I have been steeping in a lovely infusion of divine mind/spirit/heart. I have been finding that things are coming together, making sense, and the synchronicities in the last twelve hours alone are mind-blowing.
I smile when I remember that while cooking, with KBCO playing, each and every song had some reference to “being home”, or “welcome home” or “come back home.” It began to get surprising. It was blatant. “Home” has been Issue Number One for me this lifetime. I smiled and said out loud, “Thank you, guys.” I say that a lot these days. Sometimes to myself. Some people still don’t understand.
That incredible longing, all the ancient memories, all the deep, profound stillness that I could never obliterate, even in my darkest days. A part of me just never believed it. But most of me felt crushing defeat, incredible loneliness, brutality, addiction, poverty, on and on and on it goes.
I am here, on the summit again, and I need to speak from biggermind. Littlemind has had its day. I am done believing littlemind. And I trust biggermind to choose my words carefully. But how much information to give? How much help, how much reality?
I have never decloaked before. This journal serves that purpose. It is the point of the journal. And it is the point of my being here, within this unusually brilliant timing.
When in community with some like-minded people this afternoon, sitting together and talking about God and how God is working in our lives, it came down, always, to hateful, hurtful, karmic relationships. It is a bumpy road when finishing up these lessons. No one is bad or stupid or lame or any negative thing, for being in a dance with someone whose legs you keep breaking, and while blaming them for dancing so badly.
That’s pretty much what most “romances” are. A dance of deceit, keeping truth from ourselves, needing the other to rescue us from our emptiness, from our estrangement from ourselves.
So it is best for me to give the gift of silence when someone seeks out marital or relationship advice. The gamesmanship of some people is quite astounding, and the hardest part of it is that the smallest mention that perhaps their thinking is flawed, and would be limbered up if they tried to practice forgiveness of self and others, is usually met with grand and blustering resistance, or, more commonly, with utter rejection.
But, looking at the mess of a totally 3D “love” relationship, just pick one offense, one wrong which wounded you to your core. Not the whole person, Christ, I’d never leave meditation if I had to forgive an entire person all at once. That’s a silly notion.
Nope, just one time when you felt your heart implode and turn inside out, black with hate and shame. Now, close your eyes and see that you have a big, huge, benevolent being behind you, who has never left your side, through each and every incarnation and adventure.
This is your bigger self, your higher self, your Superconsciousness, the One In Charge, just monitoring and protecting and guiding, and trusting wholeheartedly that you’ve got this thing.
Then you imagine your enemy, your betrayer, your pain in the ass, the one who always leaves you feeling small, etc. Just one person, just one mess.
Then imagine that the person you have called forth also has a huge lighted being behind them. You ask the higher self if there is permission to proceed.
If there is, and you will know, so you then consider the mess. Consider the ramifications, the implications, the feelings, the circumstances. Start talking to that person. Have it out with them, explain your side. Get it all out in the open. Emote, for godsake.
Then, do the unusual. Ask them to tell you their story, their side of things, and ask to know their feelings.
Get ready, and allow new perspectives to flow into you. Allow depth of perception. Allow your heart to hold their heart, and listen to what it so needs to say to you about this mess, and maybe about themselves.
This is an old meditation, and quite mechanistic, so I know others will and can improve upon it. When the talking is done and you feel complete, then there are two very special people you call to you to assist in this next part, ArchAngel Michael, and Saint Germain.
ArchAngel Michael carries with him a sword which severs all karmic ties, one from another. The sword leaves only love ties, only heart ties. These can be withdrawn from you if you are complete with the entity, but not necessary.
Ask Michael to assist by cutting all karmic ties in love and harmony, and then, yep, that’s exactly what he does.
Next, or in conjunction, ask dear brother Saint Germaine to bring to the situation and all involved the violet flame of transmutation. This flame can be used as a candle, a beam, a conflagration. It can transmute negative energy into anything you would like, butterflies or flashes of light or an orchestra.
I have gotten used to calling in the flame at appropriate times. I become engulfed in it. I can breathe easier in it. It is a good way to get clean. My flame is now white with purple fringes and gold tips. If anyone knows what the hell that means, please let me know. It was pretty, and I was told that is my natural “habitus”, whatever that means.
Well, getting back to the meditation, after you call on Saint Germaine, he will do what he sees is best with his transmutation, and yes, the situation, the hearts and minds involved, the energy itself is transmuted. Please understand the significance of this. He is a spiritual alchemist. He understands how to shift the frequency of things that are troubling, shall we say. He is a brilliant servant to us, a giant among men.
Once the light work is done, then comes the good stuff. This prayer has been helpful to me:
“I forgive you for all harm you have done me intentionally, and unintentionally.
I ask that you forgive me for all harm I have caused you intentionally and unintentionally.
I release you in love and peace, and ask that our karmic work be discharged in light.”
That is the start to the prayer, you fill in the blanks as your heart expands in this process.
For me, this is where the new life started. This simple technique, used over and over again through the last twenty years, given me directly from the Teachers. They are the ones who saved me, and they are here now, wanting to instruct and love. I am them, they are me, they are us.
These are the Pleiadians, a tribe of them from which I am no longer separated. They were not visitors in my reality. They were conductors of my reality. They were my future self, here and now.
I can say that because there is no individualization there as there is here. I am you and you are me is not a weird or psychotic thing to feel in the elsewhere. Only here is it considered an insane notion, a thought reserved for weird swamis and people who live in the counterculture.
I set it up real good this time that it would take some acts of God to be released from the grips of greed and subjugation, made to feel so completely worthless for wanting anything other than more misery, more loneliness, no honesty, no intimacy, always hiding, always afraid, always careful not to make someone mad.
Oh! What an exhausting way to live.
With me, you can get mad. I can get mad. It is unpleasant but necessary. But Your Anger does not confer with it a condemnation of me. I am not bad because what I said or did triggered anger within you.
You get to own the anger, it is yours. If I was unkind, I will freely admit it, and if I feel I missed the vibrational needs of an interaction, I am the first to call up and just make sure we are OK. My purpose is to hear, and to understand, and to not get too upset about any of it.
There is a purpose… to live a life devoted to God, being as kind and good as I can at all times as my only way to honor The Great One here now, but there is also a point.
And the point is this:
I came with two skill sets. One had to be activated and sustained (nursing) while one lay dormant (writing). One sustained the other, and without one, the other would have died on the vine. I would have died on the vine.
Nursing is comfortable. Writing is home. Nursing is necessary, writing is the cause of the necessity.
I came in to write, but I was not given a voice until now. I do not know where this is going to go, and I fully accept that the dictation may end tomorrow. When there is an end to a transmission, it is palpable. Just as the beginning of one is. I must stop everything, and it is go time.
I write continuously, smoke leisurely, eat, drink, but I don’t take a break and go for a walk or “leave it for a while”. I never know how long or short things will be. When it comes, I ignore it at my peril. When what must be said has been said, I close the lid of my computer and go do others stuff. Always knowing that I am brewing something, something is coming together, there is another discovery just ahead.
And maybe I will be given the honor of sitting down and needing to write about it. Oh, what joy! What immensely cohesive a reality this is!
I am not a channeler. I think it is awesome when people feel the authority in their souls to speak for another. We have needed voices in the wilderness, reminding us of home.
But I choose a simpler path, maybe with a layer or two removed. I am fully human. I have known many bad things, and some good things. More good things now than ever before. I came in crushed. By the weight of the oppression here and the lessons being learned and taught by those around me. The core group were very kind in providing difficult, complex lessons. Their work was absolutely magnificent. They showed up, they have played their parts brilliantly, as have all the people who have touched me.
And here I am, in some weird altered state that I used to have for just seconds, back in the old days, and those brief seconds would sustain me for literally years. A vivid dream, or a kind gesture, or a kiss… Those brief moments gave me a truer north than I could have imagined.
And now I am different. Now I can easily dip into the ickiness of despair and self-harm self-blame, all that nonsense, but up here the air is clearer and I can see things more clearly. I wish to know this peace wherever I go.
With the grocery store bagging dude, with my new boss, with the people who truly and honestly and sincerely think they control me and my emotions. They are the most enjoyable to me now, the most adorable, the most amusing. So convinced are they of a complete and utter lie.
God bless each and every one of us tonight.
I gave you a meditation from the ancients, my Teachers. I want to leave you with a new one, one that was given to me tonight to send my son off to sleep. Here it is.
Settle in, settle down, and start to notice your breathing. Consider that the most obvious characteristic between the quick and the dead is breathing. Breath we can follow in, out, listen, breathe, allow surrender to this rhythm, this need, this gentle imperative.
Feel the breath, and begin to breathe into your heart. Let the breath circulate through your heart, into your blood, and feel this breath travel to your toes, to your brain, and to any parts of your body where you sense a shadow. These shadows have voices and can explain circumstances. They will heal you. But we notice them now, make note of them, allow them, bless them, accept them.
Breathing, this breath, this is something that everyone living on earth is also doing right now…… and now……. and now…… Consider now that all over the world, everywhere on the planet, everyone is breathing, just as you are now. They are breathing now, just like us, in and out, in and out, and this breathing, we are now breathing as one. We are breathing in the same rhythm. The whole world is breathing as one. There is no discord. There is only harmony, a shared, core rhythm of all life, all beings, and the earth herself.
And as we breathe, we realize we are breathing each others’ breath. It is one breath. And we now understand that this breath is God. It is God who is breathing through us, visiting our toes and shadows with breath, with life, with light.
And now everyone as one, as brothers, can no longer hold their guns, cannot tolerate having them on their bodies. As one, all people everywhere understand that these guns, and weapons, and machines of war, they are not right with us. They no longer are a part of us. We put them down as a people. As a brotherhood. Everyone sees, as one, that this breath we are all breathing as one, makes it impossible to hate. We are one. We are brothers. We are sisters. We are family.
Some do not understand this yet, and they continue to war. Some will probably never put down their weapons. We, as a people, infuse them with live and light. We beam love to them, and we send them on their way, to a place where fighting is still fun, where strife, pain, continue to be how people prefer to learn. Let them. Love them. Bless them and release them. We are brothers with everyone, even the warring ones, they are our sons and daughters, our grandparents and mentors. How can we but love them and wish them peace.
We are one as we breathe. We are here to love. We give love freely, and we do not fret. We love ourselves when we forget, and this love helps us to remember, to cement these remembrances into something brand new to us. Being honest. Loving each other. Honoring each others’ strength and sense. Honoring each others’ paths. Unity, Love, Peace, Joy, Clarity, Light and Sound.
We contemplate the fruits of our labor, the bounty now laid before us. We revel in the great pleasure of helping our brothers see they are brilliant, beautiful, capable, smart, funny, competent, wise. This grace is now what we breathe in, and what we breathe out. Love, profound and permanent love for those who do not see us, and those who refuse to acknowledge us. It matters not, only that we see them, complete and whole, blameless and pure, without shame, without self-doubt, now returned to the wholeness sustained each and every breath.
Rest in this vastness. If you feel there is an opening, guides and angels will give you pretty much any information you need, whatever they feel you are ready for. Best not to force the river. Their raison d’etre is to tell you how loved you are, how magnificent you are, how competent and strong and sturdy you are. They have ancient wisdom and deep magic. They wish to share, and will, in right timing, in perfect love for your timetable, your purpose, your needs and desires. They soothe the ache inside you and melt the need to go home. You settle deeply into your body, and now it becomes clear to you. You are home. You are home. This is home. This will do quite nicely.
Allow it to complete, to come full circle, for the understandings to crystallize into language. Begin to notice your body again, listen, open eyes, and see with those ancient eyes which remember only unity, only pure ecstatic love, which remember Home.
So, now that we are whole, breathing as one, I will tell you this. I will keep talking. I cannot stop. This is the point to it all. It took a long time to get here, and I have had to battle many demons that I am not proud of. I carry a deep connection with the wounded, with the destitute, with the weary and with the wondering.
I love the brightening soul, who is enthusiastic as a little puppy dog, still fascinated by the toys of ego, but hearing the ancient wind blowing, tossed and turned by the shocking thought that what is currently important doesn’t matter one bit, and only love is real.
How fun to watch people begin to wake up. Yes, there are layers of muck you must scrape off, love off, wash off with a shower of forgiveness, which is nothing more than seeing things in their right place.
Forgiveness is understanding that this was all planned out, to the nth degree, and that you agreed to these experiences. There is a reason behind the pain, and the pain is the way you get home around here.
The pain pokes you in the eye and makes you see with your heart, with your soul, with the best, most durable part of you, not with the flimsy layer of seeming self-protection full of posturing, bluster and bullshit.
Forgiveness is being able to look into the eye of your tormentor and see that they are having pain. They too are suffering. They suffer more than you, dear one, when they pull their shit. They feel bad, and yet, they agreed to GIVE YOU this gift of dissonance, to shake you up and punch you in the throat and ORDER you to wake up to your utter ability to understand, someday, that God was in all of it. God is looking at you when your tormentor stares you down. There is no difference between us, and there are no enemies, unless we decide that would be fun for a while.
Oh the dramas we induce for pleasure and stimulation and learning. Could it be that it is not even all about harm and forgiveness, but, beyond that, experience? The smell of an orchid. The mist of a deep fog. The CLANG that goes off when you see a crop circle. Putting the pieces together. Above the fray of “I love you more than you love me” is a clarion call to unity, where we are brothers acting out a grand play for fun and as a gift to The All. This plan of love and light is working out, and it will seal the door where evil dwells forever.
I had no idea we ascended from the inside out. They have been telling that to us for years though, haven’t they, with all the talk of DNA. I thought it would be a big one-time event. I was wrong. It is a gradual lighting up from the inside out. We are ascending from the inside out. How clever. How obvious. How fun. How mysterious. How mischievious.
And while this process continues I will write. The letters may be long or short, they may be mundane or esoteric. I must do this for my sanity, for my integrity. I am implanted with this need.
If people read it, I feel so blessed, and frankly, very surprised. I don’t think I would read anything this long. I think once in book form it needs to be put into chapters of some sort. I don’t know.
The point to my life is a simple one. Live it hard, fast and loose, witness others and myself be in extremity, in vulnerability, and then record, absorb, understand. Then, once there is a critical mass of sorts, allow the other skill set to kick in.
I am living in a swirl of words, dictation, like I have said, intelligent monologues that hum just overhead. I have just learned how to connect with it. So we play. This has always been the way with my wrtiing, right from the beginning. It is not littlemind doing the work, never littlemind. Littlemind had to be sent to bed with tea and crackers and hugs, exhausted from her 51 years of tyranny, having taken on a role she was thoroughly unprepared for. She is sleeping now, resting, loved and tended to, no stranger anymore, and certainly no threat. But she was never allowed to write. It was off limits. Held in reserve for after littlemind’s bedtime.
I am curious to see where this will go, because I understand that anyone reading this is prepared. I cannot get certain people to read my stuff. If you are not ready, it will not be visible. You’ll glide right past it.
All I know is I spent 50 years imprisoned by my self for good reasons. And it sucked to be so alone. And if there is but one soul out there who is fairly reeling from all the unkindness, all the pain, all the separation, and sees there might be an unconventional way out, and this stuff helps her or him, that, my dear brothers and sisters is the point.
The only point left.
The point of a spear ripping through the veil, letting sunlight finally shine on our tired faces.
Easy to dance in that light. Easy to smile. Good to hold hands. Lovely to kiss. Always beneficial giving love to you, always beneficial feeling love from you. Simple acts of kindness, great acts of courage, we have done, seen, known it all so many times.
In the moment we instruct or remain silent, smile or snarl, we have a wide range of choices. But it becomes natural to take the place of quiet knowing, that the drama is just that, and peace is just around the corner.