This is a risky video.
I offer to you my beating heart, in other words.
I healed something ancient tonight. I felt a final push of some sort this morning, and through an unlikely series of events, I eventually found myself sitting across a stone picnic bench with my beloved son, the event itself, a dream of mine, fulfilled.
We have been through it together, these last few moths but in this frankly harrowing-at-times video, I capture, what it has been like to do a final battle of sorts, with an opponent who simply will not leave me alone, and who I have barely escaped from with my life, my entire life.
This is a saga not for the feint of heart It is HIGHLY ACTIVATING. I suggest listening to the first 27 minutes or so as a passive observer, and then strap in.
What my kid shared with me changed how I see him. Somehow, the simple act of mutually being willing to break a pattern, after a day of witnessing and feeling many things shattering, found us quietly enjoying each other’s company, eating drive through, and finding again and again things we love about each other.
There was alchemy there. Something about bringing hidden into familiar light, having anything said be safe, letting sharing lead to anything at all, in discovery and love, it is magic. It is healing. It changes everything, sometimes.
We talked until it was nearly dark, and I capture the end results in a way that I can feel awe in watching, pride in publishing, and confidence in how it will finally settle on you, like it did for me.
This morning, before the day’s reported events, I had a moment when I realised, there is just this one area in my life now, this thing with Sam, this incessant need of his to argue, and my consistent pain in having to deal with it. It doesn’t want to stop, and I need it to.
A spectre, this macontent, this passve upset, this unspoken rage.
And, over coloring books, surprises, magic and laughter, we broke the spell.
An agreement was reached, and in it I hope you will find ways to gain mastery and peace over things you silently battle with and wish were better.
I hope that you have peace and goodness in every single area of your life. But I know few who do, and many have their most silent pain in their own homes.
This one is dedicated to you, and to my friend Eliza Beth.
To every warrior out there, getting itchy for what it is we are here to do, hang tight, this is a powerhouse video, and something that might help.
Like I said, it may stir some folks’ stuff up. So be it. It’s close to the bone. If you push play, you are saying “yes” to where I take you. Push pause any old time. I can assure you, I am doing that next.p.
I realize now, after going through two potent activations as a result of this thing, one final thought I’d like to pass on. I realise that by releasing this I am changing things.
I realise what it is I am copping to, that my, and my life, my son’s life, and my reality are indeed atypical, magical, blessed, protected, weird and synchronous, and beautiful.
As I push “publish,” I realise that I have settled the final area of my life that was needing healing. This aspect, which represents far more than I can ever divulge, is complete.
It is finished.