I have observed, and had a hand in healing, abusive individuals my whole life. It was yesterday a light bulb went on.
What I’ve seen convinces me that the path to saying and doing something really wicked, truly cruel, and then, regretted, this complex is some sort of neurologic glitch.
And yesterday, while unloading my trunk and making my way inside the house, I realized, with these people, a group with profoundly similar presentations, whether they’re seem at work, or on a psych ward, they have one unifying truth:
They are afraid.
They’re often afraid of authority and “getting into trouble,” so they are obedient. I’ve found them to be queerly and acutely aware of anger, and will do anything to avoid it. This includes the need to be “good,” to follow rules that are not questioned. They do things to control the outside. They live in fear. They are ANXIOUS.
The unifying thread in anxiety is not feeling safe.
Fear (anxiety) and anger are complexes best placed on a spectrum or a continuum. If you slow it down, next time you witness it, watch an angry outburst, and you’ll notice, as I have, that usually the antecedent, the thing that happened just before, scared the angry one. They felt threatened. Then they “exploded.”
I find the very angry ones to be rigid, they interpret things in terms of how they are doing on the outside, and thus have handed their worth, safety and power to someone who may actually be unbalanced, dishonest, or, god help them, easily displeased.
It’s a power thing, in other words.
All that said, I see cruelty and angry outbursts, as well as lower grade manipulation, passive aggression, gossip and character assassinations,and other mindfuckery, as malignant neurologic responses to stress. An overstimulation and chronic overcompensation of the nervous system.
This is due to, in essence, the scary story they’re telling themselves, or have agreed to play a part in. It’s usually one that creates a life-or-death feeling, though it may be a trifle, to someone observing.
Funny thing is, all this can be rewired. Although I believe over time there is biological damage from this inner reality, the whole thing, and our neurology, can be changed.
Bottom line, if you’re scared, you need to not feel scared. But to feel safe, to an exhausted one, someone ready to heal, they have to literally BE safe.
There must be an elimination of harm. And then sustained relief from harm, with inner talk, moving away from everything on god’s green earth being potentially harmful to something more loving, more reasonable, less activating, restoring a new level balance and peace.
The anxious have internalized victimization. They’re overstimulated. They need soothing. But let’s not forget, they are often angry, difficult to engage, suspicious, defended, and unwilling to admit they are “wrong.”
We have a breaking apart of am old way of being. This old way may be seen as barbarism itself, three generations from now. I prefer seeing this time as the end of the Kali Yoga.
For societal purposes, I think it best to call it a rape culture, I find it an accurate true summation. This past year, my work has lead me to seeing this current consciousness more broadly, as, instead, a “harm culture”.
We believe in harm so completely, it is the water we fish swim in. It’s so ever-present as to be invisible, a classic sign of a belief structure in place. The appropriateness, the reality of harm as a “fact of life” could perhaps seen as heresy, since it extends to how obsessed a religion is with acts of harm or chaos .
Harm: it is ever-present. It’s necessary. It’s valid. It’s crazy to think it couldn’t be here.
It’s an agreement field.
We’re willing to harm, kill, each other over stuff. We are an aggressive people. “Peaceniks”, pacifists, see how they are dimly regarded by this consciousness.
See how peaceful Native Americans were threatened and pepper sprayed while praying in a river, unarmed, in peace.
Observe how compassion is valued, or devalued, and by whom. Now is the time to start paying more attention.
We have agreed to power imbalances that only those born into servitude would agree to.
This article helps firm up, confirm, and expand some of these random thoughts of mine.
I know how persistent, pervasive and diminishing anxiety is. I know what it’s like to live within it. It only abated, for me, 5 years ago.
I know the way out is being willing to outwit the ones who set up a power gradient expressly for your subjugation, but it begins and ends with safety, first. The removal of harm. Safety within, first, and without whenever possible.
In the face of all the power structures tumbling, and my discussion of power ratios, I want to stress that this, for me, is not purely a male/female thing. It’s a consciousness thing. It’s an agreement field thing.
Everyone is grappling with big issues now, issues that a year ago were most likely still silently dealt with, so even though it is uncomfortable and weird and shocking at times, this tsunami of change is simply confirmation that this is what we lightworkers have been waiting for, and we are indeed the ones we’ve been waiting for.
Shine on, and imagine, now and then, just for a moment, that all is well, you are protected and safe, loved beyond measure, and guiltless. Take some deep breaths. Stop time. Look up. Smile. Breathe deeply and imagine that everything is in divine order….
This breaks anxiety’s back, if believed, if intended to be believed. Done often enough, it becomes a sturdy inner reality.
Momentary peace, and simple gratitudes, and telling my truth, even if my voice shakes; these are my go-to tools when it all gets to be too much. I found them good places to start.
I hope you enjoy this read as much as I did. I’m wishing you gentleness within all of your transitions and transformations, this day and every day. Seylah.