DEEPLY AWAKE: ENTANGLED By Kathy Vik “Quantum Reality“ 10-11-14


Quantum Reality“ 10-11-14

There has been a shift in my thinking, in what I would have to call my “egoic habitus,” and I think it is something that many people are experiencing. I heard a channeling from Magenta Pixie today, talking about how things fit together, personality and self and soul wise, past, present and future wise, and everything just sort of clicked.

Maybe I should explain.

I have come to the conclusion that the me who people know, the me who goes to the grocery store and juggles bills and practices nursing and has a hundred vibrant interests, that me is one expression, my chosen expression, my interpretation of myself and my understandings. But, this part of me, it has limits.

This me, the one who sits in front of the keyboard today, is a product of all my experiences, and thoughts about these experiences, that I have had, since babyhood. We are each points of light, in this moment.

My teacher Richard said, and I amplify, that one’s life can be likened to a necklace of beads. And in one’s beads are true, in integrity, in honesty with self, in openness and awareness, in genuine self-esteem, then what a lovely necklace one can make. I’ve called it “the weave” before, channeled about it too, this idea that there a continuity which drives or maybe even creates the linear, present-moment based reality we all share.

I see life as a two reality system. We find it biologically necessary to sleep. Why? Why? Think about it. How many industries center on our need to sleep.

I think it’s easiest to reconcile by understanding this is a dual reality system. There is a greater reality, a free form, multidimensional from which our experience and consciousness is formed, I think, and sleeping, although imperative biologically, I can’t help but think it is a biological imperative because sleep is how we connect to the soup of it all, to how it all gets formed, greater meanings, and multitudinous interconnection.

You see, I think the key to all of this is opening up to cellular memory. I feel much differently about my other lives, other selves, some of whom I am aware of, who have taught me valuable lessons, and are simply part of me, now.

I like to think that this moment, this creative creaturehood moment, in this body, I am able, now, to connect with my other selves. I think that is what channeling is about. I think, in essence, some of it is time travel, but, that is an incorrect term. It’s time sharing. It’s blending with other realities, and bringing back things which are new, or unconsidered, or surprising, to my linear mind, to my daily life,sometimes.

And how much different is that from dreaming? It is true, one can live a lifetime in a moment, in a dream, waking knowing something in your body and mind that you did not know the night before.

When cellular memory opens, and the pineal cracks, and permission granted is finally permission seen fulfilled, things change, one’s intention to expand is met by an expansive energy, finally, and a bigger perspective can be had. Help can be received, and discerned as friendly, and I can then understand, finally, that what is going on here is far more spectacular, miraculous, and complex than I had imagined.

The idea I would like to make clear is the thought which has been changing for me for several months. I have felt it, physically, a few times, this big energetic projection that is behind me, towering above me, but part of me, and yet not me, and we walk together, make coffee together, I even went to the bathroom in that state. When it comes on me, it is nothing but a good into the truth of it, I am bigger than I thought.

So, it is an identity conundrum, at its core, is it not? To know what is mine, and what is not, to know my own energetic signature, I understood that to be a primary goal, or directive, for many years. To just be clear. I still am not, sometimes, being an empath, things blur for me, I find all relationships cooperative, collaborative, even the tricky ones, and yet, to come to rely on who and what I am, in any situation, this has been a long process.

Maybe that’s because I came in perfectly open to the idea of, well, all the wildness, parallel realities, simultaneous reality, all of that. Took to it like a duck to water, but I had questions, ones that were not easily answered. And above all, I had to make it fit for me, try it out, prove to myself I wasn’t believing in poppycock. And knowing, after all the work, it’s just my answer, just for me.

But, being human, and having very common problems, it makes for a deep and profound inner life, lush, I guess I would call it. Hard to explain, often times, and not always understood. I shrug. Doesn’t matter, really. It is what it is, for me, with or without consensus. In the end, it’s just really good to talk about it all.

So, this shift, this cork-bobbing-on-a-calm-lake feeling I have at present, I think it comes from a solidification or settling of some of these stray concepts. I think that what I have heard about merge is accurate and true, for me, and I see it, and I think it’s the shift, actually.

I remember in 12, on a day off, Sam’s at home, we drove to Utah pool. It’s a huge pool, and was like a hot house, in the middle of winter, an oasis muggy, sticky skin, thick air, and a bleach smell that lingers, burns the nose.

I was altered, sober, but altered. I felt huge, all afternoon. There is a twisty slide, very very tall, and I went on it four times, and while I was doing it, I felt different, trying on brand new things, someone else in the driver’s seat, even. Later, floating silently on my back, glasses on. High wood beams criss crossed the ceiling. I passed slowly under two long beams that were set to come together, at the apex. I floated, watched, with anticipation, excitement, and then, that one glorious moment, when there is perfect balance, pure symmetry, that sort of echoes into the atmosphere, for that one sharp moment in time. It passed, as I passed under the beams. And I heard a narrative, and felt such joy, such honor and anticipation. I understood that it had been a long time since “they’d” been merged in a body, seeing through eyes.

It happened my first kirtan, too. Very long, odd coming together, feeling like was seeing everything from a wholly new perspective, as that first Om rang out. I understood the utter joy of being someplace beloved again, in a different life, different set of circumstances, different skin, but the love is still there, the devotion, the words and music still palpable, stepping onto the notes and sounds like it was a magic carpet, and, just for a moment, being more than one person.

Often, in kirtan, I am seeing two realities at once, and I very much enjoy the expanded place I go to.

There have been many experiences with this, knowing I have different selves, each themselves, each full and complete, some with more overlays and challenges, some further along, but we share our realities, our knowledge, and the highest and best.

So, how does all of this translate into a nurse’s life, into a simple single mom’s walk? How do I reconcile the concepts with “reality,” and, if I am unable to, does this render the information null and void, useless, or simply currently inapplicable?

To be honest, it impacts me rarely, when I am functioning int the world, and maybe that’s why I shied away from getting too involved in “life”, especially in 12 and 13. The life I was becoming aware of was so vast, so new, and so right, to engage too much in the outside world, pursuing the things most folks find valuable, I knew that would take away from the potency of what I was discovering.

But now, time has passed, and I am integrating what I have discovered to be true for me. And to do so, I am participating in life. Engaging. It’s good, and it’s on time, and it’s enjoyable, for the first time in my life, really.

It comes from, I think, having a little bit more compassion for myself, because, I see myself a bit differently now, maybe more indulgently, because I understand that how I am built, and how I behave, thus far, is a small portion of the all, and I can trust that what I am doing and saying is purposeful. I like allowing myself whatever I am feeling, exploring it and checking its sturdiness, and lately, what I am finding with shocking regularity, is nothing but peace, just a sense of peace.

It’s because I find it easier to talk myself out of panic now, out of fear, I guess. It’s nice, and it’s new, and I like it. I still have all my feelings, of course, but anger, oh, it is a special messenger, and its arrival heralds work that needs to be done, an understanding that has not yet taken form and made sense to me. Anger, to me, seems to be a sign, poking out of the sign, letting me know I’ve found something I’m reacting to with fear or resistance or impatience.

But this is the beauty I am seeing. I am understanding that really, feeling any way, perceiving something any way, it’s fine. I was convinced for a long time that there really is a right and a wrong way to do feelings, or life, or decisions, and now, I am not so sure. If I am mad, sad, fearful, despairing, hopeful, so be it, it’s all fine, and par for the course. It’s human, and it’s good. It’s ok to feel and be and do just as I am, just as you are. And, in that mind set, things ease and become simpler.

So, the way I see it, this biology I am in, this physical expression of my consciousness, is one, but, for some reason, it’s the one I am most aware of, so I tend to think it’s the only one, and nothing else exists, except this traffic ticket, or this meal plan, or this desire. And that’s the part that I have been addressing, quietly,under the radar, here. There’s more, but what is it???

So, I want to tie this up by mentioning some thoughts about teachers.

I posted something on facebook, and it got some responses, all echoing what I have been hearing in the community for the last little while. It’s funny, but it is a thought group, a sentiment, that maybe was not quite so popular three years ago, but now, it seems everyone is just naturally, and individually, coming up with the same conclusion.

It was a post about the importance of teachers on the path, that perhaps there is some suspicion for someone who is just a spontaneous {“master”, and that the wisest teachers this guy had, had been students, dedicated students.

So, first, the term “master” is no longer in favor, for which I am grateful, because I find it off-putting and just uncomfortable. Servile, unworthy, all that stuff. So, I was in agreement with my friends on that.

But, I think it is indicative to what is happening within us that, now, saying someone is spontaneously knowing, well, the time has come to stop thinking that.

I think, in the old energy, at least for me, I was not able to hold my energy without help. I have always had people who have coached and trained me, who have suggested things and let me figure them all out myself. My past is littered with them. But, what happened since 12, it was home grown in a way that was completely surprising and wonderful. I don’t go to readers anymore.

For me to say no to a helper, that is a big deal. It means a lot. And I think it just indicates that maybe what some of this is, is opening the “egoic habitus,” opening the interface which functions in the physical world, in such a way that more than one realty can be considered as valid, while making one a focus, but not in a life-and-death way, in a spirit of creativity and adventure.

Just acknowledging that the girl who prefers to bag her own groceries is part o0f a bigger awareness, a collective, which differentiates into lives which appear to be in the past, in the future, and not from around here, it’s all just me coming on line, DNA wise, and remembering, failing to deny the data just because it doesn’t perhaps fit into the paradigm I’m used to.

It’s what I told the universe to bring on, way back when, just bring it on, let me have it all, let me understand, it’s here now, and part of me, some days, just doesn’t really know what to do with that.

There is a part of me that is finally at peace, that never has been, not like this. The part of me that went searching for things to make sense, for them to fit together, the philosophies of so many, my own added for ballast, and this long trek, which I didn’t really breathe a word of until I took to the pen, all of this has found sustained culmination.

It worried me, it really did, at first. It’s done. What I wanted to do, I did. What I wanted to get, really really get, I got. It sort of stuns me, really, sometimes. How I longed for answers, for things to make sense, for all of the patterns to stop spinning, or maybe to spin so fast, they congealed into an image I could finally comprehend. But, slowly, gradually, over these years, the puzzle came together.

And that’s just for me. Just for me. But, I like that I have a cohesion, a coherence, internally, now, one which you’d never knew existed, as the gales blew and the hurricanes shaked my awarenesses, the tornadoes bidden and repulsed, the changes in barometer. But in the end, it is a private thing, between me and me, that I am clear on a few things, how I came to be, what I am, what everything else is, and how it all fits together. The Germans have a word for this, which I find very comforting, when I discover there is an actual word for a phenomenon that I thought was only personal.

So, isn’t that usually when the body decides to wind down and die? When the puzzles have been solved? When the mystery has been revealed? It worried me, like maybe I’d reached my expiration date, by virtue of working as hard as I have on these inner things.

But, what I am finding is that this is where it gets good. It’s the time in the story line when things which seemed impossible are probable, and what seemed perfectly reasonable is now irrational.

Without the context of other people going through similar things, all languaging it similarly, all having unusual experiences and “symptoms,” I think it’s more that there have been changes to the energy, to our physical structures, DNA changes, which will move anyone with intent, into a more spacious mind, and heart.

It’s simple, and it’s not, not at all, and it’s been a lifetime of seeking out how it all fits together, and now, I think I am satisfied with the foundation. That’s all it is, just a foundation, and I did not created it, just moved sand and stone away,found it bit by bit. That’s how I see it now, not a harbinger of death, but confirmation that I am finally on the right track.

It makes me feel less fatalistic about life, and yet, I find it a constant push and pull, action, reaction, the patients I see, the bosses I serve, my friends, my loved ones. I like the changes, and I see them deepening, strengthening, and I see that they are, in the biggest sense, arranged and created by a far more loving and benevolent heart than mine, while knowing it is my own heart that I see in everything I love and know.

I want to end by discussing what the Higgs Boson experiments did for physics, and for us as individuals.

There were two camps of theoretical physicists, still are, I suppose. One group understood that the infinitesimal parameters under which the universe is generated is evidence only of supersymmetry, of mind blowing benevolence, of rolling 6’s, every roll,for infinity.

Then there is a group, believers in the multiverse theory, who say that the parameters under which we function, they change, based solely on which universe one is in, and this means that chaos is supreme, and there is no order,no significance, perhaps, to our lives, our awarenesses.

Starkly different world views.

And then came the math.

Supersymmetry is mathematically provable at a certain place on a numeric scale, just as the multiverse/chaos theory is. And Higgs, it was not high. It was not low. It was riding the middle.

It find that lyrical, and the essence of quantum reality. The observer makes the reality, and of course, the reality is a blending of the two ideas, because the chaos is as evident as the benevolence. And in my thinking, chaos is that which we have not yet found a way to see the sense in, something we have yet to appreciate the geometry and patterns in. Without the right lens, some things look ridiculous. And maybe, in the end, it’s really not about seeing life with any lens at all. Just wide eyed.

I’ll close by reminding you, and me, what I learned, that Christmas Eve, in Jerry’s truck, on the way home from a night of gifts and company. I learned many things, but one of the understandings had was that, physical life is very very consuming. It is supposed to be sensorily engaging, and I got the sense of such momentum and movement, as these thoughts occurred to me. I felt bursts of continuous motion and meaning. I understood that it’s normal to forget the other stuff, the esoterics, or whatever you want to call it. It’s built to be hard to shake, hard to pull from, and it is not entirely natural to pull from it. It is to be lived.

Of course, these lessons, and messages, have come to me in many ways, most of which are chronicled.

I mention it today, because I liked feeling that heady rush, when I felt so engaged and awash in physical reality. They called it an electrochemical biomagnetic wash that our consciousness floats in, operates from. And as such, it’s really ok to be invested, and totally convinced that this is all there is.

I have said it before, and from a philosophical and experiential standpoint, I think it is true, what Seth always says, “the point of power is in the present.” What makes that true is the electrochemical, biomagnetic wash we all find ourselves in. That’s sort of the point.

So, these stray thoughts, they soothe and they quiet me, sometimes. I remember them, now, when driving, when quiet, and sometimes, while talking, doing, moving things ahead. I’m not convinced they will be helpful, but, to discuss these things frankly, and to tell you how things have changed, this I think is a good pursuit,something that certainly helps me, and so, I do hope, this day, the same is true for you.


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