** With this one, my cover is fully blown. More weirdness to follow… What else could be expected? **
My intention in writing this was to give people unfamiliar with my work an easy guide to what Deeply Awake is, why it is how it is, and how it could be of use to you, a seeker, or curious, or a hard-core spiritualist.
My work stands on its own, each piece, because it was written in deep, deep amnesia, something I consistently bitched about and cursed at and bargained with and shouted at. A lot.
I did this somehow knowing all of it is necessary, to get the “Biggest bang for the buck,” as The Teachers would say about this. They likened it to a chalice’s belly, the ability to stay in the void. Now I think I finally understand what they were trying to get across. The void, for me, was this disbelief, this doubt, this fear that sort of clung to things, this uncertainty and quesitoning, doubting nature of mine.
I see now that this was an ally, and I knew it at the time, too, I comment on that kind of thing throughout the work, this tricky feeling of knowing this stuff already but having no conscious memery of any of it, and then having it often catch me unawares, engaging my body, mind, senses, and soul.
I did all of this among people, connected with, or feebly maintaining connections, during this time of profound change and growth. I give such humble thanks to those who welcomed me in and pampered me, during those years. I am most grateful to those who were willing to challenge me, defy me, thwart and generally make things tricky. We learn the most from that which we fight hardest against. It is, obviously your other “you,” shadow given a malevolent name, when it’s really just coming home to an apparent wreckage, complete devastation.
That’s what some of this felt like for me, as one by one the bricks in my foundation crumbled, and something new was seen, through the sandstorm, through the wind, a new super-structure, just like Kryon said would be there, and what I saw as the foundation of my house, one morning, coming to. It was going from matchstick-flimsy wooden poles holding up my house, to this super duper Jetson’s technology strut system that was just so deluxe. I looked up and the house was deluxe, too. I looked down, but already knew, I was deluxe too.
I explain how and why to use this work as a personalized gift, a guide, a friend, a SiStar. The idea behind taping was to have an old soul share the real gold, without shame, though in obscurity, and unwilling to let go of the shame she felt saying any of it out loud.
A tough, weird, time-honored and well-executed thing to have done. And just one set of amazing bread-crumbs laid down by seekers and knowers who have come forth, in a flood after 2012, to enlighten, to lay bare that which had been hidden about our potential and capabilities in the new energy.
But, why not go ahead and prove it? Or, maybe I disprove it. In either case, I knew it was time, and that it had to be done. And still, doubt walked with me every step of the way. What made it real was writing about it, reporting it, and letting “it,” this new way of being and seeing and knowing, help me.
And out of need and shamelessness and my utter love of writing, I decided there were no more arguments to why not capture it all and try to convince myself out of the vague dread and weirdness that rode along all this technicolor soul relief.
Deeply Awake is a gift, and I think it fitting it be given to you on my son’s birthday. In many ways, this is a day of release for both of us. There is a lot ahead, but for today, we celebrate.
I did this because a friend posted a comment to me, about how my 48 minute tape was so moving, and how much she loved it and me, and how eager she was to delve into my library.
This one is for you, Elizabeth. Thank you. You moved me.