I got so tired, and I put on a movie, and I zoned out.

By 3:30 I had a fever of 100.5, so I called in for work. Not exactly how I would have liked the day off, but there is again synchronicity afoot.

And then I tell Sam I need to sleep. When I feel like this, where just being conscious is quite painful, so squeezed and tight am I, so he tucked me in and delighted in my delight.

And then I asked my guides for help. I asked for something beyond me to reach in and find me and give me what my soul needs in this moment to feel peace. I prayed for peace, so hard, peace.

And through my tears I found a Kryon which I had, of course, never noticed before.

I heard his voice as it cued up, and I felt sure I was being loved.

And I was, I was, I was.

It is the recording under the green horn, and it has “Three Dispensations” in its title.

This will take some work, but it is highly imperative that I get through this next part with you, so I am going to go get some coffee, and get this thing done. This is a big one, guys.

What I am understanding now is thanks to the understandings Lee Carroll channeled through Kryon, and to The Teachers, and to my Higher Self, or my Bigger Being or whatever it is we all decide to call it. The Meld. I like that. No names, no need. The Meld. My Meld. Ha! That might work. My meld, my soup, says, “ _________.” yeah, that may be the way out of that one.

I think just hard to know the proper grammar, you know?

It was explained that there have been or are three spiritual dispensations currently in play right, that of karma, trust, and mastery.

I will tell you now that everything is very clear. I am no longer frustrated by my fellow man, no matter the greed, no matter the crap they pull. And how did I get here? Here it goes:

First, understand that there are three stations, or three steps toward enlightenment, ascension, whatever you want to call it. DNA Activation. I like that one. It levels the playing field and de-religionizes the whole thing. Full on activation, if you like. OK, we go on…

I loved how Kryon made this come alive with the parking lot angel concept, which, they say, is just a little game we play with ourselves, giving our power away yet again.

They explained that those in karma don’t think to ask for help with the parking situation. And in the course of looking, there is a crash, and what happens after the car door is opened and the players emerge, that’s karma.

Then there is the beautiful “Let Go and Let God” crowd, the Trusting group, with whom I have a firm allegiance. They hold the beauty of knowing that with enough patience, a pattern emerges, and you don’t have to fight the river, so it really is alright to just perch and watch and listen to the radio, knowing all is well.

OK, I have spent a lot of time in both amusement parks, I really have. Just look to your family, Kryon said, to know the strength and poignant set-ups that karma is.

But then there is a third way. A third step. A third development, and it is claimed only through intent.

In the third scenario, when you leave for the store, you know your actions are being timed in divinity itself, and then you cruise into the lot and someone’s leaving, and there you are. If you wish to have a spot up front, it’s yours, but be clear, bless and release it, and know that it is. Then crank the tunage and go with the flow. Because you are now one with the flow, and you are co-creating at that point. You don’t know what comes next, perhaps, but you dwell within the language of synchronicity, and this guides you to everything you could want.

But then comes the kicker, as only Kryon can deliver.

Here’s the thing. In the old energy, hanging, and hoping, and waiting, well, that was appropriate. As was keeping one’s opinions and understandings to oneself.

Here is the spooky part with these guys. Their dates and mine, their numbers and mine, all the enlightenment dates and such, well, I just know Kryon is involved. I mean deeply involved. It’s the same phenomenon as The Teachers, I will say. I feel I am receiving further training now, and there is never a sour note. If I get a skippy or a bad connection, I know I am not intended to listen to that one at that time, and I just keep going. I have had amazing help.

And this is the kicker, at least.

They said that in this new energy, it is no longer necessary to wait. It is no longer necessary to be quiet. And this is the change.

We must get comfortable with having self-worth. This is our Achilles heel, he said of we lightworkers, we lighthouses. That the dark, this multidimensional energy which only seeks balance, but is, by definition, the absence of light, the dark knows that fear disables us. It knows this, and it takes on all the forms you can imagine. There it is, fear. Our test. Our own invention. We really have let it take a long lap around, haven’t we? I think it is time to put it in its place. It is a device. A tool. A gift. An annoyance, yes. Painful at times, to be sure. But paper tigers, every single one of them. Every single one.

They said something in this one I need to put out there. They said that physicality is set up that for every choice, every single decision you make, every single one you’re confronted with, your choice determines the vibration of the planet. I mean, the world doesn’t end if you choose raspberry spread over marmalade in the morning, no, but can you see it, all of our choices, done in how many millions a time a day, and all of these add up. If we choose things out of fear, defeat, in league with the dark and all its illusions, this is felt.

And this is why lightworkers have the power they do. The grid has been activated, we have been activated, and now the grid responds more readily to love, to mercy, to healing, than it used to.

The grid made loving hard, and there was much resistance. But there have been adjustments, and now giving is easier, loving is better received, and we can move more easily through all of the utter nonsense.

We can stitch love right into the grid in a way that a lot of other people can’t. And that it only because we would not have had it any other way. Are you kidding me? Look at what it has been our privilege to usher in.

We are holy ones, all of us, for what we have done. I am so proud. When we love unconditionally, once we are plugged in and multidimensional in our being, then we raise the vibration of the whole crystalline grid!

So Kryon says in this new energy, it is no longer appropriate to wait, to hope, to live off of faith alone, like we used to, like we had to.

The energy had been biased against us, and that’s why many of the things we tried to accomplish, and deserved to have work out, I might add, did not, and broke us apart.

If synchronicity is our heritage, our skill, our ability, then so be it. ENGAGE IT. Commit to it.

Remember this little gift:

Yesterday they called it coincidence
Today they call it synchronicity
Tomorrow it will be known as skill.

This means getting out and being around folks, and what will most naturally happen is I am personally not going to keep having interest in investing in those who require I assume the posture of a weakling, of an inferior, of someone other than an equal.

Oh, how easy it might be for you to think that no one would dare mess with me, and most people don’t, to be honest, but there are a few, oh they have taken such liberties with my patience, my good will, with my reason and my humor. They stress me just because they are so far into the game that it just is like slipping on comfortable jeans to once again assume the position.

If you are a man, I contend that you do not understand what this is about, not to the depths we women have explored.

How would you have liked it, being part of a gender that just sort of automatically doesn’t have a lot of authority, who has to just dazzle to get any professional traction, but, really, in the last decade, that pall has settled on all of us. I think men are beginning to get the point, at least the working stiffs, that they were born into the privilege that only this old agreement field could have produced. Forever being an afterthought, even in polite company, hearing, “blah blah blah, for all men. (pause) And for women.” And now, as the financial system gets rebooted, everybody feels like they’ve been left out in the cold by some sort of big entity of greed that we’ve allowed take almost everything, almost everything, yes, almost everything.

That happens a lot, and it gets old. It’s these little things, the invisible things, the sad sad misunderstandings that have been really getting at me for a while now. If you read “Forgiveness”, you have heard this before, so I won’t beat a dead horse.

But here it is.

There is a way out of this conundrum, there really is.

And here it is.

This next part will maybe get me mean replies, or alarmed comments from psychologists, but I will tell you now what my truth is, and the cause both of the frustration and its relief.

The Lemurian culture had 350,000,000 souls go through it. All that linear time, but only 350,000 souls. And in 1987, with the Harmonic Convergence, permission was given by we Lemurian souls, we of the First Wave, to vibrate higher. And all of Heaven complied, as did Gaia. We agreed to ascension status, asked the grids to comply, agreed to vibrate in the frequency of the masters, that of our elders, our family, our ancestors, the Lemurians, and by extension, the Pleiadian, and by extension, the Arcturians, and on and on it goes. All ascended planets. We are the next one in line. That has been the mission, and that’s why we are lighting up like Christmas trees, it just makes so much sense. The grid lightens, The potential was raised through pure intent, and here we are. I don’t think it could be stated any clearer than that.

The permission that was given was that of the vibration of The Christs, all the ones we revere and some of us worship. And this was granted, as it was requested, and so it is.

The vibration is that of our ancestors, and their parents, and their parents, ascended planets, inhabiting the higher dimensions, which means that they are entangled consciously with All That Is, they understand their own worth and importance, and that of others, and life is lived in divine timing, divine order, divine love and divine creativity.

This was the Lemurian society, more or less, Mu, the Old Ways.

Yes, I guess things have gone “wrong” since then, and I have many questions yet about the Bermuda Triangle, and an old myth my first Teachers gave me. I think it is possible, some of it, but so far out there, I just don’t know.

It just doesn’t matter anymore.

I think that it is clear that where there is great light, the dark is going to fight back, being brutish and dumb. Easily smacked down, most enjoyably with humor, the dark is. Sometimes it takes a couple of smacks, but I’ve been doing that with the dark’s representatives for months.

It feels so good, thumbing my nose to the dark, those fear thoughts, being so clearly and hatefully enunciated by my fellow travelers, to provoke a reaction, to see if I am ready to accept the mantle.

So this third way, it is an active way, and it is a different way than most. It is good to know that there are 350,000,000 of us, all together. That’s a lot of people.

It always tugged on me, this 144,000 that came up all the time in the old esoteric stuff, like Alice Bailey and some other stuff.

And Kryon has revealed that indeed this is an ancient number, a holy one, stamped into the whole thing. 144,000 years to the test. There are 44,000 more years to the end of the test.


It is easy to lose this perspective, but I do think that when I am knocked off the horse, it is now purposeful. There I sat in the recliner, almost giddy through my tears, knowing from such amazing experience, such repetitive experience, that now when my heart is opening and I am moved to even the most bitter of tears, I know that I am going to its healing, and it’s already here.

I rejoice through the tears now. There is still a touch of shame, when I cannot get it right, and this pain I feel when things are off, it is very real, and although I have asked for the physical stuff to get easier, it really doesn’t surprise me that there is no let up now. I don’t want to stop. This is getting too good.

You should see the changes in my dad. It’s a little uncanny, certainly unexpected, given his initial behavior, and we parted as friends. He has been calling and emailing with encouragement, and with recognition. He ended our last conversation with telling me he was going to pray for me (because I had a fever.) That he hasn’t considered what a blessing being given some money, and I know that sounds odd, but this guys made $2800 from his hospital bed, and I lost $1200, and he knows it, and still had the balls to berate me being poor, oh my god, it just did not stop there for a time.

And he sees me now, a little more clearly. Not with merciful eyes, not with soft eyes, not yet, and I am no longer holding my breath. I know what he is capable of now, I was reminded, so I will tread very softly from here on out. And that grieves my heart.

And my road is still not smooth. And that pisses me off. A lot. A whole lot. All the time, really. Why am I not giving myself the abundance I so richly deserve? Why am I not rewarded for what I offer to people? How am I going to get through this? How am I going to survive? I don’t want to be a nurse, Oh God! Not one more shift, please. I don’t want to do it anymore. Oh my God ….

INTERMISSION: SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY JUST OCCURRED… I re-read this, to this point, and then Sam came in, and I began talking honestly to him, and then the room got swimmy and my heart did what it has done before, and I leaned forward and said that I did not give consent to leave, not with Sam present, and then I laid down and tried not to die. Sam hung on to me.

I don’t remember much about what I said, and there were certain things that I guess I talked about that I remember getting sick thinking about, not being given permission to speak them.

Sam began to cry and yell, and he told me to stop staring at him. My eyes were closed. He told me to stop “Manhandling your boob.” I raised one hand and then the other and told him he was ridiculous.

And then I came to enough to tell him a few things about myself, about what I am and what I am doing. And then I got sick and threw up all my curry pot pie. And then the other end. And then I was fine.

We have since recapped everything, and I think that old Elijah/Elisha motif may be in play. I told him, what he saw was a meld, and it was weird and scary, but I needed him for this part, and it is no accident that he is here, on this night, and I am not at work. It is just fine. It is scary to witness, I am sure, but he signed up for it.

And now he won’t leave me alone, and he is all grins, the fear dispelled, witness to his weird mom doing something he doesn’t have the language for.

He has the open heart, he is the one without shame, without fear. But I am the elder here. I have the experience he does not. And I am here to help him, just as he is here to assist me, elder that he is, old pro that he obviously, obviously, obviously is.


And then, some common sense chimes in. Kryon said that in this new energy, and with the newest dispensations, which are substantial, co-creation is what masters do, did, will always do. Walking within your reality dwelling in synchronicity is what a master does.

And there it was.

The message my brother Jesus delivered to me at seven, his appearance in my thirties, my always feeling like I am in love with him, that I am, always have been a part of him, just part of him, I love him so dearly, and I always have.

But my tastes have expanded, and I love Ganesha, Kali, and all the Hindu masters, the yogis, the Mayan elders, all of it drenched in the blood of misunderstanding, of conflicted monotheism, conflicted personality, avoiding the common sense of the old ways, unable to extricate from the web of fear and secrecy which, until recently, seemed to cling to absolutely everything.

And it makes sense to just know that there are a lot of folks who just don’t think anything like this is possible, or desirable.

I guess the grid said yes, and we said yes, and so now things are to be easier for us, no longer being opposed, and we can, and do, I know I am, we change the light ratio here. We’re lighting it up, and we are on a high hill, each of us, all of us, but the sun is coming up, and it’s like you can see pulses of light going through the grid, all the prayers, all the love, all the compassion we now turn to in each of our conversations, and in each of our decisions, this is paying off.

If I am Lemurian, so be it. I know that I am part of this earth, and I feel now that the past lives are sort of all corollaries to a main telling of the story, because it pleases me to tell it like this.

And so, that is a lot to take in, because it pulls together a lot of ancient stuff, and lots of scuttlebutt.

Could it be that we Lemurians, we ancients, we of the highest vibration the planet has seen, we have come to cooperate with the plan, we heard that it was now the time, and so we showed up. And we lived lives that hardened and then softened us, and here we are, activated to whatever extent, as deeply or as passionately involved in the old ways as you are, this old teaching, this old understanding.

But much time has passed, much experience to draw from, and so this new expression for humanity, something that we will feel uneasy doing anything less to emulate in our own lives, this will spread, too.

I think about what it might be like. I have never been programmed for being here, have always had a standing agreement that cancer, or any sort of illness, I would medicate to manage the symptoms only, and I would die peacefully.

But here is what I think is really going on, and it is deep and sort of scary, and I would like your feedback on it.

What I think is that the First Wavers came in wanting to die. Not wanting to be here. What a kindness, really, in a way.

Could it be that there will soon be enough of us to light this grid up like a candle? Could it be that some of us, within the family, are going to get geographically and in divine timing with our lives, we decide as a group to form a merkahbah with our light bodies, and we do the old ascension thing, Ezekiel style, as a herald and beacon for all humanity to see and know as something that is true and real and an ideal, the way, the truth the light?. Within, within, within.

It would accelerate the rest.

And imagine the fun of coming back as a little monk, a little buddha, fully realized, deeply awake at 3 or four, talking metaphysics and deep, divine love and acting in divine compassion. Imagine.

That could be us.

We like to stir things up.

I think I want to do that.

It has been said that when we come in next time, of course, there will have to be triggers and such, but, once awakened, we have it all, all that we can manage to access this time.

Imagine. What an amazing fractal we are experiencing.

So there is one probability.

Another is to get involved in some of the newer medicine and do the longevity thing, but I have always thought this to be sort of awkwardly greedy, and really sort of sad. So there you are. But I really have no intention of ever seeing a doctor again, and I don’t think my body is a silent enemy, and I can learn how to help it. I want to choose the time and date of my transition. It only seems right.

And, anymore, I would be cool with being one of those ageless shamanic ladies who no one knows how old she is, she’s that old, and she’s just a happy elder, living with her sexy grandpa somewhere beautiful and serene, in peace.

I could do that, and would do it, if that seems the best way to use this work. I just don’t know. I think I have earned ease and genuine 3-D peace. I’d like an easy path, and I’d to just be here, undisturbed and undisturbing, friends with everyone, involved with folks, that sounds good too.

But no illnesses, no, no leaning through illness. I am no longer interested in that, and don’t need that level of metaphor in my fields. I don’ think. And then, who knows what sort of stuff I have lined up?

I don’t like thinking like that anymore.

This is not a crap shoot, and it is not random. I have been told repeatedly the last few days, just repeatedly, when I start fretting about money: just for today. Just for today. Just for today. Just a reminder that I am infinitely abundant. Just like the birds, with empty nests and empty stomachs at first light, they do something to remind us of the correct path: The birds sing. They rejoice. They sing!

I have learned how to sing like these birds, I really have.

And I am not alone.

And that’s how I got to that Merkahbah thing. The Teachers often spoke of the phenomenon. They said that whales are able to form a merkahbah with their light bodies, can fuse them, and then they are one consciousness, and this explains the beaching of the whales (this was less common before the magnetic grid was re-aligned, but there you go again, the merkahbah is a magnetic field, and it can be, it’s normal to share it, you are doing it with whoever you are sitting next to, or thinking about, really.

So, that’s enough esoterics. I am uncertain what sort of reaction this will get, but I will tell you, all I feel is relief for having gotten some of that off my chest.

Blessings be to you and yours this day and always, faithful reader.

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