DEEPLY AWAKE: “Purposeful Gratitude” By Kathy Vik 8-21-16
What a curious time this has been!
I remember hearing a recording from Kryon at the beginning of the year, in which they announced that for a tribe of us, what they called the oldest of souls, but, take that for what it’s worth, that this year, 2016, is our year of completion.
I have been more and more aware of this lately. It was a hard thing to believe, to hang on to, neck deep as I was, at times, in the waves. Impossible to believe, when looking at the work I have produced with a harsh or critical eye, and yet, what has become more and more strong, more and more obvious, is that the changes which I thought were wispy, maybe even inconsequential, the little shifts, the stray thoughts that led to peace and harmony within, it is this that has strengthened, it seems to me, and it feels solid, unshakable, and massive, now.
And now, with only three months left to go before we begin a new year, I feel movement that this structure supports. I feel like there is commerce being done in my fields, people here but who have not yet presented, opportunities which I’ve begged for but didn’t know how to let in. All here, now. And I guess because of the work I have done, and the anticipation I have felt for this, that now that I sense this new movement, I feel innately that it’s mine, and therefore, I can handle it.
Haven’t they been saying that for some time? What is in front of me is what I have called to me. Take a look at it, acknowledge its presence, and then stop…. simply appreciating it all is so important.
Having routinely had arguments with The Way Things Are, it is a blessing to find out that the time of arguing is indeed over, too. I have done so much of the saying “no,”, and have had “no” told me so often this year, that I can see very clearly that what was given me on New Year’s Eve as a resolution and the path has indeed come to pass.
That night, while I was alone and dancing in the sanctuary we’d all created, I realized, very suddenly, that in order to get the things I want, in order to have the relationships I so deserve and desire, and to move this life to the next level must involve asking for what I want, speaking out and saying what feels good and what I prefer to not feel again.
I realized, I remember the moment, the turn, the thumping of the music, as it hit me, ok, to put my desires out there, to ask, to speak, this will mean I will hear no. It means I will know rejection. It means that I’ll strike out sometimes, when I swing.
And that’s when the voices flooded me and I realized, well, yes, that’s actually the idea. The switches get flipped, people are given the opportunity to say yes or no, and I get to say yes and no, and that is how things will roll, in this free will zone. Yes, I will be told no, and I will learn to be just as grateful to hear that as I will to hear yes. Both create worlds, one by allowance and one by disallowance, and destruction is part of the creation package. Yes and no, switches on a train track, allowing the train to experience new vistas, once the right handles are pulled.
Time has passed, and while it is true that yes and no have been big factors in the last 8 or 9 months of my life, none of it matters all that much now.
I think I am fairly comfortable, now, when things that I think should go my way do not, though I do feel twinges of sadness from time to time. There has been destruction of worlds, for me, these last months, and while walking through the steaming wreckage I wondered how any of it could have happened, given how much I love. I shrug. Doesn’t matter, really, how much I have loved, or do love, some things, some realities, have been sealed from me, and somewhere along the line this year, I finally decided to back away from the jammed doors, the blocked ones, and I began to take a look around, at my situation, my future, my own tender heart.
In this coming-together process, I realized that I had many people in my life telling me a similar message: this is about doing what is right for you, Kathy. Do you. Make you the priority.
A simple thing, perhaps, but as a professional caregiver, and as someone who’d gotten involved in something unhealthy, these simple words helped me significantly. It helped me to bring my focus right into my body, into my daily life, and into my routines. Into my countenance.
It has been easiest for me the not be engaged all that much in my life, to not care one way or the other. I was involved in a situation without resolution, a situation I found so unhappy and disrespectful I just couldn’t stand it, and I lived with it, because I needed and wanted to. But the futility it came with tainted everything, my very outlook, and have come to see that being attached to something that caused such sadness, and being unwilling to release it made my whole life dark.
Having walked from this situation, I can see, surprisingly and obviously, my hope return, and my forward thinking. I am beginning to actually think ahead, anticipating tomorrow, next year, three years from now. It is as if I had my future returned to me, along with my hope, once I myself said no, and then heard it returned, as soul crushing as that was.
Being released from futility, from waiting, from limbo was something that turned out to be just as painful as I’d suspected (and hence put off), but having finally done it, curious things have since taken place.
Now I walk though the end of this year strangely unattached to who and what I once was. Yes, I have the skills from those years, and I have the wisdom from the experiences, but I feel more and more confident that what has gone before will not be what is to come.
Resets, physical resets, the eclipses are called, by my team. I believe it now.
On Friday, the day of this first eclipse, all day long I felt changes. I saw people, actual people, and strange light anomalies Thursday night, all day Friday, and continue to see flashes of things that cannot be there, though they seem to take up space and have signatures. My thoughts are quite different, more fluid, less pulled into lethargy and pain, and my outlook has brightened, quite significantly.
And this was only the first one.
On tape I called the equinox coming up the Vernal Equinox, but I meant Autumnal, this autumnal equinox being my favorite of four shifts we have visit us annually. A day and night of ultimate balance, ushering in the half of the year I have always enjoyed most. Less change, less chaos, less pain, in wintertime, for me, it seems, as a rule. All I really know, as a human entity, is that I can expect such GOOD THINGS this autumn and winter. I feel it, I know it, and I do not find it possible to scare myself into thinking this is a lie. I know it to be true. I feel I have earned it, and it is time.
Through this process I have at times felt an overwhelming sense of fatigue, wanting to shake my head, smirk and say, “Really?” to life, just wanting to know how much more crap I have to take before things start going my way for once. And now, that whole victim mentality feels like a bad dream, and a crap magnet all on its own.
Doing that which is good for me has helped with the victim junk, as has simply hanging on. I guess that’s how I want to end this, actually.
It’s easy to feel like a victim around here, because there are folks who are more than willing to override others’ wills, and the culture we find ourselves is meddling, petty, quarrelsome and vengeful. It’s easy to feel, in the full glow of another’s projections, the heat of shame, to take on their suffering as your own and then feel weirdly responsible for the ensuing drama, and to think that the bad stuff is stronger than the good stuff. Yes, that’s easy.
But I can see now that really buying into the belief of victim hood is a commitment to feeling powerless, to knowing oneself as ineffective, to giving up and letting anyone do anything they wish, simply because that’s the way it seems to be done around here.
It turns a person listless, lifeless, and allows one to forever blame those around them for their troubles.
It is as if this was dropped, just dropped, on that first eclipse day. That is what I felt, most of all. A difficulty in diving back into that particular pool of razor blades. I just stayed above it, and have, since that time. It’s what makes me think it is a mindset, a morphogenic field, an agreement field, and not an internal or a universal truth.
As a victim, one who remembered only the slights, only the “no’s”, only the times things did not go my way, and being tied to something which was guaranteed to never go my way, no new endeavor looked all that exciting. I anticipated more rejection, more of the same. And I can’t, now.
And so, yes, to end, that’s the idea. Some of this is simply magic. Some of it is beyond my power. I have been receiving great gifts, in these uncouplings, these cleaves in realities, because I have come to a place where I see that some of the good things are just as out of my control as some of the bad things seemed to be. Imagine my surprise, finding out, after a year of yes’s and no’s, a year of slamming doors and “let’s just not’s”, a year of “hell yes’s” and full-speed-aheads, that the good stuff is indeed here, poking through probability and presenting as friends, as lovers, as new paths.
And it is welcomed, and finally, it is trusted, this good stuff. I am no longer seeing good stuff as the harbinger of another shit storm. I am no longer anticipating pain, expecting sadness, and nursing grief.
I am excited for the next few months, and I am unafraid, now. I know the help to be solid and real, my life to be that of synchronicity and purpose, and my purpose to be that of love and power.
I am grateful.