DEEPLY AWAKE: ENTANGLED By Kathy Vik
“Unending Light” 12-21-14
Today is Solstice, Winter Solstice, 2014. There is so much to say, so much to explain, so much I want to give you today, give us, and I guess the only way to do that is to begin, somewhere, and I don’t think, really, it matters how. All roads lead to Rome today.
First, I want to tell you what I think about this solstice, this time of year. There are two solstices, summer and winter. Summer solstice I spent with the Lovelies this year, the celebration of light, and welcoming of the turn of the seasons, light to dark, once again.
For me, it now is the door to which I have been walking since the 12th. There is a corridor which is just as physical, just as easily described now, for me, as my physical environment. I have seen miracles in this corridor, this year. Other years, it felt more like a slidy, unreal time. This year, I have seen massive shifts, at work, inside my thinking, but mostly, in my understanding. I can see and sense the geometry which spans the 12th to the 21st, have now for a couple years, but this year, I know if I really wanted to, I could reach out my hand and feel the brocade wallpaper lining the walls, the chipped red paint curling from the wooden door I face, standing as I am, as we are, in front of the door of the solstice.
It is the day, the night, when the planet is farthest from the sun. There is the least physical light and tonight than on any other day of the year.
I am a friend of the dark. I know it, and am at peace with it. Its velvet has soothed and calmed me, after having tried to kill it dead, and finding it as impervious as my own will, we stand now, looking each other in the eyes, laughing.
The dark is contrast, and it is a physical fact. For me, the solstice brings up such thoughts. How even when the darkest moment comes, when, on a cellular level, an atomic one, the least amount of light is available, light is still there. Can’t you feel it? Don’t you know it, somewhere down deep, that the dark is sort of the buttinski, clouding things up, but, it’s riding on the back of the light that we are really, in the end, celebrating, because it is that from which we come, as we arrive each solstice.
Yes, going to the dark places and making friends with the monsters is very good and helpful of course, but, after all, it’s the grand illusion, the medium in which we sculpt our daily efforts, and, by extension, our lives, I am coming to think.
Whether something is tragic or comic, well, that is, to a degree, up to the observer, but in the end, what is the tragedy, this comedy, saying? What is the theme, the message, the plot, point, raison d’etre? On what foundation are these comedies and tragedies built?
Poignant love stories, most of it. My sister disagrees, she thinks there are other motivations to people. Nah, I tell her, it all comes down to love. People needing to feel it, be affirmed, all that stuff, but more, that we are all wanting to be acknowledged and valued and respected. In business. On the street. Between the sheets. What else is there? Seen for the absolute divine, insanely beautiful beings we are.
After today, there will be more and more light on the planet. And I remember, that’s what my friend explained, that’s why she loved the solstice so much and told me all about it, with high ceremony and reverence, she from a fundamentalist home and bringing up two kids Baptist. One night, her little elfin face lit up by a single candle, sitting in her peculiarly black kind of darkness, it burned from her when she explained that, after tonight, there will be more and more light, every day. It is the darkest night, and after this, things get better.
For me, the 12-12 was always my high holy day, since the 90’s. I celebrated it quietly until 12. I’ve talked about what has happened on other 12-12’s, but this process was more fluid and sweet, manageable but intense, than in years past.
It’s time to do something I really had not anticipated. Huh. Well, isn’t that something. Ok.
In many ways, I have come to believe that this, too, has been a time of eclipse, maybe, of darkness, most certainly, duality, chaos, at times, but, through it all, I have been steadfast with living intuitively, more and more, but, this, I am proud of, as this era comes to a close. It was not easy, and I learned it was best to not explain, to not bring attention to it, because the explanations sound fantastic and odd, how my life works, the joyful absurdities and full on miracles which regularly litter it, and, honestly, I say as I sneak a little smile, always, always, it has been this weird..
Anyone who has been following along knows that a fundamental issue I have continually grappled with this the discomfort and unpleasantness that is, or was, not matching other people. Some will understand what I mean, some won’t.
I know I speak for many people when I say this. It’s not something to argue about or to prove. I know, energetically, just, fundamentally, that I carry a lot of light. I have always known it. That I am crazy wise, crazy deep, and just a little this side of eccentric because of it. It’s something that comes off me, and it changes people, and people react to it. When I am even just a little off, good god, things careen into mountainsides. I have noticed that lately. Diligence in energetics, now, is called for. Mindfulness in thought. Remembering what is true, moment to moment, this is all.
And I am not the only one. I know of so many beautiful souls, each one walking angels, each one wise and kind and good, down deep, bone deep. I know of these people, and you do too. See, the thing is, everyone is like this. But we resonate with certain people, tune into them like a radio. Resonance. Energetics. Soul stuff. On the job, at home, everywhere. I think that’s sort of what makes the most sense, for me anyway, to see life like that. Soul agreements, even when it is really conflicted and hard.
But, there are those who have studied for this, worked at it consciously, and have gone through what Matt Kahn is calling an intense incubation period. Good God, did the bells go off, listening to him. And that is where we need to meander now, where we get down to the ticking heart of it all.
Five to seven years, multiple sources, astrological verification, the last five to seven years, those of us in the first wave have been going through incubation. And if you are reading along, guess what? Nomenclature aside, you don’t have to have the language to have the experience. So, keep reading…
So, I’m thinking, hmm, I have no memory, can’t associate events with numbers anymore, but, yeah, I started to get those vagal things, and started having visions again, just bleed throughs now and then, about then. I’ve always said, it seemed like it got easier to breathe in 7, and things started to shake loose in 9, with gradual improvement, and things took off late autumn, of 11, leading to those two years of psychedelia.
Ok, so far, so good. What about it?
It was heartening to hear, so I will share it. One thing Matt said about this last two years, especially, is that many of us have had to do with very very little, and it has not felt as if we have been supported. I laugh. I have never seen such poverty, had so little. And, here he is, listing off the ways in which we have learned to go without. Very little money, relationships, validation, affection.
I like the idea that when in the middle of such apparent lack, or any other problem that tweaks and challenges me, what Matt went on the very succinctly explain. Whatever you are experiencing, all the teachers say in unison, now, it’s placed there for the highest good, the highest potentials available. So hate it! Stick your tongue out at it and flip it off! It’s fine. But it’s there for your evolution. Further, it’s perfectly on time, and, above all, it’s cooperative, collaborative.
I will end by tipping my hat to Matt Kahn, our brother in this first wave, thank god for his humor and delicious take. I have heard him, but I have thoughts of my own, on this solstice, on this turning point, on the longest night of the year, a song of hope that I want to sing to those who know that something else is on the horizon.
I call it ascension, some call it enlightenment, others samadhi, but, for me, ascension is a physical fact, the human version of the caterpillar and the butterfly. I have heard the terms twelve strand DNA, and I have heard the term crystalline DNA, and neither term satisfy. I prefer to think that what is to come is activation, further activation of our already astounding DNA, and so, for me, the term that makes sense is Multidimensional DNA. We are, at our core, multidimensional beings, magnetic beings, unexplainable, at our deepest levels.
As such, we have the capacity to experience more, the overlay of darkness burned off, perhaps a bit, just because, as our eyes adjust to this new light, we see that most of the things that have been causing us grief and fear, and we all have them, but, in this light, they can be seen as manageable, advantageous, even, and perhaps not as dismal as we’d assumed.
I am aware that many people are going through intensities, and also aware that after today many of these things will resolve. It’s written all over the stars, it’s an absolutely lyrical astrological configuration at the moment. It’s almost a little too obvious, really. I laugh.
There is release in the skies, and there is release on the ground, as night turns to day, and the stillness each of us inhabit, during the wee hours of the most dark, slumbering through it as our souls play in the heavens, tomorrow we can begin to believe that the summer solstice will happen, the light will once again burn out day, and the rhythm which, for just a moment, seemed to stop, leaving us suspended, in that void each of us carries, now the movement goes forward again, now there is motion, now there is more light, and what light it is.
Ascension is, for me, about shifting more and more to a multidimensional state which I have inhabited for days at a time, but could never sustain. That’s sort of the point, in my opinion, to sustain it, to have that one luscious day when I lift off, and I never land again.
What does that entail? Shifting awareness, lightening up, seeing things whole, a whole host of things, but so very hard to language.
I understand things now, about ascension, that I did not before. I understand now, and remember having done this, other places, other places. I am feeling much more at ease with the process, and the changes, and a solidity has come, since last week, that I am unable to shake. Yes, it is made from thoughts which are new, but this is the old stuff, really. The ancient stuff. The good stuff. Newly arrived from Home.
I was driving last week along Monaco, tree lined, beautiful, and, I could feel the trees talking again. They feel different to me, but, I am on line again. I could then feel the earth supporting my car wheels, felt the rubber, could hear the trees singing, as I checked google maps and the time, thinking about my next patient. It felt good, and natural, and long overdue. Stone cold sober, as a matter of fact.
It’s hard to sweat the small stuff in that state, and it mostly all looks like small stuff, except the connections I make with people, the promises I make and keep, the kindnesses and smiles I give.
Ascension, it’s a three wave thing. And the first wave is more acutely reactive to this new energy. And some understand it, some don’t but, there is a reason for the season of weirdness that was and indeed remains upon us.
This energy that is upon and in and through us now, this activating stuff, we all feel it, but the first wavers react because we have all done this before. Many of us came to in past lives here on earth, when it was harder than it is today. We have done this again and again, and we have done it in other systems. He reminds us, so many of us came in in the 60’s, the odd balls, the misfits, what Matt Kahn calls the Bad News Bears, when you put us all together. We are from each age group, now. We all have different functions, different interests and needs, but, together, this first wave, anchored by those of us who have been waiting so very very long, the new age, ascension, the new earth, whatever euphemism you want to use, just doesn’t matter… the time is now.
And so, there are these two things to say, and then I want to stop for today. One is about what Kahn said about the first wave, how we are put together, and then I have to tell you about our preacher.
So, Kahn is saying that there are early indigos. Over 50. And our job was to anchor the vibration. We’ve done this before. Some aren’t even conscious of it. Just anchor the energy, and hold space for the crystal kids, the young ones who are also part of the first wave. So, he explained which star systems many of these folks are from, and take it or leave it, most of it I leave; his message is that we came, specifically, for this time, timed it, mapped it out, with great intention.
As an aside, sometimes I goggle at the timing in my own life. Just sit and giggle, too, at times. How impossibly beautiful it is, how it flowed, how it all led here, to this moment, this one, now, when the world finally changes, and I can finally breathe again.
I will say, this planet of origin stuff, it’s wonderful how so many of us hold this as a constant puzzle, a niggling question, “where am I from?” It’s a beautiful question.
And so, this new energy hits us, and, ready or not, it’s like picking up an old tune, something completely forgotten, which, once heard, floods the heart and mind with remembrances of truest joy and reunion. It’s like that.
Something ancient and correct starts to perk up, cocks the head, puzzled look on wizened face, and a smile spreads across, warming something once stone, once barren. Home. A song of home.
I am not sure if I can properly express my wonder and gratitude and excitement for this time. It truly is the time I waited for. It made me laugh, the audience too, when Kahn said, for him, for so many of us, up til now, it’s like we’ve been marking time (in a prison cell with a busted lock), just waiting for when it gets good.
And it’s finally getting good, in a way I can understand and appreciate.
I want to then end with how I think it might be getting good, just one little way, wrapped up in a whole lot of big ways.
I am part of a hundred voice choir (approximately), the best choir I have ever been a part of. I have seen us all gradually come together, as a group, but as individual friends, as well. I have softened toward them, having found that it is more fun to be loose and friendly than stand-offish and severe. I am shown more kindnesses than I give, among these wonderful friends, now.
Last night, after the first run through of Adeste Fidelis, I was taking my seat, head spinning with the beauty. Christie to my right, Barry to my left, friends up ahead and behind me, I was taken suddenly by a thought. We just created such beauty, such pristine, heartfelt, artistically satisfying beauty. And that makes everyone who contributed very very beautiful. By extension. Doesn’t matter what kind of silliness they are engaged in in their lives, me included. They are beautiful, for having created such beauty, for having it in them, for surely, had not each of us participated from our beautiful parts, it would not have been so beautiful.
That thought filled me with happiness, and peace. I felt things were right with the world.
And then, we had the second run through.
I cried through Adeste Fideles, couldn’t contain it. I still sang, but it was through weeping. Flooded with the smells and sounds and sights of other choirs, other times, other songs, high art, such sacred love, oh, the love I felt, as composer, as director, as priest, as nun, as novitiate, as seeker, as lover of my God and His Christ.
I shake even now, thinking of the gifts I was given singing that song then. Thankful for a break after that song, I exited, and gathered myself. I know of that love, so well. Love for God, for God alone. And the stillness, the joy, the surrender returns, even now, and I am home again, thinking of those moments of bliss with my creator.
We came back on stage and watched the proceedings. Our big kahuna pastor got up, into the light, stage right, and talked. A funny mist came from him. As he talked, it billowed from him, and seemed to cling to him. I could see a bubble around him, and I smiled, watching the funny smoke play with him.
He exited the light, and looked no different than anyone.
Through rehearsals, I studied how people reacted to direction, and to the cluster-f that setting up is, when doing this sort of show. I saw how people were responding to each other, I heard and felt so much information, but, through it all, I did not personalize any of it. I just watched the show, feeling the feelings of the actors, and I watched, and felt as each of the performers did their thing, whether it was a reading or a song or what have you. And the thing is, there was a difference, between that big kahuna and the others.
Everything he said sort of let off peace. It was neat. His words were always, always, encouraging and gentle. His demeanor was gentle too. And sincere, and humble. I was impressed. I had not expected the lack of pride, the humility, the gratitude, but, there he was, the brain child, but just another actor, the one who has brought a vision forward, but just a guy. Understanding, clearly, that what he said and did mattered.
But it was sincere, his peace, and the cloud, the light, around him, well, that, to me, was a little Christmas gift. That’s what I heard. And, to end, I need to address that, and the reason for this missive.
You see, I mentioned last time, not being about the hear “them,” and yet I just referenced understanding something from some other source, so it bears discussion.
I used that terminology, them, while my friends say their team, or spirit, or many other monikers, but, I just fell back to saying “they said blah blah.” Why wouldn’t I? It seemed very important to differentiate them from me, for some reason.
I am heartened that I could see that stuff from the pastor in the light, and could feel him as I did. I simply understood and saw, yesterday, felt it. I didn’t need narration anymore. And maybe that’s the change, the biggest one. There is no they anymore because “they” have changed for me. I feel an integration
It seems a bit odd, now, to refer to a slice of myself in the third person.
That’s sort of a big deal, actually.
So, the reason I write this? Well, I figured, when I started, in 12, that there would have to come a time when I put it down, because the work would be done, and I would be something other than what I was at the start. That was the idea, my expectation, but, on many dark nights, it felt like a queer sadistic fantasy with advanced skills for mocking and shaming my best efforts.
But not anymore.
This stuff is real to me, and is apart of my daily walk. I don’t discuss it, don’t have to. Would never think to defend it, don’t have to. Am happy to explain every nook and cranny. Hence, Deeply Awake.
But, I’m done. I am done with the doubt, the worry, the self flagellation and name calling which were all part of the deal, the edicts to keep small, blend, and, above all else, to pass.
You gotta be able to pass.
And now, I am not going to be able to pass. I want, am heading toward, am, maybe just as ragged and pointy as before, but, there is a change, you see. I have held two foci for so long. And now, I sense that what is to come is a broadening, so that there is more than light and dark, more than right and wrong, good and bad, left or right, day or night. And, that changes a person.
What rides on all those notions, the greater unifying love it is constructed from, the essence of all that is, this is what forms the interplay of light and dark, and what informs it now.
Receivers, all, as our dial moves and we find the signal, a clarity emerges, a light shines through.
Solstice can be an acknowledgment of darkness, to be sure, but, I prefer to see it as a marker, now. I am unable to shake the notion that this door I keep seeing opens, and there are light codes so excited to shine on me, on all of us, on this beloved planet.
As the door opens, light spills from the crack, widening, and a then the full burst of sunlight, the likes of which I have never seen before, startling me, as I think on it, even now.
I don’t know why I have been in a corridor, and I don’t know the nuts and bolts to any of it, but my heart tells me these things, and then, like a legion of curiously attired angels, here come people telling me their take on things, and it’s the same, it’s the same, oh, good god, I’m home, because, we are all on the same page, at last.
Remember how I would end the most hopeful, lyrical essay with, well, of course, it’s all going to turn to shit again, so I’m very glad I took the time to jot this down? Remember?
Well, I don’t feel that way anymore.
Neurochemically, behaviorally, fortunes wise, I began to notice a pattern. I felt a see-sawing of energy and I saw this play out, in chunks of time, an odd squeezing, felt like a birth canal, to be honest, spasmodic and seemingly suffocating at times, nothing but sweet sweet relief at other times, but still so dark, so muffled.
But, this, this feels different, I said it before, and I will repeat it because it is true. The peace hasn’t gone away. It’s solid. It’s here. There is no fear.
So, what has this to do with Deeply Awake: Entangled?
I know I am deeply awake, and so, I will write under that moniker again, but the entangled portion, though still true, is no longer.
I have thought I was done with Deeply Awake a few times, walked away, thinking I was complete. But I was not. So I cannot say I won’t be back, but it will be different. It’s been tricky, finding a voice for these thoughts, through these months, since July, since things broke loose.
When I return, the voice will be recognizable, my thumbprint, it will always be discernible in all my works, of course, but I think things will be different. I have a sneaking suspicion I will have a different focus, in that, I expect changes in my body habitus, so to speak, and, of course, in my life, my daily life. I already have noticed them, nice ones, and I expect this to continue.
This requires, of course, believing this stuff. And I think that is sort of an odd way of putting it. I believe that oxygen fills my lungs when I breathe. But I really don’t have to, you know? And that is how I feel about some of this stuff.
At this point, I don’t have to, and won’t, anymore, question the validity of this work, my life’s work, really. No more of that. So the doubting, the wondering, is it really ok if I’m over here thinking these weird thoughts, are you sure??? All of of that? Gone.
Tonight, as I preform with my beautiful friends, we will create light. Such light. I have been an observer to this service, just once, two years ago. I saw huge, just huge vortexes of light, from the first notes to the extinguishing of the last candle. We weren’t even in the main church for that one.
And so, tonight, my heart will be open. I will sing sacred music, which is sacred because it is sung in love, in peace, in recognition of the perfection and breathtaking beauty all around me, running though everyone, present and absent. The grid will be lit up, and it will stay lit up.
This solstice love, this solstice effort of great thanksgiving and love, will be a gift for all, and this is my intention. I have dedications to loved ones, each of the songs meaning, to me, so much, for myself and others. I am not the only one who will be singing for the earth, for our great human family, tonight, for dearly held loved ones, and for the collective heart of our sacred human family. And for this, I am eternally thankful.
Blessed Solstice to you and yours this day, this night, of unending light.