DEEPLY AWAKE By Kathy Vik
“Return to Center” 1-20-15
My job is to tell you of the places I go, my awarenesses during and after the journey, and then, of course, because I am a bit compulsive and perfectionistic when it comes to this stuff, and highly, bizarrely cumulative in my thinking, once it is road tested, I come back, I tell you what I think I had right, what I had wrong, what works well, and what might work even better.
Yep, that’s my job. Has been since 12.
Yesterday concluded a three day event with my non physical mentor, Kryon, and the good people who surround and have been sparked by his work. Yesterday, it was Dr. Todd’s turn.
Dr. Todd Ovokaitys is a physician. He talks like a doctor. He talks my language. And there he is, the choir master, leading us through the Pleadian tones which are codes, keys, signals to our family that we have awakened. Hard wired into this system, a communication system not technologically based, but seated in the individual singer’s chest. Each person who sings the tones, and oh, the power of a group, but each one, their molecular structure shifts, changes, as the notes are sung.
How is this possible? And where is the proof?
Along the way up the 27 tones, Dr. Emoto took photographs or polluted Tokyo city water, and of distilled water, as the tones were sung. Crystals. Crystals even in the muck. Shot through with hues of turquoise and magenta. With little whale tails, when singing the tones with and for the whales and dolphins. Each level, beauty, symmetry, impossibly and defiantly so.
And it think, in the end, that is the perfect metaphor for me, for what I have personally experienced, what we as individuals have been asked to do, the challenge at hand. In whatever environment, shine. Whatever the circumstance, here comes the light. Here comes the sound, the word, the vibration. With intent, with focus, look what we can do.
I’m free styling this because I know that all good things come from this threshold that I walked over yesterday. I just want to describe it a little, because it is very pretty.
To be honest, I signed up the the third day of this three day event because I was greedy. How can I possibly say no? But I really had no idea what I was signing up for. No clue.
In the morning, to introduce us to the event, Dr. Todd set intention. That’s a very lovely thing, something The Teachers always did, and encouraged us to do. Intention is the driver, the engine, in many ways, to physical reality, or at least, to its perception.
So, he said, let’s blow the doors off. The intention is to, by the end, thin the veil.
For those who do not know, DNA is multidimensional, and easiest to think on if you consider it has the ladder action that we can see, and, surrounding it, creating it, are more “layers,” clouds almost, twelve of them, and of course, being a base twelve system, there are lovely geometrics which flower from this creation, twos and threes, fours, sixes, the geometry stunning, with correlations with sound, c color, shapes, intention, awarenesses, and communication.
These multidimensional strands respond to intention, and must be activated. It is true that the energy we are now in and will remain in is activating, all by itself, but, to guide and mentor the activation, ahhh, that is the trick.
So, Dr. Todd launched right in, high level stuff, not the beginner stuff, but, basically, telling a group of nearly two hundred prepared and eager people, let’s see how far we can go.
During the first break, I was a little nervous. I laugh now, but, always, when I come into such moments, I wonder, huh, am I just going to swoosh, turn into light? How will that work? Honestly. It’s a reality, something I always find myself thinking about as I am in or I approach rapture. Maybe this’ll be what tips me over, hahaha.
And of course, my friend is there, helping me, during break, letting me be nervous but brave, and honest about these odd things. I felt safer, going in after that break, ready. Yes, ready.
See, the thing is, I set this up to push against the energy, the “that’s crazy” energy, the minimization and degradation of such beautiful and, truly, simple thoughts.
Let me expand that. It’s important.
I want to tell you how odd it was to be in that group, unrecognized yet. Unsung yet. Part of me knows exactly what I have done here, and it is so subversive, so perfect, and it will stand, for all time, as an account of someone who came through, right as it was happening, so that others can see how it was done, and see it in slow motion, sort of.
And no one knows. No one really cared. It was odd. I walked around glowing though, happy, knowing I had done my job, and this was the fun part. Knowing that maybe next year, maybe the year after, I won’t be quite so anonymous, not quite so plain.
I looked at the crowd many times during the day, and wondered how many other people feel this way, are just bursting to do the next life, get on with it. I looked at the faces, many seemed familiar and yet I knew I’d not met them this time around. I considered each one having gifts, truly exquisite things they and only they can give the world. And I did not feel so awkward then.
It still strikes me though, how, even in our little group, there are gaps, there is so much unshared, unspoken, undone. So much hesitation, yet. So little true joy shining through. Still heavy. But, we are getting there, and remembering one’s treasure, I think that helps things get sparkly and lighter, to be honest. When each of us shines, not worried about what the other thinks, but, because it feels so good. That’s where I hope we are headed, more smiling, more relaxed laughing, more hugging. Maybe someday.
But, in that room, no one was there who was not in accord.
We went through 27 levels, and Dr. Todd conducted us just as he had before. I saw how his body moves, his hand curling into a fist in time with the tones, the music, the sounds of the spheres, and I smiled. Stunning. Familiar. Soothing to see him in front of me again, at peace that I am home, doing what I hoped I’d be doing when the time came, if the time came.
Our time is now.
I’m not talking to a little tribe here. I’m really not. But I am talking to a group who can feel me, and I can feel them. We are more cohesive now, at least in this body of mine. No longer alone.
To be invited to take it as far as I can go… oh, my, oh my, that just never ever happens, really. I only have one have one friend who lets me. And there’s Dr. Todd, running so far ahead, huge grin on his face, out of breath, looking back at us flushed, calling to us, “Come on! It’s so cool up here!”
I anchored a side, as I do in such events. I noticed there was someone holding that profound whale energy on each of the end seats. I waited until I was shown where to sit. Up front, on the end. I left my body during some of it. I’m sure I was toning, I came to when appropriate, but, I couldn’t stay awake. It felt good, after that first break, to lull into such a state, just receiving. But, the nap came after the dancing.
When we returned from our first break, we got to dance. The sound engineer has sampled Kryon’s work, and some of the choirs, and my god, he has created magic. I got up and danced, oh how I danced, as I used to with Chris, ecstatic and sensual and free and laughing. I brought it. It felt good. And then, we all settled in, and learned.
It’s funny. In the afternoon, as Dr. Todd discussed longevity, and his life as Yawee, the choir master of Lemuria, he talked about masters who just consciously one day, swish, turned into light and were gone. He sort of winked and said, that sounds like the way to do it.
Oh my god. Do you get it? How good it is , how weird and wonderful and soothing it is to finally be among people whose thoughts are like mine? Oh my god. Oh my god. Ecstasy.
The event was begun with Kryon channel. One of the participants took the mike later and said it was the single most powerful channel she’d ever experienced from him. And the admonition, the suggestion, was, let’s not look at this as if there is a leader and there are followers. Understand who is in this room, and let it be a cooperative experience.
Immediately after the channel, Dr. Todd restated this intention clearly. This is a cooperative event.
And, when the first two or three tones were complete, and we’d settled into it, he led us again, but purely intuitively. He’d sing the first sound, and we all just followed, and, I will tell you, there was a cohesion, a symmetry and power in that choir we made that is absent even from the sacred music my church choir produces. It was coming from our souls, from our memories, from our ancestors. The sound was coming from and soothing and instructing and caressing our very DNA.
We were all able to anchor in our physical bodies this new energy, and we amplified it with technology, with willingness, with communion, of sorts.
And this morning, things are different.
The intention, the big one, the one that was restated, and celebrated that night, was that we would leave in a different consciousness than we arrived.
I thought about that this morning. The see saw stuff that I have gone through, and written about ad nauseum. The stickiness of the consciousness we are emerging from is like tar, really, thick and with tendrils which leave stains, it feels, and which continue to ache and burn even after the tentacles are removed.
And that is where I want to find myself now, and where I want to smile and hug you and wish you well on your way. This place. The place that is clearer, simpler, happier.
The stated intent was illustrated with a metaphor from our sweet friends the elephants.
When elephants are babies, and they must be domesticated, one of their legs is tied to a post, and they are tethered to one spot. The rope tugs, they cannot overcome the strength of the bond, and they then stay put.
As the elephant grows and matures, when the rope goes on, the elephant stays put. It could, without difficulty, pull off that rope like a strand of hair, and yet, the elephant does not venture forth.
Our consciousness, our selves, we are like this, and, the day’s work was about removing the construct of the rope, you see. There is actually a set of tones, allowing release of this bondage, this peculiar bondage.
And, so, today, I like to think that perhaps I can just be a roaming elephant. No obstacles, not really. By virtue of the body, care and gentleness is required, mindfulness and peace. Remembering all the while, there are no boundaries anymore. There is no more rope on my ankle.
Through a series of happy accidents and odd circumstance, my life reached a tipping point yesterday.
And so, there it is. Three years to the day that I stood outside that office door, knowing that on the other side of the particle board sat people gleefully trying to figure out how to can me, reviewing how and when the knife would go in, and who would get to turn it.
January 19, 2012. I stood in the hallway, knowing I’d fucked up and knowing I deserved to be treated with love and compassion, knowing I would be treated with punishment and shame, superiority and that wonderful, red, bright energy of revenge.
I waited outside, in the hallway, and decided I needed to do something for myself. My friend and teacher Norma had just told me abut breathing light into my heart. Green light. So I did that, leaning up against the wall, heart in my throat, knowing I was about to leap into something I did not understand, could not understand.
I breathed green light into my heart. And my blood, it went through my lungs, it lit my heart up, and my body instantly was green. Green shot through the floor I was on, in a high rise, and I saw a green square, as it circulated and pumped.
And then, I realized, oh my, the ones who want to kick my ass are on this floor. They get the green light too.
So, I entered the room with the light, energetically, and I saw them, and felt a pity for them I had not considered before, and decided this was all a big lark, quite an adventure.
They invited me into the room, and they tried very very hard to tell me I was a piece of shit, and really did deserve to be lied to and messed with. They had decided, spontaneously, they said, that my job had to now be done during the days and hours they knew I was unavailable. For the “good of the company”.
I pointed out what they were doing, and they smiled and shrugged, so I told them, I don’t think how you are acting is very nice. Outside, I considered, I really don’t even want to be a nurse anymore, but, I certainly don’t want to be here.
I refused to sign their paper, which would have certified that I was worthless and deserving of ongoing humiliation, their terms and conditions for future employment. I took my check from their hands, and I walked to the elevator, and I went home.
My friend Linda, I told her what happened, and, very forcefully, surprisingly, she told me I needed to stop working and start writing. Just do what I need to do for me. Take unemployment. Be good to yourself.
Just a couple days later, I watched Into The Wild again, right after reading one paragraph from that book with Many Mansions in the title, by a doctor, on reincarnation. Just those two pieces of media, and I was then just blown open. Everything changed.
Understand the physical stuff had already started, back in October of 11, but, it was this shift that moved me into a new world.
Please understand, so much of the intervening years has been about looking at the behavior of those I am closest to, my systems, I guess, and feeling my way, what is appropriate, what is not. What is applicable, what is not. The judgments given to me, that my writing was dangerous, stupid, worthless. That my personality is flighty and unattractive and dumb, that my body is old and fat and wasted. These are things I think are dumb now, but at the time, oh my, they seemed real.
One by one, the judgments others have placed on me have fallen away.
A series of events lined up to challenge my sense of self. That’s what a lot of it was. And then, saying to behavior and thinking that I find is unloving, unthinking,or mean, um, no, that’s just not going to work anymore. Over and over and over, at work, with my dad, with my family, friends, with vendors, but more than this, it’s not just saying no, that’s not it at all. It’s modeling, expecting, other behaviors, and, when no light can be found, it’s been about creating light. Making room. Allowing forgiveness and gentleness to settle on systems that never were forgiving or gentle.
And these three days, this last, blessed, third day, I believe, has proven the most potent alchemy thus far in this odd journey of mine. Happily.
I’d told my friend, and myself, on that first break, I know I have trained and I am ready, but I don’t know what to expect.
By now, I should know to expect benevolence. Gentleness. Gradations. Instructions. Laughter. Ease. I should know it. It’s all I see right now.
I wish to convey the finality of it. Perhaps I cannot because I am still comprehending it. Much like getting the sack three years ago, I am just now starting a journey, and, I am thinking this one stretches out indefinitely, but, these next three years, I think this is the time, the solidification time, the amplification and balancing time… settling into things, letting things complete, allowing an unfoldment that, by now, it is simply foolish to say is not occurring in my own little life, and by extension, others, others so many others.
This whole thing is so fractal.
But, all through the day, I knew it. That I was playing, for a whole day, in the most sacred of places, the moment of before and after.
And what is that moment but a return to the source of it, the center of the spiral, the generator of the movement, the void from which all things are created, birthed, brought to fruition, and honored. The center of the core, the center of the galaxy, the center of my knowing, the acknowledgment that the spirals endlessly expressing as we spin through my very DNA, as, now, it sings a new, remembered song of home.
It’s the song that I know I carry, and, now, know I always have.
Before going in for the work, while on break, while looking at and taking pictures of the sun, actually, I had a thought, one that I think brings it all back to the center inside my chest, and smile on my face, the words I generate, the deeds I do.
I wondered, what is the purpose of this? Won’t this just abstract me, make me more isolated, make me even weirder, as I try to make my way in the GP? Why am I doing this, I wondered, and I felt a little afraid, just a nudge of anxiety.
And I realized, I think this will make being human easier. I think knowing, remembering, just accepting it, stopping the fight, yes, that’s what this is intended to do, and the outcome is that I’ll feel safer.
That’s what came through again and again and again yesterday, and how I want tos top this essay today.
Something has been removed from my countenance that I wanted gone, but did not know how to shake. That need I have always felt, for recognition, for someone to reach in and say, hey, I see it. I see you. I see all of it. And it is astounding. Beyond the beyond.
I seek it out, and maybe we all do, maybe that’s the idea, but, as I milled around and felt unseen in my tribe, feeling that deep need to acknowledge and be acknowledged, it’s lessened. I knew, as I watched the need bubble up and recede, as I snacked, and smoked, and sat and listened, and purchased jewelry and chatted people up, I began to realize that this need, the burning one that I am ultimately ashamed of, for connection and acceptance and mutual admiration, this need is a simple one.
I have not been able to feel it without easily, because I have not given it to myself. I have not considered it something organic and innate, but a gift given to me in love, by others.
You see, having received this, my world cracked open, and what was once not possible, is now. A friend, a song of kindness, it reached me, and then, I could feel it everywhere. And now, today, after having so profoundly come home to my own nature, I can see now that this need, a sweet and funny one which translates into outrageous behavior, an artist’s temperament, rule breaking and swearing and coloring outside the lines, all of it stems from the need, to see inside and see something worth the effort.
I did that last night.
I am changed today.
I have come back to center.