This has been a weird and wonderful couple of hours
I put out a distress call of sorts on this website a couple hours ago, and have spent the intervening time on my laptop, a machine that has not been allowing me to log onto the internet for weeks, but I knew full well that my canned plans for the day were on hold.
The laptop is functioning so I glided from site to site, all new info, all focusing on the fact that 5d earth is HERE NOW, and listening to a lot of people on the other side of this identity stuff.
I have come to wonder if some of this dissonance is just reaction to the light influxes. I read one site where all he does is work as a light warrior, and he says that when there is a piercing of this artificial quarantine-induced veil, little shit heads (he calls them “ankle biters”) come in close and f*** with you, get you believing lies, to decrease the light emanations.
I have to say, that makes a hell of a lot of sense to me.
It actually explains why I spent so much time in the desert.
I worked with The Teachers, and was living very high vibrational energy for a long time. Then we assisted them with their ascension 12-12-94 (I had the date wrong, a common problem with me) and I couldn’t sustain the light.
In fact, my life really hit the skids in many ways. Sure I had professional success, prosperity, a relationship, a home, a kid, but I was so asleep. So profoundly asleep.
I woke up in a pool of slime in 2003, and then one by one every single attachment I have had with Earth has been severed.
My mom died 6 days before my son was born, in 2000, and everything went into panic mode until 2003. Then my best friend died at 41 of a brain tumor. Every job I had turned to shit in my hands. Unable to save money and often unable to pay bills. Just limping the freak along, but every day awakening a little more.
Rarely, but sometimes, a big dream remembered. But NO meditation. Very little prayer.
Then long gaps of darkness. Of struggle. Of not wanting to believe that THIS is what my life not only IS, but always was and always will be. Nominal success. Struggle. Pain. Loneliness.
And then a miracle happened.
Anyone see Battlestar Galactica?
Remember when the music reaches its zenith, once they jump into the nebula, and four crew members improbably find themselves called, gathered together, aware, finally, they are playing roles in a bigger drama. That they are, by their very nature, set apart.
That’s what happened to me on January 25, 2012.
I lost my job that day, willingly, happily, with relief and joy and exaltation. I walked away from a steady, unbelievably huge paycheck. I walked away from sudden and certain “success.” But I was also walking away from a pack of liars who had just exposed themselves for the users they truly were. In an instant, it became very clear to me that this is not my life anymore. And I said my goodbyes and never returned.
Instead, I tried (and ultimately failed) to get unemployment, and I reinvented myself. Redefined my self. Rediscovered my self.
How I did it is simply a testament to the power of moment whose time has come. I always had enough money for the necessities, and many goodies as well. I always was reminded that this is simply a way to teach me true prosperity.
It lies not in configuring calamities which one can then convince one must have savings for, but in recognizing how rich and vast this moment is, and that in this moment, everything is as it should be.
Any privation, any lack, and wish left unfulfilled, well, that’s on purpose. I’ve since had many other lessons about the nature of money, and am looking very much forward to no longer having to struggle under the mass hallucination money has become.
So anyhow, every day of this time has been a gift. In March or April a job fell into my lap which allows me much flexibility, an amazing amount of money, and no promises required to anyone that I’ll be around next week.
No expectations. No rules. Just show up, do your best, and go home. IT’S AMAZING!!!!!!
And I know this job to be a transition one. The one that is coming next I will get my foot in the door, they’ll like me and I’ll like them, but then I will change, and start that work upon my return.
So this is the weird part.
I know for a freaking fact that something big is happening by the end of this month. I am convinced in my bones that I am ascending then.
I know it’s a reach, and it’s not what ANYONE else is saying (God, it would be great to read anybody else’s posts on this), but I can FEEL it.
It’s like there is a wall of light, or what I keep seeing as a chalice of light. And I plummet into it like I am falling into Niagra Falls ( I am seeing this as I type and it’s a hell of a ride!!!), and then I don’t know what happens.
All my life I know that the end is contained in the beginning. That’s made relationships weird because I usually know if, how and why the thing’s going to eventually ride the crazy train. Anyway, this particular cycle is closing, and I am headed ELSEWHERE.
I honest to God have NO PLANS in my book after May 25. I cannot conceive of June. I know there are celestial events occurring and the world is going to rock out with its… well you know… but I just don’t know how I will be participating. I just keep seeing me like that Brazilian Jesus, just shining this amazing light, which I am, and am slowing becoming more and more.
This happened during the full moon, and the day before.
I kept seeing myself as this huge, physical column of light, but seeing it from a distance. It had that statue quality to it. Then on the day of the full moon, I got a couple transmissions, asking specifically about science and the physical realms, and got pure data, just seeing figures and equations.
I sort of thought I asked wrong because there were no celestial choirs, no warm fuzzies, just tons of math. But later that night, I realized (not “intuited” or “hoped” or “felt”) I realized this light. I became a physical entity, golden liquid light. I saw my body move and adjust to physical form. I was feeling this and also observing it.
The first meditation included realizing that this loneliness I have carried with me is quite facile. It is true what Lee Carroll says: you don’t see a clump of lighthouses gathering on the same strip of coast.
Lighthouses are spaced out.
Lighthouses serve their purpose only when weather conditions are bad and the light is gone from people’s eyes.
And I saw that column, that Brazil Jesus I first saw reach out and hold the hand of the next giant over. And this happened until everyone realized we have always been alone, and we have never been alone, and we are on our way home.
So when I put up a distress signal, of OH SHIT WHO AM I AND AM I NEEDING TO COMMIT MYSELF TO THE LUNATIC ASYLUM, the answer is a qualified one.
It is true that I function in what is decidedly an open delusional system, one which allows me to transform my sense of identity and purpose to energies that I can sense, and which I ascribe to God, and which others could very easily say should be ascribed to a chemical imbalance.
I have struggled with depression and suicidality my whole life, but to me, that is simply a function of PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION. I still pay close attention, but I am no longer depressed, and long ago lost my pervasive wish to “end it all”. Much like the mouse in the tank, I have just decided to swim. Only my tank has a little plank the mouse can swim to. My tank is an awesome one, where everyone, even scared wet little mice catch a break.
I harm no one, strive only for peace and harmony, self-knowledge and kindness, so if I am crazy, I am harmless. I am able to keep the beast fed by working, so I am left alone to play. If I thought these masters and God Itself were needing me to kill people or do other bad things, then it would be fair to have someone intervene.
But if all I am doing is radically changing my relationship with my reality to engender even more peace, harmony, calm, acceptance, and joy, whose business is it?
My dad asked me a pointed question the last time I saw him, and it really shook me up a little. Basically, the question was “All this stuff you talk about, it’s just based on how you feel, and what you think, right? It’s all in your mind, right?” That really bugged me. I decoded that to mean, “You know you’re crazy, right? No one else is talking like you.”
Maybe he was reaching out, as he often does, as the father of a toddler. He is stuck there, and often reacts violently to things he perceives can hurt me. it’s just his way, he is stuck, and I know now his unacknowledged, displaced fear is his way of expressing concern. It’s a true impediment to being authentic with him, but that’s his choice.
What else could I say to him that day but, “yes.” Of course it is in my mind. Of course.
But then I pointed out the obvious, the things I frequently have to remind myself of so that I remember to calm down and remember this IS real. Since January I have lost 70 pounds. I have a wonderful job. I have written some magnificent pieces.
I no longer take any pharmaceuticals ( and I was on a CRAP TON of them, quite dependent on them for chronic pain and chronic insomnia), I eat foods I had a lifetime aversion to before this change, my sleep patterns have stabilized, I have new friends, and I AM AT PEACE. For the first time in my life, I AM HAPPY.
The weight was the biggie. The weight is my miracle. I had tried to lose that weight for 20 years. And in 4 months of intense study, prayer, meditation, life lessons, etc, I am now a fraction of what I was! I set it up that way because after what I have been through, some concrete evidence is absolutely required.
To be quite frank with you, I think there are a lot of people who live in their own very fixed delusional system, one which requires selfishness and encourages harm to others in pursuit of self-interest. I think that is a very bad delusional system, and that those people actually do need treatment.
If my system allows me to attain mastery of parts of myself which lead to disruptive behavior in myself and others, can that really be bad?
So there it is.
It doesn’t matter… we are what we believe up to a point. There are some immutable laws which cannot, will not be bent or broken. Whether you choose to believe in reincarnation or not is your business, and does not affect the fact that reincarnation exists.
Go ahead and believe your soul is extinguished through death. Be my guest. It doesn’t change the fact that that particular belief is incorrect. God bless those who wish to hike that path. It’s a choice.
And there are some key facts none of us are being apprised of. We aren’t yet ready. Some big, massive keys, those “aha” moments, on grander and grander scales, this is what I envision now.
And with that, my mundane life will commence.
I guess it’s finally time to get dressed and get on with the day. I have faced fears today, and I have been able to take these fingers, move them across some pretty buttons, and maybe connect with one other soul whose path is perhaps less (or more!) labyrinthine than mine…
Maybe by writing I have comforted one other soul reaching out in the vastness of separation, and feeling a finger, then a hand, feeling the warmth of another just as fully anointed and realized.
Soon now we all perhaps will have the faith and strength and courage to reach out, just a little farther, every single day, and touch each other, spilling this energy into Mother Earth, and spurting it to Heaven Above, a living link to the living wonder of the One and Only Living God.