Deeply Awake — New Vows 5-6-13 By Kathy Vik
I will be posting a piece called “R.I.P.” right after posting this little nugget. “RIP” is for any hardcore fan have, who is obsessed in a “How’d she do that?!” sort of way, so I tell you now, it is totally unnecessary to read it. It is so potent, I haven’t been willing to re-read it, so it’ll be full of bad typos, but I don’t even have the ability to re-read it now, before posting. All I know is it must go out, as is, and I just don’t have to understand it or even like it all that much.
It’s there for you if you want it. I wrote it well within The Mystery, and I am almost thinking it is coded in tongues. No doubt, it is coded. I just hope it turns out to have been written in English.
But, with this work, there is always progression. This is a stair step situation, and R.I.P. Has set the stage for more work.
I have come up with a very viable movie that we are going to enjoy very very much. I came up with another essay. A new book. And this, that you are going to read now.
If I had not experienced what I did, and had I not thoroughly understood that my life, as I knew it, ended 5-4-13, then this flood of creativity could not have been tolerated without much consternation and gnashing of the teeth. But the old me is gone, the gnashing is no longer in the repertoire, and a new game is afoot.
I understand that today, 5-6-13, is my first full day of a new awareness. I remember the instructions: Be in the truth, dwell in this truth, this love and wholeness and humor, and then just drop stuff down into this physical reality. Nothing is linear now. Everything is meaning and significance, symbolism and poetry now.
And so, why would I not be visited by muses? I was given the movie, the book, and I called my sister, sort of frantic, really. She is my writer in this reality, the one who plays in this source, who creates as I do, and I told her I just don’t know how to translate this. ‘ve;e never written a screenplay, but it doesn’t like the structure of prose, the story is very unhappy in that form, the way it’s been formulated. What do I do?!?!? I asked.
She calmly told me again and again to Google screenplays and just go online, Kathy, just go online. And the panic ceased right then, and I realized in an instant that the pain that visited every inspiration was that of fear, fear this idea would be taken away, developed by another, left undeveloped by me, forgotten, and the sadness each inspiration seemed to imply, reminding me I was living as a nurse, not being true, not willing to pick up a pen, locked down.
So, as my ever-present, stalwart, tolerant writing expert reminded me of how this thing is done, and that it’s really a bit of a gas, truth be told, my panic was soothed, and I was left, then, in my bed, at 11am, needing to sleep for the day, readying for a twelve hour night shift.
Adrift until 2, I read, studied, talked, listened, watched. I just studied and thought, as I usually do. This is not idle time, but times of my greatest creativity, in some respects.
In one of those idle moments that seem to stretch between one subject and another, I thought it’d be fun to re-read a couple of Deeply Awake.
What came to me once I was stilled is that I am brand new, an old baby, I guess, and that here, there do seem to be rules, and rules do make my regular life work best (always hang the keys on the hook, no one touches my wallet ever, etc, just a few…), well, maybe I could consider taking some new vows.
I like the idea of vows. A vow, to me, is a pretty neat thing. It’s a promise we make to ourselves that we have no willingness to break, and every willingness to embody. Why would I not that better vows, now that I know how things work?
So, before I layed down for my final nap, from which I have arisen feeling very happy, I slowed way down, closed my eyes, and did some thinking.
Below are my vows. There are only four of them. They are organic to my being, but I think they could be applied to anybody, because I noticed they are impregnated with numerology, and my guess is that there are other things tied up in these neat things.
So I will tell you what they are. Then, one by one, I will expound upon them, because that’s my thing, and then I need to take a shower and go to work.
As of this date, I take the following vows:
I take the vow of the love puzzler.
I take the vow of the fat farmer.
I take the vow of the supreme hedonism.
I take the vow of The Queen.
1 – The Vow of The Love Puzzler.
I am convinced that everything is made of love. I am convinced that macro is micro. And I am convinced that The Third language is a metaphoric language of the love puzzler. In every situation, every single one, from running out of shampoo to Bradly Manning, there is a love puzzle. There are messages of truth and love and oneness. And it is in conflict that are the worst, the most heartbreaking and maddening koans, they have the most love. Everything is a gift, and the love puzzler is the one who cannot see the fear bubbles hiding her prizes. She easily and steadily applies love to every solution, worth and humor and light and strength, and there is no fear, only gifts.
2 – The vow of The Fat Farmer.
I have created a vast field of lush, ripe fruits of the earth. Every good thing is here. Now, it is far too limiting, now, to think of my good, my fruit, as only being this writing. That would be true, but not quite true enough. I am living on lush land, and am a happy, productive farmer. And people come from all over to take in my produce, and I have plenty to share. I just found out, when I pluck off something for someone now, who is hungry or weary, four more fruits grow. There will always be enough now, that is a promise the earth made me, and that is why I got fat. I decided that I like being chunky, and that, in this set up now, I get first pick of all these things. No one goes hungry, and I get first pick. And I am fat. A fat farmer.
3 – The Vow of Supreme Hedonism.
I have crowned hedonism king in my life. You will notice, I did not use the word, “Debauchery.” I used these words very deliberately.
Dictionary.com says, about these words:
su·preme [suh-preem, soo-]
highest in rank or authority; paramount; sovereign; chief.
of the highest quality, degree, character, importance, etc.: supreme courage.
greatest, utmost, or extreme: supreme disgust.
last or final; ultimate.
1510–20; < Latin suprēmus, superlative of superus upper, adj. derivative of super (see super-) he·don·ism[heed-n-iz-uhm]
the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the highest good.
devotion to pleasure as a way of life: The later Roman emperors were notorious for their hedonism.
1855–60; < Greek hēdon ( ḗ ) pleasure + -ism Synonyms
2. sensualism, libertinism, debauchery, dissipation, carousal.
2. puritanism, asceticism, abstemiousness, self-denial.
Supreme hedonism is my permission slip to be comfortable. Supreme hedonism can only be a healing attribute, I think, when I have my head on straight, and hold no fear. If I hold fear and use hedonism, I am an escapist. I can only put that thought together because I had 52 years of escapism. Hedonism allows me to remember that my comfort, my pleasure, my satisfaction, my peace, begins everything, and without it, nothing works well, nothing is plumb and straight and true, and fun is just empty, and comfy is just words, and friendship is just something to fill up my daily planner. Hedonism turns on the lights when making love, it demands a patchouli salt bath on an idle afternoon, and urges me to drink good coffee and eat healthy, lovely foods. It is the first commandment, in many ways. What shall I do in all the world? Pleasure yourself. Funny how most people interprets those two words.
And even though I think this is a bedrock vow, it is not in position number 1. it is a ‘3’. Pleasure, seeking it, having it, and thinking about it, remembering it, this is a catalyst. The search for our god given right to pleasure leads to all good things, lecture halls and concerts, board rooms and parks.
4 – The Vow of The Queen.
A queen’s role is unambivalent. A queenship is only as strong as the queen, and a kingdom only as prosperous as the queen is wise. A queen has a clear place among men, and among women. She can be herself most easily around children, and her own childhood friends. Her role is undeniable, her authority is unquestionable, and her benevolence is palpable. I take on this vow, and use the number four to conjure from this place the stability of purpose, the alchemy of desire, needed to have a good reign.