I woke up this morning, and once through the night, with this questions blasting in my ears, through my being:
How can I love into completion that which is already complete?
How can I, by running light and love and sound, bring into wholeness that which is whole already?
How can I forgive that which is perfect?
This is a summit with amazing vistas, and very thin air.
I understand now that to see things as broken, as a healer does, is possible only when one is willing to see the parts and not the whole, the symptoms and not the cause, the end but not the saga in its fullness.
I bob around in this soup of duality, the agreements we all must hold to maintain an individual point of view within this vastness of cause/effect, good/bad, day/night, lost/found, they color my thinking.
The agreements, the structure of the thing, make it possible for me to stay within judgment, entrenched in certain thoughts which make peace and healing possible, but I see now there is another way.
This way is up the mountain just a little bit. There are prayer flags flapping up there. The wind in crisp, and taking a big deep breath feels like ice on my soothed nerves.
This understanding is from the place where the plans were made.
In that place, there is no process, just intent. There, among the elders, the script is fashioned, the film is manifested, and it sits in its can, ready for the projector. The film is complete, the endings variable but contained within, a film of many layers and multiple stories, with meanings, encoded, time encapsulated, incremental. Just like a movie, the meanings build upon one another, but there the film sits, whole and complete, in its can, waiting for the viewer, the participant.
I think I now understand that to love someone into wholeness is a great gift, but it is a gift I am giving myself, not the other.
I am acknowledging with my gift of love and light and blessings, that God is the designer and that all is as it should be, it can be no other way, and all is sacred, all is complete, all is sanctified.
The wishes for world peace? The desire to see the world rid of darkness? These are whispers from the council to see things as they really are. If I feel I must run energy or do light work, so be it, that is very nice, and it is a vital thing to do to the earth’s energetics. It is not an invalid science, it is not an unnecessary act.
But if it is done with a heart convinced of separation, of incompletion, of conflict, then the result is part of the soup. It is fixed in temporal reality, in a dimension which does not have our entanglement as the first principle.
Spiritual arrogance can be subtle. If I give you a blessing, loving you into wholeness, what does that say about what I think of you? I must see you as someone who is incomplete, someone who needs my incredible skill to complete you.
I reject that way.
The way for me can now be to be still, and know that All is God.
Be still and know that I am God, the voices tell me this morning.
They are telling me that the way will, must be, simpler now. Less drama, less pain, less strife. How can there be, when God’s hands are all over this thing?
If I see that God is peeking out of every situation, speaking through every mouth, sitting on my floor waiting for me to clean it up, folded nicely waiting for me to put it on, the place I go to give care, the son I love, the friends I give and get support from, well then, where is the trouble? What is there to fear?
How can I have anxiety about how this is going to play out? Who am I, as I am encased in a biochemical suit of love, a suit which splits reality into time and place and person, to see things as anything but perfectly placed and timed?
I have gone from radical to innate trust.
I have gone from really hoping things are OK, to knowing things have never been any other way. I can see a a pattern to it all, and the parts contain the whole.
I write these words not as an indictment of anyone else’s understandings, but as a way to study this beautiful gem I discovered on my pillow this morning.
Everyone will have their own interpretation of these truths in their own time. It is not mine to do anything but turn this new bauble in my hands, watch how the light catches in the stone, and reflects light I can now appreciate.
In this place, I can do more than tolerate differences. I can see the perfection contained within the difference. The ups, the downs, the slights and the favors, the love and the indifference, the connecting time and the alone time, they are all parts of the whole. They have different feels, different values, different lessons, each valid, each integral to the whole.
How can I love into completion that which is complete?
I do not. I love all, trusting completion, ignoring the seduction of duality, of polarity.
I will run energy. I will give peace. I will work with light. But I do so now with a big sloppy grin on my face, never again to believe that I am doing anything but reminding myself of the pristine perfection which surrounds, innervates and guides me.
From this summit, grace is the air. Humor is the snow caps. Unquestionable strength is the mountain range. And I am just a visitor, being invited to see things as they really are.