Deeply Awake Poetry: Homecoming 10-22-12

Image result for car accident gif

 

 

 

HOMECOMING

Your greed is the burden I carry

Injured, shaken, needing relief
From a collision of desire and lack
right down the street
Knowing I deserve
the ease you take for granted
In which you  never indulge

Some monk you make
meditating on your mountain of influence,
Issuing indulgences to your flock,
Willing this dream, that nightmare tableau to
burst into life fully formed and
hungry

I want to go home, to rest among the remaining things which
have long exhausted their futility,
Fearing I am heading to their quiet knowledge.
The undiscarded
The utilitarian
The long suffering and
sturdy objects which endure after sister and brother have
found adventure and separation in
pawn consignment second hand shops

These low places have
consumed everything that
seemed like a good idea at the time
Before the flood
Before this freeze
Before an accident could lead to no other result than

Tonight, standing on your porch
Bleeding, spent and knowing
Now I am
more man than woman
more old than young
more resigned than certain,
laying now this burden at your feet

Coming to the door as you are in
underwear and indignation
Unconcerned by wound,
angered by blood,
Condemning me to my weakness of body
Slowness of wit
Irresponsibility of thought
though I cannot reconcile these meanings,
as cold and shocked as I am

The mechanism of injury
happened so long ago
Cleverly you passed on the fear for survival
without its remedy

This is a fine homecoming, one my son will not endure
And when he finds my door after his many decades
Battered by all the left turns he made,
Having misread my directions, my well crafted lessons
Uttered from a monk from the mountain of want,
I will set his broken bones with the strength
This dark night, that lighted figure, gave

The night I realized the address
I was always told was home
is a place of disregard and neglect
Of crime and punishment
Actor and stage.
I the vanquished,
You the conqueror,
The design inlaid and set with a resin
Deeply hardened by the bitterness
Only the betrayed have the tools to work with

I know I will be turned away this night
I know the E.R.s are full
This full moon is tugging on each of us
And I have no way home

The struggle as simply ended as “Please come in,”
I walk into the night
Needing a nurse
And remembering, reluctantly
I am.

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