Deeply Awake — Spiritual Mania 5-17-13 By Kathy Vik
I saw yesterday just how manic this new energy has made me, and then I got a really big dose of help. I want to pass this help on to you.
Let me describe what it’s like for me, when I am in the height of a wave, or energy, or maybe I’m just nuts and having a break. You tell me.
FLIGHT OF IDEAS: one thing just naturally flows to another thing, and the thinking isn’t exactly linear. Examples are impossible not to find, because when you are thinking in a unified manner, you just take for granted everything is meaningful, and everything is beautiful, and everything is connected to everything else. So, yeah, I have that.
GRANDIOSITY: This is one shrinks have seen in many many shapes and sizes, actually. And, yes, rather a lot of people, when really manic, think they’re Jesus, and indeed I have had patients whose delusional system is very tight, very rigid, and they cannot be told they are not whoever it is they think they are, from Jesus to master of the realm of snakes to on and on it went, in my psych nursing years. My life, and I’m sure in yours, dear reader, these things are just simply too long-term and organic to be anything but an ever unfolding, a lowering of the veil, after all.
But, yeah, grandiosity. This is a diagnosis, of course, but only once your life has unraveled so much that it just is a shocking and funny thing. It’s just real hard to take seriously the woman who is smeared in her own poop screaming because you are mad that you don’t think that she is Napoleon.
So, I suppose if you’ve got grandiose thoughts, as long as, for the time being, you don’t holler them out, cut on yourself or smear yourself with anything gross, you’ll probably go unnoticed.
Why do I say these things? Because we who are waking up a bit are getting some odd notions, things we think are so obvious, but they seem, I repeat seem, grandiose to others.
I think that is the point which must be made again and again with psychiatry, it is, unfortunately, a science which, having been largely custodial, they have not positioned themselves well to be expert on human mental wellness.
They have become experts at categorizing and subcategorizing interesting aberrations of consciousness, in order to fix something that isn’t normal, is diseased, without studying intact consciousness to see how to help those who are stuck.
Oh well, let’s continue our discussion of mania.
IDEAS OF REFERENCE: This is a state folks get in where they are convinced everyone is talking about them, and all the magazines and TV’s they are talking about this person who has been identified as manic. The manic believes the Time article has coded messages about plots, and his being and safety, or, usually, distinct and urgent lack of safety.
You may not believe me, but I am telling you that some folks spend months in highly disorganized psychotic states, thinking that the fillings in their teeth are broadcasting the government their thoughts.
DELUSIONS: This is a big one and one I spent months working on last year while doing shifts on a psych ward. A delusion is defined as a false belief structure, and it usually is one that has intrusive or untenable rules. One example would be if I believed that the spider-people lived on the other side of the grandfather clock, it chimes noon, a portal to their world opens. Not an uncommon, though emergent psychosis.
I guess what I am getting at is, does the thought cause the thinker distress, alarm, aberrant behavior. Then, there’s a problem that may be organic.
HALLUCINATIONS: Seeing things, hearing, tasting and smelling things that are not there.
I wanted to give you an example of how a person presents who is in a full-blown psychotic or manic episode, but it’s too much work. Suffice it to say, folks suffering classically presenting mania are unpleasant to be around.
They have sharp, sharp tongues, many of them cut right to the quick with their insights, and they feel perfect justification for their behavior.
I know I can be mean, and nursing required I hold my tongue. Sometimes friends and family weren’t so lucky.
I just want to reflect for a minute, because, having described it that way, I can really see, I mean, just very starkly, just why it was I was a little frightened of taking of these new energetic attributes. I can see now why my years in psych were so important, and were valuable.
Maybe it is for you too, but I have had a devil of a time this lifetime feeling good about my sanity. I mean, I always figured, if I can just keep the boat upright and moving in a direction, then that’s good, considering what I am dealing with.
I have always had a very lush inner life, and this is a wide variance to most of my fellow travelers.
I am well aware that this is a very arrogant statement, and one which belies my days of loneliness, from that self-induced separation. I won’t use the past as a template for things to come. It is my foundation, but it’s no longer my house. I have moved up from the basement.
As such, I do say that I have always felt crazy and feared for my sanity, to a lesser or greater degree, daily, this lifetime. Goes with the territory. I think I came in not willing to buy in, not completely, to the agreement fields around me, so it always felt strangely inapplicable in a way.
But this abstraction does not help one feel warm and fuzzy.
I go through these symptoms to tell you that if you are feeling weird, I think it might be smart to start considering a technique to see if you will get relief, rather than going to a shrink, at least right at first.
Let’s review the symptoms I put out there as ones you see in any floridly psychotic state, in any garden variety manic. This is manic season after all.
And, please know, I say this in all love. I spent my adult life caring for the infirm, and many of those years were spent in the company of the clinically insane. And among these people I was free, and walking among shamans, all, and we both knew it.
Them, there at the height of their absurdity, at the height of their vulnerability and creativity, and me, just watching, open-mouthed, gawping at their courage and strength and beauty.
So, yeah, I might flippantly say something like “it’s manic season,” but it is informed joke. Folks who wish imagine a slight will find many in my writing. Those who seek out absolution find there is more than enough to go around for everyone.
The trinity of ideas of reference, hallucinations, delusions. Hmm.
Shall we review, just real honestly, what the deep-into-it, full on ascension crowd pretty much takes for granted?
IDEAS OF REFERENCE: Of yours, everything I see, touch, feel, know, these are things that I am being given from my higher self, my God center, for my pleasure and leaning. Everything sensorial is here for my enjoyment, and is as significant and relevant and meaningful as I see fit.
FLIGHT OF IDEAS: In a multidimensional state, what appears chaotic is in fact highly organized, but with a precision which loses its meaning when placed in a linear construct. So there.
GRANDIOSITY: We believe that everything is made of consciousness, and everything is consciousness. We believe that God is fractal, in that in a multidimensional state, there is a unity of consciousness which makes separation a null state, and within unity consciousness, grandiosity itself is null. The word speaks to a need to divide, to denigrate, to separate. The word is the issue, the concept behind it, no longer applicable.
DELUSIONS: We have found peace in constructing individual belief constructs which we find are inclusive, generous and fear less. What we have come to find peace believing is something which others might find highly uncomfortable, offensive or frightening. It is never necessary and usually inadvisable to give everything away to everyone. It is too much. It looks crazy. Delusions, this is a bed rock, a cornerstone of how we move into a whole-hearted paradigm. Just by dropping this one word form our vocabulary. Replace it with “agreement fields,” how about?!
HALLUCINATIONS: You and I both know that if we sat down and told the check out clerk about the meditation we had three hours ago, their head would probably pop. Or maybe their heart would open up, but something would happen. We could tell them about what it is they are worrying about, and how to solve their worry, probably, given a couple minutes with them. We might be able to send a message along that they need! But if we told them it’s because St. Germaine tapped us on the shoulder and is whispering to us, nah, that can be left unsaid, don’t you think?!
The reason any of this came up is that yesterday, for anyone who is following along, was a big day. A mountain was summitted yesterday, and I’m still sucking on an oxygen mask. I feel weak, like I’m two days past a real bad cold, you know, not sick, but worn out.
And then, and then, as always, there is the trip to school, to drop off my son.
Smile and radio and groove on, things got clearer real fast.
I remembered when I picked up my son yesterday, and he almost immediately turned into a puddle of tears! Again and again, we couldn’t get it right. I made him cry, no matter what I said, and no matter what I did not say. I knew I was the problem. I knew it. And I was having such a hard time knowing what was even wrong. I felt so GOOOOOOOD. I knew so much, wanted to share so much, wanted to help so much.
No wonder he started crying almost the minute he got into the car, poor little guy.
Yesterday, as we were driving here and there, and I was being way dis regulated and too much for any other human being, I think, an image came to me. The same image which helped me to channel the group.
I become an old sequoia, and it feels so good to be there, feeling my veins, the sunlight in my veins, and then I become the leaves, and then it’s night and I am in the starts, and then I am gone…
And I saw the forest, and the tree, as I was driving to the restaurant last evening, and I was told, you know, you don’t necessarily need to BE the tree, you know.
You could maybe just be touching it with one little pinky. Just touching it, but still around. Talk from the base of the tree. When you are feeling threatened, climb into the tree and answer from the branches, that’s fine. But get down from the tippy tops now, and just hang out on the ground.
I was told then that I had been running great light, and while writing, I was running it through my heart, in the act of this channeling stuff, but now, in the care with my son, or when I am at work, or doing tasks, just do it from the base of the tree.
Run this great light through your heart. Feel it being directed to be tempered, turned green and liquid and bright and healing, when it is run through your heart.
It is the same light. It is the same knowing. It is still universal mind, but when run through your very body, consciously, and you choose to use color, or even sound, and thoughts which are pleasing, or even just neutral, then, you have it.
Otherwise, I was told, otherwise, yeah, you just come off a little crazy. Full on manic, really, without the hypersexuality. It really is sort of a mess to be around.
Be in the forest. It is cool, and pleasant, and everyone knows you there. And when you are touching your pinky to the tree, see, everyone here you already know.
I think this stuff is potent, and it is quite possible to go a little insane on this trip.
I think it is safe to say that if you are having these sort of experiences (I guess I am speaking mostly to myself right now) that you couldn’t be having these tussles with what is real, what is not, what is helpful in this new paradigm and what is not, without having both the capacity to understand it, and the ability to handle it. That is how it works.
If you are given the question, it means you know the answer, and you are giving yourself another treasure hunt, and that is all.
So, I will now do the channeling thing and then I have a bunch of stuff I have to do.
I will close by saying that I started today out, of course, sort of fuzzy and feeling really hungover, actually. On the drive home I began to perk up, and then I heard the weather forecast. It is to be 88 degrees today.
And I was very very happy. That’s the first time I can honestly say that I am happy it is going to be hot. And, I mean, the first time in oh, I don’t know, 45 years.
I felt the sun on my skin, the smile on my face, my relaxation. I looked up at the sky, once the light turned and traffic began to move again, and I looked at the sun, winked and said, “Hi, friend.”
And then it all came home to me, and this is why I began this piece an hour ago:
A delusion, that is a belief structure that is not recognized by the group. That’s what a delusion is. And at this point, I have no interest in worrying what the group has to say about what I have found peace in believing.
I felt the sun on my skin and I knew this to be true:
The sun is the shadow, an emissary of the Great Central Sun, the Great Central Sun’s representative. It radiates holy light right from the heart of God.
The sun’s love, its light, it cannot be excluded from any living thing. The light enters all, eventually, and in the end, the light feeds all, touches all, knows all, exposes and illuminates and celebrates all it is aware of, and the light is aware of all.
So, I believe that the sun’s light, that sun, right up there, that this light is holy light of god. And this light, it interacts with me, with my very cells, with my DNA, and the movement of the universe itself make the patterns in my fingernail cells, my greying hair, my eyelids.
And the light is the love of God. I am alive, glowing, and informed by the light of God, and this is a cellular event, a chemical event, as well as an emotional, intellectual and spiritual event, right now, in this body I have known all this time, with my limited knowledge, with my infirmities, with my questions and my thoughts and my desires.
And this light shines on us all, every day.
And for my days, I will walk this earth smiling, because I know that when the sun shines, God is loving me, and everyone else, and everything else. And everything is singeing, and celebrating, just all the time.
Is this something for which I should be medicated? Hospitalized? Adjudicated? These are beliefs which are not held by the mainstream, the status quo, the psychiatrists who have the power to lock people away for years.
I am alive love. It is a real thing, but it is real for me, and me alone. If you choose to think it’s possible, you and I can have great fun.
And what if you choose not to believe this is possible? Although I think I have laid out a pretty good roadmap of how one person finally achieves something like peace of mind in this crazy situation, I am just one person. I have known great pain, great joy, great understandings, great disappointments. I’m just one person.
I think mental health, and the whole system, it is set up for those who cannot modulate their information, who have grave misinterpretations, some of them from trauma, and these are great karmic lessons the “ill” ones teach the “well,” in essence.
Once you have been identified as a psych patient, or a mother/father/spouse/sibling of someone with a problem requiring “intervention,” there is a stigma that settles onto you. A feel of illegitimacy.
Crazy people are not believed, you know that.
They have lost their inherent authority.
Well, to be honest, they have that ripped from them, over and over and over, by a system which just refuses to love those in their care, honor, respect.
There is little honor or respect given the insane, not really, not in the end, not when things get bad, not among the line staff. I can tell you that because I work psych, to this day.
People get out of hand.
But, remember, that was then.
Imagine how things are going to be like NOW for those who are having energetic modulation issues!
And think about us, we lightworkers, always a little off, always pretty ok with going our own way quietly, never letting “them” know what it is that brings us peace and makes us sparkly. I see what “they” do to the sparkly ones. I know.
So we have kept pretty quiet, have we not? We don’t believe what the mainstream believes, and the mainstream is pretty cranky when it senses new thinking…
I think this is what Jesus was saying when he said “Give to Caesar that which is Caesar’s” That’s I always took it anyway. It’s not taxes, it can be taken more metaphorically than that.
I always interpreted it to mean that it’s wise to just always pay the ferry man. Gather rent, pay the utilities, feed myself, keep a fairly neat house, keep the car running, things like that. Stay under the radar. Believe anything you wish, but just keep quiet about it, and keep paying Caesar, so they don’t come and cart you off.
But I have had many many years of just maintaining, and I am beginning to consider that my interpretation of Jesus’ words was adequate at the time, and very helpful, but perhaps not as full and ripe as it should have been.
So let me once again consider this thought, and see if anything else comes up…within this context…
And what I was given was this –
The admonition to give to Caesar that which is Caesars’ is no longer an apt admonition.
He told me instead to revisit my essay called “Sandstorms”, and to remember it. I’d had repetitions dreams of me working real hard on something, concentrating so fully, to the exclusion of everything else, and then a sandstorm came up, and I couldn’t see anything. Then the dust cleared, and where the houses and cities once were, there was furniture, just huge huge chairs, and just really out of context stuff, but I can remember, the feeling when the sand settled was that all my dreams had come true, and all of it was a gift. Just so unexpected, all this change. Just overnight, it felt, and everything was different.
OK, I remember now,.
But how does this relate to just barely keeping the boat afloat while doing all this work, and how does it relate to madness?
He then reminded me of his parable of the seeds being planted on sand and those planted on rock. I forget it and need to re read it. Wasn’t that the one where the farmer plants seeds, and some of them don’t make it because they don’t get the right footing?
And he says – Yes dear one these are new days and you are fresh from a birth which you all have done elegantly and beautifully. Consider the forest rather than the sandy plain. In the forest all is know, because the forest only knows love. And it will only ever know love. You must know this.
Love is your bedrock, it is your anchor is a sandstorm, and it is the forest from which we wish for you to forever speak.
I will say now, that once I began thinking about the forest, there in the car with my son, I concentrated so hard on feeling good, and then I did, and after a time, I decided to check in with him. I looked over, and there he was, fast asleep again.
I was told that this is the effect this energy has on human being when it is not well modulated. He will come to, they told me, and feel quite rested, and your reparations have been made. Be softer now, be softer in all your ways.
Cast off your fear of insanity.
Look who it is who is calling you that.
Look your shrink, your parent, your society right in the eye and ask them just one question, “Are you unafraid?”
If someone can answer that honestly, I think they have much more authority, don’t you? I haven’t met many people who are fearless. A few, but not many. Ask.
If they are unafraid, then consider listening to the judgment they are eager to pass, knowing that the need to judge is not all that high level in thinking.
And if they are afraid, comfort them, do not cower before them like a beggar.
So be manic, be bipolar, be crazy as a shithouse rat. Just make sure you consider this lady’s experience, running my crazy light through my heart, through a green light. It made things better. But I was also listening to the voices in my head as I was doing it, so go figure.
P.S. All through last evening and this morning, the message has been, Silver Linings Playbook was released, in part, to assist lightworkers with this work. It is the softening of the heart, and the awareness of the great power of your love of self and all else, which is the balm.
They did this by confronting fear with erring on the side of things working out, things being loving. Each made loving decisions, choices, again and again. And they were met.
That was how they were able to allow themselves to dwell in their forests, and to hold hands as trees, rather than as twinkling, pretty lights.
This is a movie for all, but especially for those when they confront this dysregulation/immodulation issue.