DEEPLY AWAKE By Kathy Vik
“Stream Of Consciousness“ 5-23-15
I think it is important to note something here.
When you read an essay of mine, you are reading something that I threw off, out, of me, usually in about two hours, more or less. I don’t ever take notes, they bore me. If I am going to write about this stuff, it’s going to be for you. That’s how I figure it. At most, I read it through once, revise, then send it out. I am usually happier with those missives, but somtimes, I don’t feel like editing that much. I feel like speaking. I have been long silent. It is time to speak again.
And so, I sit and I write. A letter, really. I consider myself a modern Paul, actually.
These are letters, and this one is not edited. It is a science experiment. It is raw stream of consciousness, going through two spell checks, and still, there will be hilarious errors, in syntax, spelling, yeah, all of it, and guess what? I like it like this.
I think it is fun and healthy, and maybe might get to the heart of things in a way nothing else can, is how I have seen it. As well, it is a chronicle, of an evolving consciousness.
So, raw and perhaps choppy as this might be, I offer you my most raw thoughts, about it all, and about nothing at all, this morning.
Please. Take off your shoes and socks, take my hand, and let me show you around, step into the water, walk from the mossy bank of the river, and pull your toes around slippery river rocks. Let’s walk into, enjoy, and be moved by this, my stream of consciousness.
And yes, I do have flowers in my hair. Thank you for noticing.
Let us begin.
It has been a remarkable couple of weeks. There is a lot to catch you up on. I looked at my blog on lightworkers a couple nights ago. Down to two essays a month now, parceled tighter, more to say, more to weave.
Let’s see if I can do it again, shall we?
It has become more and more clear to me that these are the times that I was corn to live in. We moved through 2012, we passed it all, and, here I am, three years into this shift, two if you use Kryon’s timing, because they don’t count 2013 as a real year, it was too shifty, but anyway, here I am.
Here we all are.
I remember being taught, being reminded, by teachers, for years, over twenty now, that there would come a time when everyone could talk with everyone else. There would be no secrets. I was advised to live that way then, to just, get used to it.
For me, it didn’t mean not sinning, because I went on to do tremendous damage, really, but, it did train me to think on my choices, and to be ok with them. To be able to stand by them if they were exposed. That to me is my metric. Can I justify, to myself, and could I justify to anybody else, what I think, feel, do, choose, am? Or, maybe better terminology is, can I accept it? Would I be ok if someone else criticized it or made it wrong?
So, I have been doing that for a while now. A long time, actually. I was told, too, that in those times, the dark and light would become very very obvious. I was told this was to assist people in stopping their fence sitting. Everyone will have to choose, they would say.
They told many prophecies, way back when, my teachers.
And, without community, without any hope that any of it was more than just a sick dream, sometimes, at my darkest, I used to think that, and then, well, here I am. Here we all are.
I have thought a lot lately about how the human psyche is not a closed system. Thinking on the ways and the methods for expansion of consciousness, of daily life, of the meld, spirit with body, going on here. How do we leap frog, how do we change, here, in this system that appears so closed at times.
Of course, there is no such thing as a closed system. Consciousness, everything, is an open system, and that means that change is hard wired into the system. Has to be.
So, I think here lately I have become fascinated with the meld. How is it that my thinking has become much more esoteric and clear, at times, less muddled over all, and yet my zeal for human endeavors has also quickened?
I read a lot on the web about this being an intense time of photonic shift or whatever, but, jesus, in some ways, I am physically busier than ever, and Ir really don’t see that changing.
I could, I suppose, fret that I am doing it wrong, but, that’s dumb. I did my photonic crap in 12, 13, 14, and yeah, it’s still going on, but I like to think that it’s my job to maybe be out there hustling and getting beat up and enjoying my rewards, right here in my flesh.
It’s truly never how I have seen life. I have told you, I have considered it a lab, a lab of living poetry, metaphor, and, that brings me to something very key, something I wasn’t going to talk about, but, find I need to, now.
I crossed a weird bridge mid-week. And I did it by acknowledging that I have abilities to sense energies that have always given me extra information, and often just confounded me.
I have very rarely had the opportunity to have my inside information, so to speak, validated. I don;t know if you can fully appreciate that sentence, so I am going to repeat it.
I have very rarely had the opportunity to have my inside information validated.
Maybe everyone is like this, and no one talks about it. Maybe so. I just don’t know. But, I was talking with my sister last night. We were talking about how my house gets disorganized sometimes, and it’s hard for me to do things that seem very simple and not complex or hard at all. But, talking with her, I recognized, I have had this problem for a while.
So, we talked about that. I told her how liberating and affirming it was, and still is, for me to watch information about dyslexia, Asperger’s, autism, the spectrum. How affirming it is to learn that some of what makes me weird is how I have compensated and socialized, even though I do have many traits which I think just point to being more sparkly, more multidimensional than linear. It is not bad thing at all, but, we are the minority, and I have had to learn how to cope.
So I told her about that. And then, she asked me, why? Or, maybe I just wanted to answer the question myself. I told her, you know, I don’t have to do much more than glance at a tree, and I can hear them. I have long conversations with elements, with the sun. I hear things, know things, about situations, people. I told her, everyone who knows me knows this. I have insight. Astounding insight. And people come to me for it. Always have. When I didn’t scare them away, which I did, for a long time.
This, in my opinion, makes me a potent shaman, is all. A shaman is supposed to be able to get messages from the mountains, and from the air, and from her heart. In tune with it all, arguing with none of it, loving and accepting arguing if it arises, but, above all, being a t peace with self. Perhaps not the outside, a shaman is not necessarily a levitating Indian guru. Shamans are also fierce warriors, you see, and you do not become a fierce warrior by laying down and accepting bullshit.
By seeing it as that, and then cutting through it, yes, but pretending it is not there, I don’t think that’s how shamans do it.
So, I told her, I have these abilities, so yeah, some other stuff is really hard for me, and it got worse when I bumped my noggin so hard. But, I get by.
What I have found has helped the most is being accepted just as I am. It was a demi-boss who asked me recently if I had a touch of Aspergers’s. Hm. I shrugged, and I smiled, and I told her, I am on the spectrum, and I have processing things that are hard for me, but, I am gifted, too, so, yeah, maybe.
That’s what I am learning is a really good response. To any made up critics, or real ones, even. So what? So, sue me.
So, these times, they are real, things I was told would happen, and then staunchly believed was madness, for twenty years. I lived the principles, because the principles made sense, and I know how to conduct my affairs in alignment. That, I learned, and I do. I do not regret. I don’t it is anathema to me.
So, here I am in these times of exaggerated bark and light.
I find it fascinating and heartening that Kryon is here to complete, and carry on the work of my former teachers. He helped me to come home this week, and I want to tell you about it, but first, I need to sew up those thoughts, above.
The thing is, what I came to understand mid week is that what I sense, as odd or incongruous as it may seem? It’s real. And, it may not be consciously understood by any of the participants. That’s the kicker, the punch line. But I can feel it, I can hold it, and, I am, I find emotionally rocked by it all sometimes.
Once I realized that some of the stuff I feel, that overwhelms and stops me up, may not even be mine, or is only loosely mine, but, instead, maybe a sensory experience, then, I felt better, more able to cope with what was going on.
Because it goes on with everyone. No one is immune, really. I can see patterns, I can feel fractals, it’s amazing, but, it’s a lot to be aware of.
And so, I accepted myself in a better way. A deeper way. I allowed myself my experience, and didn’t argue with it or put it down or explain it away. I didn’t pathologize it or make it small. And, that’s a big deal for somebody like me. And having validation, that is meaningful. It moves the ball down the field. It allows an open system to expand, I think. To bud in a new direction, which is, after all, the point, I think.
So, anyhow, I felt better about myself after that hump, and stopped criticizing myself every five minutes, and that has been nice. And it was, of course, right after cresting all those peaks that Kryon came a long and gave me gifts.
So, I will tell you about his, because it matters to me, and this is the only place I have to talk on such things.
I understand better what this is about. And I will now be speaking frankly about my self, my own path, the path I am aware of, and have had people comment on.
I want start by telling you what the astrologer Michele Karen told me about my quantum chart. She reads the akash, you see. She has access. Not just to the gaia akash, but, bigger.
So, she told me these things in March, and I have come to accept them, because it was a reminder I painted on the stars the evening of my birth, a reminder, if I ever was interested, I knew I could go looking, and have someone interpret, better than I, the mechanics of my wit.
She said that what is up is my star akash. I have had many many lifetimes as an enlightened one, set apart, in bliss. She told me the other lifetimes that were very influential were those of being a socialite, someone again, set apart, with others to assist her, do the things she was not trained nor had the temperament for.
I have said since the start, I need handlers.
So, Michele Karen, she said, there are ways to help. Most people need to go to meditation to get clear, and get guidance. But, you are always in meditation. And so, you must do physical things to feel good. Feel competent. Do the laundry. Do the dishes. Engage in the mundane. This will give you the clarity others seek in meditation.
She told me, you must help people understand that there are things you do very very well, and many things that seem simple, you cannot seem to master, but, if you are shown, and can mimic, and are given patience, and do not fear, then, you can master anything.
Yep. She said that too.
So, I don’t know. What does one do with such information?
I will tell you that I have come to accept it all. This week, this crest, this mountain I climbed, and I didn’t even know it.
As Kryon spoke, listening as I was to his Template 1 recording, included here, there was no one else he was talking me. Just me. It was him, and me, in that little attic of Gail’s all that time has passed, and yet, there we were, he sitting across from me, smiling, indulgent, tender and slow and patient like a lover of, to, my soul. And he explained everything.
And he mentioned star akashes. He said that I came with one, but that it wouldn’t be revealed for a long long time. But I already understand it. I know a lot already, can feel so much, even now, sitting here typing, how is it I can imagine our whales, can feel the patterns they all make, all at once, our dear friends, our mothers, our guardians. So, the template.
Given certain things to do, I loved how they explained it. I chose a certain special place and time, and then, I came through, to once again deal with the earth’s energies.
Yes, that is true.
And so, this week, I got so see that this walk of mine, as crooked and misunderstood as it has been, has been purposeful, and it is good.
He explained, he went on and on. The template we are done with is old energy. The stuff that never moved. That wouldn’t couldn’t ever get better. Oh, that fatigue. Exquisite.
And the new templates? We are experiencing the fist of four. The capsules, the time capsules placed here so long ago, they are activating, as are we.
And that is how I felt, moving on the Template 2 recording. It requires no effort now, no crying out to silent gods, not anymore.
It is automatic. It is a birthright. It is for those who hold its intention, and that is all. Either you get it, or you don’t.
And so much of it is non verbal, unconscious. These are templates within us, DNA models, something agreed to, something as real as hair color or bowleggedness.
In times of distress, I have forgotten these things. But, I have reasons for my distress, and need it as much as I need this calm, this reassurance.
My sister said last night, she just feels so accepting of things right now. Things aren’t getting under her skin, and she’s not complaining as such, not as anxious to keep moving. It think that fascinating, and only share it because I do not believe it is an isolated phenomenon.
That’s sort of the point, here, see?
Without even willing it, it’s getting easier for her. Me, I like to exert my will, and like to lead the way, run up ahead, ask what if, get lost, get found. That’s my thing. Broad brush, remember?
So, yes, as they talk, as the spool unravels and I hear about home, I know that I am part of this whole thing, and it is much bigger than this personality who frets about things that seem mighty important and real, they just really do. I shrug. My guys would talk about perspective, about six months ago, they kept going on and on about how I shouldn’t get hung up on anything because everything was out of perspective. But, I feel it coming into perspective now. I see things getting just a little clearer, sometimes.
So, as I have always said, I do believe that some of these personality quirks and foibles are simply devises to make me much more relateable. It’s fine. It’s true. And I don’t mind.
I do judge the old energy. I do like to point it out. It was funny, of Friday, I went from revolutionary’s house to revolutionary’s house. Each family talked about their injustices, things that had been done to them by this bizarre system we have created for ourselves, this mad, greedy, hateful, stingy system we find ourselves in, from time to time. And I listened to their outrage, and I enjoyed and pointed out that five years ago, we might have dealt with all this silently, not speaking, ashamed somehow. But, have you noticed? Everyone is talking about it. I can’t seem to get away from it.
I know there;s the law of reflectivity, blah blah blah, and that is a closed system philosophy, I think. I really do. I think it implies no wild cards, no expansion in awareness, no maturing.
Kryon told some really funny jokes, and I once again found myself grateful I had not present. He said one thing, and posed a rhetorical question… High consciousness or low consciousness, in relation to a belief structure. trust me, it was funny, his humor dry, and freeing, in a way… You decide. my natural response was to laugh out loud and then say bud um bum ching. Rim shot. It is nice to hear the words. It is nice to be able to language it that way.
I had just, the day before, been lamenting how hard it is to wade through low consciousness sometimes. it[s not a criticism. It just gets old.
It is simply the concept of agreement fields, I think. Just, agreement fields. Which do you tap into? That’s really the biggest thing, in some ways, that The Teachers gave me, this concept. It’s about harmonics, resonances, frequency, tone, pitch. It’s about an innate vibration, and it can only be affected with true full intent, mindfulness, the place I go when I am ready, finally, to talk to creator. I know how to get there, and I know things change for me, after I have gone, but I don’t go often. I know it is there, and it is inside me, and it is infinite, and yet, I fret sometimes, still.
I have no lesson to teach today, no big aha, really. I think it is enough sometimes to reveal. I think it is enough to simply sate how things are.
I don’t really care too much about most things. There are are a few that rip me open, and I smile, to that I say, so what. That’s fine too. It’s ok. It feels good sometimes to get ripped open, and, if it’s happening, there’s a reason. Learn, learn, learn.
I think an open system of consciousness must also imply a certain kind of destruction. It is not so much destruction as entropy, I think. Obsolescence, perhaps, or just different agreement fields, different consciousness states. Maybe. But still, I get in my car everyday, and I keep busy, doing very real things with people, becoming a part of their journey, and, it is so vast sometimes, I can barely take it in, what it is I can do, what I do for others. And then, I see how I am dispassionate, could do better, don’t push as I should, perhaps, don’t excel.
And then I am given another day. To act differently. To say things differently. To temper and modify and learn and grow. And to do so, old ways must be cleared, and so maybe there is destruction in this, but, I really think that is a dualistic way of interpreting it.
I think instead that creativity is its own rewr4ad, and we are, in essence joyful creator beings. We get off on making things here, creating out of consciousness itself everything we are experiencing. I am tissue and bone and blood and sweat, but I am also more, very much more. And, I am here to meld all I think, in some way that is pleasing to those around me, and to my self, my soul, first, of course.
That makes sense, after all.
It’s really not like I went looking for any of this, it’s just always been a part of my make up, and is more and more pronounced now, and some of that I do not have much control over.
I want to tell you something that I have only told one other person. It is a summing up of sorts, and I think it points to where all of this is going. It’s symbolism, it’s visions, it’s cool and weird and something that happens to me. It happened in California.
It didn’t make it into any official essay, though I have written of it a couple times. Needed to, and I told my friend, the one who understood, I knew she understood, like no one else could. We were together back then, you see.
The voices in my head have talked a lot about a mantle. I had heard the terms as a little Lutheran, of course, but much like the word Pentecost or transfiguration, it was shrouded with a special sauce of confusion, it seemed, obscurity. A mantle. What is a mantle.
They would show me, and sometimes it glowed, and one time it had all sorts of patches, all colors, very pretty, but, this idea of accepting a mantle.
I did research, I understand more about what Elijah did, and how his knowledge, basically his DNA, his vibratory note, was passed on to Elisha, after Elisha asked for Elijah’s mantle. So, I get it, but, why me? Mantle. I was just walking to go pick up my son, couple years back, or walking through the park, when they’d come to me with it. Once in the park, it glowed like the sun.
In California, I went to the pier, into the water, reset, cleansed. I had a flash, it was as if the air was white with glittering talcum powder, and I could feel all of them pressing on on me, in the best way possible, I was filled with being in deeply connected family, there on the beach. All white. I wept, my body did. It was good to be with them.
It wasn’t for long, but, it lingered. I knew they were still there, I just didn’t see them now.
In the end, I turned around and headed for the car. That lovely feeling, of walking in sand. And, as I came to the sidewalk, the protected portion, I looked up, and saw that, yes, of course, this would be Pier 33.
You see, as I neared the sidewalk, I was finishing up a conversation with them. I told them that I understood that now was my time. What I had trained for. What I am supposed to do is what is next. So, as I walked up the ramp to the sidewalk, I had done what I have done so many times before. I put up my arms, big and wide, in my mid, big grin on my face, nothing but purity in my heart, and said, bring it on. I am ready. Full bore. Don’t hold back. Give me everything. Bring. It. On.
The sidewalk rose from the waves of tan sand made by other beach combers. I put my sandals on the ground and strapped one of them on. They said, notice what you are doing.
Now, they said, look up.
A palm tree to my right, and ahead of me, a sea green lifeguard box, abandoned, a big 33 on it.
They then mentioned the mantle, and told me I was already wearing it, but to be mindful of the power, of the responsibility, and to make sure I keep things as light as possible.
Pier 33. Sandals. Mantel. Sand. In the middle of an intensive week of learning how to heal cancers and other afflictions, with consciousness.
So, maybe I just have a sparkly mind, and maybe all this stuff is true, but, I think that this week, I decided that I think it is mighty pretty, and well worth being proud of.
Yeah, driving home from dinner with Mary, realizing that I am happier when I accept myself, and hell, I even accept the icky parts that caused, or seemed to cause trouble and tragedy and nonsense and strife.
Who knows. It’s all a mystery to me. I still have bills to pay, people to please, inner metrics of worth to achieve, fame, fortune, influence, travel, these are things that will come. You can’t go around saying you’re the real deal. You actually have to be the real deal. And, I can see how that is happening for me, and I like how it looks and feels.
So, I guess that’s all I have to say. I can’t say that I am entirely at peace. I don’t think I ever will be, there will, for me, always be something I want to understand, or do, or see, or know. Built with such impatience pumping through me, but now, it is no longer red hot and ind indignant, not as much of the time anyway. Now I have others, who tell me of what hey have known, and it seems, together, there is more comfort, now. People are talking, now. I like it.
Because, in the end, if you are really honest, we did all of this to ourselves. The militarized police state? The weird, unbalanced political players? The theocratic stuff we are wading though. Utter nonsense.
Kryon said, and I use this to close, have you noticed, the wars and t he conflicts, they are about light and dark. It’s no longer about conquering. It’s about light and dark.
They said, we told you, we told this was going to happen. There is distortion, there is great contrast now, it is no longer subtle. And that is because the dark knows it has lost. It’s already dead. Already dead. So. It uses the one thing it has, the weapon of choice, something that gives off a stink and a vibration, fear.
And so, yes, Kryon did say, watch for it. It is going to be everywhere. In the news. Globally, even, and oh, right on down into your houses, your relations. Anything to bring you back, yep. Fear. And I goggled, as I listened, thinking, yeah, that’s pretty much what I was having, just a freak show of fear. And it is really effective, but now, it slows things, but doesn’t stop them. Kryon said, expect it, and then, look it in the eye, and say, you’re finished. You don’t stand a chance.
I think about this, with the discompassionate ways in which workers are treated, how health care is currently being delivered, some of the nonsense I see in politics, but all the way down into my head, shimmy and shake, I sometimes do, to the fear thoughts that come rattling.
So, I like that this is a good reminder, to keep my head, and just let things blow through me, although, as verbal and reactive as I am, as thoughtless as I can sometimes be, I try, I just do my best to be honest and maybe also to not take it all too seriously.
To close, I want to tell you of a meditation I learned. Sandra Walter has given it to us, and it’s about Divine Neutrality. Since doing it, things have been even better for me, and I like knowing I can revisit it. It helped me, and calmed me. I get too far ahead of myself. I don’t know everything. I need coaches. Sandra is a good coach. I include her work here, to close.