DEEPLY AWAKE By Kathy Vik
Something happened yesterday that needs to be discussed, and by extension, other things must be introduced.
I did a written channel for a woman here in town, maybe three months ago. I wrote about the experience here, being with a kindred spirit for hours, saying all the things that must naturally go unsaid.
We arranged another meeting for last evening, and it was to just be for an hour. Yesterday, by evening time, the weather was mild, the streets dry, after a day of hard wet snow, which turned into a rain, and then into this, this night of oranges and soft sunlight and sweater weather temperatures.
As I was walking to the coffee shop, I remembered that I had left my Tarot cards at home, and had been urged to give her a card reading, when she’d first texted me. I walked across the street and entered the shop thinking, ah, hell, if they have an extra deck, no problem.
I smiled then. Such confidence. Such confidence. I do not approach my nursing that way, and I have been at the bedside now for forty years. But that sort of swagger, that, oh, give me playing cards and I can move mountains, no, that confidence is reserved for this area of my life.
We settled in and began discussing the energetic changes we are experiencing. She, too, does not dream, but is now waking up with massive realizations, simple ones, altering ones that stay by her and guide her day. And she said that since January, things have just gotten easier. Easier. Benevolent outcomes, ease, simplicity, peace.
And yet, we are all driven, not by our darkness but by our light to confront the darkness within, and she, as I , as you, we all have this darkness. We all battle fear and doubt and rage and all the emotions our flesh is native to.
We discussed things. I channeled the guys and then I got to read it to her because my handwriting was so scratchy. It was good to have read it, because some of the stuff they were giving me I didn’t have time to language, so I added it and it helped.
But, then, it was over and we were back to drinking our tea and talking. And somebody came up, someone we both have a thing for.
She mentioned that Jesus had visited her, that he was real.
I jumped out of my seat then, smiling, happy. We talked about our sightings, the experiences. We purred when I talk about that man. Oh my, yes, we talked about our love, our physically based knowledge and love of this being.
I mentioned my thing for Shiva. And then we acknowledged, this cosmic christ, this Sananda, this one who kept coming in and helping, she and I agreed, these manifestations are real, his embodiments true, but he is the collective cosmic consciousness expressing as human.
But, see, after what was channeled, and what I was allowed to see when I read her, what I just said about Jesus is true for you. And me. And every single soul I am going to meet today, as shut down and twisted as some of them will be.
She looked at me with her big brown eyes and her whole being smiled, at that table, while we talked about God. Both of us lit up from the inside, aware again that home is only as far away as what we choose to focus on.
She looked at me, she smiled. She cocked her head, and she said, “You understand.” I nodded. We smiled. Both of us sitting in stone cold love.
We laughed then, both of us. Sitting at a little wooden table, Rastafarian music blaring, suspended, just for a moment, remembering, remembering, remembering.
It’s true that I feel lost in the world of men and rules and deeds. It’s true that I don’t comprehend as much as I could. But, it is also true that I am on my way, I am willing, and I have something inside me that is pinging, that is bringing me in front of such beautiful souls.
I took her money but I really shouldn’t have. I’ll have to make peace with that one.
But, I will tell you, it was an odd thing, at times, sitting there, telling her the truth, because it was safe to do so.
I told her what it is like for me sometimes. That I never am without them, except when they go away, and then I feel sick and weak and need to go to bed until the voices come back. I can drive down the highway and see patterns, everything glowing. I am able to hear things, and know things and understand things, as I am doing mundane, and far from “spiritual” things.
And yet, with this capacity to talk to nature and to listen and hear back, to be able to go to the center to the central sun while in meditation on my porch, I still have to function here. My rule has always been, doesn’t matter what I am thinking about anything, shouldn’t matter to a soul. My thoughts are my own. What matters is being able to be functional in this world I find myself, a world that does not include many people who hear voices and see light shows and can project their consciousness where they want.
The bottom line to all of this is pretty simple, though, and I come to it now.
The bottom line is that I think this is really getting to be the last of the grief. The last of the good byes, in a way, to the pains and aches and misunderstandings that grew me up to be this way, a bonsai of a personality, twisty and sturdy and strong and unusual.
I realize that we are all on our own time table around here, but, I keep thinking, as I do the clearing it has been my fatigued honor to once again engage in, the last three days, even the grief I am feeling and releasing is different. Even doubled up crying, now, there remains a part of me which is counseling me and comforting me. I hear them now, and I feel the words, and I can let some of the pain go without even processing it through, anymore.
It came up in the channel I did last night. It is not necessary anymore to delve, and to dwell. There are answers in the past, to be sure, but to slip into some of the outfits I have had to wear, and to put myself through the remembered pain, in order to get an aha? No, I don’t want to do it that way anymore. It isn’t interesting to me at all.
But to compare, contrast, to find other meanings and hidden love in the pain, this is the way of it now, I think.
I prefer it this way, letting whatever I feel blow through me and just feeling it, knowing it is purposeful, meaningful, but temporary, as massive as some of it feels.
Some of it has not been simple, but it is the end stuff. I feel like I am getting into the corners, the nooks and crannies now, and there is not as much left to release.
I thought, as we were reveling in this odd, hard core, full on love we both know and recognized in each other last night, as I got a hit of it, I sipped my chai and realised the truth yet again. Relaxing this far back, opening my belly and relaxing my hips and shoulders and just easing back into this love, this safety, this knowledge it all really really does fit together some way and it’s freaking beautiful, well, that makes for a self contained person, right? If I can lean back and know this massive love, this all encompassing love, then, how can I fear? How can I even authentically grieve?
And yet, the sun does its thing, and again it is morning, and bang, the day begins, and I am now, again, in this world of others. Of compromise and pleasing and hustling and talking. Of doing. Of proving. Striving. Understanding. Giving. Receiving. Showing up.
So. It is a curious thing. I think sometimes of the cosmic joke of it all. Here I am, riding around in 100% capacity. The native ability to move mountains, induce spontaneous remission in others and self, to alter time, to do so many things. Capable by right of birth. And really, isn’t it just that the lights are coming on?
I used to have an analogy, this process. I felt I was in a home but blindfolded, yet I did not fully appreciate I was blindfolded. I thought I just had bad vision.
And then, I began to feel the walls. And one by one, I found the light switches. They had all been taped down. I realised as I blindly peeled the tape off of each switch, only I could have done such a thing.
And then, it was as if the blindfold sort of burned off. And that’s for me, when the visions of houses getting blown over by sandstorms started coming to me. And houses with invisible walls. And carnival tents that fall down, revealing beautiful people who have gotten really really comfortable being left alone in their nicely appointed tents.
And now, especially after last night, I am thinking that these are nice thoughts, good and strong analogies, but things have changed.
So, I will now tell you the truth about what happened on Saturday.
Saturday evening, before sunset, I was sitting in my granny chair, and a thought came to me. I realized that as the sun sets on the planet today, it is not the same planet as it was before. It has been fundamentally altered.
Tones had been sung in Uluru. Something about this, it was a tipping point of grand proportion. A marker we really do not fully comprehend the magnitude of, as yet.
I told a friend about that, later, on the phone. She concurred, she’d felt it too. It is different now. We passed something. There was a fundamental, physical, chemical, bio-magnetic, soil and water shift.
And so, the sun called me, once I understood that, and I knew I had to be in bare feet, on my porch, talking to old Sol.
It was cold, but I sat and watched. The sun was weak. I looked at it and told it I wanted everything it had. Give it all to me, let me have it.
I looked up minutes later and the sun was blazing. I took pictures, it was stunning. I stood up.
I grabbed the rail and had a little talk with things.
I find I enjoy staring at the sun. I’d never stared that long before, that intently, though. It changed to a lovely green, and I kept with it longer, and it began to speak.
It was not words, but I understood things. And it drew me in.
I moved into the center of the sun and realized it was a gate, an opening, and I could, then, see all the way through. I could feel myself going to the center of the central sun, through ours,. I felt it. I was there. And then, I saw with my eyes, how it all lined up. I felt my heart beating my chest and understood the beat was from this home, an echo, a love song already written, so beautifully written, that I am singing with all my being, here, on my porch, in my relations with others, with my time here.
I felt a solid thing, a solid communication. I felt it whole, and felt a hook up, it felt good, and I felt I could breathe, and I understood, looking at the sun, as I momentarily turned away, this connection, it’s forever. It is acknowledged, always was always will be, it’s just this embodied acknowledgment that is new.
At that moment, as I felt this solid core within a circle of light, piercing through my body, lining me up to something I am not able to completely comprehend but know is my ultimate life line, I understood I had to say a few words out loud.
I affirmed my self and my place here. I gave great thanks. I celebrated my life. And I began to say words which I feel reluctant to report, but will, yes, I will.
I looked at that sun. I felt that connection, felt the breath, the beat, the solidity of this connection, and understood that this is ascension. This itself is ascension. And I acknowledged I am. I am ascended. There is more to come, and, I am.
It seemed too arrogant and far fetched to write abut, earlier. I worried around the edges of that realization, wrote a long essay about it, but did not post it because I couldn’t bring myself to admit what I said on my porch.
And Still I might think it arrogant poppycock, had it not been for the girl, last night. That’s why I think I need to give her her money back. She, they, showed me something that changed me, and I want to tell you about it to close.
In meditation, once I had peeled parts away from myself and gone into the sun, they asked me to connect to her. I looked over energetically, and was stunned. I explained it to her later. I saw reds and oranges, like a plume, around her head. I did not see a face. But I felt her. And she was royalty.
I felt her power, her balance. A queen. Holy God, her signature was immense, and powerful, and breathtakingly beautiful. Her history, her beingness, her akash… I am without words. They said, look at her now. Do not be fooled by the pictures you see with your eyes. So I saw with my heart and my head, I saw with my body, and it was life changing, her beauty.
After that, I felt such respect, such honor. I was in the presence of a giant who might imagine herself lost, or without meaning, without importance. I saw how ridiculous this is.
I do not know how many are walking around with that sort of signature, but, it gives me great hope. Before last night, I did not have this connection. Before last night, I did not understand this sort of truth, I had not felt with my body the akash of another. And I am glad I have this capacity. It is truly impossible to hold anything but respect and love for someone once I can see all the way through.
Kryon had a good discussion just recently. It’s called “Not Your Father’s New Age.” In it, he reminds us, or acknowledges that for us, those who know light and energy, that we instinctively know the importance of energy. We use ritual and meditation to clear a space, make it holy, clean it up so that miracles can grow. We might find one or two entities energetically polluting things, and we spend time with them, energetically, to set the space, to make it clean and sacred and able to accommodate great light.
We push light, but it has been a battle, the dark stronger, just by enough, to make it a perpetually Sisyphean task to be here and aware.
They said, then, we are asking you to stop it.
Scanning, and clearing, and rituals, and praying. Stop it. They said, in the room you were clearing energetically, with smudging or whatever, if a living, breathing master walked into that room, do you think she’d need clear it?
Do you think he’d need a ritual?
To internally minister to someone who is a little out of balance?
No. Of course not. Of course not.
This is the lineage, they growled. This is the lineage.
And sitting at that banged up table with that amazing soul, feeling and seeing her strength and inner poise and all knowingness, hearing her say, in delight and awe, you mean you never go without hearing and knowing stuff? Ahhhh, perfection. Magic. Lightening in a bottle. Two old hands, just checking in, talking stuff that would not be understood, and probably would be mocked, if heard by most. Chalked up to hyperactive imaginations and such.
But, really, there is a difference. Not everyone is going through this. But she, and I, we are. Others are. Hence the writing.
I may not have interest or aptitude for many many things that others value most high, but I know things. I am things. I am becoming. And I am not alone. And I am going to be fine.
A big part of me is sitting, glittering and dripping with pure joy, looking on to me indulgently, as I spin out the last of my sadness, grieve the last of my grief, ask yet again the eternal questions, all the while thinking in the back of my head, oh my, this is all well and good, but there is more, there is more, don’t despair, there is more. She puts her arms around me and smiles. I let her in.
I let them come and embody me when I channel, when I write, I see glowing arms meld with mine, and feel them come over me, and they have purpose, and things to say. I think that is what embodiment is.
As I write those words, I am hit with tremendous nausea, the sparkly kind. I have been so dizzy. Drifting as I walk. Disoriented in space. And in time. So much shift. So much change. So much to consider, but, in the end, I think there is just so much to release, to say good bye to. Smaller thinking.
So, I will end with something I was told last night. I can feel it and see it now, and want to get this as clear as I can.
If it is true that we all have the capacity for greater function in our DNA, if we are all wired for 100% function, but the connections haven’t been made, then, perhaps seeing this as simply a cooperative adjustment is best. Seeing the things I am not great at as temporary, and, in general, that things are improving.
That attitude is a good one.
If we are all increasing our capacity, to whatever degree we prefer at a soul level, then, isn’t it just about stepping into it? Inhabiting it? Owning it? Allowing it?
I know that there are things in this reality which, once started, cannot be stopped. They can be denied and resisted, but not stopped. Intending to grow like this, it sends signals to the body, to the universe, saying, ok, yes. And then, the one who has always been around, holding me, talking to me, soothing me, she knows permission has been granted, the process begins.
If that decision is made, if a yes is uttered, with diamond like precision, clear and true intention, yes, then, really, a person can kind of relax, really.
I mean, it’s done. It’s available. And now, finally, the energy is beginning to be commensurate with the knowledge. This dissonance I walked with, it is fading. I say good bye to it and grieve it, and am glad I do, because it is a pain of misunderstanding. Simply put. I have misunderstood many things.
And so, yes, I still have my moments. I still am trying to figure myself out in all the roles and ways I am. But, there is this part that guides me, is my true north. And it is not discussed with folks much. So, a night like last night, oh, it gives me great hope because it felt so new, was real big, and tells me that things are continuing to loosen.
Of course they are. Most of this is just waking up to how much things have changed, and stopping the bitching for five minutes.
I don’t know anything, really. My life is a testament to intuitive living. It’s just how I am. Bet the farm on it.
So, yes, lots of ways to leave you today, but, how about this? At one point in our conversation, early on, she said, in a really relieved and happy way, “It’s real. It’s real. ” We sat in the glow of it. Doesn’t much matter if we’re the only ones discussing it at this coffee shop. Doesn’t matter. It matters that we are. And, before sitting down there were two individuals who felt more or less alone in their beings, in their knowingness. And then, after a few hours, we were no longer two separate folks having dissimilar realities. We knew that in the other we had a mirror. We looked. And both of us liked what we saw. A lot.
Yes. It is real.
What I trained for with The Teachers, it was real. Ascension, it is real. Planetary shift, that’s real too. As real as it needs to be, for each and every one. I walked with all of this all by myself, thinking that it was crazy but not being able to separate from it. As I have had various experiences and revelations I have come to know, yes, this is real. But still, looking into her brown eyes and hearing her say in awe, in wonder, and with excitement that it is real, well, there is no better medicine than that.
We may meet again. But I think our agreement is complete. Oh, the gifts! Oh, the gifts.
So, here, a stray thought, one which is asking for your attention and care.
In channel, they were adamant, had to get across to her, these things which are sweetening, they will continue, and this is nothing but our individual and earned inheritance. Our birthright. And I think, in the end, that is what embodiment might just be. Walking into this new thing knowing only the next step, and the next step, day by day, becoming aware of more. Seems too simple, sometimes, but, I think all great things wind up looking like that, if they are truly great.