DEEPLY AWAKE: ENTANGLED By Kathy Vik
“As a Soul” 12-17-14
I would like to discuss some things today that I usually don’t talk about, stuff that may seem odd, eccentric, and maybe even grandiose, to some.
I have struggled with this a lot, in my life. So much is unsaid, so much is not shared. But this is only because, I have had limited success sharing stuff like this, until I started writing to you.
Last essay, it was a review, a recapitulation, perhaps, of one of the melodies which have sung through my life. Today, I think it is time to discuss sparkly things again.
See, that’s the thing. I lost my sparkle. I couldn’t hear them anymore, and I couldn’t feel them pushing at me, surrounding me, counseling me, as they had for so long, since 2011, though everything broke loose January of 12, for me.
What are they? Why do I not use quotation marks? What do I mean I couldn’t hear them anymore?
I started to develop a way of communicating that was at times quite hallucinatory, but, the information I received in these states I pretty much transcribed, right into these essays, as the events were occurring. The thoughts, the understandings, the messages. I still enjoy channeling, though I have not done it lately.
This communication has always come naturally to me, and feels good. I like it when t hings feel as they do, and, I guess that’s what I want to explore today.
What is different? For you, did it start yet? What have you noticed? How is it for you, and do things, do you, feel noticeably different now than one year ago?
For me, I had a cold, or whatever you want to call it.
I understood I was at the end of an energetic ribbon of some kind. I felt an entropy, which the fever merely accentuated. I found that there were things that got so fouled up so fast, that it seemed to me almost too much, nearly too exaggerated to see as purely normal, everyday happenings.
Last week, I ran a fever day and night, my lungs filled with stinky cement, my body ached, and my gut became very flamboyant.
What I find odd about it now is my mental state. I realized at the time that I was caught up in fear, in urgency and calamity. Not precisely overwhelmed, but, instead, feeling hyper alert, body clenched for imminent disaster.
Funny that would be the week that I house sat for my sister. Not in my usual environment, untethered from home, feeling, daily, extremely pampered and safe, being at my sister’s house, sleeping in her soft bed, while she and her man hung out on a beach on Mexico.
Sam, he had the fever, too. For those following along, the eight days that Dad was in the hospital with his heart, Sam was ill, in the basement, tended to but largely inert. That week my voices were being blasted from speakers mounted to light poles. I was told he was holding space, for grandpa, for Vel, for me. This had a similar feel.
You see, I am a veteran nurse, have seen folks die from sepsis, from a bacterial infection, but this, this spell of illness we just went through? It wasn’t strictly the bacteria at work. I prefer to let things take their course, letting my body guide the way.
Sam and I took lots of garlic and turmeric, Motrin and echinacia. And, being down so long, I guess there are probably better treatments out there, but, such is life. It’s part of the package. Use it.
Things were moving, seemingly outside of my control, on many fronts, and I felt less of the split between observer and feeler. I felt everything last week. On Friday, I had to cry uncle. Let my boss know I couldn’t do it, just not able. I went back to bed after making calls.
Lying on my side, I observed myself while being aware of my physical sensations. I saw my body is a mass of whooshing light streams, whizzing and spinning, in perfect order, and with so much fun, humor, joy, just the sensation of “whee!” Happiness. I imagined a crackling coming from what seemed to me to be wires, though I understood it was light I was seeing, how my body looks, what it is made of. I felt the whooshing as I watched it unfold, feeling invigorated, and moved. Honored to be witness to it.
My fever broke Sunday night. My thermoregulation is still way off, with very curious heat surges now, but, after Sunday, things shifted for me. I started to hear again, but it’s different now.
This is what I have noticed, that the shift is from dividing the esoterica and the daily life, and instead, carrying them around together. And it involves not talking about this stuff casually. I will refer to my writing now and ten if someone says they are curious about me, but I don’t talk about this stuff unless the person I am keeping company with expresses interest or knowledge.
At least, that’s been my stance.
And that is, perhaps, what is beginning to change. Let me explain.
Last night, I was thinking about my soul. I was feeling into it, seeing its prints on everything. I felt completely suspended in love, and felt held in recognition so profound, yet natural. From this vantage point, I observed my surroundings, my endeavors, my most habitual thoughts, my relationships, but from a bigger part of myself.
I liked not thinking about chakras or light. It was all just that same benevolence, that very same peace that I knew Christmas Eve, nearly two years ago. From this perspective, everything made a lot more sense. I realize now, it confirmed what I had gotten in meditation a while ago, that it’s sort of silly to assume I have bad things planned for myself. It just doesn’t make sense, from that height. Everything, even the things that looked tragic or terribly broken were perfect, served to order, with the spice of free will thrown in to make it a party.
I got to hear what Kryon has to say about the soul, and it was the most heartening tape I have heard in a long time. I felt burden after burden slip off my shoulders as he explained things that I was ready to hear and understand.
In many ways, the fever broke from me a day before the illness, I think. Last night I felt a yawning spin, and the sensation I’d had, of being massive, a massive, golden soul, shaking my hand, this lingered, the perspective lingered.
I’d decided that night that I could do more with energetics and thought than with valiant effort, when considering a particularly tense situation that crowded my silence with an orange insistence. I decided to sit down and see things differently, gain perspective. The feeling of being and greeting and talking with a piece of my soul, becoming it there, on my bed, I forgot the worries I’d entered in with. I remember mentioning that, while meditation, and hearing that it was being taken care of.
Today I felt benevolence. I felt gentleness, and I was peaceful. I’d had a thought, last night, during the light show. I decided I wanted to radiate this now. I want to radiate it now. I must be aware of my thoughts. This feels good.
I remember seeing myself in the conference room at work, everyone talking as we do, and feeling this calm, this safety, this good humor. Today, I did my best. It was a better day, all around, and there were happy stories to tell, instead of the ones I’d been forced to stutter, about problem after problem after problem, all mounting up, cresecendoing, overwhelming and me, succumbing, I think, sick.
So, yeah, I’m a nurse, and yeah, I know that germs cause the body to not be happy sometimes, but I see that as one kind of medicine. I believe, enjoy, and have always been fond of energetic medicine, seeing the body as metaphor, the illness as poem, device, counselor, sacred friend.
So, the thing is, although today was a better day, just energetically and situationally, I’ve noticed a gradual evolution in perspective for a few weeks. Something has broken loose, though, and I feel like I can just be, more.
And so, it brings us to the beginning, the creed of so many of us to not share, not broadcast, not explain, even when you’re bursting with enthusiasm or conflict or information.
Last night cleared up a few things for me. I think that many of us, those of us who consciously stand with our arms out, gesturing the universe to bring it on, might be helped by the following.
I heard an explanation about this energy I want to pass on, before I leave. It explains how, although everyone is affected, not everyone is choosing to actively participate.
He explained that the new radiation, the new information that is coming to the planet goes into the grids, and, by extension, to us. But this is energy which requires intent, requires willingness. I requires will to access, the desire, the need, even.
I liked that. It means that the soup we all function in has altered, and, really, I find it hard to dispute it anymore, the kind of stuff going on right now. It’s wonderful, fascinating, and so beautiful, so exciting.
But how much we let it effect us, that’s up to each of us.
I think, for me, my time has been spent in application, in industry and with others, this last stretch of the road. I have addressed this interface, how the internal process impacts and alters the outer. This has been a big part of things, and I am glad for the experience.
Now I sense a new way to live, not just apply concepts, but walk, talk and breathe. I have felt a heightening, a widening and deepening of ease, of safety, or peace. And today, I tried my best to be mindful of it, of my soul, today. And it felt good.
I know that things change, that my moods fluctuate and my fortunes change, but, I am beginning to not take all of that all that seriously. If my soul is here, part of all of this, which I believe is so, then, how can I fear? I mean, convincingly? Fear implies a threat to survival, whether it be egoic or financial, physical or emotional, all the ways we are convinced death is real and we are this flesh and blood alone.
What I think is exciting, what I choose to believe, because I feel it’s true for me, is that I don’t think this improvement is going to stop. I am certain a process is underway, and things are going to be getting fun, and interesting, and maybe even more sparkly.
I never had a desire to proselytize, more, I just wanted to be able to not be called a witch, in the 70s, weird, until I hit 40, eccentric now. To have this whatever energy it seems I hold seen as something other than a liability, the disturbance in the field.
And that is, I think what is occurring, slowly, and thankfully. Maybe that’s because the grid and I, we, are more compatible. Maybe things are sweetening. I saw,last night, from that wonderful perspective, that what is finally here is what I came in to do, to feel, and this is the birth I had been anticipating since 12. I have written about it extensively, talked about it at length, this notion that one life is ending and another has yet to begin.
Although I do not see or intuit form or structure, I do know that the time of being out of proportion, being off kilter and tilty, it’s done. This energy I know. I can work with this.
I was reluctant, a couple pages back, to go any further, having decided I was being indulgent and boring. So I looked in of facebook and saw a post about several M class flares, and the message about shifts, just key words I have been hearing in many posts just lately. It encouraged me to go on, when the post talked about new life, new codes, new effects.
I shrug. I have no idea if this will help r not. But I would like to know if anyone else is feeling these expansions. The sensations in my trunk are intense, just lately. Many physical symptoms, all pleasant, even the fever, all connected, I come to think, in repose, in silence.
If I can feel this soul, and I’m just me, then I have to know that everyone is constructed the same. I am not unique, I am just a talker. Everyone, each of us, these big souls, imagining ourselves into physical existence day after day, to experience ourselves and each other as we do.
It is grand, and it is mysterious, and ,y greatest happiness to talk it all out with you tonight.