DEEPLY AWAKE: ENTANGLED By Kathy Vik
“Good Morning. Here’s Your Epiphany” 7-19-14
So, as the title suggests, a couple things came into brilliant clarity for me this morning, and it is worth discussing, here in my field of questions, cacti they have been, a bed of thorns, the couple of days, now in bloom, now in bloom.
Yeah, my tree got shook hard, and it got shook in the best way of all, so I know everything is just as it should be, but being around the bend has brought me home, and that is the point of this letter, you see.
I understand things now that I didn’t before. About myself, about why I ‘m here, what this might be about, and how I get this little life to go, to get it burning brighter.
It’s been established that I’m weird. I think now I like thinking instead that I was always a little more star child than usual, and I didn’t know how to handle it, didn’t understand a whole lot, as a kid. I didn’t really come into my own with this stuff until I got into psych nursing, my first job, my first training, hand to hand combat.
Keep in mind all through that time I had help. Tarot classes, psychics, multidimensional dude named Richard who helped me to get my mind more plastic, considering probable realities and past/future realities as concrete, alive, things we can effect and gain wisdom and love from, and give wisdom and love to. He took the braces off my legs and got me to walk a little straighter, wright out of the gate into adulthood.
So, in my twenties, in psych nursing , it was not an odd statement, I had supervisors who taught me, taught us, that we, ourselves, me, Kathy Vik, this is my tool, my only tool, my feelings my understandings, my wisdom and compassion. That’s it. How I say things and what I say, when working with a psych patient. Imagine that! Trained in using one’s awareness, one’s consciousness, as a healing tool. Trained in my mother tongue, in my twenties.
Now I can see this better, how my job, when taking on a building, I always have said it is a marriage, a sacred bond that nothing can come between, and for the time I do it, that’s it. I’ve done that with many buildings, many many people. I think back on it and laugh, loving the idea of how greedy I was to effect change so early. Yes, it’s done one on one, the exchange, the love, but it is done in a group too. As a whole, setting tone, holding energy, shaping and molding and soothing it. In then end, it was a lot of folks. And I question, now, the validity of turning from that, knowing now what I know,and what I do. It’s worth pondering.
I have always interspersed full time work in a building or on a unit with shift work, where I can be unattached to people’s issues, and just go from hospital to hospital, gig to gig, In between these needed breaks, I had these assignments, is what I called them. Assignments. Marriages.
And now, well, my last one lasted 6 months, and that was after two years of abstinence. Going into a group consciousness had become really really interesting, but trickier. I was expanding my skills while working at my last job, and they were highly accommodating to me as I complained loudly to, quietly nudged and taught, and frequently just subverted outright the management whose thinking I found so rigid as to be dangerous to the patients.
I think, now, of what lies before me, and I don’t feel quite as shook up about it.
After my last gig, I took a month off. Precisely. It doesn’t make sense that I was able to stretch so little so long, but, there it is, just like before, just like for those two years. Freaking manna from heaven, I do not know how it is done. It defies logic and reason.
And yesterday, reason caught up with me.
I was small, I felt like a victim (!), it was intense and it was a gross sort of ruby orange I was breathing in and pumping through my veins, brown and muddy, dirty, smelling of rust and sadness.
So, this eye of the needle crap feels awful when it’s happening, but it is all quite instructive, it turns out.
You see, a number of things have recently occurred that are not all that great, and so then, when it gets unbearable, while sitting in a field of miracles, the sparkly girl curls up and weeps bitter tears, because God isn’t being nice to her anymore.
That pretty much covers it.
I mean, it’s been mind bendlingly awesome and smooth as glass, since April, now, with a few weeks of black sorrow, interspersed in the harvest, but all the good kind of blackness, the alive kind that you realize, just when you know you can’t endure, that, huh, oh, this was a birth canal and not that tunnel thing you see before you die. Huh. Who would have thought?
And so, not knowing what else to do, feeling little-girl overwhelmed and really really sorry for myself, because I wasn’t being rescued from calamity by angels, my usual divine intervention on the back burner, simmering, I had listen to Kryon this morning, and that’s where we need to go with this next.
You see, the epiphany is, was, well, it happened with my full cup of coffee walking back to my bedroom. There are times when the tumblers all just click into place. I used to think that was the very best part, felling, seeing, hearing, everything just align and finally getting something.
But today the tumblers did their thing, and then a door was unlatched, sort of came open suddenly, hitting me mid-stride.
I understand that for me, why I am here, a fraction of it, but it explains this stuff, the Deeply Awake stuff, is that, I am synched with a lot of people. I am synched with people who read me, and this message is synched with a lot of energies, Kryon among them. The stuff he is saying was spoken to me as if I was in that little attic of Gail’s, twenty years ago, The Teachers smiling at me, filling the room with ecstatic love, the love I had only once known here, as a kid, after a dream I asked for, to show me, let me know, let me feel what love is.
And so, that dream, Gail, and Kryon, with so many other teachers along the way, it just all came together.
I have always considered my life a lab, Richard having taught me that. Learn in here, he would say. Then go out there and practice. Then come back here, and we’ll talk about it. I’ll help you with it.
He demonstrated consistence, wisdom, respect. He rides with me, all my friends, my loved ones, my family, those who still live and those who have died, they also influence how I think, what I think is possible. And just as surely as these loved ones are here with me, part of me, so are The Teachers, Kryon, Seth, Solara, Tony Stubbs, Dolores Cannon, Alice Bailey, so many, so many.
So, one more thing about Richard while I remember. He said therapy, all healing, is like a soldier in a bloody battle, sometimes near death, sometimes just banged up and exhausted. And each come into a tent, and someone is there to bandage them up and mend things, soothe and reassure and instruct them. But it’s the person who is in the bed, the soldier, who is doing it, healing himself, in cooperation, willingly, in radical trust that this will work, the ordeal suspended. And then, one day, the soldier gets up, and decides he’s well enough to go out from the tent. He hugs and thanks the one who helped him, and then, when he walks back out onto the battlefield, he is stunned to see that it’s a meadow. Richard held me in his eyes as he said that. He insisted on it. And he told me that story, and then grinned. Nothing more was said, except thank you.
Our time was up for that week.
So, seeing life as a lab, it’s best lived, and, oh, yeah, I got a whopping order of emotion this go around, so, although I can ignore a lot, pretend I am not physical and just sort of skirt doing stuff, I don’t miss anything, and I feel it all, just to bigger or lesser extents.
The blogosphere, and Kryon, now, their messages, when I read them also synch up. There has been a phenomenal change in energies. I understood I couldn’t move this last month. I have had similar times, just not as extended. I was to stay put. I was not to go looking. It just wasn’t time. Period. I was asked one day, so, what are you doing. I relied with a list of chores, and ended with a word that has stuck with me. Waiting.
I was waiting.
I liked having it said. It was true.
And then, guess what. The day Jupiter goes into Leo, oh happy day, everything starts to get really odd. Not weird and not bad. Just odd. All things that require, demand, change. Immediate change.
I mention Kryon because his last message was so helpful. This is the part that was the epiphany, with that coffee, on the way to this computer.
See, what must be understood, I am living this stuff, aware of it, and then I listen to Kryon, and he confirms. It used to happen just now and then. Now, it is something I rely on, know to be true, and it makes me so happy, when he puts out a new one, or I ask him to hold my hand and help me pick out an old one. He does what The Teachers once did, stair stepping me, letting me run ahead, and then sitting me down and explaining it all, which is my way, always has been.
I think I made a deal to live this stuff out, and then talk about it, like this, without any sort of interference, under the radar, as it happens.
It’s lightening in a bottle.
I mean, I sort of already knew that, even alluded to it, in past writings, but, wow, it was just clear as day, glittery, solid and whole, today. Believable, real, a fact, today. An epiphany.
I shrugged and thought, well, that’s good, because I know I’m not the only one, and I know I’m a big show off, and I like to go large, so this makes sense. Who better. Someone who could talk all day. Who was trained in an environment where consciousness, self, awareness, was seen as something real and valid and true, something to honor and learn about and understand and use positively, to heal self, to help others, maybe, to attain peace and balance in an integrated way. That’s sort of a nice life goal.
Kind of makes you want to take a step back and just admire it, I think.
And so, here’s the deal. I was freaking out because I had let the clock run too long. From fat of the calf to apparent ruin, oh, this was fun, to see this contrast so vividly now, in a burst, almost, to feel the panic, to revel in the cascading, weirdly thrilling, never ending doom I felt, knew, yesterday, especially.
And here we are, today a new day, and I remember, need to repeat, some advice I got, that I am taking, and it’s helping, and the only real rule here is that I try to help in some way, myself first, it turns out, the act of writing its own gift.
The idea is that a true, call it magnetic, call it grid based, astrological, celestial, vibrational, doesn’t matter the label, call it a shift, a clearing, has occurred energetically. I can feel it. And I love it, and that is part of the reason I am doing this, today especially, the day the heavy lifting begins again.
am abnormal in a way that I absolutely love, that I have come to know to flaunt, a calling card, something that usually absolutely terrifies people: I welcome change. I embrace it. I like it. The more the better. It’s part of an energy, one that moves quicker and is more plastic, easier to work with, more plastic and responsive.
And I’m so proud of it that I don’t make any excuses for it, call it down. Nope, It’s a good thing. I know others don’t feel that way, and I am more than happy to demonstrate because I know, anymore, there is no other way for me to live, except this way, from the inside out, but now finally seeing that it is this integration into a life that will change, this is the best part, claiming out of my head, out of my ivory tower, and mixing it up again.
And here comes Kryon, saying, hey, look in the sky, get it, it took until July, but it’s here. Things have cleared. And things are going to change now. And there is no going back to the old, there is no old normal. There is, instead a new normal, that each of us will have to feel our way to discover.
He goes on to give examples of how folks are handling this shift, and the choices some are making, not knowing any better, which is useful, since I saw myself in each of the categories he mentioned, unwilling at times, scared and unwilling, or complaining all the time, or then, finally just getting over myself and getting on with it, remembering I have a brain and a heart and a hole bunch of life experience, and this is just something new, a new thing to figure out and live out, test out, out there.
But, here’s the thing, that’s what it comes down to. I am slow to pick up on some of this stuff, and only now and I am figuring out that “change” means actually “doing shit differently.” I’m real good at laying low and waiting things out. Chalk it up to soul weariness, or laziness. Depends on the day, the label I use.
As much as I enjoy change, I am much more happy to do it in my consciousness and through my relationships, with my mind and words, than with my body, my habits, my story.
And I’m thinking, as I am listening to this fellow rock me, that this struggle I have had, how to make money, having now found myself, momentarily, in the forest beyond the end of the road, he went ahead and rescued me, as I had been praying for, guiltily, for a couple of nights. Just needing to be rescued, and here he came, doing it with words, inflection, and the energy of love.
The idea here is that there is a consistency of vibration. There is a consistency of tone, pitch, feeling state, and this is how you know things, how you figure them out now. Feeling it out, using the spidey senses to tell you to go left or right, but doing it with one’s body, going far deeper than letting a feeling pull me around by my nose. No, this is that clang, that soul clang, that knowingness I have about who I am, what I am capable of, where I know I am going, and what I am now becoming more fully. The idea is to know things this way, being led this way.
I thought of the “me” who I like, who presents herself at work. I know here,when I’m cooking with gas, all lit up. I thought of the many me’s, my many fields of endeavor and relationship. I felt the vibrations and the tons. I started to get the hang of it.
He gave an analogy, one I really want to repeat, because I can tell you, it helped me a lot.
So, imagine that every day now, your car is different. There are things that are the same in every car, however. The gas pedal is always in the same place, as is the steering wheel and the brakes. So every day you must learn where the other stuff is, to operate it, radio, windshield wipers, lights. The details.
He said, some folks, in this situation, having to get into a new car every single day, decide to take the bus. Too hard. I give up. Ok, that’s cool too.
Some folks get in and drive the car, and complain the whole time. Complain, complain, complain.
And then, there’s a group which begins to see that each car, each day, the cars get better. The are improvements, and they’re more and more comfortable and fun to drive. Smoother, better rides, every day. Those folks are letting the consistencies come through, realizing that they’re being kept safe, the safety features enhanced, actually, the whole experience better, every day, they realize, and they realize that there is nothing at all to panic about.
I like this because it helps me to see that the consistence in my life, in my career, have been about group healing, group energetic balance, about individual care, about helping people with their troubles, and they’ve taught me, my teachers, the toughest ones being the best, in many ways. The patients and staff help me, as they allow me to be there for them. That’s pretty much been it.
And I can do that one on one with folks, doing readings, private channelings, stuff like that, and I want to. Or I can teach a class of Ascension, which I really want to do, and maybe I can help twelve or eight people with the deep stuff, at a time. I can conduct groups, teachings, channelings, in larger settings.
And then, I could work shifts, within my current physical restrictions, or I could work as a nurse in a group, and just discern a group which is good for me, as well as good to me, with not a whole big suitcase of crap we have to make right. A place run in integrity already. That would be very very nice. I could do that. There aren’t many, but I think, now, they can start calling out to me. It’s how I got my last gig. If I told you the details, you would not believe it. Bizarre.
So, OK, I am going to be fine. I’m back on line.
The take away for me today was something The Teachers harped on, used a lot, lovingly, of course, but, just like DNA, they used to just go on and on about this. That there would come a time of a new normal.
And this is Kryon’s verbiage as well. The gongs go off, I remember it all, mid step, on the way to the computer, to talk things over with you.
The Teachers, Kryon , the ones I hold dear, and my own blood and bones say that there is no such things as normal now, and “going back” to what things used to be, I laugh, knowing now it is a form of nostalgia, understandable, but it will pass, I think. I had a taste of that old time, that old thinking, the last couple of days, and it sucked. I don’t want to be that scared person anymore. I want to be unintimidated by what I am an active participant in.
I like the skip in the record. It helped me to reset. There is not one dark thing here, as twisty and scary as I made it yesterday, feeling all the old admonitions, starting the day null and void, carrying that over, oh, it was a good one, a helpful one, reminding me of all the stories I used to tell myself about my utter lack of worth, all the proof I had, lists and chapter and verse of reasons I was marked as bad, irredeemable, unacceptable.
I knew that no one could do it for me, and I am blessed with those who tried. I took a look at my life yesterday, and realized that I was so disappointed in myself, just aghast, once again mortified for not having done what others had, not having what others take for granted, not feeling fulfilled, not living a life that is balanced, in bloom, that feels safe and gives me physical proof that I am loved. I was concrete. I was scared and disappointed and full of a stink that I really hope I have smelled the last of.
And is it ok to admit it, here? Is that alright? Who does this? Who wants to read it? I hope it is read, I hope this gets out, it gets read. To reach those depths, over chai, while chanting, while saying good night, in a chasm, dark and low, skin burning and mind reeling, all day, all day, and now, here it comes, the balance, the closure, the epiphany.
The idea here is that I need to think more linearly, as odd as that might sound. I have come to be more kind about the way I think, process, understand. For me, a big part of me knows that everything’s already done, so why bother. I know, I know,it’s odd. But, it’s something I have had to learn to figure out, and I mention it here in case you too have this weird understanding and sort of just float sometimes, disengaged, in a way.
But, now is not a time of passivity. The stars have lined up. That old advice, synchronicity is not about having things float to you on a magic carpet. It’s about pushing on enough doors. It’s about doing it. It’s about going forth and participating and placing yourself in the places you are led, where you think there might be someone to talk to, someone you could help, someone who could help you. Listening to the voices in the wind, in our hair, in our eyes.
So, there it is.
The idea, for me now, is to understand that all of us, all of us, we are changing. There are still so many who know nothing about any of this, and are, as a result, effected perhaps not as gently, not as elegantly. The light comes up, the dark is exposed, and oh, the news, it tells of this struggle every day now, the extremes, the change, all the change.
But, there is no right way to do it, there’s only your way of doing it, listening to your gut, your heart, your head, that odd combination that sometimes takes over and makes you do the strangest things. No one is unaffected. Everyone feels this, I think.
And I am an anomaly, a willing participant, a scribe, living it, in step with others, in a loosely formed group we are, now, and we talk about it, right here, whenever it’s possible. Not a bad gig, really.
So, this change stuff. It means I have to do shit different. And so I shall. I’ll know where to go and what to do, because I am talking to my reality now, and know I can work with it. I use myself as my tool, my interface, and once more the gratitude floods in, and the reverence, and the joy, for myself, for my loved ones, for the work ahead. In that moment I drop the impatience, the grand impatience all of us know, and am consoled instead by the steady rocking of a new car, this one the best yet, one smooth ride, and tomorrow, I know now, it is going to be better.