I am beginning to understand a few things, and the funny thing is, the understandings are coming THROUGH my actions. I am used to this being the reverse.
I am not able to hang with most channeled info these days. I find I am scanning the information to see if it is in alignment, more to get a read on how things are going than to get any information.
I have found Dolores Cannon’s work to be inspirational, and the snippets I read of other volunteers helps me immeasurably.
This morning I woke up knowing how to heal through tones and light. It was beautiful. It was accompanied by my ears ringing to high and light and clear that it was almost dizzying.
I started cleaning up my house yesterday… an imposible task which I had truly given up on, knowing that there was something greater and work and to just hang with the mess…
The time for mess has ended.
Clean up time is here.
It’s a very weird set of circumstances I am now faced with…
All through this year I have been preparing, I see now, to be ELSEWHERE very soon. I had no interest in teasing out my delinquent taxes, my overdue bills. I had completely lost interest in work, and had just come to the conclusion that I should approach work completly differently: from the heart of gratitude, just walk through my shifts in appreciation.
But this goes beyond that.
I actually want to be gainfully employed now!
I want a challenging job that will allow for plenty of workshop, meditation and prayer-time, but more, I want all of my life, every day of my life, to be filled with MEANING.
And meaning comes to those who attend.
Who pay attention, who show up, who agree to participate.
What of I don’t get off this planet until the transformation is complete?!
If I am here for the duration, I want to learn all about energetics and harmonics. I am still very afraid of crystals’ powers… I do not quake in fear of a little stone, but I deeply appreciate that I am not ready to unleash this power… but I want to learn learn learn.
And I am going to write.
I know what my book is, its structure, its trajectory, and I understand now that the dream I have always had of being an older woman, in an off-white cableknit sweater, at a beach, me with short white hair, fitter than any other timeof my life… She has always been there, guiding me. And now I realize that this is not some dream from an alternate universe, some probability.
This is my future.
She is on the coast, the east coast, on a day trip away from her publishers. She just lost her lover. She is alone, and so at peace. So full. So still and clear and loving.
And maybe now that this veil of impending doom has FINALLY lifted from my face, I can walk into the future that I truly deserve on this plane.
I know this is not a native place for me.
I know I am a visitor. An insert of sorts. Walking alongside but now, finally, in a better role.
No longer afraid. No longer intimidated. Unafraid and unashamed and happy to be alive.
NO ONE would have expected this from ME.
I have been the world’s biggest sad sack forever.
But what can one expect? This has been really sh**ty here. I have hated it. Because I DID pay attention. What was done to me, and what I have done, was FELT. It was EXPERIENCED.
And it’s all forgiven.
Funny that there are levels to this forgiveness stuff.
There’s being able to finally take the cruelty of another, see it for what it is, release and forgive.
It’s quite another to forgive onesself for calling that experience forward. It’s tough realizing that the bad that comes is self-generated.
And then there is the place where forgiveness is unnecessary. What an unusual place that is. A place where good and evil are transcended, and what is left is just magnanimous love, true and ever living, ever breathing, ever sacred and supportive love.
This is amazing.
I will not talk bad about my Earth time anymore. You will not hear me complaining.
I spent 50 long years complaining.
It never changed anything. It made things worse, really.
I don;t want to do that anymore.
I earned my seat on this ride, and you are not going to catch me bitching about the view.
Let’s get this show on the road!