DEEPLY AWAKE: “A Lifting Up” By Kathy Vik 9-10-16
I’ve been doing videos, channelings, mostly, during the time I have been silent, but I have not shared what I have learned. I have found this to be a time of tremendous change, interpretation and forward momentum, so it has not felt correct to publish.
In fact, I did publish a very good work, but as soon as I let it dangle in the internet for a few minutes, I thought better of it, and pulled all of it down. It has felt best to be in my skin just living this, day by day. But now, maybe, I can take an hour our so out of this process and just explain what I have been experiencing.
That’s the name of this game, here, with Deeply Awake. And even though I thought my days of consciousness essays were over, I realize now that there needs to be a willingness to evolve, rather than to prune, mourn, and wait.
First, I need to say that my body is aching all the time. I have aches in places that I shouldn’t and it’s been going on now for several days. I thought it might be a need for water, but have largely ignored my body’s cries for hydration, and the aching has gotten worse. It’s a simple fix.
But this pain was so severe this morning, I dropped down and had a talk with my body. This is something I have been encouraged to do, during the month of September. I’ve taken this counsel to heart, and it’s really helped me, so I want to tell you what I learned. I think it’s time to bring them through via writing, about all of this stuff, but this is my time to tell you how I am figuring all this out.
I dropped in and felt the muscles that were twingy and painful had a lot to say, and my body used all my senses to explain. I felt that the muscles were almost effervescent, like they were letting off popping bubbles, and the tissue itself was highly active, microscopic spasms that release sparkles, it looked like. Then I went into my bones, because a lot of this pain has been deep, unrelenting bone pain.
My bones, my physical structure, I was told, they are going through a cellular shift, and so of course it is painful. I was told to be patient, and to stop thinking it is metastasis, because that is, of course, where my nurse mind goes.
I understood it is best to celebrate this pain, to work with and through it, and to rejoice over it. Just like when my gut did its thing. I had a choice to see it as unending and a harbinger of death, or as something that is transient, a sign of growth.
But it isn’t the body stuff that is most important to relate, I think. What I am seeing, and it is so obvious, so clear, and, by now, so reliable, that it’s best to discuss.
I have always found the trickiest part living this stuff. Can I? Will I? How do I? The concomitant questions have been, if I don’t agree with what is in front of me, or in my reality, or being presented to me, am I failing? When I am rejected, or I am rejecting, am I failing? Is it ok to say no? Is it ok to not accept the standard, the norm, as the template? Is it ok to, in the end, just be myself, and to really, really, like that? Because I know all too well that when I love myself, I am simply more compassionate with others, more willing to reach out.
But that has been after having several days of being shown, painstakingly and methodically, all the many ways in which I have behaved in ways that were selfish, argumentative, unpleasant, harsh, leading to others feeling diminished and weakened. I have had this most unusual tableau play out before me showing me this, all the ways in which my old thinking kicks in, and then, right there, right in the moment, the guidance is kicking in.
I can’t express clearly enough the relief I know, now that I am receiving this help, moment to moment. Whole sections of teachings are being narrated me, I am being reminded of other options in the moment, and then I choose. Sometimes the old way, sometimes the new way, and the outcomes don’t seem to matter quite as much anymore, somehow.
It’s as if scenes play out with and around me, and within the experience, in the moment, when I would have quite naturally and natively thought or said one thing, from a closet of examples I wear and know well, new options are actually handed me, for my inspection and use.
It’s as if a whole new store of help, of crazy-better, softer, and far more healthy, options, are alive, ready, abundantly available. So not only do I get a taste of my own destructive nature, but then I get ways in which to act in healing, soothing, more mindful or thoughtful ways.
“Yeah,” I can hear some of my friends saying, “Oh sure, hair trigger Kathy is not reactive anymore?”
And the thing is, I can see how reactive I once was. How scared. How angry. How spoiling for a fight I was, in some respects. And how hobbled. How powerless I thought myself, how impotent and therefore silently, shame-fully enraged I was, just, all the time!
So it does feel like a peeling away, or a lifting up of a structure which is dark, creaky, awkward. I’ve been given a look at it, a few times, here lately, and I don’t much like it. It’s a complete, pinched up, nervous, tense and dark consciousness that is coming off, being lifted away, and then it just floats there, suspended, available but so almost alarmingly unattractive, anymore.
With this process I of course felt some regret, and I think the loss and grief that I have experienced is a natural reaction, but what I really want to make sure you know is that the pain, the emotional pain, has lifted as well. That’s the striking part. And that’s the crux of it, it feels like.
I see now the older options, my older reactions to stimuli, to events, to circumstances, as new situations come up. And then I see that I can indeed react as I always have, or I can choose completely new things to THINK about what has come to pass.
And it is in this that the power rests. And it is within this space that new thoughts have come, are hardy and make sense, and move things in different directions than I have previously known, directions I want to head.
I know it seems soooo simple and obvious. I know that. And I know what I just wrote sounds like what you’d find in a greeting card, and so, I know this is a central truth, one that is spiritually based, because it can only be experienced internally to be understood. It can be introduced by reading the words, but then it must be lived.
That’s why these journal entries are so important, I think, because I am doing my best to explain how the living it part feels, what thinking it engenders, and then passing it on. I shrug. Seems the least I can do, given my natural bent.
What this means is that things that used to be highly distressing for me, things that would trigger haywire responses and so much fear I couldn’t think straight, with all the emotions that flood and disorient and taint, all of this, is eased.
Want to hear the punch line (all my best spiritual realizations come with one…)? Good. Here it is. The usual trigger for the absolute worst of my behavior has indeed presented itself within my reality again, and damned if I’m not handling it all like a rock star.
I wanted simply to check in and let you know how it feels now, what it’s like now, and the thoughts I have about it. I’m smiling, you know. There is no greater joy for me that putting fingertips to these thoughts.
To close I want to mention the events in September that are so obviously here for our growth and completion that it makes sense to spend a few minutes on it.
First, these eclipses are important. Most of the channeling has been about the results of the eclipses on our thinking and on our lives. I have found the information helpful, but living it has been most helpful, really. I truly believe that this lifting process is due to the eclipse energy.
But it’s the 9-9-9 portals that fascinate me most.
That we have two sets of three events like this is interesting to me, and that they are just part of the mix, unavoidable, facts, tells me that if we want to use them, that is indeed what they are here for. We put them there, being clever ones.
Three doorways, three opportunities to acknowledge completion, completion, completion. Nines all the way up, beautiful configurations, and speaking volumes to us about our maturation process.
I understand this process to be a gradual one, but I do know that there are times when a critical mass is reached, a vibration or pitch hit, and after that, there is something new, because there just has to be. It can be no other way. I feel this is one of those times, and I am grateful, so very grateful, that I am communicating my little portion of it here, and that you are here to enjoy this with me.
Thank you for your interest and your fellowship. We are where we need to be, we are who we needed to be, and all is in alignment. It’s on, gang. It’s so on.