DEEPLY AWAKE ESSAY By Kathy Vik
“The Quarantine of Consciousness” 4-5-16
I wrote a very punk rock piece just now, and there are some in the crowd who would have had a visceral reaction to a lot of it, and I grin at some of the feelings it would arouse, but, I moved on, as I see this morning as an integrative meditation process, as my days have become, as my nights are, now.
I understood that it is in not being seen, and not made real as a result, this sense of being invalidated by being unrealized by others, all of it effected me. Each eye roll, each remark, each time someone turned away, each time, they found this, and me, too much, and just turned it off, like a TV program, each and every time, it effected me. And I was crying, but I felt nothing but acceleration, and, as it continued. Every time I sobbed, “It affected me! It affected me!” and the images came, I felt me turning lighter, longer, bigger, until, I released. I shot out. I moved out, and I became this laser beam of light. I saw the sun, went through it to the great central sun, kept seeing the eye of god, but then, I saw this node of bright light on the skin of the earth, saw the connection, and understood this light went, then, to the center of the earth. And out the other side, and around, and this ribbon is in a circle, it’s not a straight line at all. I looked around for others, of course, but all I was given was this shot of a space scene, and a light running through the suns and planets, very obviously part of a much larger galaxy, or, I don’t know, space situation.
Adjusting my vision closer to the earth, I realized that it is this light that is piercing the veil, so to speak. It is this light that, combined with others, is loosening the quarantine which we ourselves placed upon this planet.
I questioned that last line as I got done writing it. I sat with it. I am letting it stand. I am talking about a bigger “we,” that’s all. It was a cooperative thing, something we did to ourselves, so to speak.
So, I understand that it is in achieving a certain pitch or vibration that the energy can do that, and now I understand that it can do that all the time, just, night and day, but to hold focus and be helpful on earth, I think it’s best to not retire to the ashram to enjoy my thoughts and open people’s minds over breakfast.
In the land I find myself, I realize I have cooperatively emerged from daily life situations which I found highly invalidating, and it was absolutely no one’s fault. That I was understanding, fundamentally and for all time, that everyone is responsible for their own experience, I was in a management job. Obviously, that didn’t work out so good. I couldn’t translate it. I was just learning, just coming to. And had I not been there, I wouldn’t be here now. They were more than accommodating. I hope, while there, I was of some assistance.
Here I am among people, daily, always, now, who see me, and I see them, and I love what I see, and I want more. And they tell me the same thing. And I needed that. I like it. I want to stay here. I don;t see why I need to leave.
I am given opportunities to engage in activities which allow only a portion of my self to come out and play, and that is fun too, but not for too long. It is restrictive and I start feeling a lot of self hate and doubt. I don;t enjoy that.
And so, I have made some decisions about writing, and how I wish to conduct my life, and who gets to play with me and who doesn’t. I think it is overdue for me to state a preference in the matter, and to then honor my own stated preferences, by not seeking out and not associating with the individuals who create this dissonance, this wail of “IT AFFECTS ME!”, this sense of not being seen.
I realize that a lot of that is due to not recognizing my own coolness, and needing others to reflect it to me. But, dammit, that’s what this is about, to some degree, and I am past being put down for the pleasure I find in mutual recognition and love. That’s my heartbeat, and you can only get there by trusting my own innate worth enough to mingle with those who intimidate me just a little, because they are so super cool. The ones with that something, that thing I want, that thing I know I have that really, really wants to come out and play.
I can’t find them if I am ashamed of myself, if I am surrounded by those who have so many issues they can’t see me, and all they do is argue, and find fault, and invite me to bicker and bitch. I’ll give of my time. My profound love. But, I don’t live there. I don’t sleep there. And anyone there, like me, sticks out like a sore thumb, and I am flooded with relief.
So, this is not a confessional, because I am not treating it to the broken and detested parts of myself. That’s why it’s a bit of a joke, to call this a confessional. It’s the things that are the best in me, hidden , often, so often, that I can bring out here.
I will just need you to trust me on this one. I understand now what it is I carry inside, and the guidance is different, I feel a core stability which had been lacking, and this is due, I think, to modulating energy to be honest, much more that than a flaw in my thinking or, really, my being. There was never anything wrong with me, I was just adjusting.
I understand now that many are going through this process, and it is through the devastation and utter loss, the knowledge we are indeed facing our own deaths, in this process, a letting of of definition of self, this is done only to allow a greater reality to emerge. It is not correct for it to come in without permission, and permission is granted through being brought to zero. It’s a funny, thing, something Kryon has brought up recently. I do urge all of you to listen to his last few recordings, if this resonates at all with you. His information on what is occurring is really helpful. I am including his transmission on Recalibration Completion. It is important to hear, as we are dying, all of us, and realizing we are still waking up every morning, coffee with creamer still tastes really good, and I, for one, am in agreement with what is happening. I have been doing a lot of releasing work still, and am happy I have created the time an space to do so. I am grateful I am so well supported and that I have benevolence in my life.
Although many of the same players are still in my life, running their same stuff, I know I am different. I know I am a valid human being, and no one can shake it, now. I know who I am. I know who I am connected to. I know who I love. And I know I am love itself, and not the irritant I have assumed I am. That is due to many things, many, many things, not just me getting right with me, but with everything getting easier now, lighter.
I see this light, that goes through the great central sun, through me, through the middle of the earth, through things I cannot appreciate, and I feel waves of energy. I have been sensing this for a few days, how the energy moves in sheets, in chunks, in waves, in lives, and I feel this in my body, it feels good, but I am adjusting, always adjusting.
And I smile as I adjust now. No fear here. No need for it. The veil is thinning, and staying here, in this joy, for as long as I can, this helps the thinning, and helps my friends, who are struggling, believing that they cannot do this, which is simply not true, because if you want to, that’s your ticket to the show. Simple. So simple. Sort of the key to a happy existence, too, come to think of it. If you want to, that’s your ticket to the show. Do what you want with it. Go in, sit and watch, get up and perform, but do it, do what you really want to, and that feeling of sadness and tightness and judgment you being to feel, as you move around the space, maybe that can be your guide, maybe if you are judging something, you explore it, and you do that thing, and the fear and the judgment fall, and maybe here, all you need do is hear of another’s experience with it, and this then becomes yours, and you can navigate the space with more ease and confidence. Let enthusiasm and a desire to explore overtake, as you realize no one here holds anything but high regard for you, honor, and enthusiastic good will!
I want to create that world, here, now, not in heaven, not next time, and not alone. I want that here, and so, it will be, and it is, in so many ways. There is a reason, it strikes me now, that a veil is used to describe quarantine, and this breaking of energetic frequency. A veil, indeed, is being burned through, the veil around earth, but, it is also being burned off me, off my face, off my body, off my desires and abilities and the things that make me sing and dance and know that life is good and I like being here. To be naked again, to be free and to be unworried, to know I am loved, and seen and cherished, by all, but, finally, the one doing the singing and the dancing and the being free stuff, she’s doing it with passion, with fire, and with abandon, not to entice, not to quell or teach or calm or enhance.
It is on this sacred ground I dance with brothers and sisters now, and invite my lovers, knowing my pattern will one day be matched, and I am so blessed, here, now, with my family, my intimates, my friends, my audience, all are there, and oh, it is good to see everyone finally unashamed, finally beginning to understand I have loved their unfetteredness best, their innocence and their daring, their willingness to make a mess with me, and to love each other beginning to end.
It doesn’t have to be hard anymore. Quarantine has lifted.