The last few days I have been having waves of weirdness that is really slamming my sense of identity.
I wonder if anyone else is struggling with this?
I have ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS had a weird, unreal sort of relationship with “sanity”, and from a young age was terrified that I was mentally ill and would wind up in a home. This was of course ludicrous. I was an excellent student, had good friends. But I was deeply traumatized from childhood awfulness, which just amplified the deep isolation I always felt.
Anyway, the other experience that has been coming up with abandon is this thing that happened to me one night in college. I was at a party, just baseline miserable, and I remember looking into the mirror and being hit with such a deep panic, terror, weirdness… I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t understand what was looking at me. I felt my skin, I looked deeply into my eyes, and they were just worse than blank, and I was worse for knowing I shouldn’t be blank.
And these two experiences, being 13 and seeing a documentary on mental illness with my family and being certain they would then be able to identify me as mentally ill and they would then contain me somehow, and this sheer terror during a college party, in a bathroom, these two experiences keep bleeding through all the light that is infusing me in waves the last few days.
Additionally, I have had the strongest messages that I am an Ascended Master, and my guides often refer to me as “Architect”.
Since the full moon I feel as if I have stepped into a larger personality, one which easily integrates this smaller Earth personality, but also all the other personality slivers that expressed through this earth-time experience; one which can then, with ease and grace, integrates vertically, both right into the Earth and up to Heaven, to the right hand of God.
So yeah these are weird times.
And I wonder if this is just conscious playtime almost, a time when I can play in 3d/4d with the possibility of being ascended and being in my kitchen boiling ravioli. That has been a major insistent thought lately: How would I handle this transaction/conflict/question/hope if I were ascended?
HAS ANYONE ELSE BEEN AS WEIRDED OUT AS ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Below are the responses which made me feel so sure that I wasn’t crazy at all, just in a weird pocket of magic, and so I share them with you, unedited. They helped me, the loved ones who reached out, and I honor them today as I did the day they gave me their gifts.
There Is A Lot I Could Say
May 9, 2012, 7:54 pm
to you dear heart, but the bumper sticker i have says it most succinctly:
IT IS NO SIGN OF GOOD MENTAL HEALTH TO BE WELL ADJUSTED TO A SICK SOCIETY
BE Love, Crazywolf
Good News –
May 9, 2012, 11:50 pm
Your experience with the mirror sounds very, very like an experience of my own – except that it was shortly after being abducted or otherwise hijacked in a very peculiar way which is a story in itself.
The truth is that very few of us really know who we are. Sure we can have a name, physical place of birth and so on – but none of it really means anything.
The good news is that my weird mirror experience was more than 40 years ago and it doesn’t look like the funny farm is any closer now than it ever was.
More good news is that if you are able to question your own sanity you are most probably quite sane.
Real fruit cakes don’t know they are!
Blessings – O
May 10, 2012, 2:53 pm
I am feeling very comfortable today, like I have once again rocked into new skin. I have such respect for this process… if this awakening, happening to me day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, in the most meaningful and intimate, is not a singular phenomenon, then it stands to reason that EVERYONE waking up has this level of support. Magical, comprehensive support. Oh my God! There are so many angels and ascended masters present!
Had a hard night of work=sleep but feel much more competent, capable and less bamboozled than yesterday. How much easier this all is with HELP. So thanks for taking a moment out to encourage me. Hope to return the favor someday.
May 10, 2012, 2:55 pm
Thanks!!! I had forgotten that profound Star Trek episode we always used to reference growing up: “In an insane society, the sane man appears insane.”
Thanks for your bright and airy approach. Sometimes all that is needed to burst these demons apart is a little levity. BLESSINGS and namaste to you, friend.
May 10, 2012, 3:00 pm
Perhaps I just decided that that experience wuz part of my awareness and or process of multidimensional self(beingness) and or reality(s). Yeah … that wuz the best way I could wrap my mind around the similar experience. Scary too… cuz at the time no on with in my own family/friends circle wuz experiencing it at that time, so I felt alone, abandoned much of that time. It got better though as I made the conscious choice that I wuz insane, and that is okay too…lol Like if the Universe had brought me this far, surely she would not leave me now. So I moved forward in my own insanity. By the end is seemed to be a matter of me choosing which reality I wanted/needed to live in… in order for me to fulfill my Soul Destiny. Whatever this is… is what it is and I look forward to enjoying the rest of the journey. Wishing U Inner Peace and Much Luv as U continue your journey. 1luv 🙂