Nearly thirty years ago, I worked with a therapist who told me that living according to the Tao, to a higher code of ethics, creates moments of clarity, of pure love toward self, and when this occurs, a pearl of beauty is created for you to wear. Do this enough, and you will create a stunning necklace of beautiful pearls.
I like the pearl analogy, because we all know that pearls are a product of supreme irritation. No clam is ever thrilled about pearl production, I’ll bet. It’s uncomfortable and slow, and the clam can only hope what is being created is worth the discomfort. How similar is spiritual growth to this process!
It has been three weeks of wonder, with many, many pearls coming to me, tucked away in the seat of my recliner, in my car, at work, in the quiet moments of tenderness I feel toward myself more now than ever before. Simple AHA moments occurring with such rapidity that I feel convinced that most of what I have learned might escape me.
For instance, I have always known that I will be a famous author. I know that might sound weird, but it is something I came in with, one of less than a handful of things I know to be true and incontrovertible this lifetime. But “circumstances” had me practice nursing. Can you imagine the kind of difficulty you might have integrating happily when you are working in your back-up career year after year? I have been a nurse ALMOST THIRTY YEARS.
Not a day has gone by in my career when I haven’t secretly bad-mouthed my career, and ME for having stuck with it. I have always felt off-message, not on-purpose at all. This has led to shame, and a great resentment toward my work!
And these feeling come up regardless of the fact that I keep working on my writing. I see a writers life as one of freedom, and I see me as a writer being confident, accepted, encouraged and lauded. Of COURSE I like dwelling there. But tonight, I once again don my scrubs and deal with crazy people and the broken.
See, this morning it dawned on me that really, I AM now free to move to my first choice in careers. The reasons I did not pursue it earlier is because I wasn’t ready. I chose a nurse’s life for the first half of my time here. Nursing deepened me and hardened me and has made me happy, exhausted, stressed, scared, exhilarated, confident… but not free. Not free internally. Because before this morning, I did not give myself permission for my life as a nurse. I never really forgave myself for making that decision, thirty years ago, to abandon my English degree and pursue a trade.
Until this morning.
And these understandings are coming at such a clip.
Really GETTING stuff. I mean, I have read forever “You create your own reality,” and “The point of power is in the present”. And then last week, in my recliner just chilling, something came over me. I was visited, and I started spinning, and I saw before me my Earth, my world, and I heard Them say, “This is all for you. Everything before you is FOR YOU. We are here for you. WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
I saw realities surge and mingle like waves on a beach. I saw the chaos, and the stillness, and the potential of my realities, my story lines, my life. I saw that this is all just some sort of weird bio-chemical hallucination that I usually take far too seriously. This is an exercise in manifestation, of mind over matter, of realizing there is no such thing AS matter.
These moments are standard now. Almost daily I am visited, almost daily I am GIVEN information. Almost daily something in my life that has had sharp edges and an ill fit is smoothed, quieted, and put into a final good, comfortable resting place, integrated, part of me.
This does not happen without love.
Karma can be completely discharged with love. Application of meditative techniques can assist with the process. But there is not return home, no coming together, no soothing, smoothing and release without forgiveness.
So it has been a time of miracles. I scan and skim channelings now, because so many of them are either wanting me to carry water for their fear games, their dramas, or they want to tell me how I am feeling, or they want to explain the unexplainable.
There is an inner restlessness pushing on me, needling me, reminding me that there is something big about to occur. I do not know how it will play out, only what I have been told, and what I remember. But I have an open mind and a full heart, and I am being given whole loaves rather than bread crumbs anymore.
To conclude for today, I will share something that happened to me with The Teachers, a group which I now recognize as “The SC” that Dolores Cannon speaks of. The Teachers explained about ascension, planetary and individual. That was their mission. I was in ascension boot-camp with disembodied entities for a couple of years, and one thing they told me that stuck, and has just recently been re-activated, is what they told me about these weird times we now live in.
The other night, it dawned on me just what The Teachers were. They talk and act just like the SC Cannon converses with the get the straight scoop.
The Teachers came to me this week in a moment of unanticipated ecstasy. In this swirly, happy state, they assured me: “Of course we are helping you ascend. Do you think we would allow you to assist us without us extending the favor back? What you did for us, we now do for you.” I had been having some doubts about the whole ascension thing…not anymore.
These are magical times, sacred days, moments we will look back upon either with victory or regret. I am certain that the higher you go, the less regret there is, but to think these days do not matter would be a gross misinterpretation of the data.
I have a computer that works now, so I will be posting more frequently. I look forward to exploring all sorts of things here. Blessings to every reader.